yeah
yeah
u no what i just realised?
why does ANYBODY like jennifer lopez?
i mean, seriously, why?
why why why?
her songs SUCK. seriously. she sucks. sucks hairy porn star balls.
listen to this:
Play, come on
Play that song
Play it all night long
Just turn it up and turn me on
Play, come on dj
Play that song
You that it turns me on
Just turn it up and turn me on
OHMIGOSH
JENNIFER LOPEZ, YOU GENIUS!!!
who would have ever thought that song and long ryhme? thats the best thing ive ever heard in my life!
oh but wait, it gets better!
the last two lines - when you ryhmed on with on?
GENIUS!!!
except
that
YOU SUCK HAIRY BALLS
seriously even i, without a single creative bone in my creative-less body could thing of something better than that
so, jennifer lopez, go die in a whole filled with award for making the crappest songs in the world because they are so crap
yes
yes yes yes
that is all
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
supergroup visits the beach
well today was the day that shall go down in history as the first ever supergroup excursion, when practically half of our year went to the beach together
and it was so awesome
but not awesome enough to give you a play-by-play of, so ill just tell you the highlight of the day, which had to be the paying out of Sair because of some of the music she had on her ipod, which included:
and it was so awesome
but not awesome enough to give you a play-by-play of, so ill just tell you the highlight of the day, which had to be the paying out of Sair because of some of the music she had on her ipod, which included:
- the soundtrack of One Night The Moon
- Hillary and Haylie duff, and (wait for it)
- The Pussycat Dolls
sair
sair
*shakes head*
anyway the best part was when me and julia had to get the bus home, but when we got to the bus stop, there were about 100 people waiting in line, and of course, we were at the back, which sparked the conversation of how all these people waiting for the bus were judging us because we were last in line, and how we wished we were at the front of the line so we could get on the bus first and sit up the back and judge everyone else.
then of course we got the idea that if we didnt catch the bus that everyone was lining up for now, then we could be first in line for the next bus to come, and then our dream of sitting up the back and being able to judge everyone else on the bus would finally be realised!!! only of course our plan was foiled because when waiting for the bus, we decided that we were too cool to sit in the actual bus stop, so we went around the corner to wait, and when we realised that the bus was here, and ran back arund to the bus stop, there was another line waiting to get on, and this one was even longer than the first one, and we were at the back
oh yes
the back. the very back
so i just have to say shut up because if you dont then i will be behind you for eternity, judging you, or the ghost of judging will be doing that for me in memory of the time i didnt get to judge everyone else from the back of the bus
so watch out
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
julias rage
well now im just going to maul you all about julias rage towards stupid people who are stupid and lame and leave stupid and lame comments which arent even ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL, THEY ARE JUST STUPID CRAP ABOUT BOOK VOUCHERS WHICH NO ONE WILL EVEN EVER USE BECAUSE YOU ARE SO GAY SO SHUT UP
so dont even knock on my door, say say
because im not home because YOU ARE SO LAME
like
shut up
why do you even come on my blog if you are so stupid that you cant even be bothered to not be stupid?
like yeah. hell yeah julia
so i think what julia should do is become one of those stupid people except NOT be stupid (oh i bet you didnt see that one coming) and leave comments on their lame blogs about how lame they are
and then they will realise their lameness and go write songs about it
but no one will listen to them because they will be so lame
except possibly me, just so i can laugh at them and say
'your songs are so lame dude'
and then they shall weep
so dont even knock on my door, say say
because im not home because YOU ARE SO LAME
like
shut up
why do you even come on my blog if you are so stupid that you cant even be bothered to not be stupid?
like yeah. hell yeah julia
so i think what julia should do is become one of those stupid people except NOT be stupid (oh i bet you didnt see that one coming) and leave comments on their lame blogs about how lame they are
and then they will realise their lameness and go write songs about it
but no one will listen to them because they will be so lame
except possibly me, just so i can laugh at them and say
'your songs are so lame dude'
and then they shall weep
attack of the killer sewing machine
so
today was horrible in everyway possible
firstly i was woken up early by the sound of my cat attempting to lick the skin off my face, which was heinous, just heinous, especially since me trying to get her off me only made her more determined to make my face look like a raw piece of meat
then i spent most of the day running away from the sewing machine since it was trying to maul me the entire time. like seriously, i would be innocently sitting on the couch and then i would hear some weird whirring roaring noise, turn around, and there it would be, the killer sewing machine, just waiting to stitch me to that weirdly coloured rug my mum bought.
urgh
then because my mum has seriously not gone food shopping for like the last 100 years, there was nothing to eat in our whole house except an old piece of watermelon, which ive now been chewing on for the last, lets see, four and a half hours
and i know what you're thinking, you're thinking well why didnt you go buy your own food, ass
well shut up because ive spent so much of my own money this year that i am actually broke, like so broke and so much of a homeless bum that i think my parents are considering throwing me out of the house because im giving the family a bad name
its so lame
also my pajama pants fell apart today
i think that was the suckiest part
today was horrible in everyway possible
firstly i was woken up early by the sound of my cat attempting to lick the skin off my face, which was heinous, just heinous, especially since me trying to get her off me only made her more determined to make my face look like a raw piece of meat
then i spent most of the day running away from the sewing machine since it was trying to maul me the entire time. like seriously, i would be innocently sitting on the couch and then i would hear some weird whirring roaring noise, turn around, and there it would be, the killer sewing machine, just waiting to stitch me to that weirdly coloured rug my mum bought.
urgh
then because my mum has seriously not gone food shopping for like the last 100 years, there was nothing to eat in our whole house except an old piece of watermelon, which ive now been chewing on for the last, lets see, four and a half hours
and i know what you're thinking, you're thinking well why didnt you go buy your own food, ass
well shut up because ive spent so much of my own money this year that i am actually broke, like so broke and so much of a homeless bum that i think my parents are considering throwing me out of the house because im giving the family a bad name
its so lame
also my pajama pants fell apart today
i think that was the suckiest part
Sunday, October 01, 2006
butch weekend
obviously since i spent all of friday night dressing up as Bella Dancerella, i had to make up for all that femininity with some hardcore butch manliness, so on saturday night we went to sairs to watch the afl final and tonite i went with julia to the league final
and ive gotta tell you
im feeling the testosterone
but seriously though
so much manliness in one weekend
im ready for my oestrogen thanks
and it wasnt just watching the manly sports either, i mean, at sairs we fully had a bbq for dinner, and really, is there any food that is more manly than a bbq, if there is then i havent found it yet, and neither has anyone else because there is no such thing
so shut up
but i think the thing that cancelled out a little of the manliness was the fact that they all cried when the lost
the butch men sport manly men sport players i mean
like one guy was actually sobbing on the ground
theres nothing like seeing a 300 kg manbeast that could kill a normal sized person just by looking at them reduced to a teary mess on the ground
and ive gotta tell you
im feeling the testosterone
but seriously though
so much manliness in one weekend
im ready for my oestrogen thanks
and it wasnt just watching the manly sports either, i mean, at sairs we fully had a bbq for dinner, and really, is there any food that is more manly than a bbq, if there is then i havent found it yet, and neither has anyone else because there is no such thing
so shut up
but i think the thing that cancelled out a little of the manliness was the fact that they all cried when the lost
the butch men sport manly men sport players i mean
like one guy was actually sobbing on the ground
theres nothing like seeing a 300 kg manbeast that could kill a normal sized person just by looking at them reduced to a teary mess on the ground
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
jacki?
ok
seriously
what is with the crap that comes with my name
everyone else has cool names
like julia
she has like 10 songs named after her, and a character in the Duchess of Malfi AND a type of flower
and kiera
she has a mountain named after her
and mel, who has the same name as TWO of the spice girls
and like everyone else has something cool with their name
and what do i get? nothing.
nothing
NOTHING
seriously
and it sucks. like, i tried to find a flower called the jacki flower
and what do i get, when i type in "jacki flower" into google.com/images
this poo and wee and babypoo coloured piece of crap which makes me want to vomit and you probably wouldnt even notice if i vomited on it, since its practically the colour of poo-coloured vomit.
and what do i get when i try to find a song called jacki?
oh some song thats called jacki and seems like its going to be really nice but when i actually download it and listen to it (that was illegal - shh!) it turns out to be this random old guy singing spanish bullfighting music or some crap
and just when your like "what the hell does this crap have to do with jacki?" it gets to the chorus and you hear the random old guy going "ohh and they called me jacki, they called me jacki"
so its like oh.
oh.
oh.
by the way betch. THAT SUCKED
because first of all, the only song that was named after me is this spanish bullfighting crap, and it was sung by a man AND the "jacki" is a man
which just sucks
am i a man? well probably. but still
and then when i tried to find something remotely not repulsive by just typing "jacki" into google.com/images, all i got was pictures of female body builders
i mean
come on
cant i catch a break? that just sucks
this just sucks!
and then you know what i thought, i thought, maybe my name doesnt have flowers or songs or people that arent grotesque attached to it, but it probably has some cool meaning, something like
"the finest stalker to ever roam the hills"
or something
so i type in my name into www.zelo.com/firstnames to find out my destiny and what do i get?
SORRY.
we have no information on this name
(http://www.zelo.com/firstnames/findresults.asp?name=jacki&x=32&y=16)
maul
maul your faces
thats what ill do
then theyll put me in the dictionary and ill get songs about mauling people named after me
im about to strike a blow for all the jackis, so saddle up your booties and flare your pettycoats and do all that other important crap because the jackis are about to storm the world
seriously
what is with the crap that comes with my name
everyone else has cool names
like julia
she has like 10 songs named after her, and a character in the Duchess of Malfi AND a type of flower
and kiera
she has a mountain named after her
and mel, who has the same name as TWO of the spice girls
and like everyone else has something cool with their name
and what do i get? nothing.
nothing
NOTHING
seriously
and it sucks. like, i tried to find a flower called the jacki flower
and what do i get, when i type in "jacki flower" into google.com/images
this poo and wee and babypoo coloured piece of crap which makes me want to vomit and you probably wouldnt even notice if i vomited on it, since its practically the colour of poo-coloured vomit.
and what do i get when i try to find a song called jacki?
oh some song thats called jacki and seems like its going to be really nice but when i actually download it and listen to it (that was illegal - shh!) it turns out to be this random old guy singing spanish bullfighting music or some crap
and just when your like "what the hell does this crap have to do with jacki?" it gets to the chorus and you hear the random old guy going "ohh and they called me jacki, they called me jacki"
so its like oh.
oh.
oh.
by the way betch. THAT SUCKED
because first of all, the only song that was named after me is this spanish bullfighting crap, and it was sung by a man AND the "jacki" is a man
which just sucks
am i a man? well probably. but still
and then when i tried to find something remotely not repulsive by just typing "jacki" into google.com/images, all i got was pictures of female body builders
i mean
come on
cant i catch a break? that just sucks
this just sucks!
and then you know what i thought, i thought, maybe my name doesnt have flowers or songs or people that arent grotesque attached to it, but it probably has some cool meaning, something like
"the finest stalker to ever roam the hills"
or something
so i type in my name into www.zelo.com/firstnames to find out my destiny and what do i get?
SORRY.
we have no information on this name
(http://www.zelo.com/firstnames/findresults.asp?name=jacki&x=32&y=16)
maul
maul your faces
thats what ill do
then theyll put me in the dictionary and ill get songs about mauling people named after me
im about to strike a blow for all the jackis, so saddle up your booties and flare your pettycoats and do all that other important crap because the jackis are about to storm the world
Monday, September 25, 2006
a sandy problem
so this was supposed to be yesterdays blog but yesterday i was being lazy
as usual
so anyway
me and julia decided to go to the beach again, on sunday, after we'd gone on saturday, and id also been on wednesday, tuesday, and also the saturday before, so by this time i was pretty sandy anyway but on sunday the sand just decided to spite us all and be the biggest sand-bitch in the world.
so basically
we go to the beach and everything seems good, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the sea is...seaing??
anyway
so we went and put all our sunscreen on (being the sun-concious ambassadors that we are) and lay down in the sand and then what we didnt realise is that on that day, the wind was blowing like a gale, i mean there was practically a hurricane on the beach, and in like 10 seconds me and julia were both covered in sand
but wait
it gets worse
since we just put sunscreen on, all the sand actually STUCK to our skin and we couldnt get it off and it was all over us and we were transformed into
THE SAND LADIES
the worst part was that no one else seemed to have the same problem as us
what the hull
how did that happen?
then when we went into the water to try and get it all off it wouldnt
so we looked like even bigger freaks, floating in the water, trying to scrub all the sand off, and keep our heads above the water, and avoid the killer blue bottles, AND not get dumped by all the waves or get sucked out to sea by a rip.
and now im sitting at home with sand in my eyes, sand in my ears, sand in my hair, sand all over my arms and legs and sand in places that i didnt even know existed until i found sand in them
and it sucks
but actually
feels kind of good
as usual
so anyway
me and julia decided to go to the beach again, on sunday, after we'd gone on saturday, and id also been on wednesday, tuesday, and also the saturday before, so by this time i was pretty sandy anyway but on sunday the sand just decided to spite us all and be the biggest sand-bitch in the world.
so basically
we go to the beach and everything seems good, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the sea is...seaing??
anyway
so we went and put all our sunscreen on (being the sun-concious ambassadors that we are) and lay down in the sand and then what we didnt realise is that on that day, the wind was blowing like a gale, i mean there was practically a hurricane on the beach, and in like 10 seconds me and julia were both covered in sand
but wait
it gets worse
since we just put sunscreen on, all the sand actually STUCK to our skin and we couldnt get it off and it was all over us and we were transformed into
THE SAND LADIES
the worst part was that no one else seemed to have the same problem as us
what the hull
how did that happen?
then when we went into the water to try and get it all off it wouldnt
so we looked like even bigger freaks, floating in the water, trying to scrub all the sand off, and keep our heads above the water, and avoid the killer blue bottles, AND not get dumped by all the waves or get sucked out to sea by a rip.
and now im sitting at home with sand in my eyes, sand in my ears, sand in my hair, sand all over my arms and legs and sand in places that i didnt even know existed until i found sand in them
and it sucks
but actually
feels kind of good
Friday, September 22, 2006
shower thoughts# 14
what the hell
is with the saying "night night sleep tight"
first of all
why say night twice? whats the point? are you on crack? do you have a speech inpediment?
why?
why?
WHY?
what the hell! you're wasting valuable speech...ness by saying it twice, you could be using the energy you used to say that extra night
you could be using it to say something so much more useful, like
pass the food
or
help, i am being attacked by ivan milat who is on a killing rampage
seriously
and the other thing
sleep tight??
SLEEP TIGHT??
what the hell does that even mean? sleep in a straight-jacket? sleep bound in your sheets? sleep tied tightly to the bedposts???
...
how kinky
but seriously
if anyone ever uses that saying in front of my ever again im going to smack their bottom even harder than i would like to smack mrs shiz's bottom when she pauses the movie in english AGAIN FOR LIKE THE TEN DILLIONTH TIME
and thats pretty darn hard
is with the saying "night night sleep tight"
first of all
why say night twice? whats the point? are you on crack? do you have a speech inpediment?
why?
why?
WHY?
what the hell! you're wasting valuable speech...ness by saying it twice, you could be using the energy you used to say that extra night
you could be using it to say something so much more useful, like
pass the food
or
help, i am being attacked by ivan milat who is on a killing rampage
seriously
and the other thing
sleep tight??
SLEEP TIGHT??
what the hell does that even mean? sleep in a straight-jacket? sleep bound in your sheets? sleep tied tightly to the bedposts???
...
how kinky
but seriously
if anyone ever uses that saying in front of my ever again im going to smack their bottom even harder than i would like to smack mrs shiz's bottom when she pauses the movie in english AGAIN FOR LIKE THE TEN DILLIONTH TIME
and thats pretty darn hard
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
what a good day
what a great day
so first of all we had a modern exam, which sucked, but in comparison to other exams wasnt so totally sucky because at least i got to make faces at mr dubbyah as he walked past.
i tried to make them meaningful faces, something that read "im going to hurt you for making this exam so hard" but they probably came out as "i really need to go to the toilet right now"
whatever
because after we all got to go to the beach, well the people that were fortunate enough to not have maths extension and chem prac exams today
lets have a moment of silence for those poor people. may the memory of them live on forever
ok. moments over
anyway to the beach was fun because me mel and beth got to go in jess's car when jess drove us (OHmigosh more than two other people in the car no one tell jess's mum) and it was good times, great times, basically me beth and mel were half naked in the car, struggling to put on sunscreen while jess screamed at us for directions, before finally stopping at a gas station for some more petrol. while she did that, me and beth played "car wash" and used one of those funky squidgey things to clean the front and back windscreens, then got back into the car and ate every bit of food we could find (gum, extra drops, mel had a muffin at one point i think) while we waited for jess to come back with a packet of twisties which we also finished off in about six seconds ("dont eat them all now guys")
anyway the beach was good, there were good moments, none as good as yesterday when casey ran into a road block on the way to the bus stop, but good none the less
i just realised anyway that since exams are over now, we have to go to school at normal time and finish at normal time and its going to totally suck
oh well
at least i get to see emmy again
:)
what a great day
so first of all we had a modern exam, which sucked, but in comparison to other exams wasnt so totally sucky because at least i got to make faces at mr dubbyah as he walked past.
i tried to make them meaningful faces, something that read "im going to hurt you for making this exam so hard" but they probably came out as "i really need to go to the toilet right now"
whatever
because after we all got to go to the beach, well the people that were fortunate enough to not have maths extension and chem prac exams today
lets have a moment of silence for those poor people. may the memory of them live on forever
ok. moments over
anyway to the beach was fun because me mel and beth got to go in jess's car when jess drove us (OHmigosh more than two other people in the car no one tell jess's mum) and it was good times, great times, basically me beth and mel were half naked in the car, struggling to put on sunscreen while jess screamed at us for directions, before finally stopping at a gas station for some more petrol. while she did that, me and beth played "car wash" and used one of those funky squidgey things to clean the front and back windscreens, then got back into the car and ate every bit of food we could find (gum, extra drops, mel had a muffin at one point i think) while we waited for jess to come back with a packet of twisties which we also finished off in about six seconds ("dont eat them all now guys")
anyway the beach was good, there were good moments, none as good as yesterday when casey ran into a road block on the way to the bus stop, but good none the less
i just realised anyway that since exams are over now, we have to go to school at normal time and finish at normal time and its going to totally suck
oh well
at least i get to see emmy again
:)
Monday, September 18, 2006
attack of the killer blowfly
but seriously though
you guys are lucky im even here to live to tell this tale of horror because i almost got killed
again
oh yeah
so i was in the shower (yeah scene of the crime i know) and i heard this buzzing noise and i was like
OH
MY
GOSH
what is that? and i turned around and there it was, the biggest blowfly ive ever seen in my life it was probably the length of my arm it was so long and i was like
AAAAAAAAAH
and it was like
BUSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
and i was like
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
and it was like
BUSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
and i was like
AAAAAAAAAAAAAH
and from outside catherine was like
SHUT THE HELL UP
so then i had to have my whole shower around this stupid blowfly which kept, like, kamikazi divebombing my face and it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me
and then, just now, when i was thinking of writing a lovely post about something lovely like how in 2 days we get to go back to modern and see emmy, i felt something on my arm and looked down and there it was
THERE IT WAS
there it was
THE KILLER BLOWFLY
ON MY ARM
TRYING TO SUCK OUT MY BLOOD WITH ITS KILLER BLOWFLY FANGS!
and you know what they say about flies dont you, the whole thing about how if they land on your skin it only takes them one second to vomit, poo and lay eggs on your skin
well this stupid evil blowfly was on my arm for like at least 3 seconds and also it was like 2,498 times bigger than a regular fly, so lets see that means it must have vomited, pood and layed eggs how many times..
(does calculations)
LIKE TEN DILLION TIMES
ohmigosh
OHMIGOSH
im going to DIE
that blowfly
oh gosh
its probably lurking like under my pillow as we speak and then when i go to lay my head down and fall asleep itll pounce and swallow my head whole
probably
i mean its me we're talking about
you guys are lucky im even here to live to tell this tale of horror because i almost got killed
again
oh yeah
so i was in the shower (yeah scene of the crime i know) and i heard this buzzing noise and i was like
OH
MY
GOSH
what is that? and i turned around and there it was, the biggest blowfly ive ever seen in my life it was probably the length of my arm it was so long and i was like
AAAAAAAAAH
and it was like
BUSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
and i was like
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
and it was like
BUSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
and i was like
AAAAAAAAAAAAAH
and from outside catherine was like
SHUT THE HELL UP
so then i had to have my whole shower around this stupid blowfly which kept, like, kamikazi divebombing my face and it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me
and then, just now, when i was thinking of writing a lovely post about something lovely like how in 2 days we get to go back to modern and see emmy, i felt something on my arm and looked down and there it was
THERE IT WAS
there it was
THE KILLER BLOWFLY
ON MY ARM
TRYING TO SUCK OUT MY BLOOD WITH ITS KILLER BLOWFLY FANGS!
and you know what they say about flies dont you, the whole thing about how if they land on your skin it only takes them one second to vomit, poo and lay eggs on your skin
well this stupid evil blowfly was on my arm for like at least 3 seconds and also it was like 2,498 times bigger than a regular fly, so lets see that means it must have vomited, pood and layed eggs how many times..
(does calculations)
LIKE TEN DILLION TIMES
ohmigosh
OHMIGOSH
im going to DIE
that blowfly
oh gosh
its probably lurking like under my pillow as we speak and then when i go to lay my head down and fall asleep itll pounce and swallow my head whole
probably
i mean its me we're talking about
holy crap
listen to what just happened
mum: jacki your room smells
jacki: your room smells!
mum: no it doesnt
jacki: well have you ever noticed how my room only smells when YOU'RE in it? (thinking i've won the fight)
mum: and when you're in it
jacki: well shut up!
mum: you shut up
jacki: you shut up
mum: shut up your face
jacki:...i have nothing to say to that
oh man. insulted by my own mother
again
listen to what just happened
mum: jacki your room smells
jacki: your room smells!
mum: no it doesnt
jacki: well have you ever noticed how my room only smells when YOU'RE in it? (thinking i've won the fight)
mum: and when you're in it
jacki: well shut up!
mum: you shut up
jacki: you shut up
mum: shut up your face
jacki:...i have nothing to say to that
oh man. insulted by my own mother
again
Saturday, September 16, 2006
shower thoughts # 13
i had a thought just now in the shower
if theres a horse and it has no head and no legs and no arms and no mane or tail or anything, its just a cube shaped lump of...whatever horse is made out of (essence of horse?) with a brain and heart and some bones and hey lets chuck some blood in there too, is it an animal? because it cant really do much.
just...be.
like imagine trying to ride a horse like that.
would it even be called a horse? or would it be called a....furry-horse-like-log
wait
scratch that thought.
imagine riding a horse that had no head and no legs and was just the torse of the horse perched on top of four little hoovies.
and it had to like scuttle along the ground
like a crab
OHMIGOSH
i shall call it
the crorse!
if theres a horse and it has no head and no legs and no arms and no mane or tail or anything, its just a cube shaped lump of...whatever horse is made out of (essence of horse?) with a brain and heart and some bones and hey lets chuck some blood in there too, is it an animal? because it cant really do much.
just...be.
like imagine trying to ride a horse like that.
would it even be called a horse? or would it be called a....furry-horse-like-log
wait
scratch that thought.
imagine riding a horse that had no head and no legs and was just the torse of the horse perched on top of four little hoovies.
and it had to like scuttle along the ground
like a crab
OHMIGOSH
i shall call it
the crorse!
well excuse me for blogging so much on christian but i cant help that he is the love of my life
and also
in response to a recent comment
i so did not blog like 8 times on the same thing
because here at www.jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com we blog about a range of things which all benefit the human race in differing ways.
our posts range from ways to escape the clutches of ivan milat, to what a human should or should not eat in the bath to how to successfully stalk your modern teacher.
and also
in response to a recent comment
i so did not blog like 8 times on the same thing
because here at www.jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com we blog about a range of things which all benefit the human race in differing ways.
our posts range from ways to escape the clutches of ivan milat, to what a human should or should not eat in the bath to how to successfully stalk your modern teacher.
Moulin Rouge 2
oh
oh
oh!
listen to what i just found:
According to ITV, the "Star Wars" actor - who does have a killer voice, now that I think of it - is trying to persuade movie bosses to do a sequel to his 2001 hit.
"I've never done anything like it. There's never been anything like it. The opportunity to sing and dance and be part of a company like that. It felt like we were in the circus", he says. "It was an extraordinary experience going to work every day - the colour, the music, the crazy Baz. It was fantastic. I'd do it all again tomorrow. I'd be quite happy to make Moulin Rouge! II."
well, this is just excellent
with nicole kidman out of the way (sorry but you know...she did die) theyre free to hire me to play the new love interest of Christian!
oh oh oh! i am going to die. of love overload
...
hmm.
this is a tad stalkerish.
oh who cares.
i love him!
oh
oh!
listen to what i just found:
According to ITV, the "Star Wars" actor - who does have a killer voice, now that I think of it - is trying to persuade movie bosses to do a sequel to his 2001 hit.
"I've never done anything like it. There's never been anything like it. The opportunity to sing and dance and be part of a company like that. It felt like we were in the circus", he says. "It was an extraordinary experience going to work every day - the colour, the music, the crazy Baz. It was fantastic. I'd do it all again tomorrow. I'd be quite happy to make Moulin Rouge! II."
well, this is just excellent
with nicole kidman out of the way (sorry but you know...she did die) theyre free to hire me to play the new love interest of Christian!
oh oh oh! i am going to die. of love overload
...
hmm.
this is a tad stalkerish.
oh who cares.
i love him!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
rejectionage
but seriously though
ONE comment in the last EIGHT posts?
i get that its exams, but am i the only one not studying?
if this keeps up i may lose my muse for the blog industry
ONE comment in the last EIGHT posts?
i get that its exams, but am i the only one not studying?
if this keeps up i may lose my muse for the blog industry
the end of suckonomics!
oh baby
feels good
last ever economics assessment today
its over
over
done
finite
shut up mrs black you cant scare me anymore because im done with economics!
done
done done done
and i finished the whole exam! the whole thing!
of course it probably didnt help that i spent more time thinking about Christian from Moulin Rouge than i did the essay question, but really, who wants to sit and think about government intervention into the price mechanism when you can think about your future husband
feels good
last ever economics assessment today
its over
over
done
finite
shut up mrs black you cant scare me anymore because im done with economics!
done
done done done
and i finished the whole exam! the whole thing!
of course it probably didnt help that i spent more time thinking about Christian from Moulin Rouge than i did the essay question, but really, who wants to sit and think about government intervention into the price mechanism when you can think about your future husband
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
perfect match?
Question one - Your favourite past-time is...
a) Dancing 15 pirouhettes
b) Singing love songs to your love
c) Making scary faces and holding guns
Question two - Your least favourite past-time is...
a) Not dancing 15 pirouhettes
b) Getting dumped by your love for some ugly duke
c) Letting the hitch-hiker get away
Question three - Your favourite thing is...
a) Your ballet shoes and soccer ball
b) You have no possesions. Your love is all that matters
c) You find it hard to choose between your gun and the spade you use to dig graves
Question four - If someone were to describe you, they would say you...
a) were the girl next door
b) had a ridiculous obsession with love
c) should be in Goulburn Gaol
Question five - Your aim in life is to...
a) Marry Julia Hirst
b) Marry Jacki Trew
c) Kill Jacki Trew
ANSWERS
Mostly A's
If you had mostly a's, your perfect match is Robert Hoffman (the ex-boyfriend from She's The Man). Robert dances ballet and plays soccer in a movie and well i dont really know much else about him but julia seems to love him so i had to put him in ;) i love you mumsie
Mostly B's
If you had mostly b's, your one true love is Christian from Moulin Rouge (NOT ewen mcgregor...Christian from Moulin Rouge). Christian knows the greatest thing you'll ever learn...is that having lots of sex and babies with Jacki Trew is the only way to go
Mostly C's
If you got mostly c's, you are a freak.
Also, your perfect match is Ivan Milat. Ivan, like you, is a freak, and Ivan, like you, will probably end up killing me. Get off my blog.
a) Dancing 15 pirouhettes
b) Singing love songs to your love
c) Making scary faces and holding guns
Question two - Your least favourite past-time is...
a) Not dancing 15 pirouhettes
b) Getting dumped by your love for some ugly duke
c) Letting the hitch-hiker get away
Question three - Your favourite thing is...
a) Your ballet shoes and soccer ball
b) You have no possesions. Your love is all that matters
c) You find it hard to choose between your gun and the spade you use to dig graves
Question four - If someone were to describe you, they would say you...
a) were the girl next door
b) had a ridiculous obsession with love
c) should be in Goulburn Gaol
Question five - Your aim in life is to...
a) Marry Julia Hirst
b) Marry Jacki Trew
c) Kill Jacki Trew
ANSWERS
Mostly A's
If you had mostly a's, your perfect match is Robert Hoffman (the ex-boyfriend from She's The Man). Robert dances ballet and plays soccer in a movie and well i dont really know much else about him but julia seems to love him so i had to put him in ;) i love you mumsie
Mostly B's
If you had mostly b's, your one true love is Christian from Moulin Rouge (NOT ewen mcgregor...Christian from Moulin Rouge). Christian knows the greatest thing you'll ever learn...is that having lots of sex and babies with Jacki Trew is the only way to go
Mostly C's
If you got mostly c's, you are a freak.
Also, your perfect match is Ivan Milat. Ivan, like you, is a freak, and Ivan, like you, will probably end up killing me. Get off my blog.
but seriously though
i am so connected to Christian from moulin rouge
listen to this
he loves satine right?
and satine is nicole kidman
and i live in nicole kidmans house
and i love him
so basically, we should probably get married and have babies RIGHT NOW
so christian from moulin rouge if you're reading this (because you know, maybe nicole kidman gave you the url or whatever) then you should know that i want to have your babies
right now
so
yes
right
thats about it
i love you christian from moulin rouge!
i am so connected to Christian from moulin rouge
listen to this
he loves satine right?
and satine is nicole kidman
and i live in nicole kidmans house
and i love him
so basically, we should probably get married and have babies RIGHT NOW
so christian from moulin rouge if you're reading this (because you know, maybe nicole kidman gave you the url or whatever) then you should know that i want to have your babies
right now
so
yes
right
thats about it
i love you christian from moulin rouge!
well so i just watched moulin rouge again and julia is like dammit in a year we have to think about uni courses and stuff and im like
oh
oh
oh
and then
so
i decided that instead of doing the whole uni thing (because you know who needs the stress) ill instead move to mortmarte or whatever its called and go to the moulin rouge and be like
Christian where are youuu? come have babies with me
and there will be no response except maybe some crazy french guy will come out and be like
JE SUIS CRAZY MAAAAANNN
or however you spell all the french words and ill be like baaaaah because hes probably the french equivilent to ivan milat or whatever but who cares because i just want to have babies with christian he is so hot
ohmigosh
yes
and then probabaly all those crazy moulin rouge folk will come out and be like look at this crazy girl and like make me clean the moulin rouge
which would actually be kind of cool
you know
moulin rouge
me
cleaning
ohmigosh so cool
but seriously i am so going there to meet christian even though im pretty sure that is the stupidest idea ive ever had
oh
oh
oh
and then
so
i decided that instead of doing the whole uni thing (because you know who needs the stress) ill instead move to mortmarte or whatever its called and go to the moulin rouge and be like
Christian where are youuu? come have babies with me
and there will be no response except maybe some crazy french guy will come out and be like
JE SUIS CRAZY MAAAAANNN
or however you spell all the french words and ill be like baaaaah because hes probably the french equivilent to ivan milat or whatever but who cares because i just want to have babies with christian he is so hot
ohmigosh
yes
and then probabaly all those crazy moulin rouge folk will come out and be like look at this crazy girl and like make me clean the moulin rouge
which would actually be kind of cool
you know
moulin rouge
me
cleaning
ohmigosh so cool
but seriously i am so going there to meet christian even though im pretty sure that is the stupidest idea ive ever had
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
the little school bag of horrors
ok
screw all those other scary movies that are coming out at the moment.
ive got the real stuff.
ive got the stuff that will scare you so much you'll want to crawl back into the womb and never come out.
oh yeah
i cleaned out my schoolbag
contents included:
screw all those other scary movies that are coming out at the moment.
ive got the real stuff.
ive got the stuff that will scare you so much you'll want to crawl back into the womb and never come out.
oh yeah
i cleaned out my schoolbag
contents included:
- 16 spoons
- 3 drinkbottles
- 4 newsletters from school
- a box of unopened staples
- a red candle
- 5 buttons
- a knife
- about a metre of aluminium foil
- a container of fish food
- 2 mandarins
- 2 apples
- 6 tupperware containers
- a packet of uneaten popcorn
- a packet of half eaten popcorn
- an open bottle of nailpolish
- a box of dress pins
- an eye mask
- a magnifying glass
- 2 brown-ish sandwiches
- 3 green sandwiches
- 5 black sandwiches
- part of a dress pattern
- a piece of grey furry material (???)
- one removable bra strap
- Jane Eyre (so thats where it went)
- half a bag of cotton balls
- a nail file
- one ipod earphone (only one. no cord. just the earbud bit. what the hell?)
- a broken cd
- 2 rubbers
- an unpicker
- one green shoe
- a greenwich sports club flag
- a red tie (???)
but the most disturbing thing i found?
- the crotch off a pair of stockings. seriously. like it had been cut out. no legs. just the stockvag
ohh what the hell
handy hints #1
(i got this one from Janey)
if you're supposed to be filling out a worksheet for ancient over a number of weeks, and it comes to the due date and you're still to write one word, simply tell your teacher that you've been typing the answers out at home so that you can print them all out to use for handy exam study notes
if you're supposed to be filling out a worksheet for ancient over a number of weeks, and it comes to the due date and you're still to write one word, simply tell your teacher that you've been typing the answers out at home so that you can print them all out to use for handy exam study notes
farewelling titanic
so today we decided that after lying, half-impaled on a slimey rock at the bottom of the fishtank for the better part of almost two days, it was probably time that someone put Titanic the fish out of his misery.
jacki: ok. where do we bury him?
beth: well mr ob said to find somewhere "appropriate"
mai: how funny would it be if we just chucked him onto vandy?
beth: ohmigosh lets bury him next to vandy!
jo: hahaha yeah lets go
jacki: ok, ill carry the fishbowl
(after walking for about 2 minutes)
beth: wow. its a long walk to vandy
jo: want me to take the fishbowl?
jacki: (trying not to let Titanic splash out of the bowl) yes please
(after arriving at Vandy)
mai: ok, lets bury him here
beth: yes under this tree (starts digging hole)
jo: haha this is so heavy
jacki: we should make a gravestone or something
beth: we love you Titanic
mai: no, you dont say stuff until after its buried
jo: can we put him in yet?
jacki: use the ruler to scoop him out of the bowl
beth: (trying to do so) haha its so hard
jacki: (shrieking) OHMIGOSH ITS ALIVE!
mai: AAHHHHH!!!
jo: shut up, no its not
jacki: i thought i saw it blink!
beth: its dead you idiot
mai: ok put it in the hole
beth: (puts it in the hole) there we go
mai: pat it down
beth: (looking slightly perplexed, pats it down) ok, there we go
jacki: oh, Titanic, we hardly knew yee
jo: ok we need to cover it up
(set about covering the hole with dirt, flowers and those plastic starfish from the bottom of the tank)
beth: all done
jo: its so beautiful
jacki: and now, for the ceremonial tipping over of the fishbowl (kicks fishbowl over so that the water gushes down the footpath)
everyone: (screaming)
jacki: shut up, its ceremonial
mai: haha whatever
beth: farewell Titanic!
(and so it continued for several more minutes in the hopes that by the time we returned to the classroom maths would be over)
jacki: ok. where do we bury him?
beth: well mr ob said to find somewhere "appropriate"
mai: how funny would it be if we just chucked him onto vandy?
beth: ohmigosh lets bury him next to vandy!
jo: hahaha yeah lets go
jacki: ok, ill carry the fishbowl
(after walking for about 2 minutes)
beth: wow. its a long walk to vandy
jo: want me to take the fishbowl?
jacki: (trying not to let Titanic splash out of the bowl) yes please
(after arriving at Vandy)
mai: ok, lets bury him here
beth: yes under this tree (starts digging hole)
jo: haha this is so heavy
jacki: we should make a gravestone or something
beth: we love you Titanic
mai: no, you dont say stuff until after its buried
jo: can we put him in yet?
jacki: use the ruler to scoop him out of the bowl
beth: (trying to do so) haha its so hard
jacki: (shrieking) OHMIGOSH ITS ALIVE!
mai: AAHHHHH!!!
jo: shut up, no its not
jacki: i thought i saw it blink!
beth: its dead you idiot
mai: ok put it in the hole
beth: (puts it in the hole) there we go
mai: pat it down
beth: (looking slightly perplexed, pats it down) ok, there we go
jacki: oh, Titanic, we hardly knew yee
jo: ok we need to cover it up
(set about covering the hole with dirt, flowers and those plastic starfish from the bottom of the tank)
beth: all done
jo: its so beautiful
jacki: and now, for the ceremonial tipping over of the fishbowl (kicks fishbowl over so that the water gushes down the footpath)
everyone: (screaming)
jacki: shut up, its ceremonial
mai: haha whatever
beth: farewell Titanic!
(and so it continued for several more minutes in the hopes that by the time we returned to the classroom maths would be over)
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Titanic - A tribute
so as you may or may not know, our beloved maths class pet, Titanic the fish, passed away today
or as mr ob would say "went to the telstra big pond in the sky"
so this ones for you Titanic
or as mr ob would say "went to the telstra big pond in the sky"
so this ones for you Titanic
The nicest fish I ever knew
Is lying, sideways, in his poo
That sexy fish, all covered in mould
And all the time he was so bold
Never did I know a more noble pet
I had no time to take him to the vet
Cya Titanic, we say goodbye
have fun at telstra big pond in the sky
calling all stalkees
well i decided that since mrs sally is leaving me (LEAVING ME!!) i have to find someone else to stalk.
so any suggestions r welcome
so any suggestions r welcome
stevey
ok.
shut up all you people who are trying to show sympathy for steve irwin and being totally lame about it.
i mean,
seriously
if you want to grieve for the man, go ahead and grieve, he was a national hero, the most famous australian in the world, he preserved our wildlife and educated our children, whatever whatever whatever
but seriously
stop being lame and pretending you know him and then sounding totally stupid on the radio professing your undying love for him or whatever
first of all.
to all you people who say "at least he died doing what he loved"
um. ok
died doing what he loved? what, he loved getting stabbed in the chest, did he?
and second of all, whats with the turtles on msn?
shut up! shut up with the turtles!
do you really think he's going to be brought back by an emoticon?! NO
and also
ITS CROCODILE HUNTER! NOT TURTLE HUNTER!!
turtles are endangered! What, you think steve irwin doesnt know that?!
SHUT UP!
shut up all you people who are trying to show sympathy for steve irwin and being totally lame about it.
i mean,
seriously
if you want to grieve for the man, go ahead and grieve, he was a national hero, the most famous australian in the world, he preserved our wildlife and educated our children, whatever whatever whatever
but seriously
stop being lame and pretending you know him and then sounding totally stupid on the radio professing your undying love for him or whatever
first of all.
to all you people who say "at least he died doing what he loved"
um. ok
died doing what he loved? what, he loved getting stabbed in the chest, did he?
and second of all, whats with the turtles on msn?
shut up! shut up with the turtles!
do you really think he's going to be brought back by an emoticon?! NO
and also
ITS CROCODILE HUNTER! NOT TURTLE HUNTER!!
turtles are endangered! What, you think steve irwin doesnt know that?!
SHUT UP!
Monday, September 04, 2006
ohmigosh was so fun today
well first of all the first thing i practically saw (since i wasnt awake in first period) was emmys face which had exploded yet again, this time from an allergy to makeup so she had to go somewhere to get half her face shaved off or something so basically she looked like Yancy in sleepover when she puts the fake tan on
which of course sparked another round of conversation about yancy and emmy and about how they are long lost twins
then in dt mandy ellen and me had to get these manikins from the fashion parade and carry them across the whole school practically to put them away in the archives office but we had to do it very quietly because mrs collins had actually stolen them and we couldnt let anyone know that we'd taken them because we werent supposed to
but of course its very hard to keep quiet when your friends are carrying two plastic legs and an ass and you're carrying a torso, and the hair is all in your face and the arms and hands keep falling off and you keep using them to grab peoples butts.
so anyway we made it across the school and decided to get into the lift to take us to the office because there was no way i was carrying that thing up the stairs
trouble is when you cram three girls and two manikins into a tiny little lift, when the doors open at the top and you're all laughing and touching the manikins in places i wont mention, it kind of looks like you've been having an orgy
whatever.
it was totally worth it to see amandas face when she walked into the dark office and turned on the light and the first thing she saw was a child manikin dressed in the school uniform (panama hat and all).
anyway then we proceeded to bludge our way through the rest of the dt lesson by carrying things too and from the hall, aimlessly walking around the school and hanging out in the archives office and violating the male manikins.
ok. that last one was just me.
well first of all the first thing i practically saw (since i wasnt awake in first period) was emmys face which had exploded yet again, this time from an allergy to makeup so she had to go somewhere to get half her face shaved off or something so basically she looked like Yancy in sleepover when she puts the fake tan on
which of course sparked another round of conversation about yancy and emmy and about how they are long lost twins
then in dt mandy ellen and me had to get these manikins from the fashion parade and carry them across the whole school practically to put them away in the archives office but we had to do it very quietly because mrs collins had actually stolen them and we couldnt let anyone know that we'd taken them because we werent supposed to
but of course its very hard to keep quiet when your friends are carrying two plastic legs and an ass and you're carrying a torso, and the hair is all in your face and the arms and hands keep falling off and you keep using them to grab peoples butts.
so anyway we made it across the school and decided to get into the lift to take us to the office because there was no way i was carrying that thing up the stairs
trouble is when you cram three girls and two manikins into a tiny little lift, when the doors open at the top and you're all laughing and touching the manikins in places i wont mention, it kind of looks like you've been having an orgy
whatever.
it was totally worth it to see amandas face when she walked into the dark office and turned on the light and the first thing she saw was a child manikin dressed in the school uniform (panama hat and all).
anyway then we proceeded to bludge our way through the rest of the dt lesson by carrying things too and from the hall, aimlessly walking around the school and hanging out in the archives office and violating the male manikins.
ok. that last one was just me.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Ok.
Now im all for High School Musical
Ive watched it. Oh, ive watched it a million times.
And I watched the sing along
And I watched the dance along.
But what did I just see on the tv?
You saw the original. You sung along in the sing-along. You learned the moves in the dance-along…
…now..
do both at the same time!! With the High School Musical sing AND dance along!! Bust a move, sing, and groove, this Sunday at 6.30pm, with the High School Musical sing-and-dance along!
Ok.
Ok.
WHAT THE HELL IS NEXT???
The High School Musical talk-along?
Watch the subtitles at the bottom of the screen and talk out the ENTIRE MOVIE with your friends!
Or what else? The High School Musical act-along?
Learn the steps from the actors themselves, and copy each body movement made by every character in the movie!
The High School Musical bake-along?
Baking is easy, with the High School Musical bake-along! Bake all of Zeke’s favourite treats, starting with, you guessed it – crème brule!
The High School Musical dress-along?
Just grab a sewing machine and some thread, and make your very own High School Musical costumes!! Perform for your family and friends – you’ve got the crap, we’ve got the know-how…lets make high school musical outfits together!!
I mean. For crying out loud.
Oh, who am I kidding, we all know im going to watch it.
Probably twice.
Now im all for High School Musical
Ive watched it. Oh, ive watched it a million times.
And I watched the sing along
And I watched the dance along.
But what did I just see on the tv?
You saw the original. You sung along in the sing-along. You learned the moves in the dance-along…
…now..
do both at the same time!! With the High School Musical sing AND dance along!! Bust a move, sing, and groove, this Sunday at 6.30pm, with the High School Musical sing-and-dance along!
Ok.
Ok.
WHAT THE HELL IS NEXT???
The High School Musical talk-along?
Watch the subtitles at the bottom of the screen and talk out the ENTIRE MOVIE with your friends!
Or what else? The High School Musical act-along?
Learn the steps from the actors themselves, and copy each body movement made by every character in the movie!
The High School Musical bake-along?
Baking is easy, with the High School Musical bake-along! Bake all of Zeke’s favourite treats, starting with, you guessed it – crème brule!
The High School Musical dress-along?
Just grab a sewing machine and some thread, and make your very own High School Musical costumes!! Perform for your family and friends – you’ve got the crap, we’ve got the know-how…lets make high school musical outfits together!!
I mean. For crying out loud.
Oh, who am I kidding, we all know im going to watch it.
Probably twice.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
you know what the worst thing to do is?
well, i was going to say to not eat your lunch, but then i thought, no, thats the second worst thing to do
the worst thing to do is to not eat your lunch AND then to leave the uneaten lunch at the bottom of your school bag until a collection of uneaten lunches start to pile up and suddenly you have so many uneaten lunches in your bag that you cant even fit your pencil case in
and you cant take them out and put them in the bin because your mum will find them and start in on you about how food isnt free and devon doesnt grow on trees (though it would be totally cool if it did because julia would have a mental breakdown), and she'll go on and on and on and on about it until you get so bored that you actually fall asleep right there in front of her, and then she'll start in about how rude your generation is, and how in her day nobody would fall asleep in front of their mothers and then you'll make some tactless comment about how old she is and next thing you know your mums in gaol and you only have half a leg and a chainsaw that doesnt quite work anymore left
so really the only thing you can do is let them collect, but then this turns out bad too, because after a while, all the old sandwiches start to look the same, and those look the same as todays sandwich, so really, when i eat my lunch, i dont know if what im eating is fresh or 3 months old, and the only way to find out is to take a bite
and you know what tastes even worse than a 3 month old sandwich?
a 3 month old snack pack
..
thats gone warm
well, i was going to say to not eat your lunch, but then i thought, no, thats the second worst thing to do
the worst thing to do is to not eat your lunch AND then to leave the uneaten lunch at the bottom of your school bag until a collection of uneaten lunches start to pile up and suddenly you have so many uneaten lunches in your bag that you cant even fit your pencil case in
and you cant take them out and put them in the bin because your mum will find them and start in on you about how food isnt free and devon doesnt grow on trees (though it would be totally cool if it did because julia would have a mental breakdown), and she'll go on and on and on and on about it until you get so bored that you actually fall asleep right there in front of her, and then she'll start in about how rude your generation is, and how in her day nobody would fall asleep in front of their mothers and then you'll make some tactless comment about how old she is and next thing you know your mums in gaol and you only have half a leg and a chainsaw that doesnt quite work anymore left
so really the only thing you can do is let them collect, but then this turns out bad too, because after a while, all the old sandwiches start to look the same, and those look the same as todays sandwich, so really, when i eat my lunch, i dont know if what im eating is fresh or 3 months old, and the only way to find out is to take a bite
and you know what tastes even worse than a 3 month old sandwich?
a 3 month old snack pack
..
thats gone warm
shower thoughts #12
have u ever noticed how when you get out of the shower, the bottoms of your feet are still wet?
...
and then when you run naked from the bathroom to your bedroom you leave watery footprints all over the floorboards, and when you come back some time later to inspect them, you notice they look suspiciously like wolf footprints?
yeah
yeah, me neither :S
...
and then when you run naked from the bathroom to your bedroom you leave watery footprints all over the floorboards, and when you come back some time later to inspect them, you notice they look suspiciously like wolf footprints?
yeah
yeah, me neither :S
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
hitlermort
you know what?
i dont care if no one else belives me
because harry potter is the same story as the holocaust.
i mean
think about it.
it totally works.
voldemort is hitler obviously
and dumbledore can be schindler
the death eaters are the klu klux klan (havent you seen the fourth movie? THEY HAVE THE POINTY HATS AND EVERYTHING!!)
then think about it. hitler wanted an arean (or however you spell it) race, right?
and what did voldemort want?
A RACE OF PURE-BLOOD WIZARDS!
ok.
ok.
OH MY GOSH!!
i am totally a genius. someone give me the nobel prize!
first i figured out how to use myspace, and now this??
ok, forget the nobel prize, just appoint me supreme leader of the universe
i dont care if no one else belives me
because harry potter is the same story as the holocaust.
i mean
think about it.
it totally works.
voldemort is hitler obviously
and dumbledore can be schindler
the death eaters are the klu klux klan (havent you seen the fourth movie? THEY HAVE THE POINTY HATS AND EVERYTHING!!)
then think about it. hitler wanted an arean (or however you spell it) race, right?
and what did voldemort want?
A RACE OF PURE-BLOOD WIZARDS!
ok.
ok.
OH MY GOSH!!
i am totally a genius. someone give me the nobel prize!
first i figured out how to use myspace, and now this??
ok, forget the nobel prize, just appoint me supreme leader of the universe
you know what else i think?
that guy who sells flowers in the carpark opposite st leonards station
yeah?
hes trying to kill me.
ok, well maybe not kill me, but i can see it in his eyes. theres something there. like every time i walk past i can totally tell he is plotting ways of attacking me, shaving my head and using my hair to make woven wicker baskets that he'll use to store flowers
i mean. seriously.
and i can tell what you're thinking
you're thinking this crazy girl, she thinks everyones trying to kill her, first ivan milat, then her modern teacher, then the creature that lurks under her shower, then her maths teacher, then her gym coach, then her other maths teacher, then the creature that lurks in her roof space, then the birds in the park and now this?
well shut up!
because if you dont believe me then your loss because tomorrow morning you will probably wake up bald and surrounded by dozens of hairy woven baskets
and then who will be laughing?
..well probably not me since ill probably be dead since if the flower man got you then the odds of someone else getting me increase at least 45%
that guy who sells flowers in the carpark opposite st leonards station
yeah?
hes trying to kill me.
ok, well maybe not kill me, but i can see it in his eyes. theres something there. like every time i walk past i can totally tell he is plotting ways of attacking me, shaving my head and using my hair to make woven wicker baskets that he'll use to store flowers
i mean. seriously.
and i can tell what you're thinking
you're thinking this crazy girl, she thinks everyones trying to kill her, first ivan milat, then her modern teacher, then the creature that lurks under her shower, then her maths teacher, then her gym coach, then her other maths teacher, then the creature that lurks in her roof space, then the birds in the park and now this?
well shut up!
because if you dont believe me then your loss because tomorrow morning you will probably wake up bald and surrounded by dozens of hairy woven baskets
and then who will be laughing?
..well probably not me since ill probably be dead since if the flower man got you then the odds of someone else getting me increase at least 45%
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
well i can safely say ive added another person to the list of people who want to kill me
seriously though, gym was so bad this morning.
we got there and whalley wasnt there so obviously this was a cause for celebration since she has become the new laura (with tegan taking over the role of the new whalley), and bullies us all to tears almost every tuesday and friday morning
anyway when i arrived she wasnt there so i was quietly rejoycing to myself when i looked up and saw her walking towards me beff han and mel with a look on her face that clearly read:
i'm going to get you jacki trew. you and your friends. and then you'll be sorry you didnt work hard in gym when i told you to. oh yes, very sorry. very sorry indeed (insert evil laugh)
well
as if that didnt freak me out enough, she then proceeded to following us level threes around and forcing us to do many heinous things like 30 leg lifts on the wall bars and 20 casts IN A ROW (which no human being can do without rendering themselves infertile), and then doing multiple tuck jumps and handstands and peggy half turns on the beam until we were just about ready to kill ourselves, but we neednt have bothered since she would probably do that for us anyway
then as we were leaving (actually, it was more like escaping) she turned to bethy and i and said
are you two coming to the competition?
and we were like umm, i dont think so, since bethy didnt want to and im pretty sure i have to babysit that night
and shes like
well thats a crap excuse and if you dont come im going to...well, im not sure what ill do
and we were like kill us? and shes like
no. i dont want you to be dead. i want you to be almost dead. but just alive enough to do your routines.
and i am not even kidding.
what the hell? what kind of a person says that??
ill tell you who
the kind of person who is going to maul you as soon as they can
if they can get to you before ivan milat
which really, considering its me, wont be that easy
seriously though, gym was so bad this morning.
we got there and whalley wasnt there so obviously this was a cause for celebration since she has become the new laura (with tegan taking over the role of the new whalley), and bullies us all to tears almost every tuesday and friday morning
anyway when i arrived she wasnt there so i was quietly rejoycing to myself when i looked up and saw her walking towards me beff han and mel with a look on her face that clearly read:
i'm going to get you jacki trew. you and your friends. and then you'll be sorry you didnt work hard in gym when i told you to. oh yes, very sorry. very sorry indeed (insert evil laugh)
well
as if that didnt freak me out enough, she then proceeded to following us level threes around and forcing us to do many heinous things like 30 leg lifts on the wall bars and 20 casts IN A ROW (which no human being can do without rendering themselves infertile), and then doing multiple tuck jumps and handstands and peggy half turns on the beam until we were just about ready to kill ourselves, but we neednt have bothered since she would probably do that for us anyway
then as we were leaving (actually, it was more like escaping) she turned to bethy and i and said
are you two coming to the competition?
and we were like umm, i dont think so, since bethy didnt want to and im pretty sure i have to babysit that night
and shes like
well thats a crap excuse and if you dont come im going to...well, im not sure what ill do
and we were like kill us? and shes like
no. i dont want you to be dead. i want you to be almost dead. but just alive enough to do your routines.
and i am not even kidding.
what the hell? what kind of a person says that??
ill tell you who
the kind of person who is going to maul you as soon as they can
if they can get to you before ivan milat
which really, considering its me, wont be that easy
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
suckonomics
seriously though
how is it that someone could be so crap at economics?
i mean
i just
dont
get it
like shut up
what the hull
in economics im always so out of it, im either
a) asleep
b) falling asleep
c) staring out the window with my eyes glazed over; or
d) wishing i was in modern
and what makes it even worse is when everyone else is like "oh i get it, the macroeconomic factors suplement the monetary policys instrumental activities, the sullaweego and the pulizeezee are added together to achieve the division of the pack of treewuqwores"
or whatever
and im still drawing pictures of horses with giant wangs on the back of laurens folder
sigh. its just so dam boring
blah blah blah thats what mrs black should be saying. or thats what she may as well be saying. thats all i get out of it.
we watched a video today, and everyone was taking notes. then, at the end of the movie, mrs black turned the tv off and we all looked down at the things we had learned.
of course everyone else had practically written essays on the american economy.
what did i have on my page?
'emmy rocks my world' in red pen, and a picture of a bald man dancing
and a drawing of a horse with a giant wang
oh, yeah
im going to pass this exam for sure
how is it that someone could be so crap at economics?
i mean
i just
dont
get it
like shut up
what the hull
in economics im always so out of it, im either
a) asleep
b) falling asleep
c) staring out the window with my eyes glazed over; or
d) wishing i was in modern
and what makes it even worse is when everyone else is like "oh i get it, the macroeconomic factors suplement the monetary policys instrumental activities, the sullaweego and the pulizeezee are added together to achieve the division of the pack of treewuqwores"
or whatever
and im still drawing pictures of horses with giant wangs on the back of laurens folder
sigh. its just so dam boring
blah blah blah thats what mrs black should be saying. or thats what she may as well be saying. thats all i get out of it.
we watched a video today, and everyone was taking notes. then, at the end of the movie, mrs black turned the tv off and we all looked down at the things we had learned.
of course everyone else had practically written essays on the american economy.
what did i have on my page?
'emmy rocks my world' in red pen, and a picture of a bald man dancing
and a drawing of a horse with a giant wang
oh, yeah
im going to pass this exam for sure
Thursday, August 24, 2006
mmm...meat
so
another day, another night to procrastinate when im supposed to be doing homework and end up doing something totally pathetic like when i fell asleep at 430 this afternoon in my school uniform with half a sandwich in my mouth
i guess the bright side was that when i woke up i got to enjoy a sandwich
but seriously.
there are times when you dont want the first thing you taste after being asleep to be warm salami
and not warm in the good way
is there a good way for salami to be warm? probably not unless you're some meat-infested person like jess who once injested like 47 cutlets in one sitting
dude. jess
you're my hero
but anyway what i really wanted to talk about probably doesnt make sense so ill just rant about catherine and how you should ALL ATTACK HER AS SOON AS YOU SEE HER because she keeps refusing to make home movies with me!!!
its all "not now jacki" and "piss of jacki" and "maybe tomorrow night jacki" and "i have to study for the hsc jacki"
pfft.
hsc.
like that matters as much as my home movies. am i right? am i right?
of course im right. so you should all maul catherine face off, but dont injure her enough that she cant be in the home movies unless you want me to go back to getting my mum to film, and really, i think shes been traumatised enough.
p.s. i miss you bethy!
another day, another night to procrastinate when im supposed to be doing homework and end up doing something totally pathetic like when i fell asleep at 430 this afternoon in my school uniform with half a sandwich in my mouth
i guess the bright side was that when i woke up i got to enjoy a sandwich
but seriously.
there are times when you dont want the first thing you taste after being asleep to be warm salami
and not warm in the good way
is there a good way for salami to be warm? probably not unless you're some meat-infested person like jess who once injested like 47 cutlets in one sitting
dude. jess
you're my hero
but anyway what i really wanted to talk about probably doesnt make sense so ill just rant about catherine and how you should ALL ATTACK HER AS SOON AS YOU SEE HER because she keeps refusing to make home movies with me!!!
its all "not now jacki" and "piss of jacki" and "maybe tomorrow night jacki" and "i have to study for the hsc jacki"
pfft.
hsc.
like that matters as much as my home movies. am i right? am i right?
of course im right. so you should all maul catherine face off, but dont injure her enough that she cant be in the home movies unless you want me to go back to getting my mum to film, and really, i think shes been traumatised enough.
p.s. i miss you bethy!
mooooooddderrrrrnnnn next which is so good because i am totally having modern withdrawals from not enough modern
im going to make a school where the only teacher is emmy and all we learn is modern
i tell you!
and also im missing you beffy so u have to hurry up and get better and come back to school because there is no one to correct us when we miss-pronounce words in modern!
what are we to do??
WHAT I ASK YOU???
anyway yes tata because i am off to modern to have the best time of my life which is what always happens in modern unless emmys face has exploded again
im going to make a school where the only teacher is emmy and all we learn is modern
i tell you!
and also im missing you beffy so u have to hurry up and get better and come back to school because there is no one to correct us when we miss-pronounce words in modern!
what are we to do??
WHAT I ASK YOU???
anyway yes tata because i am off to modern to have the best time of my life which is what always happens in modern unless emmys face has exploded again
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Shower Thoughts #10
is it bad when you start classifying animals into food groups instead of the type of animals they are?
blogging for bethy
so im bl0gging for bethy who is home sick and probably on her deathbed which isnt really funny but i guess it would be funny if it was me, because theres something about me and dying that people seem to find funny
i guess
anyway today we had those prefect announcements which were pretty good except that LAUREN SMITH became prefect and then bullied me and gemma so beth you should come back to protect us and it will be good
oh mitchys coming so i better go before she deep-fries me!!!
i guess
anyway today we had those prefect announcements which were pretty good except that LAUREN SMITH became prefect and then bullied me and gemma so beth you should come back to protect us and it will be good
oh mitchys coming so i better go before she deep-fries me!!!
Monday, August 21, 2006
greys anatomy
ew.
ew.
ew.
so ohmigosh i just watched greys anatomy and i am so going to fly to america and stab dr sheppard in the back because he is such a knobhead to meredith and like ohmigosh shut up dr sheppard.
she should so totally be with george anyway because how can anyone resist george he is just too cute and i would have babies with him like in one second except that he should end up with meredith because that would just be better
anyway it was an emotional episode of greys anatomy, what with the operations, threat of blowing up the whole hospital, having to convince bailey to give birth, issi and alex having sex in a cupboard and some guy exploding his seedy seedy insides all over merediths face, but i have to say the best bit was when bailey named her son george, which just was such a beautiful moment that i had to console myself with a piece of chocolate cake that was roughly the same size as my head.
ok
fine
two pieces
ew.
ew.
so ohmigosh i just watched greys anatomy and i am so going to fly to america and stab dr sheppard in the back because he is such a knobhead to meredith and like ohmigosh shut up dr sheppard.
she should so totally be with george anyway because how can anyone resist george he is just too cute and i would have babies with him like in one second except that he should end up with meredith because that would just be better
anyway it was an emotional episode of greys anatomy, what with the operations, threat of blowing up the whole hospital, having to convince bailey to give birth, issi and alex having sex in a cupboard and some guy exploding his seedy seedy insides all over merediths face, but i have to say the best bit was when bailey named her son george, which just was such a beautiful moment that i had to console myself with a piece of chocolate cake that was roughly the same size as my head.
ok
fine
two pieces
Saturday, August 19, 2006
top ten
top ten things that I (after trying them all) have realised a human should never do
10. Believe someone when they tell you that foam packing is made from corn, and eat half a box of it
9. Put a plastic tupperware container of mashed potato in the microwave for 25 minutes and forget about it
8. Choose economics
7. Try to remove fake tan with nail-polish remover
6. Try to remove fake tan with hair bleach
5. Try to remove fake tan with chlorine for the pool
4. Attempt to get changed inside a sleeping bag in the dark
3. Trust catherine trew
2. Let it slip that you watch big brother
and the number one thing that I (after doing them all) have realised a human should never do?
1. laugh when your favourite teacher shows you a picture of their boyfriend
Friday, August 18, 2006
Roof Attack
another thing i just realised.
that another being in my house is trying to attack me.
like every night when im about to go to sleep i hear this banging on the roof above my head, in the attic thing that no one can get into. and i wonder...what is this thing living in my roof that is surely coming to kill me in the night?
so i asked mummy. and she said
its a possum you silly girl
and i said
its not a possum! its gollum! gollum i tell you!!
so then she decided to ignore me because of my insistence that a character from a fantasy novel was living in our roof space and plotting my death as we speak.
but whatever.
she just cant see what is right in front of her. and when i wake up dead because Gollum has escaped from our roof and killed me in the night, she will be sorry, so sorry, and she will say
oh, if only i had believed jacki when she said it was gollum, and not just assumed that it was crazy talk, as i always do, because, you know, its jacki
and i will say (from the grave)
thats right mum
and gollum will say (from the roof)
you're next, jane trew
and mum will say
aw crap
that another being in my house is trying to attack me.
like every night when im about to go to sleep i hear this banging on the roof above my head, in the attic thing that no one can get into. and i wonder...what is this thing living in my roof that is surely coming to kill me in the night?
so i asked mummy. and she said
its a possum you silly girl
and i said
its not a possum! its gollum! gollum i tell you!!
so then she decided to ignore me because of my insistence that a character from a fantasy novel was living in our roof space and plotting my death as we speak.
but whatever.
she just cant see what is right in front of her. and when i wake up dead because Gollum has escaped from our roof and killed me in the night, she will be sorry, so sorry, and she will say
oh, if only i had believed jacki when she said it was gollum, and not just assumed that it was crazy talk, as i always do, because, you know, its jacki
and i will say (from the grave)
thats right mum
and gollum will say (from the roof)
you're next, jane trew
and mum will say
aw crap
MSPA
well i just got back from mspa which was eventful, first we got to see kiera, who was renamed the crip, and has now been renamed super crip because of her leg, which looked very bionic and cool.
then also we got to watch the year sevens dance their little dances and shake their little underdeveloped booties since they havent hit puberty yet (sparking our whole row to start shaking our fists and yell out "just wait, one day you'll have hips too!")
also good was the number of people in the show who sang or made references about songs from high school musical, it was excellent.
then in the interval emmy came to visit me and give me a disgusting packet of seedy squishy lollies that she bought without realising how seedy and squishy they were i guess, but since she gave them to me i ate them.
then we watched the second half of the show which was good, but not as good, because one group danced to that heinous heinous technological futuristic frog song or whatever its called, which shouldnt even be called a song since there is no real music in it, its just some loser who has a lot of time and too much know-how about computers.
but then tash made the second half good with her drum playing in the last act, and it was so beautiful i wept with passion at her drum banging, truly there has never been a better drum banger than tash.
anyway then i came home and blogged for you milli, so you should love me and comment because you love my blog so much and obviously i love you otherwise i wouldnt have blogged.
even though i probably would have anyway. but this is a special milli blog :)
tata my darlings, im off to do something unproductive!
then also we got to watch the year sevens dance their little dances and shake their little underdeveloped booties since they havent hit puberty yet (sparking our whole row to start shaking our fists and yell out "just wait, one day you'll have hips too!")
also good was the number of people in the show who sang or made references about songs from high school musical, it was excellent.
then in the interval emmy came to visit me and give me a disgusting packet of seedy squishy lollies that she bought without realising how seedy and squishy they were i guess, but since she gave them to me i ate them.
then we watched the second half of the show which was good, but not as good, because one group danced to that heinous heinous technological futuristic frog song or whatever its called, which shouldnt even be called a song since there is no real music in it, its just some loser who has a lot of time and too much know-how about computers.
but then tash made the second half good with her drum playing in the last act, and it was so beautiful i wept with passion at her drum banging, truly there has never been a better drum banger than tash.
anyway then i came home and blogged for you milli, so you should love me and comment because you love my blog so much and obviously i love you otherwise i wouldnt have blogged.
even though i probably would have anyway. but this is a special milli blog :)
tata my darlings, im off to do something unproductive!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
shower attack
i had a feeling, just now.
you know.
when you're in the shower and you feel like you're about to be attacked.
i got that feeling.
i mean. i could practically hear the Phsyco theme music.
im pretty sure, i mean i cant say definitely, but im pretty sure..
theres a collection of molted hair festering just under the plug hole in my shower.
its huge. its hairy. its mad. its alive.
and its coming to get me.
seriously. like every time ive had a shower in the last week, the bottom of the shower fills up with water even though most of its going down the plug hole.
which makes me think BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUMMMMM
the molted hair monster is blocking the plug hole and trying to get through and shred me to pieces!
OH
MY
GOSH
ok...
IM ABOUT TO GET KILLED BY MY OWN HAIR.
or rather, someone elses hair, since i never molt my own hair, since that would be just plain seedy.
also if i had molted that much hair, i would be bald.
seriously. this thing is big.
i can hear it gurgling in glee everytime i go into the bathroom.
its plotting my death I tell you!! someone has to help me!!!
oh no, all this exitement about being stalked by a ball of hair has got my bladder all riled up and now i need to pee, but i cant go into the bathroom because the hair-savage will get me and i will die!! but if i stay here and dont pee, i will die from lack of..of..peeing!!
so again, ive got myself into a situation where, no matter what i do, im going to end up dead.
why does that keep happening?
you know.
when you're in the shower and you feel like you're about to be attacked.
i got that feeling.
i mean. i could practically hear the Phsyco theme music.
im pretty sure, i mean i cant say definitely, but im pretty sure..
theres a collection of molted hair festering just under the plug hole in my shower.
its huge. its hairy. its mad. its alive.
and its coming to get me.
seriously. like every time ive had a shower in the last week, the bottom of the shower fills up with water even though most of its going down the plug hole.
which makes me think BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUMMMMM
the molted hair monster is blocking the plug hole and trying to get through and shred me to pieces!
OH
MY
GOSH
ok...
IM ABOUT TO GET KILLED BY MY OWN HAIR.
or rather, someone elses hair, since i never molt my own hair, since that would be just plain seedy.
also if i had molted that much hair, i would be bald.
seriously. this thing is big.
i can hear it gurgling in glee everytime i go into the bathroom.
its plotting my death I tell you!! someone has to help me!!!
oh no, all this exitement about being stalked by a ball of hair has got my bladder all riled up and now i need to pee, but i cant go into the bathroom because the hair-savage will get me and i will die!! but if i stay here and dont pee, i will die from lack of..of..peeing!!
so again, ive got myself into a situation where, no matter what i do, im going to end up dead.
why does that keep happening?
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
cat and baisy's home movies
for all you randoms who like watching me do random crap in real life, now you can do it without me, in the privacy of your own home
just scroll to the very bottom of my blog for all the crazy home movies you could ever want.
new movies added every couple of days!
so grab the popcorn, sit back, and enjoy.
its normal people
its normal crap
...
but we've got a video camera
just scroll to the very bottom of my blog for all the crazy home movies you could ever want.
new movies added every couple of days!
so grab the popcorn, sit back, and enjoy.
its normal people
its normal crap
...
but we've got a video camera
heinousday
well today was absolutely heinous in every way possible.
- i had gym at 645 in the morning and when i tried to go to the toilet Whalley attacked me and made me do 50 sit ups which just put more pressure on my bladder and made me want to go to the toilet even more, which i hate
- i had ancient first and as if that isnt bad enough, we had The Boof as a sub, and she gave me the evil eye all morning, praying that i would do something wrong so she could rip out my jugular vein or something. then when she left, we had the equally revolting mrs wonwan woman or whatever her name is, who likes to terrify people by sidling up behind them and then randomly trying to chime into their conversations
- i missed out on a totally good party at lunch becoz i had to stay in at lunch to do dt (now thats what i call dedication) and i didnt really seem to get anything done at all, except cut my pattern out wrong and spill a whole box of pins onto my lap
- emmy screamed at me like 10 times in modern, which, while probably justifiable, is also just plain mean, especially since i already explained to her that she should be extra nice to me since the rest of the teachers so obviously want to kill me and hack my body into a thousand tiny pieces, or implant a bazooka into me like that guy on Greys Anatomy so id explode so hard that there wouldnt even be bits of jacki left, it would just be a red mist
- i lost my pen. which was just probably the suckiest bit of the day because I NEED MY PEN
dammit. tomorrow better be good otherwise im going to set fire to the boof.
haha NO
so basically today we had that whole talk
you know
'girls, its that special time, that time of your lives when you become the leaders of the school, yadda yadda yadda, and we want you to remember that being a prefect isnt about being popular, its about being able to put up with all the crap we make you do because we cant be bothered to get off our fannies and do it ourselves yadda yadda yadda, and you should know that once you get into year 12 its not just the prefects who're the leaders, its all of you girls because we love you all and care about you all, yadda yadda yadda'
right. i am so sure.
like she even knows my name.
she probably has some scanning system, like those robots you see on tv sometimes.
like..
scanning....(sees Julia)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Hani)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Lauren)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Jacki)
system overload. uncontrollable student. seek target and destroy.
pfft. whatever. like i am so going to sign myself up for that after last time.
oh, and after her little speech about how being a prefect can be "a very lonely time"
you know
'girls, its that special time, that time of your lives when you become the leaders of the school, yadda yadda yadda, and we want you to remember that being a prefect isnt about being popular, its about being able to put up with all the crap we make you do because we cant be bothered to get off our fannies and do it ourselves yadda yadda yadda, and you should know that once you get into year 12 its not just the prefects who're the leaders, its all of you girls because we love you all and care about you all, yadda yadda yadda'
right. i am so sure.
like she even knows my name.
she probably has some scanning system, like those robots you see on tv sometimes.
like..
scanning....(sees Julia)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Hani)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Lauren)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Jacki)
system overload. uncontrollable student. seek target and destroy.
pfft. whatever. like i am so going to sign myself up for that after last time.
oh, and after her little speech about how being a prefect can be "a very lonely time"
Saturday, August 12, 2006
coming soon...
the only thing this blog didnt have
and now its here
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND MAKE SURE YOUR UNDIES DONT FALL DOWN BECAUSE..
...
(drum roll)
...
JACKIS BLOG NOW HAS HOME MOVIES!
stay tuned for more
and now its here
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND MAKE SURE YOUR UNDIES DONT FALL DOWN BECAUSE..
...
(drum roll)
...
JACKIS BLOG NOW HAS HOME MOVIES!
stay tuned for more
the worst thing about being sick is the addictions.
and that sounds crazy, but well, i am crazy, SO SHUT UP!
take the following conversation (i seem to do conversations alot), between me and catherine, not long ago.
catherine: im going downstairs. you want anything?
me: rub
catherine: what?
me: RUB!
catherine: are you on crack?
me: I NEED MORE RUB!! MORE RUB!
catherine: thats it! IM CUTTING YOU OFF FROM THE VICKS VAPOUR RUB!
me: please, no!
aw crap. she hid the vicks. its my only comfort.
vick, where are you? i miss you!
i miss your scent. i miss your laugh.
vick, when this is all over, i think you, me, and emmy should get an apartment together.
p.s
congratulations, me, on my 250th post.
and that sounds crazy, but well, i am crazy, SO SHUT UP!
take the following conversation (i seem to do conversations alot), between me and catherine, not long ago.
catherine: im going downstairs. you want anything?
me: rub
catherine: what?
me: RUB!
catherine: are you on crack?
me: I NEED MORE RUB!! MORE RUB!
catherine: thats it! IM CUTTING YOU OFF FROM THE VICKS VAPOUR RUB!
me: please, no!
aw crap. she hid the vicks. its my only comfort.
vick, where are you? i miss you!
i miss your scent. i miss your laugh.
vick, when this is all over, i think you, me, and emmy should get an apartment together.
p.s
congratulations, me, on my 250th post.
Friday, August 11, 2006
calling all ivan milats
ok.
so i was just watching tv and i saw this ad for Swiss Stainless knives which completely freaked me out because it was practically begging people to become the next ivan milat.
WHICH EVERYONE KNOWS IS EMMYS JOB. which she will initiate with the senseless murder of me and beth, and possibly casey.
anyway. this is how it went:
tv: Are your knives blunt?
me: No
tv: Are you sick and tired of not being able to cut your soft tomatoes?
me: Not really
tv: Well here's the solution! New Swiss Stainless knives have a double cerated edge and NEVER NEED TO BE SHARPENED!
me: Ok..
tv: They can cut through ANYTHING! from metal pipes...to cauliflower...to peoples necks...
me: (starting to pay attention) What?
tv: And if you're not 100% satisfied, send them back, and we'll replace them...WITH MORE KILLER KNIVES!!
me: argh!
tv: And look at the huge range we have! (Shows footage of a wooden chopping board covered with 5 different knives).
me: oh what the
tv: And if you order now, you'll get the super extended pack! (Shows footage of a wooden chopping board covered with 10 different knives, a pair of scissors, and something that looks suspiciously like the hook from I Know What You Did Last Summer).
me: aaaaah!
tv: But thats not all! Call in the next 34 seconds, and you'll get the deluxe super extended limited edition pack! (Shows footage of two of the super extended packs next to each other).
me: HOLY CRAP!
tv: And its only $79.95!
me: ONLY $79.95???
tv: Thats right! $800 worth of lethal weapons for only $79.95!
me: baaaaaah!!! (runs out of room)
catherine: idiot
so i was just watching tv and i saw this ad for Swiss Stainless knives which completely freaked me out because it was practically begging people to become the next ivan milat.
WHICH EVERYONE KNOWS IS EMMYS JOB. which she will initiate with the senseless murder of me and beth, and possibly casey.
anyway. this is how it went:
tv: Are your knives blunt?
me: No
tv: Are you sick and tired of not being able to cut your soft tomatoes?
me: Not really
tv: Well here's the solution! New Swiss Stainless knives have a double cerated edge and NEVER NEED TO BE SHARPENED!
me: Ok..
tv: They can cut through ANYTHING! from metal pipes...to cauliflower...to peoples necks...
me: (starting to pay attention) What?
tv: And if you're not 100% satisfied, send them back, and we'll replace them...WITH MORE KILLER KNIVES!!
me: argh!
tv: And look at the huge range we have! (Shows footage of a wooden chopping board covered with 5 different knives).
me: oh what the
tv: And if you order now, you'll get the super extended pack! (Shows footage of a wooden chopping board covered with 10 different knives, a pair of scissors, and something that looks suspiciously like the hook from I Know What You Did Last Summer).
me: aaaaah!
tv: But thats not all! Call in the next 34 seconds, and you'll get the deluxe super extended limited edition pack! (Shows footage of two of the super extended packs next to each other).
me: HOLY CRAP!
tv: And its only $79.95!
me: ONLY $79.95???
tv: Thats right! $800 worth of lethal weapons for only $79.95!
me: baaaaaah!!! (runs out of room)
catherine: idiot
the real voldemort
you know what i realised today, when i was lying in bed and reached for something to look at and the first thing my hand came across was the second harry potter book?
voldemort.
is 66.
thats right. the snake-face freako guy who we're all supposed to be terrified of is practically old enough to be my great grandfather.
no wonder hes so crusty.
well how am i supposed to take the book seriously now! how can i, when the guy who is supposed to strike fear in all our hearts IS AN OLD PERSON?????
voldemort.
is 66.
thats right. the snake-face freako guy who we're all supposed to be terrified of is practically old enough to be my great grandfather.
no wonder hes so crusty.
well how am i supposed to take the book seriously now! how can i, when the guy who is supposed to strike fear in all our hearts IS AN OLD PERSON?????
Thursday, August 10, 2006
addicted to sucky tv
so
i just watched the last episode of lost.
and it sucked.
just like every other episode of lost.
ooh, the suspense! i cant wait till february! only 6 months until the next season of unresolved plotlines and characters which didnt make sense in the first place!
i mean. did they really think we'd forget about that whole polar-bear thing??
i just watched the last episode of lost.
and it sucked.
just like every other episode of lost.
ooh, the suspense! i cant wait till february! only 6 months until the next season of unresolved plotlines and characters which didnt make sense in the first place!
i mean. did they really think we'd forget about that whole polar-bear thing??
back to school, back to school
well im still dying, im practically coughing up bile, well i would be if i knew what bile was, but i dont.
BUT i have decided to probably return to school tomorrow because i heard emmy made me some sort of inflatible treat, i dont know what that means but it sounds tantalising so im there.
anyway because obviously i havent been able to blog for like 3 days because ive been unconcious for the most part of the last 73 hours ill blog now for all you blog-addicts who have had "blog withdrawals" and have "missed me with the passion of a desert windstorm" - according to gemma.
so ill return to school (probably unless when i wake up dead in the morning) for modern but that means that ill probably also have to endure ancient which wont be so pleasant and i would actually rather die than see mitcheys face, but then if i stay home and spend another day without emmy and vandy i will also die, so either way im going to end up dead.
which is actually kind of funny.
BUT i have decided to probably return to school tomorrow because i heard emmy made me some sort of inflatible treat, i dont know what that means but it sounds tantalising so im there.
anyway because obviously i havent been able to blog for like 3 days because ive been unconcious for the most part of the last 73 hours ill blog now for all you blog-addicts who have had "blog withdrawals" and have "missed me with the passion of a desert windstorm" - according to gemma.
so ill return to school (probably unless when i wake up dead in the morning) for modern but that means that ill probably also have to endure ancient which wont be so pleasant and i would actually rather die than see mitcheys face, but then if i stay home and spend another day without emmy and vandy i will also die, so either way im going to end up dead.
which is actually kind of funny.
Monday, August 07, 2006
OHMIGOSH i just realised i have so totally forgotten to blog about how crappy my sister is at arguing.
and seriously.
julia can testify to this.
so the first time we were arguing it was about sport...
catherine: so anyway i have training this afternoon
julia: oh what training?
catherine: um, hockey. gosh how could u not know that?
jacki: well we dont do school sport
julia: yeah so we dont know much about it
catherine: but dont you know anything? like dont you know that hockey is on the same term as netball? i mean, you guys do netball!
julia: yeah but we dont do it with the school
jacki: yeah we're in a different competition
catherine: but wait, shut up! dont you listen in assembly?
jacki and julia: um, no
catherine: but dont you have friends who do school sport?
jacki: well yeah.
julia: but none of them do hockey
catherine: well then its your problem
jacki: but you're the one who has a problem with us not knowing
catherine: ohmigosh i so totally do not! what are you even talking about?
jacki and julia: (giving each other confused looks)
then catherine asked me about something in my maths book which she had borrowed from me...
catherine: hey, what chapter are you guys up to in maths?
jacki: um, ten. i think
catherine: ok (pause). So what does this mean?
jacki: I dont know
catherine: well, its in chapter six. if you're up to chapter ten, you should know it.
jacki: well maybe we didnt do it. or maybe I didnt do it, remember I havent been in general maths the whole time.
catherine: yeah but havent you caught up?!
jacki: well, a little, but i have more important things to do, like modern (that one was for you emmy ;))
catherine: um, well then you suck
jacki: excuse me. if you're in year 12, then shouldnt you know it anyway? thats year 11 work
catherine: um, shut up, no i shouldnt know it because i wasnt in general maths the whole time either you know!
jacki: well you've been in it for longer than me. and if you're so concerned with people catching up on their work, shouldnt you have caught up on yours too?
catherine: um, shut up! its totally different for me anyway.
jacki: sigh
then this most recent one when catherine wanted to watch It Takes Two...
jacki: (watching It Takes Two) This show sucks! (Changes channel)
catherine: Ohmigosh, i was so watching that. (Unplugs the foxtel and changes the channel on the wrong remote so that an extremely fuzzy image of It Takes Two comes up on the screen and im unable to change the channel)
jacki: Um. If you want to watch it that badly..
catherine: shut up!
jacki: If you want to watch it that badly, just plug the foxtel back in and ill change it back to channel 7
catherine: Um. no
jacki: But dont you want to watch It Takes Two?
catherine: I am.
jacki: But dont you want the image to be clear not all fuzzy like that?
catherine: No, i like it like this.
jacki: But...
catherine: shut up!
jacki: Dont you realise how much of an idiot you are?
catherine: Dont you have anything better to do with your time?
jacki: Dont you?
catherine: no i dont!
OHMIGOSH
...
OHMIGOSH!
and seriously.
julia can testify to this.
so the first time we were arguing it was about sport...
catherine: so anyway i have training this afternoon
julia: oh what training?
catherine: um, hockey. gosh how could u not know that?
jacki: well we dont do school sport
julia: yeah so we dont know much about it
catherine: but dont you know anything? like dont you know that hockey is on the same term as netball? i mean, you guys do netball!
julia: yeah but we dont do it with the school
jacki: yeah we're in a different competition
catherine: but wait, shut up! dont you listen in assembly?
jacki and julia: um, no
catherine: but dont you have friends who do school sport?
jacki: well yeah.
julia: but none of them do hockey
catherine: well then its your problem
jacki: but you're the one who has a problem with us not knowing
catherine: ohmigosh i so totally do not! what are you even talking about?
jacki and julia: (giving each other confused looks)
then catherine asked me about something in my maths book which she had borrowed from me...
catherine: hey, what chapter are you guys up to in maths?
jacki: um, ten. i think
catherine: ok (pause). So what does this mean?
jacki: I dont know
catherine: well, its in chapter six. if you're up to chapter ten, you should know it.
jacki: well maybe we didnt do it. or maybe I didnt do it, remember I havent been in general maths the whole time.
catherine: yeah but havent you caught up?!
jacki: well, a little, but i have more important things to do, like modern (that one was for you emmy ;))
catherine: um, well then you suck
jacki: excuse me. if you're in year 12, then shouldnt you know it anyway? thats year 11 work
catherine: um, shut up, no i shouldnt know it because i wasnt in general maths the whole time either you know!
jacki: well you've been in it for longer than me. and if you're so concerned with people catching up on their work, shouldnt you have caught up on yours too?
catherine: um, shut up! its totally different for me anyway.
jacki: sigh
then this most recent one when catherine wanted to watch It Takes Two...
jacki: (watching It Takes Two) This show sucks! (Changes channel)
catherine: Ohmigosh, i was so watching that. (Unplugs the foxtel and changes the channel on the wrong remote so that an extremely fuzzy image of It Takes Two comes up on the screen and im unable to change the channel)
jacki: Um. If you want to watch it that badly..
catherine: shut up!
jacki: If you want to watch it that badly, just plug the foxtel back in and ill change it back to channel 7
catherine: Um. no
jacki: But dont you want to watch It Takes Two?
catherine: I am.
jacki: But dont you want the image to be clear not all fuzzy like that?
catherine: No, i like it like this.
jacki: But...
catherine: shut up!
jacki: Dont you realise how much of an idiot you are?
catherine: Dont you have anything better to do with your time?
jacki: Dont you?
catherine: no i dont!
OHMIGOSH
...
OHMIGOSH!
oh me oh my oh yes!
so im looking around peoples myspaces to see what all the fuss is about and i see that on pats myspace he has completed some sort of quiz.
so im scrolling down reading the answers to the questions and i come across the question
do you stalk people?
and his answer was
im not jacki
...
*clapps with glee*
im famous!
(www.myspace.com/ppaattoo) if u want proof
so im scrolling down reading the answers to the questions and i come across the question
do you stalk people?
and his answer was
im not jacki
...
*clapps with glee*
im famous!
(www.myspace.com/ppaattoo) if u want proof
total sucko
well today was pretty uneventful
probably the best thing that happened to me was when i was walking past the middle school lawn and i saw this bird taking in a bath in one of those giant holes in the grass that had filled with water.
yeah. that was pretty good.
i didnt even get to enjoy my time with shanny seeings as she totally barred me the first time i saw her (but as this happens every time i see her so i didnt really notice her hating me) and then in modern she decided to hate me some more.
i dont know what it is about me and teachers. i mean obviously im a complete angel, so why do they hate me so much?
oh well.
dont worry emmy, all is forgiven.
probably the best thing that happened to me was when i was walking past the middle school lawn and i saw this bird taking in a bath in one of those giant holes in the grass that had filled with water.
yeah. that was pretty good.
i didnt even get to enjoy my time with shanny seeings as she totally barred me the first time i saw her (but as this happens every time i see her so i didnt really notice her hating me) and then in modern she decided to hate me some more.
i dont know what it is about me and teachers. i mean obviously im a complete angel, so why do they hate me so much?
oh well.
dont worry emmy, all is forgiven.
Friday, August 04, 2006
bare-assed (again)
well today was pretty normal until my dad decided that he needed me and catherine to come down to the sailing club with him and carry some old boat around and then attach it to the trailer.
so that worked pretty successfully so while my dad was tying the boat to the trailer he told me and catherine to go lock up the shed, which has one of those rolly-doors like u get on a garage, but instead of having a remote control, you have to pull it down yourself.
so i was being the helpful daughter and reaching up to pull it down, and then something else got pulled down, but it wasnt the rolly-door, it was my pants, and i wasnt pulling them down, catherine was.
so there i was, naked from the waist down in front of pretty much anyone who lives on the lane cove river, and i thought hey.
this feels pretty familiar.
so then i chased catherine around and tried to pull down her pants (remembering to pull my own up about half-way through the chase) and we both ended up ass-down in a pile of mud which felt oh so bad, yet oh so good at the same time.
so that worked pretty successfully so while my dad was tying the boat to the trailer he told me and catherine to go lock up the shed, which has one of those rolly-doors like u get on a garage, but instead of having a remote control, you have to pull it down yourself.
so i was being the helpful daughter and reaching up to pull it down, and then something else got pulled down, but it wasnt the rolly-door, it was my pants, and i wasnt pulling them down, catherine was.
so there i was, naked from the waist down in front of pretty much anyone who lives on the lane cove river, and i thought hey.
this feels pretty familiar.
so then i chased catherine around and tried to pull down her pants (remembering to pull my own up about half-way through the chase) and we both ended up ass-down in a pile of mud which felt oh so bad, yet oh so good at the same time.
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