just randomly

just randomly - a new weekly column which irrationally attempts to answer all of life's incongruous questions. submit a question...i dare you

The Huggies Nappies ad - what the hell is the little girl talking about?
we've all seen it. we've all cringed. we've all screamed obsenities and thrown lamps at the tv screen...thats right, the Huggies Nappies ad. if you've been living under a wet rock and you dont know what im talking about, ill clue you in
Little girl: mum uses Huggies Nappies for my brother, little Zaccy
Overvoice: and now Huggies Nappies cost even less!
Little girl: which means more nappies for Zaccy, and more left over for the other important things.

ok. what?
WHAT??? other important things??? little girl, there ARE no other important things!! you use nappies for babies nasty asses, and nothing else!! what the hell kind of household are you living in???
what is she talking about? ive been racking my brains to think of the answer, but there is no logic in what she says!!! there is NOTHING ELSE you can use a nappy for!!! NOTHING!!!
can you use it as a hat? NO!
can you use it as a boot? NO!
can you eat out of it? NO! WELL MAYBE BUT THAT WOULD BE GROSS!

so, my only conclusion is...that girl is on drugs.

if you had something named after you, it could turn out really good.
like say you had a dessert named after you. a really delicious dessert.
people would say "oh i wish i had a Jacki right now. yeah, a Jacki right now is just what i need. boy do i love Jacki's"
or if you had an ipod named after you, they would all say "those Jacki's, i wish i had one, but they're too expensive"
or if you had a copy of the new Harry Potter book named after you, they would say "dammit!! i really want a Jacki! but theyre all sold out! why do Jackis have to be so popular??"

Then again, it could also turn out really bad
imagine if they named a new type of underwear after you...
"man, this sucks, i cant get Jacki out from in-between my ass cheeks"

shower thoughts#8

so.
soo.
i had a thought.
vegetable. vagina. those are pretty similar words.
did anyone else notice? i did. i sure did. so whats happens is, some people (like me) tend to shorten the world vegetable to veg. and some other people (like me) tend to shorten the word vagina to vag.
vag. veg. those are pretty similar words.
so similar you could screw yourself up pretty bad with them. like, in the middle of the dinner....
Small child: hey dad, pass the vag
Dad: (hesitating) uh...ok son...
Mum: (screams)

or like, at the hospital...
Woman: Help me doctor the babys coming! out of my veg!
Doctor: Out of your veg? What???
Woman: You call yourself a doctor?? Yes, my veg!!!
Doctor: Young lady, babies do NOT come out of these (points to carrot)
Woman: No, you dont understand
Doctor: Oh I understand perfectly. SECURITY get this crazy out of here!
Woman: (screams)

so careful! watch your a's and e's

andrew cockburn???!!!

some parents are just cruel

shazza rocks my insignificant life

OHMIGOLLY so we had dancing with the staff today, em-shaz was so hot tapping away, like an over-the-hill-done-up-in-whorish-year-nine-makeup-shirley-temple someone.

carnival folk

OHmigosh so ok today was the athletics carnival and it was pretty fun.
i wore a waistcoat. we all did heaps of stuff like me beff han n kc stalked the shan for like half an hour and invited her to our picnic BUT she said no and THEN she made us carry these stupid athletics tool thingies ALL the way across the stupid stupid oval and they like mauled beths arms off.
then it got hot and we got hungry so we went back to our seats and mauled jess's waterbottle which weighs a dillion litres and ate a whole bag of chips. then it was like a billion degrees and we were dying because it was so hot so julia and i put our jumpers on our heads and pretended to be grim reapers and then we made beth be the priest of our grim reaper marriage which was v. romantic.
then it was way to hot so we went and sat outside the bathrooms and read cosmo and laughed at hillary duff and kieth urban because neither of them have orgasms, and these women with collosal nipples, and we tied julias arms and legs together and laughed at her.
basically that was it for the day apart from me and julia trying to get changed on the bus which was considerably hard because the bus kept turning corners and i kept sliding off the seat and my stockings were exploding all over the shop.

good times.

pubic armour

if you think about it, i mean really think about it, the smartest thing to do is to make armour out of pubic hairs.

I mean think about it. would you touch anyone elses pube? i dont think so! So if you were covered with pubes, all over your body woven together by people who dont care that all they do all day is weave pubes together to make armour, then no one would touch you, and you would never ever ever in a million years be hurt by anyone because everyone would be too scared to come near you incase they accidentally touched you and everyone would mock and ridicule them for the rest of their lives, screaming
"Dont touch her! She touched the pube! THE PUUUUUBE"
It would almost be as bad as eating a caramel slice that has a pubic hair on it.

now who's laughing?

today.
was.
random.

like in maths the teachers are all "we know ur doing general and yes ur going to be in mr obriens class but because we are so old and slow and we take 20 years to do one word of paperwork, you have to stay in advanced until we're finished and decide to stop being such munches. oh, and while ur in advanced you can do work from the general book, even though we all know perfectly well that you dont actually own a general book, and that the general class is doing shares on the computer at the moment, and no, we will not let you do that"
so basically, i can sit in the advanced class, but i cant do general and i cant do advanced.
so all i have to say is "hahahaha!".
i mean, i cant believe the teachers would actually be stupid enough to fall into such an obvious trap. if they really knew me they would know that im the kind of person who would rather chew off her own hand than do maths by choice, and here they have actually handed me the chance to sit in class and stare out the window for 50 minutes without being persecuted for it.

life is good.

utter confusion

i have a feeling.
you know that feeling of total and utter confusion you get when, say, i dont know, you realise that despite the total hatred shown towards you by someone, lets say, oh, your modern teacher, you still, hmm, lets see, love them anyway?

emmy. if ur reading this. which i know you are. because you cant bare to be away from me for more than one second. i have to ask you...why do we all love you so much? if you were old we so wouldnt. despite:

• the filthy looks i get whenever i even think about taking a breath
• the exasperated sighs i get when i ask stupid rhetorical questions
• the taunting of my bad marks despite the fact that my marks arent bad.
• the eye rolls
• the "jacki stop rocking on your chair before I stab you" thing
• the "jacki stop talking before I stab you" thing
• the "jacki stop threatening to stab me before I stab you" thing
• the shut ups
• the determination to show no human emotion towards me

yes, yes, even despite these things and more we still all love u emmy-em-poops.

even me.

especially me.

That Time I Met...Emmy Shanahan

Jacki: Emmy, I love you
Shanahan: Shut up

the end of an era

wooo im jumping for joy because i just had my last mathematics lesson EVER!! becoz i failed mi maths exam n got 40% n the Briss is like get out of my class you piece of dumb person and i was like with pleasure lady so im going to MR OBRIENS class which is SO cool because he watches home and away and so do i so we're sure to bond over the mutual love for a classic australian night time soap.

i am so excited.

anyway tonight i have to babysit kids in my netball team that i coach and i am so excited about never having to sit through another hanus hanus advanced maths lesson again that i will probably go on a rampage and stab them and eat all of their pre-packed school lunches.
these are the kind of kids that ask you if they can go to bed early, its so hilarious, but tonight, ohhh tonight things will be different, because usually the conversation goes like this:
Children: Please Jacki can we go to bed and leave you to eat all our pre-packed lunches and watch our dvd's.
Jacki: Of course my little angels
But tonight I am so excited about NO MATHS that the conversation will get out of hand and will go like this:
Children: Please Jack can we go to bed and leavr you to eat all our pre-packed lunches and watch our dvd's.
Jacki: YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS *stab stab* mwaaahahahahahahahhahaha *claps*

marissa the gutter queen

ha still in dt now we're talking about how if marissa died mischa bartons career would go so downhill and she would spend all the money she made off the oc in like 2 weeks on soy crackers and bean coloured milk and she'd end up living in a gutter somewhere screaming at everyone who walked past that she used to be a big star and trying to sell clown figurines made out of scraps of her hair and old cardboard boxes.

people would pay big money to see that.
but not to her

dtdtdtdtdt

OHMIGOSH im in dt and SOOO bored because im supposed to be doing some project brief thing but im really bad at typing things that r like gramatically correct so im like mah ill do it later.

even tho its due tomorro.

but really im so excited right now becoz beff is bloggin n shes like 2 computers away from me and i love it when beth blogs because its always about something relevant unlike whatever i blog about which is something random about how im annoyed because i have to walk all the way home this afternoon and i dont even have my ipod.

uh! that ipod is tight son.
OHMIGOSH lauren just came in, HI LAUREN! i love lauren we have economics together and its always a joyful event except for that i always fail.

now we're all talking about how Marissa shud die on the oc and that theres basically no other way for her to die apart from getting a terminal disease becoz every other cause of death has already been used on the oc, like someone drowned, had a heart attack, almost commited suicide, got hit by a car (theyve used that like three times), fell off a cliff and got shot.

so basically marissa should either get a disease which is so bad that they cant save her by cutting off all her hair or she can die in childbirth. or she can get attacked by a giant bear.

i love branwell

branwell by name
bran very well by reputation

The Bronte Bums

I return. Still in english extension, since my last post I wrote about seven words.
we're supposed to be writing some crap about the bronte children, some boring bunch of boring tools who got born and some of them died randomly, then the others went on to write some random crap like Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights who you only read if your name is Jimmy and your reading to an old lady while eating stale chocolate cake in a blue suit that she gave you for christmas and then forgot about it
(lauren you know what im talking about baby)

anway im up the back with my computer faced the wrong way so miss everyhamm (or should i call her miss kwinaye or whatever) cant see what im doing.

anyway the only cool thing about the bronte family is that they must have been on drugs or something because me and beth figured out that the mother, whose name was maria, had two children called maria and elizabeth, and they had an aunt called elizabeth, who was marias sister, and she also had a child called maria, who had two children called maria and elizabeth.

i mean no one who is not on pot is stupid enough to name that many people in their family maria and elizabeth, apart from my own family, who has four tonys, five tobys, two helens, two johns, three oscars, three janes and two catherines, plus alot of other randoms.

lame eyre

sitting here in extention english wondering why i havent ripped up my copy of jane eyre yet because she is so annoying and should be condemned to a fate that is no higher than having to live the rest of her life in a deep dark hole with no food, water, electricity, family, communication, music, tv, media, entertainment, books, light, towels, people to talk to, writing tools, teachers, pets, clothes, shoes, hairties, bottles of shampoo or conditioner, bookmarks, tassles, curtains, shower shoes, shopping vouchers, credit cards, tv antennas or copies of Laguna Beach on dvd.

home and away - THE SHIZ!

home and away. is. my life
seriously all of the people in it are people i know.

alf - my dad.
irene - my mum.
cassie - julia.
ric - anyone im in love with.
rachel - julia.
tasha - issi.
martha - beth.
kim - pat.
lucas - sam.
jack - mike.
barry - jack.
colleen - catherine.
mattie - ellen.
sally - mrs hannah.

and so on...

shower thoughts#7

like, imagine if our heads and our reproductive organs switched places.
so your face is between your legs, and your...eh hem....fanny? is on your neck.

how weird is that going to look? i mean, seriously, think about it. you'd have to wear special pants with a huge hole in the crotch. you know, you could wear ass-less chaps, they would work.
and like, do you still wear undies? theres nothing to put in the leg holes, because obviously you dont have legs coming off your neck now, do you?
but you have to cover up your privates somehow, so what, do you just wear a doorag, or what? would that look weird? and what if you wore a hat, and it was windy, and it blew off your neck? and like, you would have to go chase it, but how weird would that be? think about it. it would be like a naked man chasing a pair of undies down the street.
and like, how hard would it be to wash your hair? haha, i know what you dirty people are thinking, i meant the hair on your HEAD.
you know what would be even harder, having sex. does one of the people stand on their neck? what do your arms do? ohmigosh imagine driving. i cant even imagine it, it would be so weird.

or like, eating. you'd have to open your legs to eat. and put your neck in the bowl to go to the toilet.
seriously think about this for like 10 minutes. and be thankful that our heads are our heads, and our other parts are themselves too.

holy crap.
i just like looked up, and theres a window above the computer.

...was that always there? it looks pretty old. this is weird.
am i really that ignorant of my house that i didnt notice a window above the computer?
oh whatever.
you know what, year of love is totally down the toilet right now. you know what else, so is this blog.
these days, with these kids, its all "my space this" and "livejournal that", but dont worry blogger, i wont leave you.
well, i might leave you. i make lots of pacts that i dont seem to keep, like my pact to study, or do homework, or listen in class, or get fit. but ill never break my pact to not buy a Mathaid from mrs brisset. my pacts against her are always strong.

even if it does mean ill fail maths.

you know what i was just thinking?

the people they use to demonstrate a "bad hair day" on those garnier fructis shampoo ads have hair like my hair on a good day.
that is so annoying right now.
you know what else is totally annoying right now? like, exams. they are so annoying. im like shut up! like today during modern i was totally like, what is the point in me writing down all this stuff that mr watson already knows.
or he should already know it.
if he doesnt hes pretty silly. i would smack his bottom if he didnt.

That Time I Met...Tutankhamun

Jacki: Holy crap folks at home, possibly the most famous person we have interviewed here on A Whole Lotta Crazy Crap on the walls yet.....TUTANKHAMUN!!
Tut: Hey there lassy, hows it going?
Jacki: Its good, its good.
Tut: One question for you lassy. Why me, lassy, why old Tutty? Why would you want to interview little old me.
Jacki: Well, I thought it was about time we interviewed a corpse. Seems interesting. I guess you could count Grudgy as a corpse, but then, it was never really...buried. Plus it was a real pain in my ass.
Tut: Ho, lassy, you made my day.
Jacki: Yeah, ok whatever. Shut up and answer my questions. So, your a pharaoh, right?
Tut: Oh I sure am, been since I was yay high to a grasshopper and a-ready for skipping in the fields.
Jacki: Right...so tell me, is miss mitchell crazy, or does the burial crap actually mean something?
Tut: Not sure if it does, my lassy. See I was a-dead long afore they put me in that old tomby, a-ho-ho-ho.
Jacki: Ok dude, enough. What...with...the accent??
Tut: Well, your the one writing this pointless interview, and you dont know what an Egyptian accent sounds like, so you made up this freaky, welsh slash scottish sounding one for me.
Jacki: Yeah, well at least I dont have some random bulbous skull, you woman.
Tut: Woman? WOMAN?? JUST BECAUSE I WEAR LACE-UP SANDALS AND EYELINER DOES NOT MAKE ME A WOMAN.
Jacki: What about the man-boobs?
Tut: Those can't be helped.
Jacki: Whatever.


THE END.

Shower Thoughts #6

Whats another word for theasaurus?

you know what i think?

i think our school was designed so that more people could witness my embarrasing moments.
take today for example.
i was innocently walking along the corridor to get my Othello which i accidentally-on-purpose left in my locker, when sarah suddenly starts running and then falls forward. luckily she saved herself by leaning against the side of the stairs which go down into r22.
Unfortunately for me, her legs were sticking out further into the hallway than I anticipated, so of course, i tripped over them and faceplanted straight into the floor right outside the top english classes room.
In any normal, caring, not-wishing-to-embarass-jacki-trew-beyond-all-reason school, only sarah and I would have witnessed the humiliation, but of course, since in our new building every wall, door, roof and window is made out of clear glass, the entire top english class also saw, much to their delight, and proceeded to laugh sarah and i, in all our clumsiness, out of the building.

i think its my shoes. how else would i fall over so many times in one schol day?

Wtf Mate?

todays wtf mate comes from some random family in some random place, with some wacked out random dog
enjoy
(picture below)

wtf mate 3/5/06 

OHMIGOSH miss shanahan i so DID NOT ignore you this morning.
you should know by now, when i talk, i talk so loudly that it is impossible for me or anyone else to hear anyone else, so if you want me to hear anything, you have to scream it into my ear and jump up and down in front of my face.
you know, maybe, i think, maybe you didnt even say hello to me. maybe you pretended you did so you could make me feel guilty about not saying hello to you, when, come on, how many times have i screamed out at you from across the playground and had you blatantly ignore me?

its ok. i forgive you.
of course

im so naming my son anus

"and i quote"

jackis infamous quotes of pure and simple idiocy

• "Which Lleyton Hewitt? The one that plays tennis or the one that plays basketball?"
• Kat: "My iceblock is kind of spikey" Jacki: "Maybe its the bones in it"
• Al: "Jacki, you are so impatient" Jacki: "Actually, its umpatient. Impatient isnt a word"
• "Am I famous for being a celebrity?"
• (After being told to shut up in a movie) "Yeah people, lets get some quiet in here!"
• "Whats the opposite of bald? Hairfull?"
• Jack: "Hey check it out, that girl has a mustache!" Jacki: "Where?" Jack: "Where do you think a mustache would be, dumbass"
• "Get the one with peppermint in it. Its healthier. Peppermints a fruit."
• (After seeing a yellow sunset from inside a building) "Whats that big yellow billboard?"
• (Pointing at a fountain) "How cool is that lake!"

more soon

absence of blog

julia u slacker!! ive blogged 20 times since u last blogged! yes, i counted!!

wait, make that 21 times! *gives look*

Wtf Mate?

along with Shower Thoughts, Whats With That? and That Time I Met..., you know all have the privelage of enjoying the newest feature of my blog, Wtf Mate?
todays edition was sent from american newspaper the Chicago Tribune...heres something I bet you didnt know about old Bushy
(article below)

wtf mate 27/4/06 

That Time I Met...The Grudge

jacki: iiiiiiiiits Grudgy!!!
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: right. so, how you doin there grudgy? or should i call you grudge? or mrs grudge...wait, ARE you a woman?
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: aaaaaaaaaaaaah it is then. so, aaaaaaaaaah, hows life in the old haunted house in Japan. still killing people?
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: thats great. good business I head, killing people. Mind if I get in on it?
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: thanks man, uh I mean woman, uh I mean thing. So listen, I was meaning to ask you, whats with all the killing people? I mean yeah, the first old lady looked pretty fun, but what, are you seriously going to kill everyone who goes in that house?
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: still angry huh? you know, they have classes for that
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: yeah, i know, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. got it. geez
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: oh my - security? SECURITY?? would someone get this freakhouse out of here?
thegrudge: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jacki: ok, fine, calm down and you can stay.
thegrudge: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
jacki: .....huh
thegrudge: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
jacki: look, im really not......getting anything from this. Are you..are we playing charades?
thegrudge: UUuhh!! look bitch, ive been makin my creepy noise for like 6 solid minutes now. its not that easy on the old throat you know. geez. cut me some slack. I mean, first I fall in love with one of the sheens who rejects me, then my husband goes all a-track and kills me, now i have to haunt this crapheap of a house with my creepy son and some cat who doesnt even add to the story line, just runs around meowing and eating my noodles.
jacki: im...sorry?
thegrudge: sigh. ok. ive had kind of a rough day, if you could just lay down and let me suck the life out of you, thatd be great.
jacki: what??? are you kidding? sorry lady, no can do.
thegrudge: ok, fine. just come here a minute. i want to tell you a secret.
jacki: unless its how to kick the crap outta your dumb butt, i dont wanna hear about it.
thegrudge: fine. can i at least have one of those donuts over there?
jacki: sorry. staff only.
thegrudge: crap.

pat the clone

pat is going to take over the world.


seriously. he is like a clone of everybody. julia, mark wahlberg, ryan, ben cousins, that guy i saw the other day....the list goes on.
once everyone realises that they are the same as pat, theyre going to band together with him, and it will be like an Army Of Pats and they will go around marching and shouting and whatnot, and eventually they'll cut the marching crap and all morph together into one giant pat, and for the rest of our lives we'll be forced to drink ginger beer and listen to dire straits and mow peoples lawns.

today was boring in everyway possible. except the afternoon. the morning was boring. got up. it was 10. too early. decided to go back to sleep but couldnt because cat was mauling side of face. got up. attempted to study. ate milo out of tin. felt sick. ate more milo. studied more. felt smarter. ate more milo. felt dumber. watched tv. laughed. went for walked to greenwich. ate. felt bloated. got eyebrows done. came home. made cookies. got bagged out by dad for wearing brazilian soccer jersey. had shower. blogged.

it was good

shower thoughts#5

Its common knowledge that if you butter a piece of toast and then drop it, it will always land buttered-side-down. Its also common knowledge that cats always land on their feet. So what would happen to a cat whose back has been buttered? Would it:

a) land on its feet
b) land on its back
c) land in the toaster

what is with this blog, its so lonered and never gets read.
i feel like it deserves its own tumbleweed.

today i saw a guy talking to someone on the fone, standing on his third floor balcony, completely naked.
i love this city.

whats with that

whats with people being not allowed to walk around the streets naked? i mean, what, whats wrong with that? so people are allowed to be born naked, but we're not allowed to walk out our front door to get the paper on sunday morning without wearing clothes?? whats wrong with that??
and whats with people not giving teenagers jobs? like they say "actually we'd prefer someone with more experience". fair enough, but how are people supposed to get experience if you wont even give them a job?? soon enough we'll have a nation of jobless teenagers and no one will know how to work the new registers at Coles because all the people with experience have died without employing any teenagers.
whats with tv? seriously, whats with it?? i mean, apart from Home and Away, The OC, Laguna Beach, Making The Band, The Simpsons, Untalkative Bunny, Futurama, American Dad, Lost, Prison Break, Next Top Model, Family Guy, Scrubs, Pimp My Ride, The Ashlee Simpson Show, Hannah Montanna, Mythbusters, TRL, MTV's Beachhouse, Will and Grace, Friends, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Maury Povich, Jenny Jones, The Ellen Degeneres Show, The Tyra Banks Show, Australian Idol, Room Raiders, E!, Punkd, Saturday Night Live, Surf Girls, Made, Meet The Barkers, The Simple Life's 1 2 and 3, Daria, Friday Night Games, Baywatch and Blue Water High, it totally sucks.
whats with blocking people on msn? what, like, why would you do that? if you dont want to talk to someone, why would you add them? why would you do it? its just a waste of time. you add someone, you say one word to them, and then you block them. thats like, 8 seconds of your life, and you'll never get that 8 seconds back. its so lame.
whats with people in selective schools like not having to take half-yearly exams til year 11? whats with that??? arent they supposed to be the smarter half??? shouldnt they be doing all the work and becoming the important people, like the doctors and lawyers and script writers of Home and Away???
whats with some of the things people go to gaol for?? like i heard this one lady went to prison because her daughter was too fat. what, how does that make sense?? its not like this lady tied her kid to the bed and force fed her fried chicken and enchiladas for 12 and a half years, but she goes to gaol. and what does the kid do now? 12 year olds dont know how to make salad, but they do know the delivery number to pizza hut off by heart.
whats with people stalking their teachers.
whats with people making lists of stuff they dont get because they spend too much time writing lists about stuff they dont get.

oh-so-clumsy

ok
so just in case you werent finding my blog entertaining enough, what with the shower thoughts and crude interviews with famous people and all, heres yet another one of my embarrasing moments...
about 5 days ago i was walking home from st leonards station, so i was like walking along the highway, next to all these shiny highrise buildings, which, being all shiny and big, naturally caught my attention. so i was walking along, reading my messages, checking my hair in the reflective windows on the buildings and looking through old pictures i have on my fone, and i didnt notice that some nobhead has left a massive roadblock on the pavement. so of course, because i am a blind, clumsy fool, i fell over it headfirst and faceplanted into the curb.

if ur not getting a good enough visual, check out this clip:
http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=20
im the cat, the fence is the roadblock.

That Time I Met...Catherine Trew

note: this conversation actually happened

jacki: do we have to watch this?
catherine: yes
jacki: why its so boring
catherine: no its not. go away. if you dont want to watch it, go downstairs.
jacki: but its all dark and scary down there.
catherine: shut up
jacki: you shut up
catherine: no, you shut up.
jacki: your face
catherine: your mother
jacki: your mothers face
catherine: your uterus
jacki: your mothers uterus
catherine: what is wrong with us???
jacki: whats wrong with you??
catherine: get away from me
jacki: can i borrow your computer??? pleeeaaaasse?
catherine: no, shut up!
jacki: fine, im so not getting you a showbag.
catherine: whats your problem??? besides I can always get Danielle to get me a showbag.
jacki: fine
catherine: fine
jacki: fine
catherine: FINE
jacki: why are you so mean to me? everyone elses sisters are so nice.
catherine: oh as if they are.
jacki: ok maybe i made that up.
catherine: URGH get AWAY from me!!
jacki: you get away from me!!! YOUR NOT THE BOSS!!!
catherine: WELL NEITHER ARE YOU!!
(start slapping each other)
catherine: hey, how much do you feel like watching Titanic right now?
jacki: ok!


THE END

total sucktown

what is with people making sequal movies which are total sucko??
like scary movie 1 was the shiz
and so was scary movie 2
and so was scary movie 3
but scary movie 4 is just so not

like they used all the same jokes as in scary movie 3, which were funny the first 32 times, but when you do them again in another movie, its just like what?

That Time I Met...Michael Jackson

jacki: so hey michael, how are things?
michael: terrible. didnt you hear? what, you stupid? are you serious?
jacki: hey, im not the one addicted to plastic surgery here.
michael: ohmygosh, how many times?? i didnt get plastic surgery!!
jacki: oh sure. so how exactly do you explain...
michael: ive told people again and again, im allergic to the sun. isnt it obvious thats why i turned white?
jacki: um, no.
michael: well, whatever.
jacki: dont you whatever me, you crazy lady.
michael: lady?? what, you calling me lady now??? what are you on?!
jacki: hey, i dont have to answer those questions. im the interviewer here. shut up!
michael: dont tell me to shut up, you freak!
jacki: dont you call me a freak, you molesterer!
michael: molesterer???? whered you pull THAT from????
jacki: isnt it obvious?
michael: no
jacki: sigh
michael: dont sigh at me. im delicate.
jacki: so michael, how are things in CRAZY town?????
michael: what??
jacki: what??
michael: WHAT??
jacki: WHAT??
michael: so hey, wanna learn the moonwalk?
jacki: sure


THE END

that time i met...

since my original idea of a script of my meeting with Jack and Rose from Titanic was such a huge success (1 comment - best ever!!), ive decided to make it a regular feature on my blog.
look out for Shower Thoughts and That Time I Met...

seven years ago

i just found something i wrote when i was nine years old:

When I grow up, by Jacki Trew
When I grow up, I want to open a hotel, work at Westfield, go and live on Neptune for three years, grow wings, and have a million parties. Also, I want to fly in Mike's jet, get my car fixed by Fraser, and get my hair cut by Lexi. I think that all these things will be easy for me. I would also like to own an endless box of white chocolate TimTams. Sometimes I fear that I will turn out to be something I dont want to be, like a model or a bus driver. Yeah, like that will ever happen.



what, have i not aged in the past seven years??? this takes the phrase forever young to a whole new level

i meet jack and rose from Titanic

just watched titanic
and i was thinking, was i, that if i ever met jack and rose, the conversation may go something like this:

jacki: so, hi, jack and rose
jack and rose: hi. its good to be here
jack: well, not for me. actually, because im dead. didnt you see that rose? or were you too busy saving yourself???
rose: yeah, well, i would have been able to save you if you hadnt been such a weakling and died so quickly. i mean come on the water wasnt that cold.
jack: uh, like you would know
jacki: yeah, rose, i have to ask you, do you feel bad at all about hogging the entire door to yourself?
rose: hey, it wasnt my choice, i didnt exactly push jack off.
jack: yeah, well you didnt exactly help me on either.
rose: dude, what is your problem? what did i do??? aren't you supposed to love me, or something?
jacki: well rose, you did like almost get him arrested at the beginning, then you told him he was rude, then you rejected him for that loser Cal for a bit, then you almost left him alone on the sinking ship, then there was the whole hogging-the-door thing, then you let him sink into the water, and then you went and blew that guys whistle to save yourself. i mean, you could of at least saved his frozen corpse, or something.
jack: WHAT?? you did what??? thats it, from now on, i dont want you blowing anyone elses whistles except for mine.
rose: that doesnt even make sense.
jack: shut up. and by the way, whats with the whole getting married again thing. what happened to "ill love you forever jack"????
rose: hey, you're the one who made me promise to grow old and have lots of babies. i cant exactly do that with a frozen corpse.
jack: you could at least try..i mean, i would have done it for you.
jacki: ew
rose: shut up. who even are you??? where are we?
jacki: hey, you dont get to ask those questions, bitch. this is my blog we're on.
jack: yeah, leave her alone you door-hogging skank.
rose: dont you call me a skank, you, you...THIRD CLASS BOY
jack: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME????? thats it, we are so over lady. this frozen corpse isnt yours anymore.
jacki: uh, this is so twisted. im leaving.
rose: like i wanted your frozen body anyway.. i hope you know i was just using you for the thrill.
jack: whatever. its over. wheres that molly brown chick? she was HOT!
jacki: would you both get off my blog please, you're freaking people out.
jack and rose: yeah, whatever.
jacki: im serious. ive got a gun. yeah, thats right, ive got a gun
jack and rose: fine, we're leaving.
jack: geez.


THE END!!!

did you ever see a man with kankles?

shower thoughts #4

If pinocchio said "my nose is about to grow", what would happen?

i was too lame to think up my own post, so i stole this from
http://chunnabee.livejournal.com
Go to Wikipedia and look up your birthday (excluding the year). List three neat facts, two births, and one death in your journal, including the year.

RESULTS
10th March
3 Facts
1) in 1876, on the 10th of march, Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful telephone call by saying "Mr Watson, come here, I want to see you"
2) in 1926, on the 10th of march, the first ever book-of-the-month-club selection was produced
3) in 1977, on the 10th of march, astronomers discovered rings around Uranus

3 Births
1) 1957, 10th of march - Osama Bin Laden was born
2) 1958, 10th of march - Sharon Stone was born
3) 1940, 10th of march - Chuck Norris was born

1 Death
1) 1913, 10th of march - Harriet Tubman dies (no idea who it is, but how hot is the name)

shower thoughts #3

just in the shower and i was thinking...

...wow...im in....the shower

at the same time, i was thinking
can somebodys head actually explode? and if it did, like, what would come out?
apart from a brain, and some gooey stuff
like, where does the skull go?
does it explode too, and go flying off in heaps of directions and stab people in the back of the neck?
and like, what happens to the body? does it just go slump, or does it run around flailing its legs?

i heard this one time, this chicken lived for 3 months with no head.
no joke. its amazing what you can learn off the back of an asian cereal box

READ MY BLOG YOU WENCH!!!

what is this????
what IS this???
what is with people either
a) not reading my blog or
b) reading it at not leaving comments
JUST DO IT!! DO IT!! DOOOOOO IT
before i come and maul your faces off with a rusty chainsaw!!!

a crazy day to match my blog

so ok
today in modern em-shaz wasnt here AGAIN so me and beff went crazy because we crave her and i was so looking forward to seeing em-shaz after the last period before modern (which was hanus hanus economics) and so i waltzed into the classroom all happy but then she WASNT THERE so i am going to stab her when she comes back and i told mr mackay that i was going to stab her so he could remind me to do so if i forgot somehow.

then just then, in dt, when i found out em-shaz has a livejournal, so i was like OHMIGOSH i so have to go read it, so i was reading it and then mrs collins comes up behind me so i downsized the window really quickly, and shes like (poking me in the back)
"what were you looking at??" and im like
"nothing" and shes like
"yes you were! it was porn wasnt it!! get rid of the porn!!" and im like
"ohmigosh i so do not have porn!! you wish i had porn so you could look at it, dont you?"
"no i dont you silly. hey, you have nail polish on!"
"dont change the subject, this is about you wanting to look at my porn! i mean, not my porn, i dont have porn! it about you wanting to look at my non-existant porn"
"just show me what it is"
"fine. FINE. its just emmys blog so you cant get me in trouble because its a TEACHERS blog which means its EDUCATIONAL. so ha"

and so on...

ode to modern

once upon a time
in a land far far away
we almost died of boredom
but modern saved the day

we always sleep in english
we all hate maths alot
i want to stab miss muffin
but modern is just hot

modern is so thrilling
im so excited i can barely sit
the stuff we learn is cool too
like the middle east and all that shit

we have the coolest teacher
shes better than the rest
shed even be the coolest
if she had a hairy chest

Em-shaz teaches us so much
we always get 90% at least
the people we learn about are so cool
theodore herzl - that sexy beast

modern is the shizdog
leaving it is really tough
we never have a bad time
coz modern's so damn puff!

today when i was at the bus stop, i got attacked by a spider
AGAIN
what is it with me and spiders?? why do they hate me so much? its like they have little spider meetings at night and decide which one of them is going to attack me that day. its SO annoying. its like, hello you lame annoying spiders, can you like, go and annoy someone else right now, because its so annoying when you annoy me.
like shut up.
actually what is it with me and most eewy disgusting creepy crawlies animals which serve no purpose? like apart from all the near-death experiences ive had with spiders, there was also a cockroach at the train station on monday morning which was totally pretending to be handicapped by walking really slowly in a wobbly line, but really it was probably pretending to be missing a few legs to lure me into feeling sorry for it, so i would go and give it a cuddle, then BAM it would probably kill me.

its so crazy these days.
like you think you can trust people, or cockroaches, when they say theyre handicapped but the fact is, yeah, theyre probably just trying to kill you.
what is it with things and trying to kill me? like the cockroach, or the spiders, or mrs fletcher, or all those crazy women with prams who keep trying to run me over.

i know what your thinking. youre probably thinking "whats with this crazy blog, so crazy, so paranoid, probably no one is trying to kill this crazy girl"
well you should shut up, because you're probably going to end up dead because a falsely handicapped cockroach killed you.

ok
so i was just on the computer, computing away, when i noticed that my nostril was hurting

whoa

ok
five minutes and one nostril-inspection later and still no answer, and im starting to freak out because im wondering how bad an epedemic could be forming itself inside my nostril as we speak.

just sitting here on a saturday thinking that i probably should be attempting my extension assessment, instead im dancing to nsync in my netball skirt

girls week out

since miss shanahan agreed to be my best friend/life partner, i compiled a list of things that we should (AND WILL) do together:

• go to schoolies week together and stay in the star city penthouse suite
• buy at least ONE completely matching outfit
• attend a marriage counselling session
• get our names tattooed on each others butts
• dance naked around a maypole
• declare our love for each other from on top of a mountain
• get jobs together (preferably in a lingerie store)
• have a 24 hour lets-pay-out-Jess-Morton session
• stalk each other for a whole week as a personal joke
• teach a history class together and be loved by all of them!!!

the jacki test

how jacki are you? take our test and find out!!

Question one: The name tag on the font of your school diary reads:
a) Your full name, neat and tidy, in black biro
b) a scrawl which resembles half of your first name
c) corb-dog

Question two: You have been known to stalk teachers...true or false?
a) false!
b) who told you that?
c) honey, they dont call me "creepy eyes" for nothin!

Question three: If someone were to pay you, say, eight dollars, would you ever drink paint?
a) how dumb do you think i am?
b) ill pay you to let me drink it

Question four: Its better to be...
a) rich with unhappiness
b) poor with happiness
c) naked with custard

Question five: If tv has taught us anything, it is that:
a) you cant believe everything you hear
b) it is normal for at least three of your friends to die per week

Question six: Have you ever taken advantage of anyone?
a) isnt that illegal?
b) no, seriously, isnt it?
c) pfft, miss shanahan practically begged me to

Question seven: I'm not really much of a musical person...
a) why not?
b) ill musical your person

Question eight: Has your own mother ever payed you out?
a) like, no. We're practically best friends
b) this one time. Actually, no.
c) she keeps score

Question nine: You were upset when you got out of the shower because...
a) someone had used up all the shampoo
b) it was slippery and you fell
c) you found an old uterus in the soap dish

Question ten: Which of the following makes the most sense?
a) the subatomic particle of etc etc...
b) iron helps us play!
c) man, they were the suckiest sucks that ever sucked! did i tell you how much they sucked? it was gay. gay gay gay. dude!

Question eleven: Danced in front of the mirror with no clothes?
a) ew
b) maybe once, when i was drunk
c) clothes?

Question twelve: Life motto?
a) If it werent for the last minute, nothing would get done
b) an apple a day keeps the doctor away
c) you just heat it, then eat it!

Question thirteen: Did you ever...oh never mind
a) yes
b) yes
c) yes

Question fourteen: Your favourite part of school is...
a) lunch.
b) english. man those naps are good.
c) toilets

Question fifteen: At the end of your ideal date, you...
a) get a kiss from your crush
b) polish your new engagement ring
c) drop miss shanahan home


SCORING!!!
Mostly A's
Dont worry, you're safe:
Mostly B's
Halfway there, you sexy wench.
Mostly C's
Zip up your jacki suit

the love test

ok so right now im in dt blogging (again)
miss shanahan if ur reading this right now (which you probably will be because ill probably make you) i love you
so im on The Spark doing random tests, so here are my results:
according to The Spark i am...
38% lazy
20% vice presidential
23% greedy
and have an iq of....oh i cant be bothered to finish this test

emmy is my bitch

well i just called miss shanahan my bitch
she loves it baby

the wait is over

the wait is over, its finally here:
the letter i wrote to miss shanahan during modern when i was supposed to be writing a diary entry that stated the activities of the Haganah.
Enjoy:

This is not as gay

Diary Entry - 9th March 1950
Dear Diary,
Today I found out that the term "underground organisation" doesn't actually mean that we live under the ground.
I have to say, I'm a little dissapointed. But whatever. I still have other things to keep me busy, like today, my teacher in the ways of the Haganah, Miss Hanashan, made me research The Haganah. She said I had to know more about it before I could enter the exclusive club in the Haganah, which she probably only made up so she could laugh at me and tell me to shut up whenever I asked her a question. Whatever. She never has to know that I cry myself to sleep
every night because of the way she tells me to shut up.
Anyway, I found out lots of stuff which took up lots of valuable brain space, like that the Haganah started in 1920, in particular by activists in Jerusalem and
Tel-Aviv, who formed commitees, got some weapons, and recruited volunteers. I bet Miss Hanashan really wants to take over the world. Thats probably why she started her exclusive little clique in the Haganah. I wonder if shes the only member.
I also found out that in the riots of 1929, the Haganah proved to be quite successful. Probably because Miss Hanashan was there. I secretly admire her, and the way she streaks her hair. I bet she only told us that her little sister did it incase we didnt like it, and she needed someone to blame it on. But she doesnt have to worry. We really do like it. Well, I would like it more if she didnt tell me to shut up all the time. But I bet she doesnt even mean it. She probably only tells me to shut up so that she doesnt make everyone else in the class jealous, because she really likes me the best.
Apparently in the Arab Revolt (which was in 1936 -1939), the Haganah organised special squads. They were specially trained to attack people. The Haganah was officially illegal by this time. Illegal? My mum so wouldnt be happy if she could see me right now. I bet she would be happier if the Haganah people lived under the ground.
Seriously, that would be so much cooler. I read about this place where people live under ground. It was so cool.
I wonder if Miss Hanashan lives under the ground. Probably. And if she doesnt, I bet she wishes she does.
During the time when Israel became a state, David ben-Gurion (what a cool dude) decided that Israel wasnt allowed to have any armed militia (ok, maybe not so cool after all). But the Israel Defence Forces were formed on the 26th of May (2 months after my friends birthday), 1948 (wait, like 52 years before she was actually born. Whatever), and the Haganah became the official defence force of Israel. Yeah baby! They could not have chosen a cooler defence group. And not just because Miss Hanashan is part of it.
I wonder if Miss Hanashan knows its my birthday tomorrow. Maybe as my birthday present she wont tell me to shut up. Ah, the high road. I wonder if she will put herself into a big cardboard cake and do a dance for our whole Haganah class.
Wow. I just found out that KFC supports the Klu Klux Klan. Miss Hanashan told me. She is so learned.
She knows like everything. Maybe thats why she tells me to shut up all the time. Probably. Whatever.

I only have 15 minutes left to write this diary entry. Miss Hanashan just told me. I wonder if she will read this to find out how much I found out about the Haganah. Probably not. Or if she does, she will just write "shut up" on the top in red pen as her comment.
Well, now I have to finish this diary entry and go do some more work for Miss Hanashan before she tells me to shut up again.
Dont tell anyone I secretly crave her shut ups.
Until next time my sweet diary friend.
Jacki

shower thoughts #2

you think you know someone, and then one day you wake up dead because they killed you.

my mum keeps coming in and im not supposed to be on msn, so i keep opening a word document each time she comes into the room and typing the same sentance over and over again ahaha i cant believe shes buying it

mystery unsolved

so me and julia just realised that we have no idea what corpretts first name is
so we were trying to think, hmm, what could it be?
so i said to julia i said "its either something really manly like clint, or really un-manly, like jean"

so then julia looks in the school diary and found out his name starts with J
curious, very curious
so here is your mission: im going to list all the possible names he could have, u vote for which one it is and if i ever find out, ill tell yall.

• jean
• justin
• janoni
• jeckland
• jub
• jocky
• jessheadface

is it just me, or does my baby photo kind of look like ryan atwood?

ok, i just found out that today when i was at home (freaking out and trying to finish my modern assessmant, the whole thing of which got DELETED OFF MY COMPUTER i swear i have not nearly died so many times in 2 days, this is getting ridiculous), miss shanahan read my, ah hem, diary entry on the haganah, shall we call it? out to the whole class, much to their amusement

for those who dont have the privelage of being in our modern class, ill post it asap

heres a little something i scored off hotmail:
add it to ur blog


1 MINUTE AGO: watching home and away
1 HOUR AGO: woo! netball! yeah!
1 DAY AGO: i finished my modern assessmant!!!
1 YEAR AGO: i was a lowly 15 yr old
I LOVE: life
I HATE: hating
I FEAR: cockroaches and rubber gloves
I FEEL: acoustic
I HIDE: behind huge sunglasses
I'VE DRIVEN: you crazy
I MISS: kiera + bubs
I NEED: to stop doing quizzes like this one
FIRSTS...
screename: jacki
piercing: ears
credit card: not yet :P
enemy: none! maybe mrs buckwalter?
big car ride: cousins wedding
LASTS...
movie seen: bringing down the house
food consumed: candy cane
phone call: madi
CD played: music of the finn brothers
drink drank: water
SHORT ANSWER:
I AM: random
I WANT: to want nothing
I ALWAYS: act before i think
I DANCE: whenever theres music
I SING: like i wish i could
I CRY: on rare occasions
I WRITE: if i must
I WIN: worlds biggest dork
I LOSE: my keys
I CONFUSE: people when i try to explain home and away
I SHOULD: change my voicemail
IN THE LAST 2 DAYS HAVE YOU...
CRIED: no
HELPED SOMEONE: yeah
GOTTEN SICK: nope
GONE TO THE MOVIES: nup
SAID I LOVE YOU: yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: to miss shanahan lol
HAD A SERIOUS TALK: come on, its me
FAVORITES...
NUMBER: 3
COLOR(S): pink and yellow
DAYS: saturdays and fridays
MONTH: december and march
SONG(S): penny and me
SEASON: summer
WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT? moine
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? purple
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW? pink and green polkadots
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a doggie called oscar and a kitty called nala
WHAT'S YOUR DAD AND MOM'S MIDDLE NAME? anthony and no name
WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BED SHEETS? yellow
HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW? 8 dollars and 25 cents

how annoying

ok so here i am in dt with ellen and we are both boring ourselves to death because in case u didnt know, writing a project proposal is possibly the most boring thing on earth

this morning one of those really annoying things happened at the train station, where you're walking one way, and some other random is walking the oppposite way like really quickly, and you're not anywhere near each other, until THEY decide to change their path and totally get in YOUR way and then make a huge deal out of it by going "pfft, sigh, how rude" etc etc, even when it totally wasnt your fault

ohmigosh its so annoying
and i was like hey buddy, we were totally fine until YOU decided to be a complete buttface and get in MY way so really you should be apologizing to me.
its so annoying.

anyway you guys have to know that you're lucky im here typing to you at all because last night i was almost killed.

by a spider.
like 2 weeks ago i saw it right above our dining room table, and i said to my mum, i said "mum, please get rid of that spider" and she said "no, it wont bother you" and my dad said "actually its moved quite far since this morning, when it was at the front of the house"
IT MOVED FROM THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE TO THE LIVING ROOM IN ONE DAY???
that is so scary so i told everyone if you dont move it right now, i will probably wake up in like 2 days and it will be right above my head and i will die.
but of course everyone ignored me because i am jacki, and they all assumed it was crazy talk.
two weeks later i wake up at like 1 o clock in the morning or something to find THE SPIDER, THATS RIGHT THE VERY SAME SPIDER right above my head TRYING TO KILL ME
it practicly climbed down my throat and tried to choke me to death.

so of course i had to do something about it.
seeings as most people kill spiders with shoes, i tried to do that, but of course i couldnt actually hit it with the shoe for fear that it would jump over the shoe and onto my hand, so i resorted to cowering in the opposite corner of the room and using a combination of spraying deoderant and throwing action figures in the general direction.
20 minutes later when the spider was still alive, probably plotting to kill me/take over the world (starting with my room) i decided that i only had one thing left to resort to.
i had to go and get mummy.

and of course she was angry because a) it was one o clock in the morning and b) the spider was only about the size of a 50 cent coin (so sue me, i dont like them), but, i had to remind her, this situation would never have come about if SHE AND THE REST OF THEM had just listened to me in the very beginning.

so there
be thankful i am still alive

back to dt
jacki

its official. ive always been this much of a dork.

me trying to score a little more bath time 

cathe 

me trying to pose and looking like a total idiot 

matching stripes 

catherine and baby jacki. shes probably plotting my death or something. p.s check out my HOT pink fluffy pants!! 

baby catherine 

i was looking thru an old foto album today and saw all these pictures of us as little kids, and it reminded me of a simpler times
so enjoy, ill post some soon

in other words...

heres the lyrics to forever young after i attacked them with a thesaurus:

let's boogie in fashion (Lets dance in style)
let's boogie for a time (Lets dance for a while)
cloud nine can remain we're only examining the skies (Heaven can wait we're only watching the sky)
eager for the greatest but charged with the nastiest (Hoping for the best but expecting the worst)
are you gonna slump the blast or not (are you going to drop the bomb or not)
let us expire juvenile or let us exist everlastingly (let us die young or let us live forever)
dont have the authority but we never say by no means (dont have the power but we never say never)
meeting in the sandpit (sitting in the sandpit)
being is a petite expedition (life is a short trip)
music's for the gloomy chap (musics for the sad man)
can you envision when this competition is dashed (can you imagine when this race is run)
rotate our yellow faces into the sun (turn our golden faces into the sun)
admiring our influential, getting in melody (praising our leaders, getting in tune)
the music's played by the nutty male (the musics played by the mad man)
eternally immature, i want to be eternally immature (forever young, i want to be forever young)
do you truly want to survive without end, (do you really want to live forever)
eternally, eternally (forever, forever)
eternally immature, i want to be eternally immature (forever young, i want to be forever young)
do you really want to survive without end, (do you really want to live forever)
eternally, eternally (forever, forever)

guess who at ages 3 and 4? 

i miss holidays
so much more crazy crap goes on, like

• our christmas dinner at crows nest when we walked through that really creepy ally at like 10pm and then sat in the park and at 25 dollars worth of food from gloria jeans
• when me and madi hid in julias bed for 2 hours waiting for her to come home from the hairdressers so we could throw her a suprise welcome back from vietnam party
• that time that we all went over to jacks for a movie marathon from 11 till 11, and someone spilt coke all over the rug and we thought barb was going to kill us
• that same time at jacks, when robbie and jack told us we had to come walk the dog with them, and we could only stay at the house if we cleaned up, so we promised them we'd clean up but we ended up sitting around and talking and eating, and then robbie and jack came back and cleaned up for us
• that time at lord howe when me and julia sat in her room for like an hour taking pictures of ourselves pretending to be other people
• singing love song dedications on new years eve at two in the morning

only five weeks till the next holidays booyah baby

we love pat 

me trying to look as cool as mel playing the guitar and kind of resembling a cowboy 

mel pulling off the sexy/cool/female-jack-johnson/guitar playing look  

clare, janey, beff, ellen, han n me 

me, han, janey, ellen, beff, kc, some random 

julia n jacki on the bus to camp 

me and jj at our party 

crazy people at our party 

thats it baby

well, i did it
it took me 6 hours straight, but i finished the essay sections of both my history assessmants

booyah

happy birthday to me

just dropped in for a quick chat before home and away
how are we all?
good day today because it was the best day of the year, also known as my birthday
wait make that second best day, becoz i like christmas better
anyway i had four parties today, one in tutor group, one in our group, one in modern and one at netball
so i feel loved
i also got three obviously heartfelt messages from jj, boo and jack.
woops i gtg, dinner and home and away (obviously at the same time because its my birthday so i get special privelages)
xoxoxo
jac

shower thoughts #1

i was thinking today, i probably do the best thinking i do in the shower
seriously
what better a time is there to think? no place i know
so today in the shower i was thinking about people getting their arms cut off and sewn back on again
and im thinking...what if they totally messed it up and sewed your arms back on the wrong way around?
like, how annoying would that be? You'd have to like stand backwards to pick anything up. And how hard would it be to type? Or write? Or cook dinner?
stay tuned for more totally-relevent-to-your-life shower thoughts!

ok all you crazy ladies out there OHMIGOSH get excited because this blog is back baby
even more back then arnold schwartznegger was that time he came back in terminator
so saddle up your booties because its back and its better than ever and it has a new template

this is the hottest blog right now if it were any hotter i could fry your breakfast on it
today was pretty boring apart from the fact that it was the SECOND BEST DAY OF THE YEAR EVER, WELL SO FAR ANYWAY

so i had modern which TOTALLY ROCKED because it is modern and modern totally rocks, and i was supposed to be writing a diary entry pretending i was part of the Haganah, some Jewish organisation, but i pretty much wrote a letter to miss shanahan saying that we all loved her and lots of other crazy crap and she gave me chocolate and only told me to shut up twice so that was ok
AND we didnt have maths today which was so totally cool.
and miss mitchell chased me down the hallway to tell me happy birthday for tomorrow because she wont be at school and its her birthday too! ohmigosh so cool

and then english was really boring BUT i didnt fall asleep so yay!! first time in the year!!

ohmigosh and so cool i have FOUR parties tomorrow for my birthday WOOHOO yeah party down people

miss shanahan so rocks