Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Band Cat: A True Story

So since I've been on a schoolwork marathon for about - oh, what time is it? - 8 years now, I decided to give myself a break and entertain you at the same time by blogging.
Before I go any further, I should warn you; the present time is 4:06am, I have had approximately 9 hours sleep in the past 3 days, and my current caffeine consumption stands at 4 cups of coffee and 837ml of Red Bull.
Things might get a little crazy.

Sometimes when I'm bored or not busy or just feel like reminding myself of how moronic I really am, I peruse my own blog. I did it just now, in fact. I noticed I've done two movie review posts in the past 3 weeks. I'm going film review crazy. I'm pretty much a bonafide critic.
I wish there was an Academy Award catagory for best film review. I would win. When I walk up on stage to collect my award, they would play a sound bite from my pan of The Exorcist:

I don't know who called this 'The Scariest Movie Of All Time', but they need to grow some serious testicles and then punch themselves in the face.

Speaking of movies, I got an idea for one today that will probably win me the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm going to imagine my cat is a musical instrument, and then film myself pretending to 'play' her. I'll do everything; drums, violin, piano, guitar...it shall be a masterpiece, entitled Band Cat: The True Story Of A Girl Who Imagined The Family Cat Was A Musical Instrument And Then Filmed Herself Pretending To 'Play' It.
If that doesn't make me a million dollars, I honestly don't know what will. Plus I've already done 'guitar'. Want to see?

Genius. I know. You don't have to tell me.

So it's now Wednesday. It's early Wednesday, but Wednesday all the same. I seem to remember predicting that my college-work-related-mental-breakdown would arrive today. Hmm. Nothing much yet, but it's only 4:40; there's still plenty of time for me to freak out and stab somebody. My sister Catherine has a cold which I think she is giving to me, so it might be her. Or one of my parents. And I just remembered that I have to play netball tonight, so now I'm kind of concerned for everyone in my team. Moreso, everyone on the opposing team. And moreso than that, the umpire. I mean it about the umpire. If he calls me up for obstruction, I will probably take a dump on the hood of his car after the game.

Okay, I can see the sun peeking over the horizon, so it's probably time for me to get back to work. As a parting gift, I will leave you with this photo of my name on the 'prefect board' at my primary school, Greenwich Public. Yes, that's real gold stick-on lettering. I shall be imortalized forever.
Or at least until I flip out and burn the school down:

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