Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007

remember how i used to whinge and moan and bitch and complain 24/7 about my bed? and with reason!
i mean. this thing was so narrow, i dont think you could even call it a single. it was more like a half-single. somewhere between a regular single and one of those bassinets that people carry babies around in. and thats not all. it was old. and not just old. oh no. this is the bed ive had SINCE I GOT OUT OF A COT. its old old. and one of the most annoying things about old old beds is that they squeak. and this one was so exception.
and i didnt just find the fact that every time i so much as wiggled my toes in the night, the whole bed would shudder and shake and creak and groan so loudly i literally thought it was about to explode from underneath me annoying. actually, this wasnt so bad at all, compared to the fact that everytime the bed made a noise, my cat (who has a fond habbit of sleeping on my head) would COMPLETELY FREAK OUT and latch onto my face.
this is not pleasant.
the point is, i didnt think there was any feeling more painful than having the promise of a new double bed (from my mum), but having to wait and wait and wait and wait and wait for it, enduring this hideous ancient old old bed in the meantime.
well i was wrong. there is a worse feeling.
because i got my double bed. thats right. the hideous ancient old old bed is gone.
but oh, hoo haa, whats this? the new bed didnt come with a mattress? mum and dad are too busy to get one until next weekend? the old bed has already been thrown away? nobody cares about the condition of jacki's spinal cord?
this. is SO UNFAIR.
because now all i have is the frame of my beautiful beautiful double bed. no mattress. in fact, as im typing this, im sitting on the bare wooden slats of the bed, hoping that one of my parents will come up and see me, think how pathetic i look, and take pity on me.
probably not though. i mean, it is kind of funny.

ps 2 days left of school

Sunday, September 23, 2007

1 hour and 47 minutes until the last monday morning ever.

Friday, September 21, 2007

send jacki to wentworth

for those of you who hadnt heard, i entered a Nova competition to win a trip to the set of Prison Break and meet my one and only.
seeings as all you had to do to win was send in a hideous 'mug shot' of yourself, and then complete a series of 'prisoner challenges', i thought i would win for sure - i mean, come on. there are only about 65 thousand hideous photos of me circulating the nation, and we all know im prepared to do pretty much anything in order to meet wentworth.
but no.
no. Nova dissapoints again. i dont know why im suprised.
surprised? suprised?
anyway, the point is, im pretty sure that the best thing to do at this point is combine my love for wentworth with 2dayfm's hatred of nova. but first things first, i have to get 2dayfm's attention.
ok. this is where the 'send jacki to wentworth' campaign comes in. and dont worry, theres something for everyone; a myspace bulletin, a facebook group, and (for those sad people in the audience who are as reliant on the internet as i am), theres a blog too.
go on. help me scam as many free airfairs out of these people as i can.
send jacki to wentworth.

myspace: http://bulletins.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=bulletin.read&messageID=4459411450&MyToken=19ddc4b1-af92-4826-a02e-50d73635c022

facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6283851166

blogger: www.sendjackitowentworth.blogspot.com

Shower Thoughts #23

does catwomans poo smell like cat poo or human poo?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

top ten

the top ten reasons why i hate facebook.

10. everyone else loves it: despite the popularity of 'i hate facebook', im pretty sure most people only joined up so that they had free reign to insult me through group comments. except maybe janey.
9. myspace is copying it: why. why. why. myspace, you are ten times the internet addiction that facebook could ever be.
8. the only thing i know how to do is make groups: called 'I hate facebook'. Fun, but how is that going to get me lying in a shrub outside wentworth millers apartment at 3am with a pair of binoculars and 18 empty cans of red bull?
7. there is NO reason for it to be called 'facebook': think about it. myspace is called myspace because its MY SPACE. but facebook? FACEBOOK?! its not a book! its not a face! i dont even have to put my face on it if i dont want to! shut up!
6. i know about people i dont know: and i dont WANT to know them. yeah, thats right. by association, i know the precise time when steven crabapple became friends with ellie winebottle, the date of ron gibbots wedding, and what jessica fin thinks about wendy sloots new haircut. WHY?
5. they all look THE SAME: at least they could encourage individualism. but no. facebooks all look the same. and guess what? they all look HIDEOUS.
4. the incessant emails: so-and-so has written on your wall...so-and-so has added you as a friend...so-and-so wants to confirm that he or she met you on the 6th of july, 1996 at 4.35pm, while standing outside a bowling alley, contemplating whether or not he or she should buy a strawberry flavoured ice cream
3. there is NO difference between 'wall' and 'superwall': is there? i mean DID I MISS SOMETHING??? there is NO difference! none! and once i got superwall, i couldnt figure out how to GET RID OF IT! *weeps*
2. when i signed on today, i had...: 1 texas hold'em invitation, 3 zombie invitations, 1 sticky note request, 3 superpoke! friend requests, 1 emote request, 1 hatching gift invitation, 2 werewolves invitations, 1 vampire invitation, 1 hawaiian luau invitation and 6 new notifications. SHUT UP! THE ONLY THING IM INTERESTED IN IS STALKING WENTWORTH!! IS THAT TOO MUCH FOR YOU PEOPLE???

and the number one reason that i hate facebook...
1. i am totally, utterly and completely addicted to it

Thursday, September 13, 2007

home and away

is my absolute obsession with 'crappy' tv shows a genetic thing? my mum and catherine were both out so me and dad decided to have dinner and watch home and away together. just for kicks.

(during an add break)
dad: so, why didnt Sally want to marry Brad?
jacki: (amazed) you know the character names???
dad: we've been watching for almost 10 minutes
jacki: (thinking to self) wow, he's good..
dad: so how come?
jacki: well, Sally was married to Flynn, but he died of melanoma. And Brad was married to Emily, and she died of Luekemia. For some reason, Brad was ok with getting married again but Sally felt like if she married someone else she'd be 'erasing' the memory of Flynn
dad: so both of their previous partners died?
jacki: yeah
dad: what did they die of?
jacki: I just told you, melanoma and leukemia
dad: gee. thats so tragic!
jacki: (thinking: did he just say 'gee'??) Yeah I guess. alot of people die on home and away
dad: hmm
jacki: oh look its back on

(during the next add break)
dad: So whats happening with Jack and Martha?
jacki: well they have to get marriage counseling because they want to get divorced but they were only married for 6 months
dad: why do they want a divorce?
jacki: mainly because Jack is engaged to someone else
dad: (sounding shocked) really?
jacki: (sounding bored) yes. really
dad: and why did they get a divorce?
jacki: well Jack's a policeman so he was always working, and Martha got tired of it. Also, they argue about everything
dad: thats so sad!
jacki: Yeah I loved them together
dad: (sounding genuinely upset) Do you think they'll ever work it out??
jacki: I think so, theyre meant to be together
dad: (practically on the verge of tears) Its just so..so sad!
jacki: Dad I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but you do know its just a tv show, right??
dad: (annoyed) That doesnt mean its not sad!!
jacki: ok ok. geez

(a couple of minutes later)
dad: do you like it when guys dont shave their face?
jacki: OH. MY GOSH.
dad: I mean, half the guys on this show have 4 days of growth on their face.
jacki: (extremely weirded out) Um..I dont really have a preference
dad: oh ok. I was just wondering you know (Dan comes onto the screen) So..you like that guy? (winks)
jacki: I'm leaving
dad: (cheerfully) Ok, I'll tell you what happens!


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

coming soon..

note: release date may be delayed due to my sister being a pain in the ass

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

procrastination and pineapple

(does this apply to anyone else, or am i the only one going COMPLETELY INSANE??))

with like 10 days left of school, and absolutely no room left in my brain to possibly even attempt to retain any more information, i've pretty much given up.

and ive gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal.

so miss mitchell asked us to do some practice essay for homework. homework? homework? no miss mitchell, no. i love you and all, but my head will literally implode. or explode. whichever is more dramatic. whichever would enable me to apply for 5 extra UAI points.

so, essay question thrown to the side, ive just spent the last 45 minutes trying to make an origami swan (yes, yet another attempt to associate myself with Prison Break/Wentworth Miller). Anyway, 45 minutes of complete concentration gave me this:

sigh. *hates origami swans*
ouch. have you ever noticed that the aftermath of eating pineapple kind of feels like you've rubbed the inside of your mouth out with sandpaper and then gargled sulfuric acid? im literally dying here. what is it about pineapple, that its so incredibly painful to eat, and yet everytime im about to eat it, i forget about how excruciating it was the last time i tried to eat it. AND theres the whole once-you-start-you-cant-stop factor.
its like the fruitbowls way of kicking me in the crotch. seriously.
i tried to be healthy by having pineapple, i really did.
whatever. the next time i try to eat pineapple, remind me that it would probably be less painful to rip out my own tongue than to do so.

Friday, September 07, 2007

i finally found the delete key on my laptop!!!
(ive had it for almost 4 months)

I can love you like that

(because we were bored)

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


what is something that EVERYONE finds completely and utterly hilarious?
"No, I'm not gay. I know these rumours are out there.I'm cool with the fact that they exist, I mean this is about fantasy. Certain people are going to have certain fantasies. If someone wants to imagine me with a woman, or a man or one of each, that's cool with me as long as you keep watching the show."
- Wentworth Miller

i TOLD you!!!!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

black sheep

so this afternoon mel gem and myself made the decision to go see that nobodys-heard-of-it-we-only-knew-about-it-because-sair-the-indie-film-freak-sent-us-some-email-about-it-like-6-months-ago-and-being-vandy-we-couldnt-resist-something-which-involved-flesh-eating-farm-animals movie, also known as Black Sheep.

i can certainly say Black Sheep lives up to the reputation of the New Zealand film corporations standards, only because im pretty sure its the only movie the New Zealand film corp has actually ever made. and ever will make.
no offence to whoever thought up the idea of genetically mutated sheep who escape from the laboratory, spread their canabalistic qualities throughout the farm by biting other sheep/people/dogs and are pretty much indestructable thanks to the whole genetics thing, but what the hell?
the movie opened with a fairly amateur montage of green hills, farm houses, cliff tops, sheepdogs and hideous accents, and it pretty much went downhill from there, with flesh eating sheep foetuses (yeah im not kidding. FOETUSES), blonde girls named 'Experience', extremely unrealistic and completely disgusting surround sound effects, and an entirely serious scene where one of the crazy sheep drives a truck. of course it didnt help that one of the main characters bore a striking resemblance to Mr Obrien, and that, later on in the movie, he was stabbed in the side of the head with an aeroplane propellor, shortly after having sex with a sheep.
i also loved the fact that whenever there was an unexpected twist in the plotline which didnt make sense in the slightest - such as the fact that the whole mutation process could be reversed if the thing that had been bitten just drank some sort of mystery liquid that one of the characters found in the barn - it was all put down to 'genetics' and 'science'.
there was also that whole hey-the-timing-in-this-movie-doesnt-really-make-sense thing: when Tucker was bitten by one of the sheep it took about 98 seconds for his whole left leg to morph into a wool-coated hoof, but Henry was also bitten and his bite never progressed further than a nasty gash with white hair sprouting out of it. I also found it hard to fathom how Tucker was affected by the killer-sheep, seeings as he was bitten on the foot while wearing shoes, and loved the fact that Angus met up with Grant just after Grant had been bitten by the original killer-sheep (by this point, Grant was about halfway through his transformation into a sheep, and his head pretty much resembled the backside of a goat thats been run over, but Angus carried on having a conversation, not at all noticing the fact that he was pretty much TALKING TO ROADKILL)
so, to sum up, it was 110 minutes of mutation, beastality, mindless murder, and complete ridiculous, and is pretty much the best movie ive ever seen

Monday, September 03, 2007

she finally admits it

jacki: ill be alone forever!
miss shanahan: no you wont, you're young. ill be alone forever!
jacki: fine, compromise. we'll BOTH be alone forever. better?
miss shanahan: no, i want us to end up together!
miss shanahan: ...with other people i mean

sure you do shanny
sure you do