Monday, November 09, 2009

Parents Say The Darndest Things

I have had 3 people tell me I resemble some form of male celebrity since I cut my hair. One of these people was my dad. What a confidence booster! Almost as good as the time he forgot my middle name, and even better than the time he spent an entire conversation referring to me as 'Oscar' (Oscar is our dog).
So Julia tells me the European MTV Awards were on TV today. I'm sad that I missed this. Although by the sounds of it, I really shouldn't be. According to Julia, it was terrible. Awful. Horrendous. All I could find of it on youtube was a mash-up performance of Halo/Pokerface by Katy Perry, and that alone was enough to make me want to vomit from every orifice of my body.
Shame on you, Katy Perry. Shame on you and your Vegas Girl outfits.

Speaking of vomit and my body, I only got four hours of sleep last night and woke up feeling worse than as if I had spent the night in a bathtub full of puke. Now there is a disgusting visual for your reading pleasure.
My sleepless night was the result - once again - of a Red Bull overdose. Man, those 335ml big cans really get me good, especially when I drink three of them in rapid succession. Still, despite the insomnia, heart palpitations and constant need to pee, it was worth it - I am never more amusing to myself than when jacked up on caffeine. Proof? Here's a little diddy I posted on my sister's facebook at about 2 this morning:
Two things:
1. I have come to the conclusion that you are an old woman trapped in the body of a 21-year-old. You went to bed at 730 this evening. I shake my head at you.
2. Can I borrow your sportsgirl top this saturday? See, I'm asking in advance, so you should lend it to me because...damn, I totally had this logic worked out 5 minutes ago...Um, because you love me? No, that'll never work. Because I love YOU, and if you lend it to me I'll bake you a chocolate cake and buy you a box of tampons. Or, if you'd prefer, I can bake you a tampon cake and buy you a box of chocolates. The choice is yours :)
Hahaha. I'm not even ashamed to laugh at my own jokes. I mean, tampon cake?
How I have not been offered my own television show yet is a complete mystery to me.

No comments: