Saturday, May 31, 2008

roseville girls are so articulate

have you ever played the boardgame Articulate?

long story short: teams of 2 or more. there is a word on a card (it might be a person, a place, an object, an action or just something random), and you have to describe it to your other teammates without saying what it starts with, what it rhymes with, how many letters are in it etc etc etc.
for example, if the word was 'Tree' you would be like
  • A tall thing that has leaves on it!
  • Bird make their nests in it!
  • It has branches and a trunk!

Anyway you get like 30 seconds to describe as many words as you can to your team (and have them correctly guess the word).

Sounds easy, right?
This is what happens when Vandy plays Articulate:

The Word is 'Shrimp Cocktail'
Its like, ummm, like a kind of drink? Like a kind of cocktail!!
Gemma: Cosmopolitan?
Lauren: Like a martini?
Casey: No, its like not a drink
Jacki: What?

The Word is 'Maiden'
Ok, its like the female version of a man!
Jacki: You know how there is like the female version of a servant? And they clean your room?!
Lauren: MAID!!
Jacki: Yes!! So its like maid plus a little bit more!
Gemma: Maitradee?
Lauren: Maident?
Jacki: LIKE MAIDENT but a little less!!!
Lauren: Maid?
Kiera (who isnt even on our team): oh COME ON

The Word is 'Ivory Coast'
Ok two words, the second part is like where water meets land kind of
Jacki: Beach! Horizon!
Gemma: Coast?
Han: Yes! Yes, coast! Ok, first part is like a plant that grows up a wall kind of, its like..
Jacki: A WEED!
Han: No its like a vine kind of..And like its what elephant tusks are made out of..
Jacki: Ivory!
Han: Yeah so put them together
Gemma: Ivory Coast!!
Han: Yes! We rock!
Kiera: Yeah but Han, ivory isnt a plant.

The Word is 'Great Wall of China'
Ok its like this big stone thing that goes through the middle of an Asian country...
Jacki: GONG!!!
Kiera: What? No, its like..
Mel: Great Wall of China!!
Kiera: Yes. What the hell Jacki?

ok so maybe its not Roseville girls who suck at Articulate, maybe its just me

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Shower Thoughts #30

ok, i have to ask.
are there really two spellings of fiance?
as in the person you're engaged to?
like this whole time i have been thinking there are two spellings - a girl one and a boy one - but then i stopped and thought about it, and you know what, i think ive only heard one pronunciation.
am i right? am i right?
ok im so googling this
ok so apparently there ARE two spellings
fiance and fiancee
so what, are there different pronunciations?
or are they just the same word spelt differently?
or is google lying to me?


Indiana Jones and the City filled with Diamond Skeletons or whatever it was called. Its not my fault the title of the movie is practically a novel

So I saw it.
and before you all ask me, ill answer the question that everyone has been asking me.

Yes, you will like it.
If you like movies with everything.
And I mean everything.
I mean if you like movies that have Russian terrorists, death-defying stunts, Cate Blanchett attempting a Ukranian accept, romance, crazy people, shirtless old men, nuclear explosions, illegitimate love-children, cars that turn into boats and then fly over the edge of 100ft waterfalls and still remain intact, and - this just in - aliens, then you will like Indiana Jones.

Or alternatively, you could just be crushing on Shia LaBeouf.
which luckily i am, since none of that other crap made any sense to me.

Friday, May 23, 2008

my mother, the bully

can i just ask..
when did it become acceptable for my mum to make fun of me?
hello! shes my mum!
IM supposed to be making fun of HER.

and ill admit, i do write the occasional blog about how out of touch with pop culture she is...but its all in good fun!
not like what happened today:

walking up the front path to our house this afternoon...
jacki: (looking in the mailbox and seeing it is empty) Oh..did you collect the mail already?
mum: yep
jacki: and there was nothing for me?
mum: no, nothing
jacki: oh. sad.
mum: what, its not like you ever get mail anyway

and then later on:

while i was in my room, updating my resume and listening to a little ZZ Top...
mum: (opening the door and pausing) I swear, you have the worst taste in music of anyone i know
jacki: excuse me? You're the one who listens to Andre Boccelli!!
mum: Andre Boccelli is a classic, not like this stuff. I already lived through the 80's once, please dont make me do it again.

well then! ill show her, i thought to myself.
so ive been playing Styx and Michael Jackson for the last hour, and i just filled out an online application for a flybys card - WE'LL SEE WHO GETS ALL THE MAIL NOW, MUM!!!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

scene: catherine and I are watching that episode of Friends where Monica doesn't want to choose between Rachel and Phoebe to be her maid of honour so she makes them choose who it should be.

jacki: can I be your maid of honour?
catherine: I dont know
jacki: well I dont know if you'll be my maid of honour, but you can definitely be one of the bridesmaids
catherine: ok, cool
jacki: (pause) can I..?
catherine: (laughing) you're pathetic
jacki: oh come on! who else are you going to have?
catherine: (offended) hey!
jacki: (trying to backtrack) no, no I didnt mean it like that, I just meant...I'm just curious!
catherine: yeah, sure.

this conversation actually came in handy during the rest of the day. for example:

when catherine was baking a cake, and she was trying to melt chocolate on the stove and stir the icing at the same time...
catherine: jacki! jacki, help, the chocolate is going to burn, can you stir it for me please?
jacki: sure I'll stir it - IF I CAN BE YOUR MAID OF HONOUR

when i was making a sandwich for lunch...
catherine: ooh, that looks really yummy, can you make me one?
jacki: sure, I'll make you one - IF I CAN BE YOUR MAID OF HONOUR

when catherine was looking for some entertainment for the afternoon...
catherine: jacki, can I watch your Bones DVD?
jacki: sure, you can watch it - IF I CAN -
catherine: oh forget it

another another thing...

and i just realised
t and r and e and w are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER on the keyboard.
its not that hard people!!

trew. T-R-E-W.

i think its official.
like really official.
like pick-up-the-phone-its-time-to-call-the-guiness-book-of-records-and-finally-get-my-name-in-there-for-something official.

i have the MOST miss-spelt name in the world.
oh yes.
and im going to have a good and proper rant about this because it has to be one of the most SIMPLE names in the world.
i mean its not like there are any silent letters. or letters that dont sound like they usually sound (like you know how some people spell julia with a g? i mean thats just wrong).
its simple
jacki. trew.
how hard is that?
"not that hard!" i hear you say.
yes, i agree.
and if they dont it spell it wrong, they go..
"what? trew?"
and then they look at me like IM an idiot.
no i am NOT an idiot.

so ive taken to, when people ask me what my name is, responding like this:
"jacki trew. t-r-e-w"
i mean, that should fix the problem, right?
im SPELLING it for them.
but no. no no. somehow that confuses people even more.
i think the most hilarious thing about it is that every single person responds the same way.
say they're writing my name down.
most get as far as t. some make it to r. and then everything goes downhill.
the pen pauses on the page, and they just stare at the paper for a second.
they look at me.
they look back at the paper.
"e-w" i say, seeing that they have already written t and r.
they look at me.
they look back at the paper.
they write a u.
"no, its e, then w" i say.
"e?" they say, unbelievingly
"yes. e. e and then w" i say
they look at the paper.
they look back at me.
i grab the paper off them and write the damn name myself.
i dont understand. I DONT UNDERSTAND.

and if its not the trew part, its the jacki part.
and ill admit i dont have the most common spelling of jacki in the world, but look. look at how i spell it. ITS SO SIMPLE.
again. no silent letters, no letters than dont sound how they usually sound.
but this is how the conversation usually goes:

"is that jacqui?"
"is it - "
"no, no, its j-a-c-k-i."
"oh. oh. thats weird"
they write it down. they give me the paper.
it reads name: jackie

Sunday, May 18, 2008

top ten

the Top Ten theories that might make me look crazy, but cause all of you to secretly think 'man, shes a genius!'
10. If you eat ice cream with a teaspoon, it takes longer to eat, and makes it seem like you get more.
9. The reason they killed Sara on Prison Break is because they found out I was going to America in 2008 and they wanted to recruit me as Michael’s new love interest – they’re now bringing her back because it turns out I’m only in USA for 3 weeks, which isn’t long enough to film a whole season. 2009 - It will happen.
8. There is a teeny tiny microchip located inside my body which causes every piece of electronic equipment around me to malfunction. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? It starts to sound less crazy after 6 iPods, 2 curling irons, 3 laptops, 1 graphics calculator, 5 phones, and, this just in – a hair straightener
7. Telling your parents that your tattoos are just ‘drawn on with a sharpie’ will work
6. Facebook is a trap. One day, whoever owns it will sell the whole thing – like those two guys sold youtube – to some freak like Ivan Milat, and the next thing you know, Ivan Milat will be inviting us all to ‘events’ on the side of the Hume Highway at 2 in the morning.
5. The Channel 7 executives read my blog. Hey, they brought ‘Bones’ back, didn’t they?? You can thank me later.
4. The voice-over announcements at the train station are done by Gretel Killeen. If you don’t believe me, listen the next time you’re at The Forum or wherever. Plus, it totally makes sense – she couldn’t get anyone else to hire her after Big Brother.
3. People think that because Nicole Kidman grew up in Longueville, they will be able to find the next Hollywood Superstar here – first they filmed Superman on Kenneth St, and, this just in – there was an Oak Milk commercial shot at the Longueville Rd bus stop!
2. My cat is in love with me. No, she doesn’t love me. She is in love with me – how else can you explain the fact that she eats all my clothes? SHE WANTS TO SEE ME NAKED!!
and the number 1 theory that might make me look crazy but causes all of you to secretly think 'man, shes a genius!'...
1. Emily Deschanel and I are destined to be friends – there are very few people in the world who watch Bridezillas and enjoy it. I am one of these people. So is she.

boredom + internet = laughter. every time.

hands up who uses
just in case no one does, ill explain:
people post questions, and other people post answers. then anyone can read it.
for example:

Q: Who was that super-hot guy that played Mariah Carey's boyfriend in the We Belong Together filmclip?? - Asked by Random123
A1: I dont know but I agree, he was smoking! - Answered by IKnowNothing
A2: I think it was the guy from Las Vegas, but bald? - Answered by AnotherRandom123
A3: You idiots, it was Wentworth Miller. Shame on you for not knowing his beautiful name. - Answered by Jacki

and just so you know, yeah that was just an example.
the best thing about is that at the bottom of the page, there are links to other question/answer sessions that are related to the question you're looking at.
ok no, thats not the best thing.
the best thing is that most of the time, these 'related' links arent related at all, in the slightest, and more often than not, are just hilariously idiotic.
like this one i found a few minutes ago:

Q: In a film, when a fly lands on an actor's face...
How do they get the fly to land there at that exact moment? And what kind of wage is the fly paid? Do you think the fly is a member of the screen actors guild? Can the fly win an Oscar?

A1: Those are special flies that spent years in method acting schools.They get their names in the film credits, bit most people don't recognize them because they are only flyspecks and at are the end of the credits, and often mistaken as extra periods
A2: Yes in fact Frank Sinatra paid homage to them with 'Fly me to the Moon'.The Classic of course is 'One Fly Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.

check the link if you dont believe me:;_ylt=AhOFbBbmvGzZ5Tk5JPHNE6jSxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080517003946AAZITNy

but really, i mean, why wouldnt you believe me??

Monday, May 12, 2008

A warning to all parents...

this is what happens when you let your kid decorate their own room

Thursday, May 01, 2008

proof my sister loves me

scene: its one twenty in the morning. catherine walks into my room

catherine: Are you awake?
me: Yes
catherine: Why?
me: Because I'm always awake at this time
catherine: Oh. I cant sleep
me: (pause). Wanna watch Prison Break?
catherine: Ok!