Let me tell you about this insane dream I had 2 nights ago. I would have told you about it when it was an insane dream I'd only had 1 night ago, but
a) I'm lazy, and
b) ...I got nothing. I'm just lazy. I advise you to suck on it.
Okay, so this dream.
Before I start, I need to tell you how afraid of spiders I am. Pretty. I am pretty afraid of spiders. If you've ever had a conversation with me that lasted more than 10 minutes, you probably know this. Anyway.
So the night before last night (ie 2 nights ago. ie the night of the dream. gasp!) I was ironing a shirt, and suddenly this red spider crawls out from under the iron and, like, bolts towards my hand.
Holy shit! And did I mention it was red? There is nothing more frightening than a red spider, apart from a red spider with red eyes - which this spider also happened to have. Red eyes I tell you. Red. Crimson. Scarlett. Whatever you want to call it, they burned like the fires of hell.
This isn't the dream by the way. This is what happened before the dream. Let's call it The Dream Inspiration.
As for The Actual Dream, well, I can't exactly remember the whole thing, but basically I was in my bedroom and suddenly a nest of spiders appeared in the corner. Then they (the nest spiders) banded together and started marching towards me.
The worst part about the dream was that the spiders weren't regular Huntsmans or Redbacks or even FunnelWebs, they were these freaky albino spiders with really muscular forearms which made them walk weirdly. And what's that about? I mean, come on. What the hell is going on in my subconcious that I can come up with this stuff in my sleep?
The second worst part was that even though I practically screamed up a lung, nobody came to help. The only company I got was my cat, who didn't do anything because she's a cat and doesn't give a shit about you unless you're pouring food into her bowl.
That's just great.
I am so never feeding her leftovers under the table again.
Anyway, then I woke up to find a giant Huntsman sitting on my left cheek.
Okay, kidding. I only woke up. No giant Huntsman. Still, now I'm kind of totally freaked out, because even though I know there's no such thing as Muscular-Forearmed Albino Spiders, there's every possibility that one is forming under my bed as we speak.
I mean, my room is pretty effing messy. You leave a regular spider under a pile of dirty clothes for 5 or 6 weeks, and in this heat?
Who knows what could happen.