Wednesday, May 30, 2007


In exactly 4 hours i will watch prison break for the first time in 13 days, 3 hours and
27 minutes


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Dear Fox 8

so i just got done watching australia's next top model and im so enraged by the fact that jordan got out and alice didnt that i decided to draft a letter of concern to Fox 8.
so this is it.

To the wonderful people at Fox 8,

Over the years, I've come to love the services that Fox 8 provides. Not just the weekend morning Simpsons, or the new years day Simple Life marathon. Not just the break-free Lost on sunday nights, or the re-runs of America's Next Top Model. Not just the fact that you air Prison Break, which stars my future husband. I really do love Fox 8.
I have some concerns with the most recent showing of Australia's Next Top Model, and particularly some of the judges decisions regarding contestant Alice.
It has recently come to my attention that Alice is the worlds biggest mole.
I mean come on.
Who cries about getting sunburnt and then peeling? WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA ALICE. WE HAVE SUN HERE. And the "I'm so angry that I have to go swimming when my swimming costume is still damp from the last time I went swimming, during which I also complained over the fact that I was getting my swimming costume wet, and I spend too much of my time whining about having wet swimming costumes that I will forget to dry it, and then next time I go swimming I will complain about how it is still wet, and the circle of whinging will continue for ever and ever and ever until Jacki Trew's head explodes" thing is also quite infuriating.
So, in conclusion, I suggest that you, at Fox 8, provide me and all my friends with tickets to the live season final of Australia's Next Top Model so that we can live out our lifelong dreams of throwing poo at Alice as she walks down the runway.
Yours sincerely
Jacki Trew

p.s Thankyou for firing Erica Heynatz.

"it rhymes with carolina!"

so today was a pretty awesome day

first off, i got my l's
yes its true.
after almost 15 months of constant nagging, insults, teasing and general annoyance from pretty much everyone over the fact that ive been too lazy to go out and get my l's, i finally got them.
and let me tell you, it wasnt easy. besides the whole 'having to know the road rules' thing, there was the fact that the universe is against me getting my l's.
the first time i went to get them, they wouldnt even let me take the test because i didnt 'have enough id', even though i gave them my school card, a bank statement, an eftpos card and both of my parents signiatures saying i am who i say i am. they suck.
the second time i went to get them, i failed, which im pretty sure is the fault of the rta, not myself, since the rta is gay, and somehow managed to find out which questions i hadn't studied, and then put ALL of those questions in my test.
anyway today when i went to get them, i was pretty certain i was going to pass, you know, because of the whole "third times a charm" thing, except that i forgot i had to go, left school late, missed my train, and had to run all the way from the station to the rta (which is no mean feat let me tell you), so that i could get there on time, which, by the way, i didnt, which gave the old guy behind the counter another reason to hate me, because its common knowledge that all old people hate me on account of the fact that they are old and i am not.

anyway. after i got them, the day got conciderably better because jessiebear decided to drive us all to chookas for hot chips and coke during our free, then we came back, ate them in front of everyone (which always feels good), and then spent the rest of the day reading vogue in the common room, burning popcorn, annoying miss shanahan and beth in the library by reading "where did i come from" out loud, not going to dt, being allowed to not go to dt, and getting bought chocolate by the awesome lauren kelton.

yep. and next top model is on.
i die with happiness

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

ladies and gentlemen
the impossible has happened.
the unachievable has been achieved.
the unobtainable has been obtained.
the unrealisable has been realised.
the unfeasible has been...feasibled?

whatever. the important thing is WEDNESDAY HAS BEEN SAVED.
by a little thing i like to call frousse raspberry mist frozen yoghurt.
which my mum introduced me to tonight, a little while after i posted my rant about how much of a suck this day is.
this isnt any ordinary yoghurt. oh no. it is THE ULTIMATE YOGHURT. which is frozen.
and frozen is always better.
and not only is it frozen, it is the only thing in the universe which holds the ability to save wednesdays from suck-dom.
i clap my hands with glee, for wednesdays are back!!!

the ultimate suck

so today was in such strong contrast to last wednesday that if i tried, i could probably sit down and write a kick-ass A-grade english paper about it, although after typing that, i realise that this hypothetical paper would probably be neither kick-ass nor A-grade since nobody who has anything to do with the english department will ever be interested in anything i have to say, especially if it involves miss shanahan or prison break.

nevertheless i shall still proceed to explain the utter suckiness of my day, because (hopefully) nobody who reads this is a member of the english department, although i do have lingering suspicions that mrs fletcher reads it to cure her insatiable "jacki cravings".
first of all, i had to wake up early to go to history extension, which, on any normal wednesday, would have been pretty ok, on account of the fact that it is wednesday, and no matter how early it is, no wednesday morning can ever get me down because it is common knowledge that i consider wednesdays the best days ever, except for THIS wednesday i already had a feeling that it was going to be a suck day (more about that later), so when i woke up, even though i should have been filled with joy and happiness because it was wednesday, the best day ever, i was filled with doubt and self-loathing, because it was wednesday, the worst day ever.
wednesday. a bad day.
i didnt even think that was possible.

anyway the suckiness continued because for the first three periods of the day i couldnt think about anything apart from how much i dislike alice from australia's next top model on account of the fact that she is a giant giant mole.
anyway, after that, we had ancient, which i thought may have had a chance of salvaging the day, but oh no, since miss mitchell was in some weird i-feel-like-torturing-jacki mood, and made me sit in some random assigned seat like 10,000km away from everyone else, and then proceeded to point out that i hadnt done yesterdays homework EVEN THOUGH I WAS AWAY YESTERDAY and therefore had no way of knowing that i even had ancient homework.
i mean come on.

anyway, after lunch (which wasnt even that good, thanks mum) i thought that maybe, maybe, maybe, since we had modern in 6th period, miss shanahan might feel it in her heart to realise my suffering and finally admit her undying love for me to cheer me up, but oh was i wrong, since not only did she laugh in my face after i explained how much of a sucky day i was having, but she then proceeded to laugh in my face about how she has the entirety of prison break season 2 on dvd, and how she COULD burn it for me and give it to me, but she wont, because, in her words...

emmy: it would be like some a currant affair program. "teacher gives student illegal drugs"
jacki: call me crazy but i dont think a dvd lies in the same area as illegal drugs
emmy: whatever. their pirated. thats so illegal
jacki: ive done too much illegal stuff to care at this point
emmy: they'd come after me!
jacki: i have like $1000 worth of pirated music on my computer and nobody's come after me yet!
emmy: whatever. end of discussion.

i mean how unfair is that!?
anyway, and i havent even got to the worst possible part of this wednesday yet.
yes. thats right.
it gets worse.
of course everybody knows that one of the best parts about wednesday is the fact that prison break AND heroes are on.
well guess what?
thats right. thanks alot channel 7, for moving heroes to thursday, and then NOT PUTTING PRISON BREAK ON AND NOT EVEN EXPLAINING WHY
so now i have to sit in a stupor and sulk over the fact that im watching some homosexual johnny depp movie instead of prison break starring wentworth miller, my future husband.
and also try to imagine ways to torture whoever decided to not put prison break on tonight.

so there you have it. pretty much an essay on why this day has sucked.
i can only hope that in the four hours i have left of tonight, something happens to at least salvage the day, so that i may retain my faith in the wonder, the beauty and the awesomeness of wednesdays.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

so i think roseville has this problem, because they havent yet realised that it is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE that i should have to endure getting back ALL OF MY EXAMS EXCEPT FOR ONE in the THREE DAYS directly following the actual exam period
do they not understand?
can they not fathom?
theyre exams
i need time to bathe my exam-inflicted wounds, but ohhhh no, no, no, here at roseville, we dont give you time to heal, we just shove your failed exam down your throat and hope your parents dont sue us.
even miss mitchell, the woman who is infamous for handing back exams so late that she actually has to blow dust off the top to see what the exam was even about, managed to give me my sucky mark in ancient, which was, by the way, in 5th period on a friday, and really put a damper on the whole i-have-modern-next-and-i-havent-seen-miss-shanahan-for-like-10-years-and-i-cant-wait-t0-start-annoying-her-again thing
which sucked.
so i kind of lost my train of thought there but basically emmy rocks, exams suck, and as far as im concerned the next episode of prison break couldnt come fast enough

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

ohh prison break
that show makes me so very very very happy
*basks in the light of prison break*
so apart from coming on to vent my love about prison break, which i can only do on my blog, and sometimes with emmy, except pretty much never with emmy because with her i run the risk of hearing things about prison break that i dont want to know, even though im pretty sure theyre not true, like the time she told me that lincoln died even though clearly, without lincoln there would be no story, because there would be no old man to make fun of.
what was i saying?
oh yes
so apart from coming on to vert my love about prison break, i also remembered that i forgot to say that ONCE AGAIN it has been proved that lane cove is THE ULTIMATE SUBURB
my mum needed to get a skirt for martins bangin 50th, so we went to lane cove since according to my mum its "the only place i can find normal clothes for old people like me"
that strange woman
anyway, so she was buying her skirt and i was standing next to her and noticed these pens on the counter, and since they were covered in sparkles and i have the attention span of a 6 year old boy, obviously there was a connection, and i started playing with them, and then the lady goes "you can take one of those"
and dont think that i hadnt noticed the $10 price tag on those pens
yeah thats right baby. 10 bucks. and the lady gave it to me
to me
for FREE
so there you have it. lane cove is the ultimate suburb, and that lady is the ultimate lady.
that, and the fact that sarah and michael totally hooked up on prison break (during which i was picturing my head on sarahs body), has made this day, the most ultimate day in jacki history

at least until next wednesday

the best day ever

ok so today
the best day
first of all, i have no more exams, which means that for at least the next 60 seconds i can relax not having to think about any major works or assessments or the trials or that modern source analysis oral which i have no idea about but am pretty sure im going to fail.
so that was pretty much awesome.
anyway the day started out well because its wednesday and everyone knows that wednesdays are my absolute favourite days on account of the fact that they are the most awesome days ever, and then it got even better because despite the fact that i had to get up at like 630 to go to extension history, and we had to sit there in a panic when we discovered that t-watty was going to give our exams back, I DIDNT FAIL
what is this, you say?
jacki didnt fail extension history?
it must be some mistake!
but no my friends, it seems that t-watty has had some seizure in the middle of reading my essay and i guess he missed all the crap i put in there, so i passed!

as if that wasnt good enough, we had an excursion today to macquarie where i got to do two of my favourite things: hoard free stuff and annoy my sister.
anyway when we got back from the excursion it was only lunchtime but i got to go home because i had a double free after lunch (i told you wednesdays are awesome), and tonight heroes AND the most awesome episode of prison break (as if all the episodes arent awesome, expecially when wentworth miller is partially naked) is on and i am so excited i may die and last night Paloma got voted out from australia's next top model AND my mum bought cinnamon donuts and i got my eyebrows done and EVERYTHING IS JUST SO EXCELLENT I MAY DIE

so basically today has been so ultimately awesome that the goodness couldnt even be shrouded by the fact that we had to have some heinous injection today which im going to stop typing about RIGHT NOW because it ISNT awesome or cool or ultimate or super-duper and therefore CANNOT be included in my post about the best, most awesome, coolest, most super-duper, ultimat-est, best, best, most great, great, great, awesome, hunky-dory, its-all-that, bees-knees, the-bomb, wiggedy-wiggest, most freaking awesome day i have ever had

and its not even over yet
more after prison break (oh baby oh baby)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

one-legged pajama pant

ok so basically i woke up this morning and thought to myself, what the hell, why is one of my legs cold and the other not cold?
and so i took a chance and looked down, and low and behold, one of my pajama pant legs is gone.
like actually gone.
accio'd by harry potter.
i have no idea.
and since i was pretty sure i had 2 pajamas legs when i went to bed last night, i decided to investigate.
so after about 6 minutes of exploring my bed, i not only found the missing pajama leg, but also 3 pins, half a packet of strawberry bubblegum, a yellow pencil, my ipod sock, and something which looked supiciously like the bottom of a stiletto heel.
what the
anyway where was i?
oh yes. so anyway, eventually i came to the conclusion that i am such an intensely rough sleeper that the small-ish rip that i had in my pajama pants must have ripped so much during the night because of my tossing and turning that the entire leg got torn off.
either that, or i was mauled by a she-bear in the middle of the night.
which, knowing my luck, is probably actually what went down

Friday, May 11, 2007

Shower Thoughts# 21

ok i changed my mind
the most annoying thing in the world is not the fact that while most people had only 1 exam left, i had 4, or the fact that Wentworth Miller hasnt proposed to me yet.

Its that feeling when you hop out of the shower feeling petal smooth and daisy fresh, and then you realise you missed a huge patch on the back of your calf when you were shaving your legs.
Ode to RSI/Severe Tendonitis
for bethy!
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and bite us?
You attacked poor Bethy's hand
Wont you go back to RSI land?
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and smite us?
You attacked poor Bethy's arm
It was worse than Ferrari Farm (major vandy in-joke)
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and fight us?
You attacked poor Bethy's fingers
The smell of you, it always lingers
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and light us? (on fire)
Get away from Bethy now
Or you'll get mauled by a she-cow
(ok that last verse was kind of sucky but give me a break, finding things that rhyme with tendonitis? not that easy my friends. not that easy)

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

i fail!

you know whats really sad is that while, today, after our dt/art exam, most people were running around screaming "just one more exam to go! one more! one more!" and then probably happily planning out their four day weekend in their mind, i was huddled in the corner eating my own hair over the fact that i have not one exam left, not two left, but four.
oh, whats that you said? two? three?
and its not as if theyre the bludgy exams (which arent really 'bludgy' exams, i just like to call them that so i feel better about not studying for them).
oh no.
lets check out the line up:
  • tomorrow: english extension creative writing...which i suppose would be bearable if i was actually talented in the area of creative writing, which i am not. or if i had bothered to look at the criteria they gave us, which i havent. or if i wasnt a total idiot. which i am

  • friday: modern...honestly if i sat for three hundred and eleven years and read about nothing but modern and spoke about nothing but modern and thought about nothing but modern, i would probably still fail dismally.

  • monday: history extension...let me put it this way: probably the only subject that i suck more at than modern.

  • tuesday: english extension viva voce...which will probably be less of an actual viva voce, and more of 6 minutes of mrs fletcher and mrs betts tearing whats left of their hair (after teaching me for 2 years) out because of my utter lack of knowledge about anything remotely connected to anything.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

so i came home to be a good girl and do some study for dt tomorrow, which im pretty sure im going to fail, but hey, its worth a shot, and i sat down to try and write something about some crap like the smart car which nobody gives a crap about so why are we even studying it, i have no idea, and then i found that i cant write anything because of 675,000 pages i had to write today in the english exam so pretty much english can suck my white ass.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Pussycat Dolls: the search for the next prostitute

can i just take this opportunity to point out how retarded that pussycat dolls reality series is.
first of all, the first person to get eliminated was eliminated because, according to the judges, she "danced too much like a whore", "was too sexy", and "looked like a stripper". In THAT SAME EPISODE, those SAME JUDGES locked each of the contestants into a confined glass box, and made them dance in burlesque lingerie in front of a whole restaurant full of people.
then, in the most recent episode, contestants wore what amounted to little more than a pair of fishnet stockings and lacey nipple warmers, and pole danced to "hey big spender".

second of all, the contestants are being judged on their ability to sing and dance. Now im no big music producer, but doesnt it seem a little unfair to judge the next pussycat doll on abilities that the current pussycat dolls dont actually possess? Can the pussycat dolls sing? Can the pussycat dolls dance? No. no they cant. they just stand in a row, dirty dance in lingerie and occasionally murmur something like "five dollars an hour".

but yes. yes. i do watch it every week.
shut up! if i didnt, you wouldnt be able to read about how sucky it is.

the mystical 5 cents

so this afternoon me krobby and julia julia decided to go for afternoon tea at the forum, which was a great idea until we actually got there and realised we had practically no money between all of us.
luckily jess was the one who drove us there, and since she loves paying for me, she gave us her spare cash. combined with whatever we could find in the bottoms of our pockets, we managed to scrounge $2.43 each, which we used to buy some chips from oporto and drinks from coles.

so me and kiera were in charge of getting the chips, and julia was in charge of getting the drinks.
let me just say at this point how much oporto sucks. large chips? I THINK NOT! there was barely enough for a newborn child to chow down on, let alone three roseville girls.
anyway after sitting and whinging about the lack of chips for about 10 minutes we decided to try and spend our change on some sort of 'dessert'.
we ended up back in coles, walking up and down the aisles, where one of us would point out something that we could share, then the other two would proceed to insult that person for their choice.

you know something i learned this afternoon is that its pretty hard to choose something to buy when you dont even know how much money you have. let me explain.

when we first walked into coles, we had counted $1.20 in change, and were making our choice accordingly, when kiera realised that 5 cents had gone missing, and we only had $1.15.
so then we spent another 10 minutes choosing something else, only to realise that no, we did have $1.20.
then, on the way to the checkout, kiera decided that it was possible that she had miscounted, and suggested that we stop and count again. No, now we only had $1.15.
Then kiera had to go, so me and julia went to pick out what we wanted, during which we counted our money again (just incase), and low and behold, there it was, $1.20. We headed to the checkout, and were about to happily enjoy our purchase when the checkout chick pointed out that we only had $1.15.
How is this even possible!?
how? how!?
its like the universes way of mocking the fact that i will probably end up in prison within 12 minutes of leaving school and going into the real world because i have no idea about taxes/bank statements/working in general.

whatever man.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

top ten

inspired by Vandy's conversation today at recess, I give you...
Jacki's list of top ten...pre-teen fashion disasters
10. Jelly Sandals
9. Flared Glitter Jeans
8. Frilly Socks
7. Pedal Pushers
6. The One-Shoulder Top
5. Tops with real flowers on them
4. "Peasant" clothing
3. Anything snakeskin
2. One word - Midriff
and the number one fashion mistake of our pre-teen years
1. Those velvet pants that Lauren's mum made her. (Thats Lauren Smith, of 12 T 6. Berowra pride)

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

why catherine trew should go die in a hole

ok so the reason i was falling asleep for pretty much all of today is because last night my darling sister decided to ignore me for pretty much the whole evening, and then start paying attention to me just as i was going to bed (which was nice and early by the way, so that i could be petal fresh for extension history the next morning).

so it was about 11, and i was climbing into my warm inviting bed and had just settled down to continue the couragous adventures of harry potter when this thing jumps onto me and the following conversation ensued:

jacki: what the hell?
catherine: im bored. lets talk.
jacki: no, i have extension history tomorrow and im already failing dismally
catherine: ew extension history, ew, why do you even do that
jacki: im going to sleep now
catherine: no! wait! five minutes, please?
jacki: five minutes. thats it.
(five minutes later)
jacki: ok thats it, get out.
catherine: no!
jacki: come on catherine.
catherine: no!
jacki: get out of my bed or i'll rip your face off
catherine: just five more minutes, please?
jacki: ok five minutes, then im putting my foot down.
(thirty-five minutes later)
catherine: so whatever happened to putting your foot down?
jacki: shut up
(twenty minutes later)
jacki: (sitting up) ok catherine, time to go.
catherine: never! (pushing me back down)
jacki: ow!
catherine: how could that possibly have hurt?
jacki: I hit my head on harry potter!
catherine: what the hell are you doing reading harry potter
jacki: shut up, he's the coolest!
catherine: whatever

..anyway the harry-potter-is-cool-no-he-isnt-um-yes-he-is conversation eventually led to the why-is-that-girl-who-plays-hermione-such-a-bad-actor conversation, which led to the when-will-sarah-and-michael-hook-up-on-prison-break conversation, which led to the oh-mi-gosh-its-only-tuesday-night-and-im-already-dead conversation, which led to the what-the-hell-are-you-still-doing-in-my-bedroom conversation, and by the time i fell asleep it was time to wake up and go to history extension.
and that is why my sister is now decomposing under our house.