I'm watching a rerun of Project Runway at the moment. Its a really old episode, the one where they have to make a cozzi that you could also wear to a club. Who comes up with these ideas?
Anyway, as I'm watching it, I realise this is probably the most hilarious episode of Project Runway that I've ever seen:
First of all, they only have 5 hours to make this thing. 5 hours? It takes me longer than 5 hours to put a cozzi on, let alone make one. Ok, thats kind of a lie, but you get what I mean. So the designers somehow finish their outfits on time to put the models in them, and take them to this party being hosted by Page 6 writer Richard Johnson.
Richard Johnson. The guys name is Richard. Johnson.
COME ON!! The guys name is Dick Dick! That's just bad parenting right there.
So Dick Dick is supposed to judge all the outfits, and then pick out his favourite one. I love the moment where he's introduced to designer Jay, whose bikini looks like a gay S&M costume. No, really - it has leather straps and everything.
Oh! You know what else I love about this show? The models. Especially the season one models - those bitches are crazy, yo! Especially at this party, since pretty much all of them got plastered and humiliated themselves AND their designers. Like, Robert is talking to Dick Dick about how he's always wanted to be a designer and 'just loves to dress women', when his model, Olga, wanders over and slurs 'What, Robert, you don't like them naked?'. Then she teetered off, probably to pass out on a couch in the background somewhere. Oh well.
One of the most entertaining models in the whole competition is Melissa, since she's only 16, but acts like a 40 year old. But not a normal 40 year old - one of those over-botoxed gold digging 40 year olds who live in California and marry movie directors. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway so 16 year old Melissa is giving a lap dance to poor Dick Dick, who's expression reads somewhere between 'Oh boy! This is the most action I've had in months!' and 'I really can't afford to get arrested for statutory again.' Then Melissa gets bored, and launches herself onto the dancefloor with her designer, Austin, where the two of them perform a dance routine which kind of resembles a Mexican bull fight - only instead of a red flag, Melissa used her faux fur capelet.
And that's when I decided it was the best episode of Project Runway ever.