So a couple of nights ago I was stalking Michael Buble over the internet, and I happened to come across a couple of interviews he's had on Rove over the years.
I love Rove. His interviews are so much more entertaining than any other talk show host, except maybe Ellen Degeneres. Oh, I do love it when Ellen straddles her coffee table like a crazy young whippersnapper.
Hey I think Rove has a coffee table too. Too wide to straddle, but still awesome. Except whatever happened to that giant bowl of jelly beans he used to keep? On the table I mean? I think maybe they got rid of it after Lano and Woodley picked it up and threw the whole lot into the audience one night.
That was awesome.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, so I watched these two Michael Buble interviews on Rove, and I noticed that he told the same story in both.
Really.
The same story.
Like, almost word for word.
...
Did he really think nobody would notice? And - more importantly - hadn't anything happened to him in the 12 months since his last interview that he could tell a story about?
Anything?
I mean, anything? Because that first story wasn't that great! It wouldn't have been too hard to beat! Honestly, going down to Coles and finding that the pork sausages you bought for dinner last saturday have gone up by 59 cents would probably do it.
Well, I mean, thats what I was thinking.
Keyword: was
Until he came up with this little gem:
Rove: So, do people ever call you The Boob?
MB: What?
Rove: You know, The Boob? Like, Michael Booble?
MB: Oh, right, I get it. No, people don't call me The Boob. But I used to get called The Tit Humper
Rove: (laughing) What? The Tit Humper?
MB: Yeah, like, like its literal - Bub, is like tit. And, and then le, like, lay? Like, to have sex with?
Rove: Ohhhh
MB: Yeah, Tit Humper? Get it?
...
....
sensational.
Monday, February 02, 2009
top ten
Alright so I'm going to do this bumper post on how much I love alias AND NOT because I just got done watching like six episodes, but because its 2.54am and I've just decided I am on a total mission to make you all watch it with me.
You know, like I did with Prison Break - which totally worked. On, like, 3 people.
But whatever.to
You must watch - so here are The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Watch Alias:
10. There are only 5 seasons - so it's not that hard to sit down and watch every episode back to back. And trust me, once you start, you'll want to.
9. Victor Garber, and the fact that all his features are squished into the middle of his face - trust me, after looking at it for a straight 40 minutes, you'll notice too.
8. The last 5 letters of Australia's are ALIAS - I know I already blogged about this, but it was only brief, and this is still awesome to me. Really.
7. It's one of those shows that you don't really understand - but its STILL awesome. Thats a mark of good TV, right there.
6. It's got everything - romance, action, comedy, suspense! fight scenes, crying scenes, love scenes! I love it
5. Jennifer Garner wears like 5 different wigs per episode - and who doesn't love a good wig?
4. It's like 24, but more believable - this, I heard from someone else. I've never watched 24, but I hear its good. Great. Grand. So wouldn't a better version of 24 be...wonderful?
3. Marshall Flinkman - this guy, whose face looks like a foot:
WHAT UP?! I love it!
2. The Sydney/Vaughn love story - only to be rivaled by Bella and Edward from Twilight.
and the number one reason to start watching Alias?
1. Jennifer Garners laugh - it's (at times) even crazier than mine
GET WATCHING, SCURVIES!!
You know, like I did with Prison Break - which totally worked. On, like, 3 people.
But whatever.to
You must watch - so here are The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Watch Alias:
10. There are only 5 seasons - so it's not that hard to sit down and watch every episode back to back. And trust me, once you start, you'll want to.
9. Victor Garber, and the fact that all his features are squished into the middle of his face - trust me, after looking at it for a straight 40 minutes, you'll notice too.
8. The last 5 letters of Australia's are ALIAS - I know I already blogged about this, but it was only brief, and this is still awesome to me. Really.
7. It's one of those shows that you don't really understand - but its STILL awesome. Thats a mark of good TV, right there.
6. It's got everything - romance, action, comedy, suspense! fight scenes, crying scenes, love scenes! I love it
5. Jennifer Garner wears like 5 different wigs per episode - and who doesn't love a good wig?
4. It's like 24, but more believable - this, I heard from someone else. I've never watched 24, but I hear its good. Great. Grand. So wouldn't a better version of 24 be...wonderful?
3. Marshall Flinkman - this guy, whose face looks like a foot:
WHAT UP?! I love it!2. The Sydney/Vaughn love story - only to be rivaled by Bella and Edward from Twilight.
and the number one reason to start watching Alias?
1. Jennifer Garners laugh - it's (at times) even crazier than mine
GET WATCHING, SCURVIES!!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
111 Hits it out of the park
I love that show Alias.
And you know what I love even more than Alias?
111 Hits.
I love it. Love it love it love it.
111 Hits is the new Arena. Remember when Arena used to be cool? Like when it had Friends and Will and Grace and The Tyra Banks Show and The OC and original Simple Life?
Now Arena sucks. What happened to The OC? and Tyra? And what self-respecting channel would stop airing Friends episodes. Everyone knows that no matter how many times you've seen an episode of Friends, you won't mind sitting down and watching it again.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Arena's new show that they seem to have on all the time, either because they think people cant get enough of it, or they have nothing else to play, Sex and The City.
Now, dont get me wrong. I love me some Carrie Bradshaw. But if I see the 'Running With Scissors' episode one more time, I wont hesitate in ripping my own face off.
Seriously.
Because that would be less painful.
But what was I talking about?
Oh yes, 111 Hits.
Who invented 111 Hits? Because I want to have their children. Seriously, I want to show them a good time. I want to buy them dinner, take them dancing and whisper sweet nothings into their ear in the cabride home.
Friends AND Will and Grace AND Dharma and Greg (I MISSED Greg so much! And having him on that NCIS-wannabe show just isn't the same).
PLUS That 70's Show.
Baywatch.
3rd Rock from the Sun.
Malcolm in the Middle!!
Alias (I die. I DIE!)
Double episodes of Lost? With NO commercials? Its like they made this channel specifically with me in mind!!
You should all watch Alias. Seriously, get on that. Didn't you know Alias is the last 5 letters of Australia's.
yeah.
YEAH.
I dont know what that means, but its gotta mean something, right?
Plus Vaughn is TOTALLY hot.
And you know what I love even more than Alias?
111 Hits.
I love it. Love it love it love it.
111 Hits is the new Arena. Remember when Arena used to be cool? Like when it had Friends and Will and Grace and The Tyra Banks Show and The OC and original Simple Life?
Now Arena sucks. What happened to The OC? and Tyra? And what self-respecting channel would stop airing Friends episodes. Everyone knows that no matter how many times you've seen an episode of Friends, you won't mind sitting down and watching it again.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Arena's new show that they seem to have on all the time, either because they think people cant get enough of it, or they have nothing else to play, Sex and The City.
Now, dont get me wrong. I love me some Carrie Bradshaw. But if I see the 'Running With Scissors' episode one more time, I wont hesitate in ripping my own face off.
Seriously.
Because that would be less painful.
But what was I talking about?
Oh yes, 111 Hits.
Who invented 111 Hits? Because I want to have their children. Seriously, I want to show them a good time. I want to buy them dinner, take them dancing and whisper sweet nothings into their ear in the cabride home.
Friends AND Will and Grace AND Dharma and Greg (I MISSED Greg so much! And having him on that NCIS-wannabe show just isn't the same).
PLUS That 70's Show.
Baywatch.
3rd Rock from the Sun.
Malcolm in the Middle!!
Alias (I die. I DIE!)
Double episodes of Lost? With NO commercials? Its like they made this channel specifically with me in mind!!
You should all watch Alias. Seriously, get on that. Didn't you know Alias is the last 5 letters of Australia's.
yeah.
YEAH.
I dont know what that means, but its gotta mean something, right?
Plus Vaughn is TOTALLY hot.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Dudette returns
So I was sitting at the train station the other day, and this guy came up to me and was all 'Hey, dude, do you know where the toilets are?'
...
Ok, now let me just say one thing; whoever worked on the design for the new St Leonards train station, and came up the idea of only putting public bathrooms on one side of the barriers is a complete moron. I don't know how many times people have come up to me, while I'm in line to buy a ticket or whatever, asked me where the toilets are, and then abused the crap out of me when I tell them.
No, really.
Like it's my fault they have to pay $2.40 to take a leak. Like it was my idea to have the bathrooms inside the station. Like I was the one who came up with the design for the new St Leonards train station - hey, they built it in what, 1999? When I was what, 8 or 9 years old? Yeah, that totally makes sense. But whatever. Thats another blog for another day.
So, I turned to this guy and said 'Hey man, who needs a toilet? You think they had toilets in the Garden of Eden? No! And that garden was perfect man! Who needs a toilet? Sounds like you're working for your bladder man...visualiiiiise!!'
No, thats a lie.
What I actually said was 'The only toilets are inside the train station', and pointed to where they were.
And then the guy started yelling at me about how stupid it was to only put toilets on one side of the barriers.
Sigh.
Anyway, the real reason I'm blogging about this - yeah, there is actually a real reason - is that when the guy called me 'Dude', I got to thinking...
I love the word dude. And I love calling people dude. But you know what I love calling people, even more than dude?
Dudette.
Seriously.
Remember dudette? Whatever happened to dudette? I feel like it wasn't so long ago that everyone called each other dudette. And then suddenly, without warning, dudette was gone. Missing. It had vanished, without a trace. And the saddest thing is, I didn't even notice!
And now nobody uses dudette. Not even me!
So I'm taking a stand. I'm bringing back dudette.
Who's with me?!
...
Ok, now let me just say one thing; whoever worked on the design for the new St Leonards train station, and came up the idea of only putting public bathrooms on one side of the barriers is a complete moron. I don't know how many times people have come up to me, while I'm in line to buy a ticket or whatever, asked me where the toilets are, and then abused the crap out of me when I tell them.
No, really.
Like it's my fault they have to pay $2.40 to take a leak. Like it was my idea to have the bathrooms inside the station. Like I was the one who came up with the design for the new St Leonards train station - hey, they built it in what, 1999? When I was what, 8 or 9 years old? Yeah, that totally makes sense. But whatever. Thats another blog for another day.
So, I turned to this guy and said 'Hey man, who needs a toilet? You think they had toilets in the Garden of Eden? No! And that garden was perfect man! Who needs a toilet? Sounds like you're working for your bladder man...visualiiiiise!!'
No, thats a lie.
What I actually said was 'The only toilets are inside the train station', and pointed to where they were.
And then the guy started yelling at me about how stupid it was to only put toilets on one side of the barriers.
Sigh.
Anyway, the real reason I'm blogging about this - yeah, there is actually a real reason - is that when the guy called me 'Dude', I got to thinking...
I love the word dude. And I love calling people dude. But you know what I love calling people, even more than dude?
Dudette.
Seriously.
Remember dudette? Whatever happened to dudette? I feel like it wasn't so long ago that everyone called each other dudette. And then suddenly, without warning, dudette was gone. Missing. It had vanished, without a trace. And the saddest thing is, I didn't even notice!
And now nobody uses dudette. Not even me!
So I'm taking a stand. I'm bringing back dudette.
Who's with me?!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Right.
Is it just me, or does Meryl Streep look TOTALLY drunk during the credits of Mamma Mia?
You know, the part where they all come out in those crazy costumes and dance on the light-up stage?
And first they sing Dancing Queen, then there's a break, and then they do Waterloo?
Ok, grab your DVD, and fast-forward to that part - the break I mean.
As much as I love Meryl, she looks absolutely insane. First she wobbles around on her heels a bit, then she crouches down and walks toward the camera whispering 'What are you looking at? What are YOU looking AT?'. Then she shuffles left, then right, then left again very quickly - you know, like shes a bit off her balance - then she screams 'Do you want another one? DOOO you want another ONNEEEE???' Then the music starts up again, and she staggers around the stage while everyone else performs the whole routine in unison.
It's absolutely sensational.
Is it just me, or does Meryl Streep look TOTALLY drunk during the credits of Mamma Mia?
You know, the part where they all come out in those crazy costumes and dance on the light-up stage?
And first they sing Dancing Queen, then there's a break, and then they do Waterloo?
Ok, grab your DVD, and fast-forward to that part - the break I mean.
As much as I love Meryl, she looks absolutely insane. First she wobbles around on her heels a bit, then she crouches down and walks toward the camera whispering 'What are you looking at? What are YOU looking AT?'. Then she shuffles left, then right, then left again very quickly - you know, like shes a bit off her balance - then she screams 'Do you want another one? DOOO you want another ONNEEEE???' Then the music starts up again, and she staggers around the stage while everyone else performs the whole routine in unison.
It's absolutely sensational.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Things we learn when holidaying at Lord Howe Island
Hot road + bare feet = bad idea
Funny. I'm not sure how many times I have to subject the soles of my feet to vicious heat-induced blisters before I really figure this one out. No, really. I mean it. Whenever I'm about to walk 3km along a tar sealed road with no shoes on, I hear two things in my head. One, the voice of reason: "Find a pair of shoes. I beg of you, please. Please keep in mind what happened last time. Please keep in mind that your feet are made of delicate human flesh, and nothing more. Please keep in mind that if you don't get off your lazy ass and find a pair of shoes before you walk along that road, I will transfer into another human body and kill you myself."
And two, the - far more dominant - voice of procrastination:
"Ah, screw it. You don't need shoes. What's the worst that could happen?"
There is no such thing as a comfortable bike seat
So apparently the bicycle was invented in 1817. That's, what, 192 years ago? And they couldn't have come up with something more comfortable in that time? Honestly, sitting bare-assed in a pit of syringes would probably feel better than getting back on a bike - I never thought, in my whole life, that I'd have to endure taking my undies off with a pair of tweezers.
If you have to ask the waiters to remove the nuts from a particular meal, its probably not going to taste good
I don't know what it was, but I've never had so much bad luck with Pinetrees lunches in my whole life. Ok, let me explain. Pinetrees, the hotel we stay at every year, offers 2 different options for every meal. And for basically the first week of my holiday, BOTH options contained nuts. No, really. BOTH. So here is the rest of my family, enjoying Thai kingfish curry and tandoori chicken, and I'm pleading with the waitress for "the roasted beetroot and hazelnut salad without the hazelnuts, or hazelnut vinaigrette".
Maybe spiders DO hate Julia more than me
Ok. I know! I never thought I'd be speaking - or, rather, typing - those words. But in my room, we only experienced one spider attack in ten days. And while I did consider it fairly traumatising (that spider was almost 5cm wide!!), I do admit it was nothing compared to the family of dinner-plate sized Huntsman's who decided to construct their nest in Julia's bathroom cupboard.
My sister Catherine can actually read
Geez - who'd of thought? All these years, here I was thinking she was a closet illiterate. And it turns out that she simply doesn't like to read. Wait, scrap that. Didn't like to read. Of course, since I introduced her to the wonder that is The Twilight Series, she's become as infatuated with Edward Cullen as the rest of us. Oh, and even better - I've finally found someone who loathes Jacob Black as much as I do!!
Cockroaches can fly
Did anyone else not know this? Ok, I'm probably an idiot. But I had NO idea that cockroaches even had wings, let alone the ability to fly. And this is what happened when I found out:
Jacki: (Walks into bathroom to change into bikini, pauses, and then emits what can only be described as a cross between a wail and a shout) Ah!!
Mum: What?
Jacki: (Running out of bathroom) Cockroach! Big! Big cockroach!
Mum: (Sighing impatiently) Where?
Jacki: Above the door! Please, please get it out!
Mum: Jacki, just deal with it.
Jacki: But Mum -
Mum: It won't hurt you! Now hurry up and get changed.
Jacki: (Sulking) Fine. (Walks back into bathroom, strips down, and reaches across bathroom for bikini, which is hanging on a towel rack. Suddenly, the cockroach takes flight, aiming straight - and I kid you not - for my face) AAAAAHHHH!! (Yeah. This time it was a full-on scream)
Mum: (From outside the bathroom) Oh, for Heaven's sake. What now?
Jacki: (Near hysteria) You said! You said it wouldn't attack me!
Mum: (Speaking over the sound of my dad and sister absolutely pissing themselves) It attacked you?
Jacki: My face!! Oh, it attacked my face!
Catherine: Well then come outside!
Jacki: I haven't got any pants on!!
...
And so on and so-forth.
And thats it.
Stay tuned for next year.
Funny. I'm not sure how many times I have to subject the soles of my feet to vicious heat-induced blisters before I really figure this one out. No, really. I mean it. Whenever I'm about to walk 3km along a tar sealed road with no shoes on, I hear two things in my head. One, the voice of reason: "Find a pair of shoes. I beg of you, please. Please keep in mind what happened last time. Please keep in mind that your feet are made of delicate human flesh, and nothing more. Please keep in mind that if you don't get off your lazy ass and find a pair of shoes before you walk along that road, I will transfer into another human body and kill you myself."
And two, the - far more dominant - voice of procrastination:
"Ah, screw it. You don't need shoes. What's the worst that could happen?"
There is no such thing as a comfortable bike seat
So apparently the bicycle was invented in 1817. That's, what, 192 years ago? And they couldn't have come up with something more comfortable in that time? Honestly, sitting bare-assed in a pit of syringes would probably feel better than getting back on a bike - I never thought, in my whole life, that I'd have to endure taking my undies off with a pair of tweezers.
If you have to ask the waiters to remove the nuts from a particular meal, its probably not going to taste good
I don't know what it was, but I've never had so much bad luck with Pinetrees lunches in my whole life. Ok, let me explain. Pinetrees, the hotel we stay at every year, offers 2 different options for every meal. And for basically the first week of my holiday, BOTH options contained nuts. No, really. BOTH. So here is the rest of my family, enjoying Thai kingfish curry and tandoori chicken, and I'm pleading with the waitress for "the roasted beetroot and hazelnut salad without the hazelnuts, or hazelnut vinaigrette".
Maybe spiders DO hate Julia more than me
Ok. I know! I never thought I'd be speaking - or, rather, typing - those words. But in my room, we only experienced one spider attack in ten days. And while I did consider it fairly traumatising (that spider was almost 5cm wide!!), I do admit it was nothing compared to the family of dinner-plate sized Huntsman's who decided to construct their nest in Julia's bathroom cupboard.
My sister Catherine can actually read
Geez - who'd of thought? All these years, here I was thinking she was a closet illiterate. And it turns out that she simply doesn't like to read. Wait, scrap that. Didn't like to read. Of course, since I introduced her to the wonder that is The Twilight Series, she's become as infatuated with Edward Cullen as the rest of us. Oh, and even better - I've finally found someone who loathes Jacob Black as much as I do!!
Cockroaches can fly
Did anyone else not know this? Ok, I'm probably an idiot. But I had NO idea that cockroaches even had wings, let alone the ability to fly. And this is what happened when I found out:
Jacki: (Walks into bathroom to change into bikini, pauses, and then emits what can only be described as a cross between a wail and a shout) Ah!!
Mum: What?
Jacki: (Running out of bathroom) Cockroach! Big! Big cockroach!
Mum: (Sighing impatiently) Where?
Jacki: Above the door! Please, please get it out!
Mum: Jacki, just deal with it.
Jacki: But Mum -
Mum: It won't hurt you! Now hurry up and get changed.
Jacki: (Sulking) Fine. (Walks back into bathroom, strips down, and reaches across bathroom for bikini, which is hanging on a towel rack. Suddenly, the cockroach takes flight, aiming straight - and I kid you not - for my face) AAAAAHHHH!! (Yeah. This time it was a full-on scream)
Mum: (From outside the bathroom) Oh, for Heaven's sake. What now?
Jacki: (Near hysteria) You said! You said it wouldn't attack me!
Mum: (Speaking over the sound of my dad and sister absolutely pissing themselves) It attacked you?
Jacki: My face!! Oh, it attacked my face!
Catherine: Well then come outside!
Jacki: I haven't got any pants on!!
...
And so on and so-forth.
And thats it.
Stay tuned for next year.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Bicuyni (bih-qwee-nee)
Oh, man.
I can't believe I didn't blog about this as soon as I got home today.
Ok, so most people know, I like to make jokes.
Like, not tell jokes. Make jokes. As in, I make up my own jokes.
Most of the time they're pretty terrible - I mean, I always laugh, but since I'm the kind of person who laughs at pretty much anything, that's not saying much.
...
BUT.
Like once every ten years, I'll come up with something - and, you know, I don't want to oversell this, but - something so INCREDIBLY, TRULY AND UNDENIABLY AWESOME that I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I had just stolen it from someone who is actually funny.
But I kid you not...This was all me:
(At the beach)
Megan: Did you get that bikini overseas?
Jacki: Nope, got it here.
Julia: Yeah I got mine in Sydney too.
Jacki: I didn't buy any cozzies overseas! I mean I looked for some, but I couldn't find any.
Julia: The bikini's in Peru were so feral.
Jacki: Where they made out of fur?
Julia: (To Megan) I mean they were just really hideous, like styles from the late 90's that nobody wears anymore. (Looks at Jacki like she is a moron - I mean, in a loving way, but still) No, they weren't made out of fur.
Jacki: Haha, are you sure?
Megan: Yeah, they weren't made out of animals?
Julia: Yeah, actually they were, it was so hot.
Jacki: Animal hide bikinis?
Julia: (Laughing) Yeah, they make them out of guinea pigs
(This is where the genius occurred - see, I happened to remember that in Peru, a guinea pig is called a 'cuy', which is pronounced like 'qwee'. So Julia said they made bikinis out of guinea pigs, and I said...)
Jacki: So...They were bicuynis????
Yeah. Thats right.
I'll be here til saturday.
I can't believe I didn't blog about this as soon as I got home today.
Ok, so most people know, I like to make jokes.
Like, not tell jokes. Make jokes. As in, I make up my own jokes.
Most of the time they're pretty terrible - I mean, I always laugh, but since I'm the kind of person who laughs at pretty much anything, that's not saying much.
...
BUT.
Like once every ten years, I'll come up with something - and, you know, I don't want to oversell this, but - something so INCREDIBLY, TRULY AND UNDENIABLY AWESOME that I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I had just stolen it from someone who is actually funny.
But I kid you not...This was all me:
(At the beach)
Megan: Did you get that bikini overseas?
Jacki: Nope, got it here.
Julia: Yeah I got mine in Sydney too.
Jacki: I didn't buy any cozzies overseas! I mean I looked for some, but I couldn't find any.
Julia: The bikini's in Peru were so feral.
Jacki: Where they made out of fur?
Julia: (To Megan) I mean they were just really hideous, like styles from the late 90's that nobody wears anymore. (Looks at Jacki like she is a moron - I mean, in a loving way, but still) No, they weren't made out of fur.
Jacki: Haha, are you sure?
Megan: Yeah, they weren't made out of animals?
Julia: Yeah, actually they were, it was so hot.
Jacki: Animal hide bikinis?
Julia: (Laughing) Yeah, they make them out of guinea pigs
(This is where the genius occurred - see, I happened to remember that in Peru, a guinea pig is called a 'cuy', which is pronounced like 'qwee'. So Julia said they made bikinis out of guinea pigs, and I said...)
Jacki: So...They were bicuynis????
Yeah. Thats right.
I'll be here til saturday.
my great TV moment
So I was watching Prison Break last night, and just happened to catch a really excellent TV moment:
Gretchen: (Pulls out a gun) I'm sorry Don.
Don: (Pause) Whore! You're a whore! And your mother was a whore - and her mother! And your father used to turn tricks at a gas station, because he was a whore too!!
I mean.
Thats award-worthy writing right there.
Gretchen: (Pulls out a gun) I'm sorry Don.
Don: (Pause) Whore! You're a whore! And your mother was a whore - and her mother! And your father used to turn tricks at a gas station, because he was a whore too!!
I mean.
Thats award-worthy writing right there.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Jacki's Rate of 08 (Get it? It rhymes!)
In 2008…
Something I Can’t Believe I did:
Kept blogging
Something I Regret:
My job choice
Something I Did That I’d Do Again:
Got a tattoo
Something I Did That I’ll Never Do Again:
Spend $3000 in 4 minutes
Something I Discovered I Love:
Eggplant
Something I Realise I Hate:
Folding clothes for a living
Something I Finally Accomplished:
Getting on TV
Something I Wish I’d Accomplished:
Meeting Wentworth Miller
In 2008, My Favourite…
· Song was: Midnight Train by Journey
· Food was: Mint Chocolate Chip Icecream
· TV Show was: Prison Break
· Singer was: Michael Jackson
· Movie was: Dirty Dancing
· Colour was: Yellow
· Drink was: Orange Juice and Coke mixed together
· Phrase was: ‘Disco Fabulous!’
· Day was: Wednesday
· Book was: Persuasion by Jane Austen
· City was: Seattle
· Smell was: MaDame by Jean Paul Gaultier
In 2008, The Best New…
· Song was: Talk Like That by The Presets
· Book was: The Twilight Series (sorry Kiera)
· Movie was: Tropic Thunder
· Thing I Bought was: $4 sunglasses from New York
· Internet Feature was: Facebook Chat
In 2008, The Worst New…
· Song was: Any of Britney’s new ones
· Book was: The Guiness Book of World Records, because it’s in 3D now, so every time I turn the page there’s some huge spider coming right at me
· Movie was: 10,000 BC (according to the Hirst family – I’m yet to experience it)
· Thing I Bought was: A bottle of Chinotto…wait maybe that was in 2007…whatever, it was so bad it’ll be the answer to this question for the rest of my life
· Internet Feature was: Um…Oh I know! The fact that nobody goes on MSN anymore…while, ironically, is probably because of my favourite new internet feature (Facebook Chat)
In 2008, I Had The Best Time…
In Seattle
In 2008, My Guilty Pleasure Was…
Shopping and Gossip Girl
In 2008, The Best Thing I Saw On YouTube Was…
THIS:
(BAAAHAHAHAHA)
5 Things I Did For The First Time In 2008…
· Went to Europe
· Had stitches
· Got a tattoo
· Dyed my own hair
· Lived with 5 boys
5 Things I Saw For The First Time In 2008…
· Tyra Banks – LIVE!!
· Times Square
· The movie ‘Whisper’
· Bones and Booth finally hooking up
· A ‘guy playing a guy, pretending to be another guy’
The 2008 Awesome List
· Prison Break Season 4
· The Presets
· Mousaka
· Seattle
· Those gladiator sandals that everyone is obsessed with
· My computer deciding to work again
· Home and Away being on YouTube
· Having money to spend
· Vandy
· A summer that actually feels like summer
· The Rachel Zoe Project
The 2008 Not-So Awesome List:
· The thong tan I had last summer
· Ham
· Ric Dolby’s hair
· Having a job
· Paris Hilton coming to Sydney for New Year’s
· That sorry excuse for The Rosevillian
· My dog becoming increasingly more senile
And summing up…
The Best Thing I Did In 2008 Was…
Re-enacting that scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Heath Ledger sings ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ to Julia Stiles – On the very same stadium stairs where the movie was filmed.
Something I Can’t Believe I did:
Kept blogging
Something I Regret:
My job choice
Something I Did That I’d Do Again:
Got a tattoo
Something I Did That I’ll Never Do Again:
Spend $3000 in 4 minutes
Something I Discovered I Love:
Eggplant
Something I Realise I Hate:
Folding clothes for a living
Something I Finally Accomplished:
Getting on TV
Something I Wish I’d Accomplished:
Meeting Wentworth Miller
In 2008, My Favourite…
· Song was: Midnight Train by Journey
· Food was: Mint Chocolate Chip Icecream
· TV Show was: Prison Break
· Singer was: Michael Jackson
· Movie was: Dirty Dancing
· Colour was: Yellow
· Drink was: Orange Juice and Coke mixed together
· Phrase was: ‘Disco Fabulous!’
· Day was: Wednesday
· Book was: Persuasion by Jane Austen
· City was: Seattle
· Smell was: MaDame by Jean Paul Gaultier
In 2008, The Best New…
· Song was: Talk Like That by The Presets
· Book was: The Twilight Series (sorry Kiera)
· Movie was: Tropic Thunder
· Thing I Bought was: $4 sunglasses from New York
· Internet Feature was: Facebook Chat
In 2008, The Worst New…
· Song was: Any of Britney’s new ones
· Book was: The Guiness Book of World Records, because it’s in 3D now, so every time I turn the page there’s some huge spider coming right at me
· Movie was: 10,000 BC (according to the Hirst family – I’m yet to experience it)
· Thing I Bought was: A bottle of Chinotto…wait maybe that was in 2007…whatever, it was so bad it’ll be the answer to this question for the rest of my life
· Internet Feature was: Um…Oh I know! The fact that nobody goes on MSN anymore…while, ironically, is probably because of my favourite new internet feature (Facebook Chat)
In 2008, I Had The Best Time…
In Seattle
In 2008, My Guilty Pleasure Was…
Shopping and Gossip Girl
In 2008, The Best Thing I Saw On YouTube Was…
THIS:
(BAAAHAHAHAHA)
5 Things I Did For The First Time In 2008…
· Went to Europe
· Had stitches
· Got a tattoo
· Dyed my own hair
· Lived with 5 boys
5 Things I Saw For The First Time In 2008…
· Tyra Banks – LIVE!!
· Times Square
· The movie ‘Whisper’
· Bones and Booth finally hooking up
· A ‘guy playing a guy, pretending to be another guy’
The 2008 Awesome List
· Prison Break Season 4
· The Presets
· Mousaka
· Seattle
· Those gladiator sandals that everyone is obsessed with
· My computer deciding to work again
· Home and Away being on YouTube
· Having money to spend
· Vandy
· A summer that actually feels like summer
· The Rachel Zoe Project
The 2008 Not-So Awesome List:
· The thong tan I had last summer
· Ham
· Ric Dolby’s hair
· Having a job
· Paris Hilton coming to Sydney for New Year’s
· That sorry excuse for The Rosevillian
· My dog becoming increasingly more senile
And summing up…
The Best Thing I Did In 2008 Was…
Re-enacting that scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Heath Ledger sings ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ to Julia Stiles – On the very same stadium stairs where the movie was filmed.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
when idiots argue
jacki: (walks into Catherine's bedroom at midnight with laptop in hand) So. It's midnight, I'm bored, I figured we'd have a comparty
catherine: Alright, I'll just get my -
jacki: Thats right, comparty. I mixed the words computer and party together. See how I did, see how I came up with that?
catherine: (sighs) Yes. I get it. And for the third time, please stop explaining all your jokes to me.
jacki: I just want to make sure you know how funny I am.
catherine: Whatever. So let the "comparty" begin.
(10 minutes of absolute silence, the only noise being our fingers on the keyboards)
jacki: So...I'm probably going to go. Good talk though.
catherine: Well you weren't talking either!!
(Silence continues. Is broken when I make a clicking sound with my earring)
jacki: Ow
catherine: (Makes a face)
jacki: Did you hear that? (Dramatically) It was the bones in my ear shattering!!
catherine: You dont have bones in your ears.
jacki: You have cartilage.
catherine: Yes.
jacki: Yes.
catherine: But you said bone.
jacki: Well I meant cartilage.
catherine: Well how was I supposed to know that?!
jacki: I'm telling you right now.
catherine: Well you didn't tell me before.
jacki: (Tiring of the argument) Well thank goodness you corrected me.
catherine: Thankyou.
jacki: For..?
catherine: Admitting you're an idiot.
jacki: You're an idiot aswell sometimes!
catherine: Oh yeah, like when?
jacki: Like the other day, when you were telling me about those ATM robbers, who blow up ATMs and take all the money?
catherine: Yeah? And?
jacki: And you said they had stolen over 5 million dollars worth of money?
catherine: (Pauses) Yeah? So?
jacki: 5 million dollars worth of money? Its not 5 million dollars worth of money! Its 5 million dollars...END OF SENTENCE!!
catherine: Oh yeah, that was kind of stupid
(both laugh)
hahaha. we suck.
catherine: Alright, I'll just get my -
jacki: Thats right, comparty. I mixed the words computer and party together. See how I did, see how I came up with that?
catherine: (sighs) Yes. I get it. And for the third time, please stop explaining all your jokes to me.
jacki: I just want to make sure you know how funny I am.
catherine: Whatever. So let the "comparty" begin.
(10 minutes of absolute silence, the only noise being our fingers on the keyboards)
jacki: So...I'm probably going to go. Good talk though.
catherine: Well you weren't talking either!!
(Silence continues. Is broken when I make a clicking sound with my earring)
jacki: Ow
catherine: (Makes a face)
jacki: Did you hear that? (Dramatically) It was the bones in my ear shattering!!
catherine: You dont have bones in your ears.
jacki: You have cartilage.
catherine: Yes.
jacki: Yes.
catherine: But you said bone.
jacki: Well I meant cartilage.
catherine: Well how was I supposed to know that?!
jacki: I'm telling you right now.
catherine: Well you didn't tell me before.
jacki: (Tiring of the argument) Well thank goodness you corrected me.
catherine: Thankyou.
jacki: For..?
catherine: Admitting you're an idiot.
jacki: You're an idiot aswell sometimes!
catherine: Oh yeah, like when?
jacki: Like the other day, when you were telling me about those ATM robbers, who blow up ATMs and take all the money?
catherine: Yeah? And?
jacki: And you said they had stolen over 5 million dollars worth of money?
catherine: (Pauses) Yeah? So?
jacki: 5 million dollars worth of money? Its not 5 million dollars worth of money! Its 5 million dollars...END OF SENTENCE!!
catherine: Oh yeah, that was kind of stupid
(both laugh)
hahaha. we suck.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
bad phone day
I am having the worst phone day of my life.
Let me explain.
Usually I'm pretty ok on the phone. 5 months of on-and-off secretary work will do that to you. I mean, I'm no call centre operator or anything, but most of the time I can have a conversation with any random without any awkwardness.
Until today.
Phone call one:
Jacki: Hello, Jacki speaking
Random: Hi this is Heath from harris technology, is Phillip there please?
Jacki: No he's at work, can I take a message?
Heath: This is just regarding the Lenovo notebook he dropped off to be repaired
Jacki: Uh huh
Heath: Its ready to be picked up, I just need to give Phillip some details before he comes to get it...blah blah blah (rants for like 10 minutes about some crap)
Jacki: Ok, great, thanks
- This is where it got awkward. See, I thought Heath was going to continue talking, so instead of saying 'Bye', 'See you soon', whatever, I just stayed silent. But apparently Heath was done talking. So he stayed silent.
(Massive awkward pause. I'm not even kidding. It was like 40 freaking seconds).
Ok so at this point its too weird to say anything, right? So I just had to hang up! Without even saying goodbye! I HATE doing that.
Whatever. I could get over it. This was a one time thing, right?
Right?
WRONG!
Phone call two:
Random: University of New South Wales Service Desk, this is Janet speaking, how may I help you?
Jacki: Oh, hi, I was wondering if you could help me, I forgot my online uni ID, so I just tried all these random ones and now I've been locked out of the system. (Yes, this really happened. Yes, I am an idiot. But its another story for another day.)
Janet: (Probably fighting the urge to laugh) Ok sure. What we do is, we unlock all the accounts at the same time, so I'll do that now, and you should be able to log in in about half an hour.
Jacki: Ok, cool, thanks!
....
Ok, this time I had no excuse. I mean, really. She had already said everything she needed to say. There was no way I could possibly think she was going to continue talking. And yet, once again, I stayed silent, and an awkward pause ensued.
Except this time it was even more awkward, because after the 45 seconds or whatever, she goes...
Janet: Okay...thanks...bye?
...
Bye?
Like that. Like there was a question mark after it. Like she wasnt sure if I was mentally developed enough to know how to carry a normal phone conversation, and thought I needed to be reminded that once the discussion was over, you usually say goodbye and then hang up.
And I mean, rightly so.
Sigh. Hopefully this was just a two-time thing.
But just in case, nobody call me today.
Let me explain.
Usually I'm pretty ok on the phone. 5 months of on-and-off secretary work will do that to you. I mean, I'm no call centre operator or anything, but most of the time I can have a conversation with any random without any awkwardness.
Until today.
Phone call one:
Jacki: Hello, Jacki speaking
Random: Hi this is Heath from harris technology, is Phillip there please?
Jacki: No he's at work, can I take a message?
Heath: This is just regarding the Lenovo notebook he dropped off to be repaired
Jacki: Uh huh
Heath: Its ready to be picked up, I just need to give Phillip some details before he comes to get it...blah blah blah (rants for like 10 minutes about some crap)
Jacki: Ok, great, thanks
- This is where it got awkward. See, I thought Heath was going to continue talking, so instead of saying 'Bye', 'See you soon', whatever, I just stayed silent. But apparently Heath was done talking. So he stayed silent.
(Massive awkward pause. I'm not even kidding. It was like 40 freaking seconds).
Ok so at this point its too weird to say anything, right? So I just had to hang up! Without even saying goodbye! I HATE doing that.
Whatever. I could get over it. This was a one time thing, right?
Right?
WRONG!
Phone call two:
Random: University of New South Wales Service Desk, this is Janet speaking, how may I help you?
Jacki: Oh, hi, I was wondering if you could help me, I forgot my online uni ID, so I just tried all these random ones and now I've been locked out of the system. (Yes, this really happened. Yes, I am an idiot. But its another story for another day.)
Janet: (Probably fighting the urge to laugh) Ok sure. What we do is, we unlock all the accounts at the same time, so I'll do that now, and you should be able to log in in about half an hour.
Jacki: Ok, cool, thanks!
....
Ok, this time I had no excuse. I mean, really. She had already said everything she needed to say. There was no way I could possibly think she was going to continue talking. And yet, once again, I stayed silent, and an awkward pause ensued.
Except this time it was even more awkward, because after the 45 seconds or whatever, she goes...
Janet: Okay...thanks...bye?
...
Bye?
Like that. Like there was a question mark after it. Like she wasnt sure if I was mentally developed enough to know how to carry a normal phone conversation, and thought I needed to be reminded that once the discussion was over, you usually say goodbye and then hang up.
And I mean, rightly so.
Sigh. Hopefully this was just a two-time thing.
But just in case, nobody call me today.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Pimp My Mum
I just had a great idea for a new reality show.
Seriously.
Seriously.
I'm having visions of my own mother wearing parachute pants, a doorag, and $75,000 worth of clunky gold chains right now.
Oh. Oh. Legendary.
Seriously.
Seriously.
I'm having visions of my own mother wearing parachute pants, a doorag, and $75,000 worth of clunky gold chains right now.
Oh. Oh. Legendary.
Kenneth Street
Ok one of the most annoying - MOST ANNOYING - things in the world to me is the fact that I am constantly stopped while walking around Longueville, by people who need directions to Kenneth Street.
Hmm. Alright, that was a lie. It's not really one of the MOST ANNOYING things in the world to me. I mean, top 100 for sure. But thats it. I just wanted to get your attention with capitals.
Anyway. Its true. Literally EVERY (again, not 100% true, but I think the capitals thing works) time I go for a walk, I get stopped by someone who cant find Kenneth Street.
Which really wouldnt be so annoying except that HELLO, its the BIGGEST street in Longueville.
...
AND LONGUEVILLE ONLY CONSISTS OF LIKE 4 STREETS.
Also the weird thing is that when I go for walks, I walk below Kenneth.
So you would think that, to get to where I am, people would have had to walk down the very street they are looking for.
What is this phenomonen? Do people not look at street signs anymore? Am I the only one who does that? It is totally 2007 to read street signs?
Or is everyone that lives outside of Longueville a complete moron?
Or is Kenneth Street actually part of a secret alternate universe, and the only people allowed in are the Longueville natives?
WHATS THE DEALIO, YO?
So apparently if you dont live in Longueville, Kenneth Street is invisible.
Or, you know, part of some alternate universe.
Sigh. Whatever.
Oh, also, on a completely unrelated note, there is apparently some serial killer out there named Scott Peterson.
...
I dont know about you guys, but thats a little too close to Gilmore Girls' actor Scott Patterson for my liking.
I mean.
Peter. Patter. COME ON!!!
...
Basically what I'm saying is that Luke is a murderer.
Mmm. Yep.
Hmm. Alright, that was a lie. It's not really one of the MOST ANNOYING things in the world to me. I mean, top 100 for sure. But thats it. I just wanted to get your attention with capitals.
Anyway. Its true. Literally EVERY (again, not 100% true, but I think the capitals thing works) time I go for a walk, I get stopped by someone who cant find Kenneth Street.
Which really wouldnt be so annoying except that HELLO, its the BIGGEST street in Longueville.
...
AND LONGUEVILLE ONLY CONSISTS OF LIKE 4 STREETS.
Also the weird thing is that when I go for walks, I walk below Kenneth.
So you would think that, to get to where I am, people would have had to walk down the very street they are looking for.
What is this phenomonen? Do people not look at street signs anymore? Am I the only one who does that? It is totally 2007 to read street signs?
Or is everyone that lives outside of Longueville a complete moron?
Or is Kenneth Street actually part of a secret alternate universe, and the only people allowed in are the Longueville natives?
WHATS THE DEALIO, YO?
So apparently if you dont live in Longueville, Kenneth Street is invisible.
Or, you know, part of some alternate universe.
Sigh. Whatever.
Oh, also, on a completely unrelated note, there is apparently some serial killer out there named Scott Peterson.
...
I dont know about you guys, but thats a little too close to Gilmore Girls' actor Scott Patterson for my liking.
I mean.
Peter. Patter. COME ON!!!
...
Basically what I'm saying is that Luke is a murderer.
Mmm. Yep.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Another Celebrity DoppelGanger Update
I cant believe I forgot this one:
Wentworth Clinic Man/ Tim Curry
Wentworth Clinic Man/ Tim Curry
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I've had a lot to blog about recently.
I probably should stop for a while, before I tap myself out, but not before I write at least one more post, partially because I'm waiting for Forrest Gump to come on and I'm bored, and partially because I think this might be the best story I've ever heard:
Ok so there are two policemen, we'll call them...Jack and Angelo.
Haha. Ok.
So Jack and Angelo are working the late shift one night, and they get called to this busstop, where a bus is parked because one of the passengers is drunk and has started assaulting this woman. So they get on the bus, and the bus driver explains the situation, and also tells Jack and Angelo that this guy - the one who did the assaulting - is blind.
So they approach the blind guy, who is immediately suspicious. Jack is trying to put him in handcuffs, and he's all 'How do I know you're even a cop? Let me feel your badge!'.
Anyway, Jack lets him feel his badge, except then the crazy blind drunk guy grabs Jack's tie and punches him in the face.
So Jack and Angelo tackle the guy, and they're going to take him to the police station, only he's so drunk they think its probably better to take him to the hospital first. At the hospital, a nurse is taking some of his blood while he's handcuffed to the bed, and Jack and Angelo are waiting outside, and they decide they should do something to get back at this guy for punching Jack in the face.
So Angelo has an idea.
He waits until the nurse is out of the room, then he walks in, and puts on a stereotypical Indian accent, and says 'Hello, I am Dr Sanjaay, and I am here for the operation. I see that the nurse has already given you the sedative, so this should not take long and don't worry, you won't feel a thing."
Anyway, the blind guy is all 'What operation? What are you talking about?'
'Please, do not worry. You will be awake, but it will be virtually painless when we remove your leg.'
Now the blind guy is totally freaking out. Angelo - as Dr Sanjaay - starts saying 'With the sedative, the operation will just feel like someone rubbing a key back and forth on your leg.' So then he takes out his keys, and starts rubbing them on the blind guys leg. While he is doing this, the nurse walks in and sees, but because the blind guy was a total dick to her while she was taking his blood, she decides she doesn't care what these two cops do to him, and walks back out.
Anyway, Angelo finishes the 'operation', and then says 'Ok, I'm looking at your chart and it seems that I have removed the wrong leg. Don't panic, I'll just remove the right one now.'
A little bit later, the blind mans father comes in to pick him up, and first explains to Jack and Angelo how his son makes a bit of a habit out of getting drunk, and he has to pick him up almost every weekend, either from the hospital or some police station. He goes in to talk to his son, and when he comes out 5 minutes later, he says to Jack and Angelo 'Man, its even worse than usual. He's so drunk he thinks the doctors cut off his legs."
...
I think my favourite thing about this story is that it's true.
No really.
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
I probably should stop for a while, before I tap myself out, but not before I write at least one more post, partially because I'm waiting for Forrest Gump to come on and I'm bored, and partially because I think this might be the best story I've ever heard:
Ok so there are two policemen, we'll call them...Jack and Angelo.
Haha. Ok.
So Jack and Angelo are working the late shift one night, and they get called to this busstop, where a bus is parked because one of the passengers is drunk and has started assaulting this woman. So they get on the bus, and the bus driver explains the situation, and also tells Jack and Angelo that this guy - the one who did the assaulting - is blind.
So they approach the blind guy, who is immediately suspicious. Jack is trying to put him in handcuffs, and he's all 'How do I know you're even a cop? Let me feel your badge!'.
Anyway, Jack lets him feel his badge, except then the crazy blind drunk guy grabs Jack's tie and punches him in the face.
So Jack and Angelo tackle the guy, and they're going to take him to the police station, only he's so drunk they think its probably better to take him to the hospital first. At the hospital, a nurse is taking some of his blood while he's handcuffed to the bed, and Jack and Angelo are waiting outside, and they decide they should do something to get back at this guy for punching Jack in the face.
So Angelo has an idea.
He waits until the nurse is out of the room, then he walks in, and puts on a stereotypical Indian accent, and says 'Hello, I am Dr Sanjaay, and I am here for the operation. I see that the nurse has already given you the sedative, so this should not take long and don't worry, you won't feel a thing."
Anyway, the blind guy is all 'What operation? What are you talking about?'
'Please, do not worry. You will be awake, but it will be virtually painless when we remove your leg.'
Now the blind guy is totally freaking out. Angelo - as Dr Sanjaay - starts saying 'With the sedative, the operation will just feel like someone rubbing a key back and forth on your leg.' So then he takes out his keys, and starts rubbing them on the blind guys leg. While he is doing this, the nurse walks in and sees, but because the blind guy was a total dick to her while she was taking his blood, she decides she doesn't care what these two cops do to him, and walks back out.
Anyway, Angelo finishes the 'operation', and then says 'Ok, I'm looking at your chart and it seems that I have removed the wrong leg. Don't panic, I'll just remove the right one now.'
A little bit later, the blind mans father comes in to pick him up, and first explains to Jack and Angelo how his son makes a bit of a habit out of getting drunk, and he has to pick him up almost every weekend, either from the hospital or some police station. He goes in to talk to his son, and when he comes out 5 minutes later, he says to Jack and Angelo 'Man, its even worse than usual. He's so drunk he thinks the doctors cut off his legs."
...
I think my favourite thing about this story is that it's true.
No really.
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
I cant believe I forgot to blog about this.
Recently, when I was holidaying in Greece, I made probably one of the most offensive jokes I have ever made:
(By the way, BusAbout was the tour group we were with, kind of like Contiki, only better. Suck it, Contiki.)
Julia: BusAbout is really good, don't you think?
Jacki: Yeah. Really good.
Julia: Good for meeting young people.
Jacki: Oh I know. Not that there are many old people here.
Julia: I think I saw some when I was in Oia with my parents.
Jacki: I wonder if they were on a tour group for old people.
Julia: (Laughing) What, like WheelchairAbout?
Jacki: Walking-stickAbout.
Julia: AmbulanceAbout.
(Both of us laugh)
(Pause)
Jacki: HearseAbout.
Recently, when I was holidaying in Greece, I made probably one of the most offensive jokes I have ever made:
(By the way, BusAbout was the tour group we were with, kind of like Contiki, only better. Suck it, Contiki.)
Julia: BusAbout is really good, don't you think?
Jacki: Yeah. Really good.
Julia: Good for meeting young people.
Jacki: Oh I know. Not that there are many old people here.
Julia: I think I saw some when I was in Oia with my parents.
Jacki: I wonder if they were on a tour group for old people.
Julia: (Laughing) What, like WheelchairAbout?
Jacki: Walking-stickAbout.
Julia: AmbulanceAbout.
(Both of us laugh)
(Pause)
Jacki: HearseAbout.
I'm watching this movie at the moment about Matthew McConaughey fighting dragons.
...
It doesn't really make much sense but when I read the description in the TV Guide* and saw that a) It starred Matthew McConaughey and b) It was set in England, I decided I had to watch it because I wanted to see Matthew McConaughey attempt a British accent.
Unfortunately I was dissapointed, whoever directed the movie decided he could keep his Southern drawl. They did make him go bald though, and his head is a pretty funny shape under all those greasy curls, so that almost made up for the lack of crappy accents.
I love it when actors attempt accents and fail.
Seriously.
The only reason I watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen that second time was so I could see Adam Garcia trying to be a Liverpool Rockstar again. Hilarious.
* Am I the only one who reads the TV Guide anymore? I'm starting to wonder why they even include it in the newspaper anymore, since Foxtel Digital made that On-TV-Program-Guide thingie. Whatever. I'm still loyal to the TV Guide, and not just because I love flipping through looking for pictures of Wentworth that I can cut out and stick on my mirror. Yes. Yes, I do that.
...
It doesn't really make much sense but when I read the description in the TV Guide* and saw that a) It starred Matthew McConaughey and b) It was set in England, I decided I had to watch it because I wanted to see Matthew McConaughey attempt a British accent.
Unfortunately I was dissapointed, whoever directed the movie decided he could keep his Southern drawl. They did make him go bald though, and his head is a pretty funny shape under all those greasy curls, so that almost made up for the lack of crappy accents.
I love it when actors attempt accents and fail.
Seriously.
The only reason I watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen that second time was so I could see Adam Garcia trying to be a Liverpool Rockstar again. Hilarious.
* Am I the only one who reads the TV Guide anymore? I'm starting to wonder why they even include it in the newspaper anymore, since Foxtel Digital made that On-TV-Program-Guide thingie. Whatever. I'm still loyal to the TV Guide, and not just because I love flipping through looking for pictures of Wentworth that I can cut out and stick on my mirror. Yes. Yes, I do that.
Tom Cruise
Today I was trying to figure out why everyone hates Tom Cruise.
And then I thought, maybe not everyone hates Tom Cruise. I mean. Top Gun is a great movie, right? Maybe there's something wrong with me that I have this thing where I think that everyone hates Tom Cruise, except they dont, and thats why people look at me weirdly everytime I make fun of him.
So then I got a bit confused, and decided I needed some help, so I went to ask my mum. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Mum.
Mum: Yes?
Me: What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
Mum: Tom Cruise is a dick.
I love my mum.
And then I thought, maybe not everyone hates Tom Cruise. I mean. Top Gun is a great movie, right? Maybe there's something wrong with me that I have this thing where I think that everyone hates Tom Cruise, except they dont, and thats why people look at me weirdly everytime I make fun of him.
So then I got a bit confused, and decided I needed some help, so I went to ask my mum. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Mum.
Mum: Yes?
Me: What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
Mum: Tom Cruise is a dick.
I love my mum.
So this afternoon I had this random fit of needing to organise all my passwords.
like, you know, for hotmail, or facebook, or whatever.
See the thing about me is that I have this thing where I always think that one day, somebody is going to figure out my passwords.
So of course I have to work extra hard to make them cute/funny/interesting, so that when that day comes along, whoever has figured it out will turn to me and say 'Oh my gosh, what a cute/funny/interesting password, you are so cute/funny/interesting. Lets be best friends forever!'
Only I figure that even though this person is smart - smart enough to figure out my password - theyre not smart enough to figure out all my passwords. So I make each one different. Well, until today. I decided its time to grow up, get more organised, and make all my passwords the same.
No, I lied.
Its mostly because I keep forgetting my passwords.
Ok so I've gone through every website I have a membership to, and finally I come to facebook. Anyway Im getting all excited and geared up because this is the last website password I have to change, except guess what?
According to facebook, you cant have a password if its a word thats in the dictionary.
Um.
What?
Doesnt that mean the only kinds of passwords you can have are those ridiculous ones that websites assign to you before you log in for the first time and change them to your dogs name or whatever? like e561g900? surely this cant be for real!?
Except yeah, its for real.
I hate the internet.
like, you know, for hotmail, or facebook, or whatever.
See the thing about me is that I have this thing where I always think that one day, somebody is going to figure out my passwords.
So of course I have to work extra hard to make them cute/funny/interesting, so that when that day comes along, whoever has figured it out will turn to me and say 'Oh my gosh, what a cute/funny/interesting password, you are so cute/funny/interesting. Lets be best friends forever!'
Only I figure that even though this person is smart - smart enough to figure out my password - theyre not smart enough to figure out all my passwords. So I make each one different. Well, until today. I decided its time to grow up, get more organised, and make all my passwords the same.
No, I lied.
Its mostly because I keep forgetting my passwords.
Ok so I've gone through every website I have a membership to, and finally I come to facebook. Anyway Im getting all excited and geared up because this is the last website password I have to change, except guess what?
According to facebook, you cant have a password if its a word thats in the dictionary.
Um.
What?
Doesnt that mean the only kinds of passwords you can have are those ridiculous ones that websites assign to you before you log in for the first time and change them to your dogs name or whatever? like e561g900? surely this cant be for real!?
Except yeah, its for real.
I hate the internet.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Super Bowl
Ok, so this might get me shot, but can someone please explain what the Super Bowl is?
Seriously, I used to think I might maybe may have some clue about it, but the more I hear about it, the more I am convinced I have no idea.
First of all, what sport does it even involve?
Football? Basketball? Bowling? I mean if you think about it, that last one makes the most sense.
Also, whats so super about it?
Hmm? Does it go for longer than a regular game of..bowl? Or are all the players supersized? Like, they are so jacked up on steroids that their necks are as thick as a regular persons thigh?
And also I gather that its on thanksgiving...or is it?
Because if it is, may I ask why?
Seriously. Because I've watched enough episodes of Friends to know that on Thanksgiving, Americans do nothing but eat.
I mean more than usual.
So why would they have the Super Bowl on TV on the same day that you're not supposed to do anything but sit and eat and pretend to be thankful that you live in America???
Dont you know how hard it is to eat and watch TV at the same time? I mean, unless you dont mind spilling food all over yourself. Otherwise its like, do I look at the TV? Do I look at my food? Because if I look at my food, I'm gonna miss the Super Bowl, but if I watch the Super Bowl, I'm gonna end up with hot turkey in my crotch and thats never good.
So please, someone, anyone.
Explain.
Seriously, I used to think I might maybe may have some clue about it, but the more I hear about it, the more I am convinced I have no idea.
First of all, what sport does it even involve?
Football? Basketball? Bowling? I mean if you think about it, that last one makes the most sense.
Also, whats so super about it?
Hmm? Does it go for longer than a regular game of..bowl? Or are all the players supersized? Like, they are so jacked up on steroids that their necks are as thick as a regular persons thigh?
And also I gather that its on thanksgiving...or is it?
Because if it is, may I ask why?
Seriously. Because I've watched enough episodes of Friends to know that on Thanksgiving, Americans do nothing but eat.
I mean more than usual.
So why would they have the Super Bowl on TV on the same day that you're not supposed to do anything but sit and eat and pretend to be thankful that you live in America???
Dont you know how hard it is to eat and watch TV at the same time? I mean, unless you dont mind spilling food all over yourself. Otherwise its like, do I look at the TV? Do I look at my food? Because if I look at my food, I'm gonna miss the Super Bowl, but if I watch the Super Bowl, I'm gonna end up with hot turkey in my crotch and thats never good.
So please, someone, anyone.
Explain.
me me
so during the course of my daily internet-rummaging, i discovered there is this thing out there called a 'me me', which is basically where you take a break from ranting about Wentworth Miller or what happened on Home and Away last night and ohmigosh can you believe Bridget doesnt really have cancer, well I can because if you think about it, much more unbelievable things have happened on Home and Away, and instead, you rant about yourself.
So here goes.
This next post is all about me. Me.
Me me. Get it?
Four jobs I’ve had:
So here goes.
This next post is all about me. Me.
Me me. Get it?
Four jobs I’ve had:
- Sales assistant at Bakers Delight. Ok I was like 14. Give me a break. Everyone wants to work at Bakers Delight when they're 14. And if you didnt, then you're a dickhead. And you're lying. I cant decide what the worst part of this job was - getting up at 5am on Saturday mornings to open the shop, getting severe burns from whatever industrial-strength cleaner they make me scrub the ovens with, or getting paid less than those kids who cycle around third world countries collecting coke cans. It was only made bearable by the free food and the fact that when people asked me what my job was, I got to tell them I was 'a delightful baker'.
- Pamphlet Deliverer. Which I actually did twice - once when I was young and innocent and unsuspecting and didnt know how heinous it would be, and then again when I was older and dumber and desperately seeking cash.
- Beauty Salon Receptionist. Slash babysitter for the boss's 6 year old twins. Slash emotional punching bag for Andrea, the 60-something-well-possibly-older-possibly-younger-you-cant-really-tell-on-account-of-the-fact-that-shes-had-so-much-plastic-surgery sales assistant.
- Sales Assistant at Blue Illusion. I would say more but I still work here, and there's the danger that my boss will (somehow) find this, read it, and fire my sorry ass.
- Dirty Dancing.
- Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. At my 10 year reunion I'm going to tell everyone I invented post-its.
- Moulin Rouge. Because I know all the words to every song and immensly enjoy singing them as loud as I can and slowly killing the neighbours. Also I love to watch it with people I've just met and pretend that since Nicole Kidman used to live in my house, she comes over all the time and we watch it together.
- The Wedding Singer. I belong in this movie.
- Greenwich. My parents were still building the house when my older sister was born, and I love reminding her that for the first few weeks of her life, she slept in a dusty hallway.
- Longueville.
- ...
- Ok, this one time when I was mad at my mum and sister I built a shack out of boogieboards next to our pool and sat in it for 45 minutes.
- Prison Break. Hello, Wentworth.
- Bones. I feel like I'm getting smarter each time I watch it.
- Home and Away.
- Beauty and The Geek. Just. Just. Its brilliant.
- Greece
- Seattle
- Lord Howe Island
- Monkey Mia. Yeah, theres a place called Monkey Mia. Suck it, bitches.
- Sushi. Except for this one time that I tried to make it at home, except we didnt have all the ingredients...or those wooden-rolling-thingies. Actually pretty much all I did was boil rice.
- Mousaka.
- Mint chocolate chip icecream. Also Wentworth's favourite dessert, which I guess means we'll be having it at our wedding. I mean lets face it, wedding cakes usually taste like crap anyway. Fruit cake? Thats gotta be an oxymoron.
- Special K. Especially the kind with the freeze-dried berries in it. You would think anything thats been freeze-dried would be totally gross, but this just works.
- Hotmail. Self-explanatory. Unless you're 100 and dont know what hotmail is.
- Sidereel.com. Prompting my Dad to ask "Why do you sit in front of the computer and watch TV on a tiny 2 by 4 inch screen, when you could be using the brand new LCD flat screen we bought?" Whatever, Dad. You just dont get it.
- Imdb.com. For my daily dosage of stalking.
- Perezhilton.com. Because I'm too cheap to actually buy trash magazines.
- You know what instead of answering this question I'm going to ponder why every answer had to be in sets of four? Seriously? Who wrote this thing? Did they have some OCD, connected with the number four? I saw this Bones episode once where there was a writer who had an OCD and had to do everything in lots of 13, and everyone thought he was the killer because, hello, OCD, crazy person, killer, but it turned out to be his mother, who also had the OCD-Number-13 thing, and ended up chopping off her sons head and hiding it under a birdbath in the backyard, and the only reason they figured it out was that there wasnt 13 birdbaths, there was only one. What was I talking about again?
has TV become more normal, or am I just more insane?
Is it just me, or is TV getting seriously normal?
And by normal I mean...well, boring!
I mean come on.
Seriously though.
What happened to the good old days of two highschoolers falling in love and then finding out that they're actually half-siblings, or of a fugitive on the run from the law in South America finding his incarcerated brothers girlfriends decapitated head inside a mouldy cardboard box in the corner of some underground carpark?
I loved those days!!
Take this week of Home and Away for example. And I know nobody watches Home and Away anymore - save for me, Mel and my sister - but shut up because I've worshipped this show for the better part of my life, and when they start handing out awards for dedication to the Australian entertainment industry, well, we'll see who's laughing, wont we?
Anyway, this week is supposedly the final week for 2008, and what exciting adventures have they set up for the last episode?
Hmm?
A group of friends having to hide out in someone's basement as a drug-addicted serial killer stalks all of them in revenge for her late boyfriend who was accidentally run over by one of the townmembers?
2 former best friends who have to make amends when they are involved in a car crash, which shocks one of them into premature labour?
A woman's husband coming back from the dead, and visiting her and her young son at his birthday party, while disguised as a giant bear????
no.
You know what we're going to get?
Melody's going to smoke weed. And maybe get run over.
Whatever. I mean, its not as if nobody's ever smoked weed on Home and Away before. Its practically a weekly occurance these days. And if she does get run over, she probably wont even die!
Oh and there's the whole Bridget-stole-Leah's-identity-so-she-could-set-up-a-bank-account-
in-her-name-and-steal-all-her-money thing.
I mean, really? An "exciting" storyline? About a bank?
And by normal I mean...well, boring!
I mean come on.
Seriously though.
What happened to the good old days of two highschoolers falling in love and then finding out that they're actually half-siblings, or of a fugitive on the run from the law in South America finding his incarcerated brothers girlfriends decapitated head inside a mouldy cardboard box in the corner of some underground carpark?
I loved those days!!
Take this week of Home and Away for example. And I know nobody watches Home and Away anymore - save for me, Mel and my sister - but shut up because I've worshipped this show for the better part of my life, and when they start handing out awards for dedication to the Australian entertainment industry, well, we'll see who's laughing, wont we?
Anyway, this week is supposedly the final week for 2008, and what exciting adventures have they set up for the last episode?
Hmm?
A group of friends having to hide out in someone's basement as a drug-addicted serial killer stalks all of them in revenge for her late boyfriend who was accidentally run over by one of the townmembers?
2 former best friends who have to make amends when they are involved in a car crash, which shocks one of them into premature labour?
A woman's husband coming back from the dead, and visiting her and her young son at his birthday party, while disguised as a giant bear????
no.
You know what we're going to get?
Melody's going to smoke weed. And maybe get run over.
Whatever. I mean, its not as if nobody's ever smoked weed on Home and Away before. Its practically a weekly occurance these days. And if she does get run over, she probably wont even die!
Oh and there's the whole Bridget-stole-Leah's-identity-so-she-could-set-up-a-bank-account-
in-her-name-and-steal-all-her-money thing.
I mean, really? An "exciting" storyline? About a bank?
Thursday, November 27, 2008
The longest/most pointless post ever?
For those times when you cant be bothered to enterain yourself, let me entertain you...with my own personal top 77 most entertaining books, songs, movies and TV Shows
77. Where Did I Come From? (Book)
76. Date My Mom (TV Show)
75. Groove Is In The Heart - Deee-lite (Song)
74. Bridget Jones' Diary (Book)
73. High School Musical 1, 2, 3 (Movies)
72. The Hills (TV Show)
71. 27 Dresses (Movie)
70. Sex and The City (TV Show)
69. 2 Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (TV Show)
68. Heroes (TV Show)
67. Parental Control (TV Show)
66. Will and Grace (TV Show)
65. Top Gun (Movie)
64. Paradise City - Guns N Roses (Song)
63. Lost (TV Show)
62. Troy (Movie)
61. I Go Hard, I Go Home - The Presets (Song)
60. Disney's Hercules (Movie)
59. Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics (Song)
58. Blue Crush (Movie)
57. The Great Escape (Movie)
56. Harry Potter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (Books)
55. Drive Me Crazy (Movie)
54. Dharma and Greg (TV Show)
53. The 'Missing' Series (Books)
52. Scare Tactics (TV Show)
51. Off The Wall - Michael Jackson (Song)
50. Wrong Turn (Movie)
49. The OC (TV Show)
48. The Devil Wears Prada (Movie)
47. Another Night - The Real McCoy (Song)
46. Beauty and The Geek (TV Show)
45. She's The Man (Movie)
44. Friends (TV Show)
43. Gilmore Girls (TV Show)
42. Garden State (Movie)
41. Baywatch Hawaii (TV Show)
40. The Spice Movie (Movie)
39. The Bonds Kaleidascope Commercial (TV Show)
38. One Tree Hill (TV Show)
37. Forrest Gump (Movie)
36. The Rachel Zoe Project (TV Show)
35. How I Met Your Mother (TV Show)
34. Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV Show)
33. Romeo + Juliet (Movie)
32. I Can't Get No (Satisfaction) - The Rolling Stones (Song)
31. 20 to 1 (TV Show)
30. The Ellen Denegeres Show (TV Show)
29. Disturbia (Movie)
28. Family Guy (TV Show)
27. Amercia's Next Top Model (TV Show)
26. Meg (Book)
25. Austin Powers 1, 2, 3 (Movies)
24. Gossip Girl (TV Show)
23. Cloverfield (Movie)
22. Rove (TV Show)
21. Grease (Movie)
20. TNT - AC/DC (Song)
19. 10 Things I Hate About You (Movie)
18. The Simple Life (TV Show)
17. 8 Mile (Movie)
16. That 70's Show (TV Show)
15. Almost Famous (Movie)
14. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (Song)
13. Strictly Ballroom (Movie)
12. Scrubs (TV Show)
11. Moulin Rouge (Movie)
10. Thriller - Michael Jackson (Song)
9. The 'Twilight' Series (Books)
8. The Wedding Singer (Movie)
7. Persuasion (Book)
6. Bones (TV Show)
5. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion (Movie)
4. Home and Away (TV Show)
3. Dirty Dancing (Movie)
2. Midnight Train - Journey (Song)
1. Prison Break (TV Show)
Sunday, November 23, 2008
NEWSFLASH - Celebrity Doppelganger Theory Update!!!
- Mr Watson/ A cross between Hugh Grant and P Diddy
- Lauren Smith/ Amy Kuney (That chick who played a folk singer in one episode of Gilmore Girls)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
my mother the evil genius
so sometimes i do this thing, where my sister is sitting upstairs watching tv or reading or whatever, and im bored, so i invent some mindless prank to play on her - like pretending the cat has escaped onto the roof, or telling her that she left her dinner to reheat in the oven for too long and the kitchen is now on fire - and usually rope my mum in with me.
the thing is, my mum never seemed that interested in sending her first-born into a frenzy.
that is, until last night...
mum: Did Catherine call Meadowmist to book the animals in when we go to Lord Howe?
jacki: No! Even though she promised she would! can we tell her that because she forgot she's in big trouble?
mum: I know! Lets tell her that because she forgot to book them in, they lost their spot, and now she either has to find another kennel for them to stay in, or she has to stay home and look after them while the rest of us go to Lord Howe (laughs)
jacki: That genius! You know she also forgot to hang the washing out...
mum: Oh, thats easy. We'll tell her that I had to put the clothes in the dryer when I got home instead, and now she has to pay the whole months electricity bill.
jacki: (Shocked and impressed) Wow. Mum. I'm..shocked! And...Impressed!!
only - unfortunately for me - it turns out that my mum is capable of being equally evil towards both of her daughters...
jacki: (Clearly overjoyed at the prospect of torturing catherine) Hey, Chate, Mum says that your dinner is in the fridge, and she needs you to drive her to work tomorrow, oh and also because you forgot to book the animals into Meadowmist, you either have to find another kennel or stay home and look after them while the rest of us go to Lord Howe.
catherine: What?! I told Dad to book the animals in! He told me he did it!
jacki: (Momentarily stumped) Well...um...Mum says that he didn't do it, and its all your fault! Oh and she also said that because you didn't put the washing out, you have to pay this months electricity bill.
catherine: What the hell?
jacki: Because she had to use the dryer instead
catherine: Mum!?
mum: Yes?
catherine: I told Dad to book the animals in! And he told me he did it!
mum: Oh, thats ok then.
catherine: And the washing was dry, so I didnt think I needed to hang it out!!
mum: It so wasnt dry!
catherine: Well, do I really have to pay the electricity bill?!
mum: What? No!
catherine: But Jacki said...
mum: I don't know what you're talking about.
jacki: (Attempting to mouth 'The Plan! The Plan!!!' to Mum from behind Catherine's back)
catherine: (Turns around and see's me) Aha! This is just another one of your stupid tricks!! I knew it!!
jacki: No!! This time it was all Mum's idea, I SWEAR!!
mum: (Looking innocent) I have no idea what she's talking about
catherine: Jacki, you suck!!!
the thing is, my mum never seemed that interested in sending her first-born into a frenzy.
that is, until last night...
mum: Did Catherine call Meadowmist to book the animals in when we go to Lord Howe?
jacki: No! Even though she promised she would! can we tell her that because she forgot she's in big trouble?
mum: I know! Lets tell her that because she forgot to book them in, they lost their spot, and now she either has to find another kennel for them to stay in, or she has to stay home and look after them while the rest of us go to Lord Howe (laughs)
jacki: That genius! You know she also forgot to hang the washing out...
mum: Oh, thats easy. We'll tell her that I had to put the clothes in the dryer when I got home instead, and now she has to pay the whole months electricity bill.
jacki: (Shocked and impressed) Wow. Mum. I'm..shocked! And...Impressed!!
only - unfortunately for me - it turns out that my mum is capable of being equally evil towards both of her daughters...
jacki: (Clearly overjoyed at the prospect of torturing catherine) Hey, Chate, Mum says that your dinner is in the fridge, and she needs you to drive her to work tomorrow, oh and also because you forgot to book the animals into Meadowmist, you either have to find another kennel or stay home and look after them while the rest of us go to Lord Howe.
catherine: What?! I told Dad to book the animals in! He told me he did it!
jacki: (Momentarily stumped) Well...um...Mum says that he didn't do it, and its all your fault! Oh and she also said that because you didn't put the washing out, you have to pay this months electricity bill.
catherine: What the hell?
jacki: Because she had to use the dryer instead
catherine: Mum!?
mum: Yes?
catherine: I told Dad to book the animals in! And he told me he did it!
mum: Oh, thats ok then.
catherine: And the washing was dry, so I didnt think I needed to hang it out!!
mum: It so wasnt dry!
catherine: Well, do I really have to pay the electricity bill?!
mum: What? No!
catherine: But Jacki said...
mum: I don't know what you're talking about.
jacki: (Attempting to mouth 'The Plan! The Plan!!!' to Mum from behind Catherine's back)
catherine: (Turns around and see's me) Aha! This is just another one of your stupid tricks!! I knew it!!
jacki: No!! This time it was all Mum's idea, I SWEAR!!
mum: (Looking innocent) I have no idea what she's talking about
catherine: Jacki, you suck!!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
how i almost met wentworth miller
so
anyone whos anyone knows that like 3 years ago, when they were making that Superman movie with Kate Bosworth and that guy that nobody knows but who really really looks like a young Christopher Reeve, they filmed part of it at this huge house which is just down the road from where I live.
(sidenote: what the hell with Longueville and fame? Superman, Nicole Kidman, that one time they filmed an Oak Milk commercial at my bus stop?? CRAZY!!)
Anyway, what nobody knows, what I didnt even know until 16 minutes ago when I watched an interview with Brett Ratner and found out, is that Wentworth was actually IN LINE to play Superman.
I mean it.
It was like, between him and the Chris Reeve look-alike.
And, well, maybe like 300 other guys too, but whatever.
My point is, that the guy who actually ended up playing Superman was down the road from me.
...
In this big house.
...
For like a month.
...
With little to no security, because I mean, its LONGUEVILLE, the only people who live here are senior citizens who can't even make out the figures on the tv screen, or teenage boys, and lets face it, neither of those groups are likely to swarm a buff 20-something-year-old actor.
So where was I?
Oh yeah, the the guy who played Superman was down the road from me.
AND WENTWORTH WAS ALMOST THE GUY WHO PLAYED SUPERMAN.
and thats how I almost met Wentworth Miller.
anyone whos anyone knows that like 3 years ago, when they were making that Superman movie with Kate Bosworth and that guy that nobody knows but who really really looks like a young Christopher Reeve, they filmed part of it at this huge house which is just down the road from where I live.
(sidenote: what the hell with Longueville and fame? Superman, Nicole Kidman, that one time they filmed an Oak Milk commercial at my bus stop?? CRAZY!!)
Anyway, what nobody knows, what I didnt even know until 16 minutes ago when I watched an interview with Brett Ratner and found out, is that Wentworth was actually IN LINE to play Superman.
I mean it.
It was like, between him and the Chris Reeve look-alike.
And, well, maybe like 300 other guys too, but whatever.
My point is, that the guy who actually ended up playing Superman was down the road from me.
...
In this big house.
...
For like a month.
...
With little to no security, because I mean, its LONGUEVILLE, the only people who live here are senior citizens who can't even make out the figures on the tv screen, or teenage boys, and lets face it, neither of those groups are likely to swarm a buff 20-something-year-old actor.
So where was I?
Oh yeah, the the guy who played Superman was down the road from me.
AND WENTWORTH WAS ALMOST THE GUY WHO PLAYED SUPERMAN.
and thats how I almost met Wentworth Miller.
Friday, November 14, 2008
so i was at that point where i thought
"yeah, i know my dog is hideous. i know it, he knows it, the people who come to my house and comment on his hideousness know it. but there is a silver lining - he cant get any more hideous, right?"
and then i got home from work and discovered that my mum had (by order of the vet, just so you know my mum is not cruel and sadistic) taken the dog to Figtree today to get his front teeth removed.
...
i mean come on.
"yeah, i know my dog is hideous. i know it, he knows it, the people who come to my house and comment on his hideousness know it. but there is a silver lining - he cant get any more hideous, right?"
and then i got home from work and discovered that my mum had (by order of the vet, just so you know my mum is not cruel and sadistic) taken the dog to Figtree today to get his front teeth removed.
...
i mean come on.
fear factor # 1
Right. Ok.
Alot of people have this thing where they think I'm crazy because I have all these "unjustified" fear and theories.
Pfft.
Pffft.
I mean, I'll admit sometimes (sometimes) it can get a little far fetched.
My fear of rubber gloves.
My inability to drive if there is even ONE other car on the road.
That theory I had that all history teachers were trying to kill me.
BUT
This is one fear that I can TOTALLY justify.
So, boys and girls.
Get ready for the explanation as to...
Alot of people have this thing where they think I'm crazy because I have all these "unjustified" fear and theories.
Pfft.
Pffft.
I mean, I'll admit sometimes (sometimes) it can get a little far fetched.
My fear of rubber gloves.
My inability to drive if there is even ONE other car on the road.
That theory I had that all history teachers were trying to kill me.
BUT
This is one fear that I can TOTALLY justify.
So, boys and girls.
Get ready for the explanation as to...
why I'm afraid to swim in a pool by myself
See, here's the thing...
Anyone who knows me, I mean really knows me, knows that when I was 10 years old, I found a book in my local library about a prehistoric 60 foot long man eating shark which somehow survived whatever-it-was that killed all the other dinosaurs, by going way way WAY deep into the ocean.
Anyway.
Now its present day, and some professor dude takes his mini submarine or whatever down into some trench in the sea, sees one of these sharks - which are called Megalodons by the way - and, long story short, it follows him back to the top of the ocean, where it proceeds to wreak havoc.
Attacking surfers.
Swallowing small boats.
Launching itself out of the ocean at top speed so it can take down low-flying helicopters.
You know.
Anyway, despite the fact that it was clearly not a book for kids, I found it entertaining as hell, much to the distress of my mother, but whats new?
I was just congratulating myself on discovering such a great read, when I turned to the last page, which contained a small but detailed paragraph on the history of the Megalodon, and the debate over whether or not it actually still exists.
...
Um.
Wait a minute.
This thing was REAL?
Or more importantly, this thing actually DID survive whatever-it-was that killed the dinosaurs, HAS swum to the top of the ocean, and is potentially circling some poor guy in a kayak on the Lane Cove River as we speak?
Well.
As if that wouldn't freak out ANYONE (let alone a 10 year old with a tendency to blow things wildly out of proportion) enough to stop them from swimming alone.
PLUS theres that whole other theory I have that there is a secret shark-holding chamber under my backyard, and some Ivan-Milat-Wannabe is just waiting for me to take a solo dip, so he can hit some button and release a Great White into the pool.
I mean, come on!
I've TOTALLY heard of that kind of thing happening.
Honestly, between this book about Megalodons and that Harrison Ford movie 'What Lies Beneath', its a wonder I can even take a bath, let alone swim in my pool.
So there.
I hope it makes sense now.
Oh, what am I saying?? OF COURSE it makes sense now.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
another facet of The Celebrity Doppelganger Theory
ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your wigs...
i just realised.
you can have a celebrity doppelganger...EVEN IF YOU ARE A CELEBRITY.
i just realised.
you can have a celebrity doppelganger...EVEN IF YOU ARE A CELEBRITY.
Friday, November 07, 2008
jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com dominates Google
just another self-satisfying discovery i made during the course of my daily internet rummaging:
I (and my blog) AM TOTALLY DOMINATING GOOGLE.
my blog was one of the top 5 search results for:
I (and my blog) AM TOTALLY DOMINATING GOOGLE.
my blog was one of the top 5 search results for:
- jacki trew
- jacki loves wentworth
- jacki trew wentworth miller
- roseville college igssa gym
- jacki and wentworth
- emmy shanahan
- quest for wentworth
and who knows what else? after i searched these ones i got distracted.
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