Thursday, November 22, 2012

We're The Shit

For two 22-year-olds who consider themselves mature enough to get married, my fiance and I sure talk about poo a lot.
A lot.
And alright, technically Fiance is 23.  But still.  Emotionally I'm still 18, so I think that gives us a median age of 22.  Here is an excerpt from a conversation we had three days ago:

Fiance: Should we go to bed?
Me: Yeah, bed.
Fiance: Okay.

(2 minutes later)

Fiance: You comfortable?
Me: ...Yeah.
Fiance: Are you?
Me: Yeah, but my tummy kind of hurts.
Fiance: What kind of hurt?
Me: Well I don't want to go to sleep right away coz I'm kind of worried I'm gonna poo the bed.
Fiance: Hahaha.
Me: Don't laugh. I'm seriously concerned.
Fiance: ...Well now so am I!

For the record, I didn't poo the bed.  But I definitely think it is time to stop drinking Red Bulls after 7pm.

For me, the best thing about being in a committed (re: engaged) relationship is the love.  Love is amazing.  But the second thing for sure, is the access I now have to men's underwear.  Oh, my god.  I have never experienced anything so comfortable in my life.  I live in men's underwear.  It's like wearing pajama pants all the time - except you don't have to wear undies underneath.  I can finally feel the wind on my privates, and isn't that every girls dream?  I say it is.  Hello?  I'm a girl.  And I remember being young:

Santa:  Alright little girl, and what would you like for Christmas?
Me:  Well I don't know Santa..
Santa: Oh come on.  There must be something.
Me: Okay. Is there any way I can get the general support of a Kaiser Brazilian-cut brief without the feeling that my underwear is going up my butt?
Santa:...Yes.  Yes there is.

It's weird.  Honestly though, I feel like the only people who really don't appreciate the freedom with which Fiance and I discuss our bowel movements are Nicole (our roommate) and my parents:

Me: Did I tell you, Jordan made Mexican food the other night.
Mum: Wow.
Me: It was really awesome.
Dad: Sounds good.
Me: Yeah it was.  Except we both totally got diarrhea afterwards. 

The couple that shits together sticks together.