shower attack

i had a feeling, just now.
you know.
when you're in the shower and you feel like you're about to be attacked.

i got that feeling.
i mean. i could practically hear the Phsyco theme music.

im pretty sure, i mean i cant say definitely, but im pretty sure..
theres a collection of molted hair festering just under the plug hole in my shower.
its huge. its hairy. its mad. its alive.
and its coming to get me.

seriously. like every time ive had a shower in the last week, the bottom of the shower fills up with water even though most of its going down the plug hole.
which makes me think BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUMMMMM
the molted hair monster is blocking the plug hole and trying to get through and shred me to pieces!
OH
MY
GOSH
ok...

IM ABOUT TO GET KILLED BY MY OWN HAIR.
or rather, someone elses hair, since i never molt my own hair, since that would be just plain seedy.
also if i had molted that much hair, i would be bald.
seriously. this thing is big.
i can hear it gurgling in glee everytime i go into the bathroom.
its plotting my death I tell you!! someone has to help me!!!

oh no, all this exitement about being stalked by a ball of hair has got my bladder all riled up and now i need to pee, but i cant go into the bathroom because the hair-savage will get me and i will die!! but if i stay here and dont pee, i will die from lack of..of..peeing!!

so again, ive got myself into a situation where, no matter what i do, im going to end up dead.
why does that keep happening?