Friday, March 30, 2007

notes on a Dame

So anyway, we just got back from seeing Notes on a scandel with me juju sair and laurenzo, and I have to say, even though I did have my doubts, it was pretty good.
First the previews, which are always good (says Lauren). I mean what other time do you get to suss out the other movies, and divide them into which ones you’ll see excitedly, which ones you’ll see grudgingly, and which ones you will just continually mock for the rest of your life.
And then the movie. Probably the best moments were
a) laughing with Julia at all the old people around us who were laughing at the lame grown-up jokes
b) laughing at myself after coming to the sad realisation that I was seeing a movie popular with really old people
And Judi Dench. I mean who doesn’t love a good Judi Dench movie? if theres anyone out there, I don’t know about them. And if I did, then you wouldn’t, because I would have already slapped them to death.
So anyway the movie pretty much confirmed my suspicions that Judi Dench and Mrs Fletcher are the same person. So first I decided that im going to give Mrs Fletcher the nickname ‘Dame’, and then I decided that I’ll never be able to look at Dame the same way again, on account of the fact that when she was transformed into her alter ego, Judi Dench, she was playing this freak-o character who like stalks people until they end up in jail.
So pretty much the next time Dame transforms into her alter ago, she is coming after one of us. Not me.
Ill already be dead since she’ll probably organise my assassination as soon as she catches wind that im calling her Dame.
She can do that you know.
She’s Judi Dench.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

ok so i have this theory
and no, before you say anything, this isnt one of my normal theories that everyone makes fun of, like that theory i have that the end toilet in the year seven bathroom changes every time i go into it, or that theory i have that the voice over lady at the train station is Gretel Killeen, or that theory i have that Gollum lives in my roof space.

its real i tell you
brace yourselves
the history staff...
is trying to kill me.
and i swear it. and not just the normal kind of trying to kill you, you know like the way teachers try to kill their students with homework and assessments and dirty looks.
they are actually coming after me.
like with a knife.
well maybe not a knife. yet.
so it goes like this..first i had a theory that...oh wait a second. just got to the keychange in this song im listening to.
oh dude
that was freaking awesome
ok now where was i?
oh yeah
theyre trying to get me. like i dont know. one day you'll all get to school and i would have been bashed to death with postmodernist articles or something. im pretty sure they could just concentrate the rage that miss shanahan feels toward me and put it into a bottle, then throw it at me like a grenade.

and im not being paranoid either! you havent seen the way t-watty glares formidably in my direction. Oh sure its all fun and games when im making fun of him for bearing resemblance to P Diddy, but he'll get his own on me one day.
ironic that i do five units of history when the whole history department is trying to oust me.

Monday, March 26, 2007


ok i am officially curious
who ARE you?
besides being the only person on the planet who could possibly be more stalkerish than me (ill take you on buddy), where did you come from??

its like one day, you just appeared, fully formed, from underneath a moist stone.
enlighten us
or at least me
i dont know if anyone else is high enough to read this crap

Sunday, March 25, 2007

333rd post!!!

three hundred and thirty third post
lets make it a good one

so i woke up today with the intention of doing some work but ended up doing nothing all day but watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, eating mint m'n'ms and imagining multiple ways of removing my cats head from her body after she practically shaved my skin off with her claws.
which, ironically, happened as i was trying to clip her nails for her, since, being the loving mother that i am, i didnt want her to develop some heinous hangnail or ingrown toe or whatever other feral diseases you can obtain for having claws that are too long and too dangerous and get used too often to rip jacki's bikinis to shreds.


so anyway, after i gave up trying to be loving towards my beast of a kitten, i travelled downstairs, where, low and behold, my dad is sitting under his desk trying to connect his new computer to the internet. without much success.
needless to say, he hasnt got any internet, and now our home phones arent working.

probably the highlight of the day was when i shaved my legs. that was pretty good. theres just nothing like the feeling of a freshly shaven leg. unless that leg belongs to a man.

Friday, March 23, 2007

can I just say how annoying it is that teachers actually expect you to do work in year 12?

Hollie - a dedication

ok hollie since you were so thoroughly dissapointed with my last post and how much i didnt talk about you in it, i present to you..

Hollie - A Dedication
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
with hair so blonde
my memories of you
are always so fond.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
with eyes so blue
your physical appearance
is nothing like poo.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
of tutor group six
we always go crazy
just for kicks.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
your wrongs equal zero
you never drink beer-o
you're always so cheer-o
Hollie hero
exam timetable came out today
do they have this thing, where they type all the requirements into the computer (like maths extension and english extension cannot be on at the same time, music 1 and ancient history cannot be on at the same time, modern history and general maths cannot be on at the same time etc etc), and then add onto the end "Jacki Trew must be thoroughly distrought with her exam timetable?"
i swear
i swear
like every timetable ive ever had in my entire existance has been horrible. horrible. terrible. a travesty to all timetables in existance everywhere.
if timetables were people, and people didnt exist because there was no such thing as people, there were just timetables, the Roseville College timetable would be the outcast of timetables. seriously. People would look at it and say, theyd say "why would we want to be friends with someone so heinous, someone so unjust, someone so blatantly unforgiving and concerned only with causing everyone around them pain".
Maybe im being a bit too dramatic about this

who am i kidding. theres nothing to be but dramatic about this!!
enough about timetables. or people. or timetables acting as people

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

im back. and ive got back.

since you all seem to be suffering terribly from a lack of blog (or maybe i just want an excuse to rant madly at everyone in the world over the internet), here it is. a new blog.
hopefully to be followed by more new blogs, unless i stab my computer to death as a result of the stress of modern/ancient/maths assessments, a dt major work, arab-israeli conflict summary sheets, or simply the fact that blogger has changed all around and it took me like four hours to figure out just how to write a freaking post.

ok. enough rant.
what am i talking about. theres never enough rant.

anyway to catch up, im pretty much writing this just for ellen and hollie (there you go hollie, i mentioned you on my blog, clearly this means i love you and will probably end up writing a sonnet about you in my old age) so i can publicly declare how awesome Batman is.

Batman. oh Batman.
Batman, aka Mrs Collins, is truly awesome. My hero. We had weekly high-fives, which rapidly became daily high-fives because i just couldnt get enough of her. She gestures wildly and laughs at my lame jokes and tells me and ellen to "stop doing nothing in dt!!" and im pretty sure she'll end up killing me out of frustration one of these days. She and Miss Mitchell ("mitch") together are such a wonderful wonderful combination that they almost make up for the fact that miss shanahan hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.

except im pretty sure she only pretends to hate me because shes so jealous that there are other teachers who want to be the first ones to have a student (namely me), recieve a silver merit award composed of merits only from them.

well. rant pretty much over. i guess ill be back soon for more rant, probably about something insane, inappropriate and time-wasting like merits or home and away or that whole "why-do-so-many-people-love-george-clooney-i-simply-dont-understand-it" thing.

until then!!