I've had a lot to blog about recently.
I probably should stop for a while, before I tap myself out, but not before I write at least one more post, partially because I'm waiting for Forrest Gump to come on and I'm bored, and partially because I think this might be the best story I've ever heard:
Ok so there are two policemen, we'll call them...Jack and Angelo.
So Jack and Angelo are working the late shift one night, and they get called to this busstop, where a bus is parked because one of the passengers is drunk and has started assaulting this woman. So they get on the bus, and the bus driver explains the situation, and also tells Jack and Angelo that this guy - the one who did the assaulting - is blind.
So they approach the blind guy, who is immediately suspicious. Jack is trying to put him in handcuffs, and he's all 'How do I know you're even a cop? Let me feel your badge!'.
Anyway, Jack lets him feel his badge, except then the crazy blind drunk guy grabs Jack's tie and punches him in the face.
So Jack and Angelo tackle the guy, and they're going to take him to the police station, only he's so drunk they think its probably better to take him to the hospital first. At the hospital, a nurse is taking some of his blood while he's handcuffed to the bed, and Jack and Angelo are waiting outside, and they decide they should do something to get back at this guy for punching Jack in the face.
So Angelo has an idea.
He waits until the nurse is out of the room, then he walks in, and puts on a stereotypical Indian accent, and says 'Hello, I am Dr Sanjaay, and I am here for the operation. I see that the nurse has already given you the sedative, so this should not take long and don't worry, you won't feel a thing."
Anyway, the blind guy is all 'What operation? What are you talking about?'
'Please, do not worry. You will be awake, but it will be virtually painless when we remove your leg.'
Now the blind guy is totally freaking out. Angelo - as Dr Sanjaay - starts saying 'With the sedative, the operation will just feel like someone rubbing a key back and forth on your leg.' So then he takes out his keys, and starts rubbing them on the blind guys leg. While he is doing this, the nurse walks in and sees, but because the blind guy was a total dick to her while she was taking his blood, she decides she doesn't care what these two cops do to him, and walks back out.
Anyway, Angelo finishes the 'operation', and then says 'Ok, I'm looking at your chart and it seems that I have removed the wrong leg. Don't panic, I'll just remove the right one now.'
A little bit later, the blind mans father comes in to pick him up, and first explains to Jack and Angelo how his son makes a bit of a habit out of getting drunk, and he has to pick him up almost every weekend, either from the hospital or some police station. He goes in to talk to his son, and when he comes out 5 minutes later, he says to Jack and Angelo 'Man, its even worse than usual. He's so drunk he thinks the doctors cut off his legs."
I think my favourite thing about this story is that it's true.
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.