three fateful years ago, on this very day, i discovered the beauty, the wonder, the magnificence, the way to publish every insane thought in my twisted mind so that they might be available for not just my friends (or rather, the people who put up with all the insane thoughts in my twisted mind), but for every person out there who might be equal to myself in utter derangement.
and while unfortunately im yet to find someone as unbalanced as myself (perhaps with the exception of jimi), its nevertheless a comfort to know that there is always someone who will listen to what i think about when im on the toilet.
so, in celebration of three faithful years of blogging (ok maybe not so faithful in the windows-live-space era), i give you:
Ode to Blog: a timeline
August, 2004: My blog opens with a bang (some rambling about Jessica Simpson and how she goes camping with louis vuitton bags that ARENT fake), followed by summaries of my many, many, many, many, many embarrassing moments
September, 2004: I explore the world of guessing games, the possibility that our group is falling apart (oh, year nine), poo, wee, whoever invented the word 'extraordinary', and the idea of teachers having secret identities (Re: miss monday related to me?? WE HAD THE SAME STICKY TAPE DISPENSER)
October, 2004: I use my blog to publicise several words which I have invented. I also discover that sunblock only works if you apply it every ten seconds, and experience probably the worst sunburn of my life. Photos of my cat as a kitten. Photos of my dogs ass (only on the internet would i be accepted)
November, 2004 - January 2005: Unexpected hiatus. Was it possible that I spent time doing actually work, rather than blogging?? Was it possible I put something in my life ahead of my blog?? Was it pos - No. no. I was just lazy.
February, 2005: Two words. Bakers Delight. The well-known franchise was soon to consumer my entire life (including my eating habits).
March, 2005: I turned 15. Kiera and I made an impression on our community service employees. (Re: we attended 2 times out of the required 13). I attempt to create a name for Beth, Mel, Kiera and whoever elses band that played in the Senior School Spectacular ("Mel and the Squares"?? GENIUS!!)
April, 2005: I post a list of lifes most unanswerable questions. Nobody boths to read them, let alone answer them. I apologise.
May, 2005: I attempt taking a leaf out of Beth's blog and try to write a 'deep' blog. I end up ranting about Hilary Duff movies, and sound horrendously idiotic. Again, I apologise.
June, 2005 - January 2006: Ah yes. The age of Windows Live Space. I believe mine still exists, if anyones interested in a large collection of my photos and memos about the various ways in which my teachers irritate me.
February, 2006: I make a reluctant return to blogger.com. Probably the best decision I ever made.
March, 2006: I turn 16. I invent the 'How Jacki Are You?' quiz. More importantly: I discover Miss Shanahan.
April, 2006: The obsession with Shanny continues, as does my stalking. I introduce 'shower thoughts' and 'that time i met...' (stemming from an interview between myself, and jack and rose from titanic)
May, 2006: I join general maths. I love general maths. Marissa dies on the OC, and I feel the need to blog about it incesantly. I invent the concept of armour made out of pubic hair, fall in love with Branwell Bronte and for some reason find the need to relate everything in my life to Home and Away.
June, 2006: I write a song for Miss Shanahan, and express my utter disgust that I wasn't invited to Nicole Kidmans wedding. I am repeatedly attacked by magpies in the park. Miss Shanahan dances crazily to Will Smith. The era of writing blogs in dialogue form begins, and I find myself head-over-heels in love with Ewan Mcgregor.
July, 2006: I finally reveal my obsession with Big Brother (its a sickness. i knew then, and i know now). Hannah finally becomes a woman, and I have the tampon-shaped-cake photos to prove it!! I have alot of fun with photos, especially ones of famous people, which I have superimposed my own head into. Beth, Casey and I try to trick people into believing we are in Emu Plains, and Ivan Milat becomes a bit part of all of our lives.
August, 2006: I draw what I believe is a very believable connection between Harry Potter and the Holocaust, and also discover that there really is no need to fear Voldemort seeings he is NEARLY 70 YEARS OLD. People appreciate reading arguments me and my sister have. Igssa Gym and Whalley takes over many of our lives, I suffered through economics, we all actually enjoyed modern history, and I discover the wonder of 'Top Ten'.
September, 2006: The ridiculous arguments between me and Catherine continue (me winning everytime, of course), and I express my disappointment that nothing has been named after me yet. Mr Obriens fish, Titanic, dies, and we hold a ceremony next to Vandy. I also discovered the entertainment in publishing photos of Ewan Mcgregor and Nicole Kidman, with my head over Nicole's. Steve Irwin dies. I discover a large number of amusing (and equally terrifying) obscure items in my school bag, and IVAN MILAT HAS A MYSPACE.
October, 2006: The obsession with Ewan Mcgregor continues, and I display determination to find connections between him and myself. Julia and I insult an old woman on the train by accident, and I think I'm being stalked by the granny-killer. Last ever Igssa gym, which Shanny attends, and fails to gain us entry to the foam pit (extreme dissapointment). I am attacked again, this time by a band of spiders. Julia and I begin our war over who has been attacked by spiders the most times (both of us still maintain that we won).
November, 2006: Ellen and Jane introduce me to the idea of a one-eyed cat foetus, an image which haunts me to this day. DT becomes 'the bludgiest subject ever'. Vandy leaves Vandy forever, the school network crashes, Jimi becomes a part of all of our lives, and I BECOME A WOMAN.
December, 2006: Catherine and I continue to argue as only sisters will. I am viciously attacked by another spider, this time while decorating the Christmas tree. Beth begs for blog. I satisfy her cravings.
January, 2007 - February 2007: JULIA AND I MEET ERIC BANA. (I also experience falling into the toilet for the first time in my life).
March, 2007: I turn 17. I complain about turning 17 because 'at 16 you get to have sex and at 18 you get to drink alcohol, but what do you get to do at 17? huh?'. I express my disgust at exams and exam timetables. Jimi continues to stalk me, I begin dedicating blogs to people, Mrs Fletcher becomes known as 'Dame', Mr Watson becomes 'T Watty' and I develop a theory that the history staff are trying to kill me.
April, 2007: Catherine and I argue on Anzac Day. Prison Break becomes a highlight in my life. I love Gemma, and express an utter disgust for wholemeal bread. Wikipedia is the bane of my existance. Miss Shanahan and I argue over who is going to marry which star of Prison Break. It's all over for Ewan Mcgregor.
May, 2007: Four words. Australia's Next Top Model. The tv series consumes most of our lives. I finally get my l's (was it really that long ago???). We have exams. Beth gets RSI. I experience what still remains to be the best day of my life. I experience horror in the realisation that Prison Break will end soon and I will have nothing to adore for 3 or 4 months. Miss Shanahan soon comes to my rescue, promising me the series on DVD if i complete my History Extension major work, and I fall head over heels in love with Wentworth Miller.
June, 2007: I introduce my mother to Prison Break, with hilarious results. The obsession with Wentworth Miller continues to a degree that not even the Ewan phase reached, and the highlight of the month is my post about Jessica Ann Morton Healy Q.
July, 2007: I develop a frightening addiction for diet coke. Catherine and I continue to argue, this time involving mum. I plan my overseas trip next year around Wentworth (amongst other factors), and english becomes 'The Worst Subject Of All Time'.
August, 2007: Trials go to the backburner as I realise my blog is about to turn 3 years old.
And there you have it! Now let me get back to failing modern...