Friday, July 06, 2007

Diary of a Study Camper

(from my time at study camp)

Diary of a Study Camper – Day 2 of Study Camp
Beth and I just decided that time on study camp is better spent writing blogs that I can post when I get home than actually studying, on account of the fact that I cannot think of anything more heinous, more hideous, more horrifying than doing any more studying than we already have today (6, count them, 6 hours a day).
Ew ew ew.
So we arrived yesterday afternoon, thinking hey, it might not actually be as horrible as we think. And so far I can say no. No its not that horrible.
Its worse. One million times worse. One trillion times worse. Think of the worst thing that has ever happened to you, combine it with a plane crash, mosquito bites all over your body, watching ‘Room with a View’ over and over, and times the whole thing by about 75 thousand and you’re about a quarter of the way there.
Probably the most confusing thing so far is the fact that nobody seems to be finding this as bad as me Casey and Beth.
Oh no. Everybody else is all ‘It could be worse’. ‘Its not that bad’.
Oh I suppose its not that bad. No actually, its quite wonderful.
Apart from the fact that the highest temperature we’ve experienced so far is about -6 degrees, the heater in our room only stays on for about 2 minutes at a time, the hot water in the shower ran out after ONE person had a shower, the ‘mashed potato’ at dinner tonight was more like whipped butter sprinkled with imitation potato flakes and THERE IS NO WAY TO ESCAPE.
Luckily the current study session (yes, a study session, despite the fact that its 9pm on a Sunday night) is almost over, so I’m one step closer to being able to run through the rain (yes, rain, isn’t camp wonderful?) to our semi-thawed-by-the-crappy-heater cabin, crawl into my semi-thawed-by-the-heater-but-similar-to-sleeping-on-a-rock bed and attempt to enjoy the only bearable part of camp; unconsciousness.
More in the next study session, during which I should probably be learning about prohibition or some other topic equally as disgusting.


Diary of a Study Camper – Day 3 of Study Camp
Usually I use the last session of the day – the one where I’m half dead anyway – to write my study camp blog, but after sitting here for the last 45 minutes and doing nothing but scribbling ‘I don’t care’ all over a practice maths exam, I decided to use my time for something more important.
At the moment we’re in our third full day of hell, in the middle of something called an ‘exam simulation’: basically we’ve been locked in the study hall and told that in order for it to feel like a ‘real exam’, we cant have food or laptops Or notes of any kind or ipods or textbooks or too many toilet breaks or to talk or look at each other or breathe or move or think, and all we can have it pen, paper, and a practice exam.
All well and good, except that I actually don’t have enough knowledge to answer even one of the questions on the modern or English papers they gave us, and mr obrien hates me so much that the actually refused to give me a practice paper.
That’s right.
And since we came in here at 9.20am and we’re not allowed out until 12.15pm, ive so far been forced to think of some pretty creative ways to pass the time.
The day wasn’t made any better by the fact that when we tried to sleep through breakfast this morning (electing to be hungry rather than actually falling asleep during the study session), our leaders practically bashed down the door and dragged us out.
Meanwhile, I was still reliving the horror that was lunchtime yesterday, when a cruel and sadistic leader forced our table (typically full of Roseville girls) to wait practically six thousand years under we were allowed to get up and actually get our food.
By the time I actually got lunch, I was so starved that I practically inhaled the food, and wasn’t even able to enjoy how awesome it was (sidebar: pizza, hamburgers, wedges and sausage rolls for lunch = jacki in a fit of ecstasy)
Anyway now I’m sitting here, with one hand on my calculator so it looks like I’m at least attempting to do work, and the other on my stomach, attempting to muffle the noises it keeps emitting due to hunger, which are so loud that people at the table next to us are actually looking over in disgust.


Diary of a Study Camper – Day 3.5 of Study Camp
So while I already wrote a ‘blog’ today, I felt it necessary to advertise the fact that TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY I EVER HAVE TO STUDY FOR 6 HOURS.
Because even though we don’t go home til Friday lunchtime (oh, that it would come fast enough), on Thursday we have our superhero/dress up/talent show night, and so we ONLY HAVE TO DO 4 AND A HALF HOURS.
Only now as I was typing that, do I realise what this camp has done to me
ONLY four and a half hours?

I cant wait to go home. Home. Home. Where the heart is. And the tv. And the fridge, which is always open. And the bathroom, which is large and luxurious, and always available, so that if I want to have a shower at 10 past 11 at night, I DAMN WELL CAN.
And my bed.
Oh bed. Oh sweet bed. That I spent so many hours complaining about how small and lumpy and cramped you are. If only, I think to myself. If only I could take it back, and lie in you and snuggle into your sweet doona and wrap myself in your sweet scalding electric blanket and never ever get out.

Study session at the moment. It’s pretty much as bad as ever. The high point was when this bird that was stuck in the ceiling started squawking really loudly. Everybody got really distracted for about one tenth of a second, and then went back to amoebas or differentiation or whatever.
So now I’m just sitting here downsizing this document every time one of the leaders comes past, which is pretty much every 8 seconds since I think they’re onto me, so you have to understand how difficult it is to write a full blog.
11 minutes left of this session. I think I might go crazy. Just sitting here, trying to decide whether or not writing I feel that my project has made people more aware of preserving a greener environment, as during the construction, I made sure to advertise the fact that I was attempting to minimise waste as much as possible, and was therefore promoting a greener environment in my DT folio will cause the markers to fail me for being a complete dickhead.
Hmm. I suppose I better go before the leaders form some sort of Committee Against Students Who Come To Study Camp But Never Do Any Study, They Just Sit And Stare Into Space, Or Write Inconceivably Stupid Blogs, Or Attempt To Eat Starburst Lollies Under The Table and kick me out.
Which would actually probably be not so bad.


Diary of a Study Camper – Day 5 of Study Camp
Its one of those days where every minute feels like 10 dillion years.
And those days are bad enough on their own.
I don’t need them to be made any worse by the fact that I’m spending the minutes studying.
We’re so close. And yet somehow, still so far. Probably because 2 sessions of studying are standing between us and the finish line.


Diary of a Study Camper – Day 5.5 of Study Camp
What I’m going to do when I escape from study camp:
Sleep for 72 hours straight.
Eat for 72 hours straight
Watch whatever I want on tv for 72 hours straight
Stand in the shower. Just stand, and appreciate that there is enough water coming out to actually wet my hair
De-thaw my toes
Waste time
Throw my alarm clock out the window
Go to the toilet without putting my hand up
Have my phone on loud ALL the time
Keep msn and myspace open on my computer indefinitely
Eat a piece of fruit
Enjoy freedom
Make sure to tell my family that if I ever attempt to come on study camp again, they should slap me silly


Diary of a Study Camper – Day 5.9 of Study Camp
So here I am, in our last study session ever, with just over 15 minutes to go, wondering if it would be too uncouth to jump onto the table, strip down, and dance naked when they tell us its over.
That’s how incredibly happy I am.
Or will be.
Except for the fact that camp actually doesn’t end until tomorrow at 11am, which equals almost 20 hours of camp camp camp when I don’t even need to be at camp, so why am I at camp again?
Maybe I should hotwire Beth’s car and drive home tonight. To tell you the truth I’ve been thinking about doing it for the past 3 and a half days, except that:a) I don’t know how to driveb) I don’t know where the keys are
c) There’s a lot of cars in the carpark and im not entirely sure which one is hers

This sucks.
Its our last study session ever and im trying to think of something massively profound and intelligent to say but all I can think about is the fact that I really need to pee.
They’re projecting inspirational messages onto the screen up the front now. The last one was ‘luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get!’. I think possibly that is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.

So basically I would write something witty and interesting, but im too exhausted from the hell that has been this week.
In conclusion, study camps suck.
Signing off,



Anonymous said...

hahaha jacki that was so funny - man i wish u wuld've done the naked dance - gold - haha that wulda showed those freaky-high-five-clapping-nerds-who-think-the-prospect-of-study-is-a-celebratory-event guys. also it so does feel good to have full access to a toilet once agen - back to basics - i hav to like get used to civilisation agen - i feel like i have just been released from a death camp - which it basically was. BUT i must say, that in hindsight it was kinda fun and i DID get heaps done (u make it sound like u did nothing jack haha)...but 24hrs ago i was like crying myself to sleep so i now im torn. ALSO i didnt see the inspirational coments?! it may be coz i was facign AWAY from the screen, but wat did they like have quotes thru out the session to distract form the hell that was study?. whoa. long comment my bad. i may aswell blog myslef..hmm..mayb if i could b bov. its not liek anyone reads it - i havnt used it in like a year or 2. anyways xoxo hav fun at bee's and and the wedding and and any study u may or may not get thru next week (understandable if the latter). xoxo case

Anonymous said...

omigosh i just remembered stoner - u didnt mention the various leaders! haha stoner, c-dawg and the evil-food-hoarding-guy-leaders-who-neglected-roseville-girls-(ROSEVILLE GIRLS!!)-their-food. case.