I never feel more simultaneously delighted and enraged than when I am eating a taco.
Let's be honest - tacos are pretty flippin' awesome. First of all there's the name. Taco. I mean, that's hilarious on its own. And then there's the contents; corn chips, meat, chili, vegetables, cheese...it's like every food group in one meal! One delicious meal, I might add. Yeah they're not that healthy, they've got that weird vaginal connotation, and if you eat just one too many, you risk spending the night hunched over a toilet, but still...I just can't seem to resist.
On the other hand, though.
Who invented the taco? Who was it? Huh? Huh? I only want to know so that I can hunt them down and smack their bottom, because seriously. Is there anything harder to eat than a taco? I say there isn't. Whenever I see one, I'm overcome with elation and desire and a mouthful of saliva, and at the same time, I know that buying/eating it is only going to end badly. I don't know what it is - the sharpness of the shell combined with the soggyness of the meat? The weird shape? The fact that I possess an unnatural determination to talk and eat at the same time? - but I swear, there is no way to eat a taco without:
a) Spilling on myself
b) Spilling on someone else
c) Spilling on both myself and someone else
d) Choking to death
So here are my thoughts...someone should invent the Bite-Sized Taco. Like a regular taco, except that the corn chip is a hollow enclosed sphere, and all the other ingredients are mixed together inside. Size-wise, it should be large enough that one can really appreciate all the different flavours and textures, but small enough that I won't choke to death should I choose to swallow it whole. Right? Right?!
Yeah. Someone should invent that. And by 'someone', I of course mean 'steal my idea and suffer my wrath, bitches'.
The Bite-Sized Taco - coming soon to an unlicensed truck-stop diner near you!