Friday, November 13, 2009

Caffeine, Chlorine and Cannibals: Oh My!

The idea of my face being eaten off makes me very uncomfortable. This is why I will never own a pet snake. Or befriend a cannibal.
Though maybe I'm assuming too much by thinking that a cannibal would want to eat me. I mean, think about it. I eat cows and pigs and fish and whatnot, but I don't eat all of them. I've never seen a chicken by the side of the road and been so overcome with hunger that I whipped out a knife and fork and tucked in right away. So who's to say a cannibal would do the same?
Then again, it's not like cannibals have unlimited access to their preferred cuisine, the way the rest of us do. Plus I'm guessing the kind of people who eat humans aren't exactly known for their self-restraint. Well, whatever. I have a feeling I wouldn't taste very good anyway. Cannibals, be warned: I am the human equivalent of brussel sprouts.

Weirdly enough, this isn't the first time I've pondered what my own flesh would taste like.
Oh, yeah, I'm a little bit insane. Sorry, hadn't you figured that out yet?
My best bet is that we are flavoured by whatever we consume. So, in accordance, if you took a bite out of me, it'd taste like caffeine. And bubblegum. With a hint of chlorine, on account of the fact that I went swimming yesterday and for some reason find it impossible to keep my mouth closed underwater. My sister would taste like bread. My mum would taste like salmon. My dad would taste like chocolate. Ooh, note to self: If ever marooned on deserted island with family, eat Dad first.
Maybe I'm wrong. Probably I'm wrong. I tend to be wrong about everything that isn't Prison-Break-related. Yeah I know that show like the back of my hand. Except for the whole Nick-and-Veronica storyline; that just bored the shit out of me. And now, because I assume none of you know what I'm talking about, we shall return to cannabalism.
Just kidding - I know that last one's wrong.
Actually you know what? Enough with cannibalism. I think I've disturbed enough people for one day.
Peace! Love! Don't eat me!

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