jacki?

ok
seriously
what is with the crap that comes with my name
everyone else has cool names
like julia
she has like 10 songs named after her, and a character in the Duchess of Malfi AND a type of flower
and kiera
she has a mountain named after her
and mel, who has the same name as TWO of the spice girls
and like everyone else has something cool with their name
and what do i get? nothing.
nothing
NOTHING
seriously
and it sucks. like, i tried to find a flower called the jacki flower
and what do i get, when i type in "jacki flower" into google.com/images
this poo and wee and babypoo coloured piece of crap which makes me want to vomit and you probably wouldnt even notice if i vomited on it, since its practically the colour of poo-coloured vomit.
and what do i get when i try to find a song called jacki?
oh some song thats called jacki and seems like its going to be really nice but when i actually download it and listen to it (that was illegal - shh!) it turns out to be this random old guy singing spanish bullfighting music or some crap
and just when your like "what the hell does this crap have to do with jacki?" it gets to the chorus and you hear the random old guy going "ohh and they called me jacki, they called me jacki"
so its like oh.
oh.
oh.
by the way betch. THAT SUCKED
because first of all, the only song that was named after me is this spanish bullfighting crap, and it was sung by a man AND the "jacki" is a man
which just sucks
am i a man? well probably. but still
and then when i tried to find something remotely not repulsive by just typing "jacki" into google.com/images, all i got was pictures of female body builders
i mean
come on
cant i catch a break? that just sucks
this just sucks!
and then you know what i thought, i thought, maybe my name doesnt have flowers or songs or people that arent grotesque attached to it, but it probably has some cool meaning, something like
"the finest stalker to ever roam the hills"
or something
so i type in my name into www.zelo.com/firstnames to find out my destiny and what do i get?
SORRY.
we have no information on this name
(http://www.zelo.com/firstnames/findresults.asp?name=jacki&x=32&y=16)
maul
maul your faces
thats what ill do
then theyll put me in the dictionary and ill get songs about mauling people named after me
im about to strike a blow for all the jackis, so saddle up your booties and flare your pettycoats and do all that other important crap because the jackis are about to storm the world