Janey's Final Five, Originally Intended For...Katy Perry

A couple of posts ago, I suggested you guys make up crazy questions and send them to me. Holy crap, someone actually did it! Janey Du Toit originally wrote these for Katy Perry and her insane orange dress. But I guess Katy wasn't available, so Janey sent them to me:

1. Do you think crematoriums should give discounts for those who died in fires?
I think crematoriums should work free-of-charge. There is nothing creepier to me than the idea of paying to have a person incinerated. Except maybe the serial killer doll in that movie Child's Play. Ew.

2. Would you rather name your first born child Lester or Souffle? Why?
Souffle makes more sense to me, because it's gender-neutral. Can you imagine naming your baby girl Lester? Whatever - It's a moot point anyway, because everyone knows my first born will be a boy named Wentworth. After his daddy.

3. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to man is at your immediate disposal. What sandwich do you make?
I assume you mean traditional sandwich ingredients only? In that case, I do love me a good ham and cheese. I realise I can have any kind, and there are alot of cramazing (thats crazy and amazing, see how I did that?) sandwiches out there, but you can't go past the classics, and ham and cheese is about as classic as they come. However. If non-traditional ingredients were available, I couldn't imagine anything tastier than a toasted Jacki on Wentworth.
Yum.

4. If bread could be baked into a heart-shaped loaf, would you pick that over the regular square kind?
In my experience, things that are shaped like a heart always taste better. Does anyone else do their grocery shopping at Coles in Lane Cove? The butcher there makes special heart-shaped chicken schnitzels, and I don't know - maybe it's just all the peyoti I've been smoking - but to me, they taste better than regular chicken. Like, a thousand times better.
Okay, I was kidding about the peyoti thing. I've never smoked peyoti. I'm not even sure if that's how you spell peyoti. Not important. The heart-shaped-food theory was not a joke. Those schnitzels tasted like love solidified.

and finally, 5. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you see this picture:

Oh boy. And I just thought of the perfect headline, should this photo ever make it into a newspaper:

RUNNER GETS THE RUNS.

Ha! Right? I should get paid for this stuff.

Thank you Janey. And congratulations - you're officially penciled into my Oscar acceptance speech.