(another trew sister argument. and please note, before you label me insane, that i was on a pretty intense sugar rush at the time)
jacki: (giggling) hey. hey. hey.
catherine: (annoyed) what?
jacki: (tries to do a funny dance move and ends up kicking the coffee table) ow ow ow!!
catherine: you're an idiot
jacki: hey you know i did a blog about my theory.
catherine: what theory?
jacki: you know.
catherine: no, i dont.
jacki: yes you do!!
catherine: oh, you mean that crazy celebrity double-whammy crap or whatever its called?
jacki: first of all, its called the Celebrity Doppelganger Theory. and second of all, it would pay you to remember that, since its whats going to make me famous.
catherine: jacki, how many plans have you had to make yourself famous?
jacki: (pauses) well...a few
catherine: and how many have worked?
jacki: well none so far, but this one is different!!!
catherine: whatever
jacki: seriously, go on my blog, theres a list!!
catherine: (sarcastically) uh huh. ill be sure to do that.
jacki: seriously!!! you know i found dads?
catherine: who is it?
jacki: have you ever seen the Baz Luhrmann version of Romeo and Juliet?
catherine: is that the one with Leonardo di Caprio?
jacki: uh huh
catherine: yeah, ive seen it
jacki: you know the guy that plays Juliet's father?? THATS DADS!!
catherine: you're an idiot.
jacki: no im not!! you have to admit, you DID look like Adam Sandler's kid!
catherine: yeah, at one tiny point in time.
jacki: THATS ALL IT TAKES!!!
catherine: thats all what takes?
jacki: thats all it takes to make the list!!! im telling you, im going to do it!!!
catherine: do what exactly?
jacki: im going to win the nobel peace prize!!!
catherine: im sorry, PEACE PRIZE?
jacki: (laughing hysterically)
catherine: dude, you are insane! win the peace prize?!
jacki: but its my life mission!
catherine: since when?
jacki: since i decided winning the nobel peace prize is a good way to get famous!!!!
catherine: your life mission is to make people laugh! and you usually cant! you just wind up hurting yourself instead!
jacki: (offended) oh yeah, like when?!
catherine: less than five minutes ago!!! you tried to dance and you ended up kicking the coffee table!!!!
jacki: (sheepishly) oh yeah
well WHATEVER.
because i just thought of another one:
Rach Pickering/that chick from Mean Girls who 'doesnt even go here!'
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
jacki trew, genius?
ok.
ok.
here's the thing:
ive figured out how i can win the nobel peace prize.
you know how sometimes i make up these crazy theories in my head, and then i tell people, and they tell me im crazy and im all like whatever, this theory is totally going to win me the nobel peace prize?
ITS LIKE THAT!!
except this time, im actually going to win.
seriously.
its one of my best theories yet - i know, because ive been working on it for the better part of my life.
so here we go.
here it is.
ok.
ok.
(also just letting you know, that by reading the words above, you have agreed to NOT steal my theory, no matter how AWESOMELY AWESOME you think it is - and believe me, you WILL think its awesomely awesome, because well, it really really is).
ok.
here's the thing:
ive figured out how i can win the nobel peace prize.
you know how sometimes i make up these crazy theories in my head, and then i tell people, and they tell me im crazy and im all like whatever, this theory is totally going to win me the nobel peace prize?
ITS LIKE THAT!!
except this time, im actually going to win.
seriously.
its one of my best theories yet - i know, because ive been working on it for the better part of my life.
so here we go.
here it is.
ok.
ok.
(also just letting you know, that by reading the words above, you have agreed to NOT steal my theory, no matter how AWESOMELY AWESOME you think it is - and believe me, you WILL think its awesomely awesome, because well, it really really is).
The Celebrity Doppelganger Theory
Thats right my friends.
THATS RIGHT.
The Celebrity Doppelganger Theory.
My theory that everyone in the world - EVERYONE IN THE WORLD - looks exactly like some celebrity.
Now.
Who is the judge of this doppelganger-ness, you may wonder.
i am. so shut up.
And, which celebrity do I look like, you may ask.
well i havent figured out everyone yet, so SHUT UP AGAIN.
but fear not.
eventually i will have figured everyone out.
it just comes to me, randomly - sometimes in the shower, sometimes while im cooking, sometimes walking the dog, most of the time when im at work and i really should be concentrating on taking down Mrs Freemont's order for 16 tangerine beaded tank tops, only im not, because i could care less about crap like that.
so.
the list so far: (and it will be added to, ohhh believe you me. believe you me).
Regular Person/Celebrity Doppelganger
Gemma Goodwin/Julia Roberts
Maddy MuSung/Lucy Liu
Jordan Potts/Topher Grace
Emmy Shanahan/Yancy from The Sleepover Club
Daniel 'Milky Nips' Watterson/Zac from Gilmore Girls + That blonde guy from Packed to the Rafters
My future husband/Wentworth Miller
Deb Hirst/Jennifer Aniston in the first season of Friends
Catherine Trew at age 3/Adam Sandler's daughter Sadie
Pat ONiell/Mark Whalberg in that movie Fear
Nathan Gale/Eddie Cahill (who played Rachel's boyfriend Tag on Friends)
Magda (my boss)/Susanne Somers
Phillip Trew/Paul Sorvino
huh? HUH?!
i am so in for the win.
Friday, October 24, 2008
10 things i love love LOVE about home and away
10. The way guys and girls with the same hair colour always end up together.
9. The way it cranks out Hollywood stars: Heath Ledger, Naomi Watts, Isla Fisher, Bec Hewitt, Simon Baker, the list goes on...
8. The way it kicks Neighbours' ass at the Logies. Every single year.
7. Alf Stewart.
6. The way Martha keeps almost dying.
5. The way that when Catherine and I watch it, we make up our own dialogue, hardly listen to what the characters are actually saying and shout things at the screen.
4. The way the town doctor keeps befriending mentally-disturbed patients and being kidnapped by them.
3. Tony Holden's attempt at a 'shag haircut'.
2. The way Geoff is shirtless in pretty much every scene.
and the number one thing i love love LOVE about home and away???
1. The fact that its on YouTube now.
9. The way it cranks out Hollywood stars: Heath Ledger, Naomi Watts, Isla Fisher, Bec Hewitt, Simon Baker, the list goes on...
8. The way it kicks Neighbours' ass at the Logies. Every single year.
7. Alf Stewart.
6. The way Martha keeps almost dying.
5. The way that when Catherine and I watch it, we make up our own dialogue, hardly listen to what the characters are actually saying and shout things at the screen.
4. The way the town doctor keeps befriending mentally-disturbed patients and being kidnapped by them.
3. Tony Holden's attempt at a 'shag haircut'.
2. The way Geoff is shirtless in pretty much every scene.
and the number one thing i love love LOVE about home and away???
1. The fact that its on YouTube now.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
And thats all she wrote, for now
Since its now less than 24 hours til i jet away for 5 months, i thought id give you guys one last blog to tide you over until i find a functioning computer.
and what better blog to do on my last day in sydney than another embarrassing moment?
So.
The story begins.
Its a sunday afternoon, and i decide, for once in my life, to exercise.
AND to take Oscar with me.
which may not seem like such a big deal, but anyone who has met my dog knows that its probably not a good idea to try and force him to go for a walk anywhere, on account of the fact that he is morbidly obese and farts every 16 seconds.
Nevertheless, i decided to take him with me.
Everything was going great until about 15 minutes into my walk, when i realised that i had left the house without putting a bra on.
woops.
so now what do i do?
i cant keep walking, because its the peak dog-walking-season in Longueville, and a wall of middle aged women with miniature poodles are bearing down on me.
and i cant run home to change because, well, im a girl, and what self respecting girl would run 2km with no bra on?
sigh.
eventually i decided to brave the army of dogwalkers.
and this time i dont think i imagined every single one of them looking at me weirdly.
and thats all ill write.
for now.
au revoir!!!
and what better blog to do on my last day in sydney than another embarrassing moment?
So.
The story begins.
Its a sunday afternoon, and i decide, for once in my life, to exercise.
AND to take Oscar with me.
which may not seem like such a big deal, but anyone who has met my dog knows that its probably not a good idea to try and force him to go for a walk anywhere, on account of the fact that he is morbidly obese and farts every 16 seconds.
Nevertheless, i decided to take him with me.
Everything was going great until about 15 minutes into my walk, when i realised that i had left the house without putting a bra on.
woops.
so now what do i do?
i cant keep walking, because its the peak dog-walking-season in Longueville, and a wall of middle aged women with miniature poodles are bearing down on me.
and i cant run home to change because, well, im a girl, and what self respecting girl would run 2km with no bra on?
sigh.
eventually i decided to brave the army of dogwalkers.
and this time i dont think i imagined every single one of them looking at me weirdly.
and thats all ill write.
for now.
au revoir!!!
Friday, June 06, 2008
top ten
The top ten things you NEVER want your mother to find out about
10. The time you fed the dog half a bag of marshmallows and a piece of chicken schnitzel.
9. Your last monthly phone bill
8. The time you used her computer to download 32 episodes of Bones
7. The impressions you do of her where she sounds like a cross between Marge Simpson and Kitty Forman from That 70’s Show
6. The time you spilled half a bottle of pink nail polish on your bed
5. The second tattoo
4. The third tattoo
3. The fact that you couldn’t remember the name of the fourth Beatle
2. The time you told everyone she had a crush on Tim Gunn from Project Runway
and the number one thing you NEVER want your mother to find out about..
1. The fact that as you were typing this, you dropped half a baked potato on the computer keyboard
if you have a tiny mailbox, you deserve to die
so anyway.
most people know that in order to run away from Australia 2 months from now, ive been saving saving saving my butt off since the beginning of the year. Anyway, one of my many jobs is delivering newspapers around longueville.
sounds easy right?
right?
WRONG. because it just so happens that im not the only one who delivers newspapers in longueville.
i swear, my suburb must be the capital of all junk-mail.
because EVERY SINGLE MAILBOX is stuffed full TO THE BRIM of target catalogues, letters from MLC, copies of the northside courier, whatever whatever whatever.
so full that i spend most of my days trying to wrestle my lovingly rolled, elastic-banded and plastic-bagged north shore times' into peoples mailboxes.
so it doesnt help when the mailbox IS ALREADY TINY TO BEGIN WITH.
i mean come on.
its not that hard.
if you get alot of mail...GET A BIGGER MAILBOX!!
like take today for example: i just happened to be the unfortunate victim whos delivery pushed what must be the worlds tiniest mailbox over its capacity.
and let me tell you, the results werent pretty: this mailbox practically exploded all over the street.
i mean it. there are catalogues flying, letters falling all over the sidewalk, oh, and just incase the whole ordeal wasnt embarassing enough, the top of the mailbox actually flew into the air, and then proceeded to tumble down the neighbours driveway, making more noise than the first 15 minutes of Terminator 3.
oh, and this just happened to occur during the hour that EVERY SINGLE OLD PERSON LIVING IN LONGUEVILLE goes on their daily walk.
so im standing there, covered in what used to be a mailbox, with a north shore times in my hand and twenty six million pensioners pointing and laughing at me.
oh. it was so fun.
oh no wait, IT WASNT.
so im sorry. really i am.
but if you have a small mailbox, we can no longer be friends.
most people know that in order to run away from Australia 2 months from now, ive been saving saving saving my butt off since the beginning of the year. Anyway, one of my many jobs is delivering newspapers around longueville.
sounds easy right?
right?
WRONG. because it just so happens that im not the only one who delivers newspapers in longueville.
i swear, my suburb must be the capital of all junk-mail.
because EVERY SINGLE MAILBOX is stuffed full TO THE BRIM of target catalogues, letters from MLC, copies of the northside courier, whatever whatever whatever.
so full that i spend most of my days trying to wrestle my lovingly rolled, elastic-banded and plastic-bagged north shore times' into peoples mailboxes.
so it doesnt help when the mailbox IS ALREADY TINY TO BEGIN WITH.
i mean come on.
its not that hard.
if you get alot of mail...GET A BIGGER MAILBOX!!
like take today for example: i just happened to be the unfortunate victim whos delivery pushed what must be the worlds tiniest mailbox over its capacity.
and let me tell you, the results werent pretty: this mailbox practically exploded all over the street.
i mean it. there are catalogues flying, letters falling all over the sidewalk, oh, and just incase the whole ordeal wasnt embarassing enough, the top of the mailbox actually flew into the air, and then proceeded to tumble down the neighbours driveway, making more noise than the first 15 minutes of Terminator 3.
oh, and this just happened to occur during the hour that EVERY SINGLE OLD PERSON LIVING IN LONGUEVILLE goes on their daily walk.
so im standing there, covered in what used to be a mailbox, with a north shore times in my hand and twenty six million pensioners pointing and laughing at me.
oh. it was so fun.
oh no wait, IT WASNT.
so im sorry. really i am.
but if you have a small mailbox, we can no longer be friends.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
roseville girls are so articulate
have you ever played the boardgame Articulate?
long story short: teams of 2 or more. there is a word on a card (it might be a person, a place, an object, an action or just something random), and you have to describe it to your other teammates without saying what it starts with, what it rhymes with, how many letters are in it etc etc etc.
for example, if the word was 'Tree' you would be like
long story short: teams of 2 or more. there is a word on a card (it might be a person, a place, an object, an action or just something random), and you have to describe it to your other teammates without saying what it starts with, what it rhymes with, how many letters are in it etc etc etc.
for example, if the word was 'Tree' you would be like
- A tall thing that has leaves on it!
- Bird make their nests in it!
- It has branches and a trunk!
Anyway you get like 30 seconds to describe as many words as you can to your team (and have them correctly guess the word).
Sounds easy, right?
This is what happens when Vandy plays Articulate:
The Word is 'Shrimp Cocktail'
Casey: Its like, ummm, like a kind of drink? Like a kind of cocktail!!
Gemma: Cosmopolitan?
Lauren: Like a martini?
Casey: No, its like not a drink
Jacki: What?
The Word is 'Maiden'
Jacki: Ok, its like the female version of a man!
(silence)
Jacki: You know how there is like the female version of a servant? And they clean your room?!
Lauren: MAID!!
Jacki: Yes!! So its like maid plus a little bit more!
Gemma: Maitradee?
Lauren: Maident?
Jacki: LIKE MAIDENT but a little less!!!
Lauren: Maid?
Kiera (who isnt even on our team): oh COME ON
The Word is 'Ivory Coast'
Han: Ok two words, the second part is like where water meets land kind of
Jacki: Beach! Horizon!
Gemma: Coast?
Han: Yes! Yes, coast! Ok, first part is like a plant that grows up a wall kind of, its like..
Jacki: A WEED!
Han: No its like a vine kind of..And like its what elephant tusks are made out of..
Jacki: Ivory!
Han: Yeah so put them together
Gemma: Ivory Coast!!
Han: Yes! We rock!
(Pause)
Kiera: Yeah but Han, ivory isnt a plant.
The Word is 'Great Wall of China'
Kiera: Ok its like this big stone thing that goes through the middle of an Asian country...
Jacki: GONG!!!
(pause)
Kiera: What? No, its like..
Mel: Great Wall of China!!
Kiera: Yes. What the hell Jacki?
...
ok so maybe its not Roseville girls who suck at Articulate, maybe its just me
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Shower Thoughts #30
ok, i have to ask.
are there really two spellings of fiance?
as in the person you're engaged to?
like this whole time i have been thinking there are two spellings - a girl one and a boy one - but then i stopped and thought about it, and you know what, i think ive only heard one pronunciation.
like
fee-yon-say
am i right? am i right?
ok im so googling this
....
ok so apparently there ARE two spellings
fiance and fiancee
...
so what, are there different pronunciations?
or are they just the same word spelt differently?
or is google lying to me?
I FEEL LIKE IM TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE!!
are there really two spellings of fiance?
as in the person you're engaged to?
like this whole time i have been thinking there are two spellings - a girl one and a boy one - but then i stopped and thought about it, and you know what, i think ive only heard one pronunciation.
like
fee-yon-say
am i right? am i right?
ok im so googling this
....
ok so apparently there ARE two spellings
fiance and fiancee
...
so what, are there different pronunciations?
or are they just the same word spelt differently?
or is google lying to me?
I FEEL LIKE IM TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE!!
Indiana Jones and the City filled with Diamond Skeletons or whatever it was called. Its not my fault the title of the movie is practically a novel
So I saw it.
and before you all ask me, ill answer the question that everyone has been asking me.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, you will like it.
If you like movies with everything.
And I mean everything.
I mean if you like movies that have Russian terrorists, death-defying stunts, Cate Blanchett attempting a Ukranian accept, romance, crazy people, shirtless old men, nuclear explosions, illegitimate love-children, cars that turn into boats and then fly over the edge of 100ft waterfalls and still remain intact, and - this just in - aliens, then you will like Indiana Jones.
Or alternatively, you could just be crushing on Shia LaBeouf.
which luckily i am, since none of that other crap made any sense to me.
and before you all ask me, ill answer the question that everyone has been asking me.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, you will like it.
If you like movies with everything.
And I mean everything.
I mean if you like movies that have Russian terrorists, death-defying stunts, Cate Blanchett attempting a Ukranian accept, romance, crazy people, shirtless old men, nuclear explosions, illegitimate love-children, cars that turn into boats and then fly over the edge of 100ft waterfalls and still remain intact, and - this just in - aliens, then you will like Indiana Jones.
Or alternatively, you could just be crushing on Shia LaBeouf.
which luckily i am, since none of that other crap made any sense to me.
Friday, May 23, 2008
my mother, the bully
can i just ask..
when did it become acceptable for my mum to make fun of me?
hello! shes my mum!
...
IM supposed to be making fun of HER.
and ill admit, i do write the occasional blog about how out of touch with pop culture she is...but its all in good fun!
not like what happened today:
walking up the front path to our house this afternoon...
jacki: (looking in the mailbox and seeing it is empty) Oh..did you collect the mail already?
mum: yep
jacki: and there was nothing for me?
mum: no, nothing
jacki: oh. sad.
mum: what, its not like you ever get mail anyway
...um....
OFFENDED!
and then later on:
while i was in my room, updating my resume and listening to a little ZZ Top...
mum: (opening the door and pausing) I swear, you have the worst taste in music of anyone i know
jacki: excuse me? You're the one who listens to Andre Boccelli!!
mum: Andre Boccelli is a classic, not like this stuff. I already lived through the 80's once, please dont make me do it again.
BURN!
well then! ill show her, i thought to myself.
so ive been playing Styx and Michael Jackson for the last hour, and i just filled out an online application for a flybys card - WE'LL SEE WHO GETS ALL THE MAIL NOW, MUM!!!
when did it become acceptable for my mum to make fun of me?
hello! shes my mum!
...
IM supposed to be making fun of HER.
and ill admit, i do write the occasional blog about how out of touch with pop culture she is...but its all in good fun!
not like what happened today:
walking up the front path to our house this afternoon...
jacki: (looking in the mailbox and seeing it is empty) Oh..did you collect the mail already?
mum: yep
jacki: and there was nothing for me?
mum: no, nothing
jacki: oh. sad.
mum: what, its not like you ever get mail anyway
...um....
OFFENDED!
and then later on:
while i was in my room, updating my resume and listening to a little ZZ Top...
mum: (opening the door and pausing) I swear, you have the worst taste in music of anyone i know
jacki: excuse me? You're the one who listens to Andre Boccelli!!
mum: Andre Boccelli is a classic, not like this stuff. I already lived through the 80's once, please dont make me do it again.
BURN!
well then! ill show her, i thought to myself.
so ive been playing Styx and Michael Jackson for the last hour, and i just filled out an online application for a flybys card - WE'LL SEE WHO GETS ALL THE MAIL NOW, MUM!!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
scene: catherine and I are watching that episode of Friends where Monica doesn't want to choose between Rachel and Phoebe to be her maid of honour so she makes them choose who it should be.
jacki: can I be your maid of honour?
catherine: I dont know
jacki: well I dont know if you'll be my maid of honour, but you can definitely be one of the bridesmaids
catherine: ok, cool
jacki: (pause) So..so can I..?
catherine: (laughing) you're pathetic
jacki: oh come on! who else are you going to have?
catherine: (offended) hey!
jacki: (trying to backtrack) no, no I didnt mean it like that, I just meant...I'm just curious!
catherine: yeah, sure.
this conversation actually came in handy during the rest of the day. for example:
when catherine was baking a cake, and she was trying to melt chocolate on the stove and stir the icing at the same time...
catherine: jacki! jacki, help, the chocolate is going to burn, can you stir it for me please?
jacki: sure I'll stir it - IF I CAN BE YOUR MAID OF HONOUR
when i was making a sandwich for lunch...
catherine: ooh, that looks really yummy, can you make me one?
jacki: sure, I'll make you one - IF I CAN BE YOUR MAID OF HONOUR
when catherine was looking for some entertainment for the afternoon...
catherine: jacki, can I watch your Bones DVD?
jacki: sure, you can watch it - IF I CAN -
catherine: oh forget it
jacki: can I be your maid of honour?
catherine: I dont know
jacki: well I dont know if you'll be my maid of honour, but you can definitely be one of the bridesmaids
catherine: ok, cool
jacki: (pause) So..so can I..?
catherine: (laughing) you're pathetic
jacki: oh come on! who else are you going to have?
catherine: (offended) hey!
jacki: (trying to backtrack) no, no I didnt mean it like that, I just meant...I'm just curious!
catherine: yeah, sure.
this conversation actually came in handy during the rest of the day. for example:
when catherine was baking a cake, and she was trying to melt chocolate on the stove and stir the icing at the same time...
catherine: jacki! jacki, help, the chocolate is going to burn, can you stir it for me please?
jacki: sure I'll stir it - IF I CAN BE YOUR MAID OF HONOUR
when i was making a sandwich for lunch...
catherine: ooh, that looks really yummy, can you make me one?
jacki: sure, I'll make you one - IF I CAN BE YOUR MAID OF HONOUR
when catherine was looking for some entertainment for the afternoon...
catherine: jacki, can I watch your Bones DVD?
jacki: sure, you can watch it - IF I CAN -
catherine: oh forget it
another another thing...
and i just realised
t and r and e and w are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER on the keyboard.
its not that hard people!!
t and r and e and w are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER on the keyboard.
its not that hard people!!
trew. T-R-E-W.
ok.
i think its official.
like really official.
like pick-up-the-phone-its-time-to-call-the-guiness-book-of-records-and-finally-get-my-name-in-there-for-something official.
i have the MOST miss-spelt name in the world.
oh yes.
and im going to have a good and proper rant about this because it has to be one of the most SIMPLE names in the world.
i mean its not like there are any silent letters. or letters that dont sound like they usually sound (like you know how some people spell julia with a g? i mean thats just wrong).
its simple
jacki. trew.
how hard is that?
"not that hard!" i hear you say.
yes.
yes, i agree.
...
...
SO HOW COME SO MANY PEOPLE MISS-SPELL IT. HUH? HUH?
and if they dont it spell it wrong, they go..
"what? trew?"
...
and then they look at me like IM an idiot.
no.
no i am NOT an idiot.
so ive taken to, when people ask me what my name is, responding like this:
"jacki trew. t-r-e-w"
i mean, that should fix the problem, right?
im SPELLING it for them.
but no. no no. somehow that confuses people even more.
i think the most hilarious thing about it is that every single person responds the same way.
say they're writing my name down.
most get as far as t. some make it to r. and then everything goes downhill.
the pen pauses on the page, and they just stare at the paper for a second.
they look at me.
they look back at the paper.
"e-w" i say, seeing that they have already written t and r.
they look at me.
they look back at the paper.
they write a u.
"no, its e, then w" i say.
"e?" they say, unbelievingly
"yes. e. e and then w" i say
they look at the paper.
they look back at me.
i grab the paper off them and write the damn name myself.
i dont understand. I DONT UNDERSTAND.
and if its not the trew part, its the jacki part.
and ill admit i dont have the most common spelling of jacki in the world, but look. look at how i spell it. ITS SO SIMPLE.
again. no silent letters, no letters than dont sound how they usually sound.
ITS SPELT HOW IT SOUNDS.
but this is how the conversation usually goes:
"name?"
"jacki."
"is that jacqui?"
"no"
"jacky?"
"no"
"jacquie?"
"no"
"is it - "
"no, no, its j-a-c-k-i."
"oh. oh. thats weird"
they write it down. they give me the paper.
it reads name: jackie
...
I MEAN COME ON!!!
i think its official.
like really official.
like pick-up-the-phone-its-time-to-call-the-guiness-book-of-records-and-finally-get-my-name-in-there-for-something official.
i have the MOST miss-spelt name in the world.
oh yes.
and im going to have a good and proper rant about this because it has to be one of the most SIMPLE names in the world.
i mean its not like there are any silent letters. or letters that dont sound like they usually sound (like you know how some people spell julia with a g? i mean thats just wrong).
its simple
jacki. trew.
how hard is that?
"not that hard!" i hear you say.
yes.
yes, i agree.
...
...
SO HOW COME SO MANY PEOPLE MISS-SPELL IT. HUH? HUH?
and if they dont it spell it wrong, they go..
"what? trew?"
...
and then they look at me like IM an idiot.
no.
no i am NOT an idiot.
so ive taken to, when people ask me what my name is, responding like this:
"jacki trew. t-r-e-w"
i mean, that should fix the problem, right?
im SPELLING it for them.
but no. no no. somehow that confuses people even more.
i think the most hilarious thing about it is that every single person responds the same way.
say they're writing my name down.
most get as far as t. some make it to r. and then everything goes downhill.
the pen pauses on the page, and they just stare at the paper for a second.
they look at me.
they look back at the paper.
"e-w" i say, seeing that they have already written t and r.
they look at me.
they look back at the paper.
they write a u.
"no, its e, then w" i say.
"e?" they say, unbelievingly
"yes. e. e and then w" i say
they look at the paper.
they look back at me.
i grab the paper off them and write the damn name myself.
i dont understand. I DONT UNDERSTAND.
and if its not the trew part, its the jacki part.
and ill admit i dont have the most common spelling of jacki in the world, but look. look at how i spell it. ITS SO SIMPLE.
again. no silent letters, no letters than dont sound how they usually sound.
ITS SPELT HOW IT SOUNDS.
but this is how the conversation usually goes:
"name?"
"jacki."
"is that jacqui?"
"no"
"jacky?"
"no"
"jacquie?"
"no"
"is it - "
"no, no, its j-a-c-k-i."
"oh. oh. thats weird"
they write it down. they give me the paper.
it reads name: jackie
...
I MEAN COME ON!!!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
top ten
the Top Ten theories that might make me look crazy, but cause all of you to secretly think 'man, shes a genius!'
10. If you eat ice cream with a teaspoon, it takes longer to eat, and makes it seem like you get more.
9. The reason they killed Sara on Prison Break is because they found out I was going to America in 2008 and they wanted to recruit me as Michael’s new love interest – they’re now bringing her back because it turns out I’m only in USA for 3 weeks, which isn’t long enough to film a whole season. 2009 - It will happen.
8. There is a teeny tiny microchip located inside my body which causes every piece of electronic equipment around me to malfunction. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? It starts to sound less crazy after 6 iPods, 2 curling irons, 3 laptops, 1 graphics calculator, 5 phones, and, this just in – a hair straightener
7. Telling your parents that your tattoos are just ‘drawn on with a sharpie’ will work
6. Facebook is a trap. One day, whoever owns it will sell the whole thing – like those two guys sold youtube – to some freak like Ivan Milat, and the next thing you know, Ivan Milat will be inviting us all to ‘events’ on the side of the Hume Highway at 2 in the morning.
5. The Channel 7 executives read my blog. Hey, they brought ‘Bones’ back, didn’t they?? You can thank me later.
4. The voice-over announcements at the train station are done by Gretel Killeen. If you don’t believe me, listen the next time you’re at The Forum or wherever. Plus, it totally makes sense – she couldn’t get anyone else to hire her after Big Brother.
3. People think that because Nicole Kidman grew up in Longueville, they will be able to find the next Hollywood Superstar here – first they filmed Superman on Kenneth St, and, this just in – there was an Oak Milk commercial shot at the Longueville Rd bus stop!
2. My cat is in love with me. No, she doesn’t love me. She is in love with me – how else can you explain the fact that she eats all my clothes? SHE WANTS TO SEE ME NAKED!!
and the number 1 theory that might make me look crazy but causes all of you to secretly think 'man, shes a genius!'...
1. Emily Deschanel and I are destined to be friends – there are very few people in the world who watch Bridezillas and enjoy it. I am one of these people. So is she.
boredom + internet = laughter. every time.
hands up who uses yahooanswers.com??
just in case no one does, ill explain:
people post questions, and other people post answers. then anyone can read it.
for example:
Q: Who was that super-hot guy that played Mariah Carey's boyfriend in the We Belong Together filmclip?? - Asked by Random123
A1: I dont know but I agree, he was smoking! - Answered by IKnowNothing
A2: I think it was the guy from Las Vegas, but bald? - Answered by AnotherRandom123
A3: You idiots, it was Wentworth Miller. Shame on you for not knowing his beautiful name. - Answered by Jacki
...
and just so you know, yeah that was just an example.
whatever.
the best thing about yahooanswers.com is that at the bottom of the page, there are links to other question/answer sessions that are related to the question you're looking at.
ok no, thats not the best thing.
the best thing is that most of the time, these 'related' links arent related at all, in the slightest, and more often than not, are just hilariously idiotic.
like this one i found a few minutes ago:
Q: In a film, when a fly lands on an actor's face...
How do they get the fly to land there at that exact moment? And what kind of wage is the fly paid? Do you think the fly is a member of the screen actors guild? Can the fly win an Oscar?
A1: Those are special flies that spent years in method acting schools.They get their names in the film credits, bit most people don't recognize them because they are only flyspecks and at are the end of the credits, and often mistaken as extra periods
A2: Yes in fact Frank Sinatra paid homage to them with 'Fly me to the Moon'.The Classic of course is 'One Fly Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.
check the link if you dont believe me: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhOFbBbmvGzZ5Tk5JPHNE6jSxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080517003946AAZITNy
but really, i mean, why wouldnt you believe me??
YOU CANT MAKE THIS KIND OF STUFF UP!
just in case no one does, ill explain:
people post questions, and other people post answers. then anyone can read it.
for example:
Q: Who was that super-hot guy that played Mariah Carey's boyfriend in the We Belong Together filmclip?? - Asked by Random123
A1: I dont know but I agree, he was smoking! - Answered by IKnowNothing
A2: I think it was the guy from Las Vegas, but bald? - Answered by AnotherRandom123
A3: You idiots, it was Wentworth Miller. Shame on you for not knowing his beautiful name. - Answered by Jacki
...
and just so you know, yeah that was just an example.
whatever.
the best thing about yahooanswers.com is that at the bottom of the page, there are links to other question/answer sessions that are related to the question you're looking at.
ok no, thats not the best thing.
the best thing is that most of the time, these 'related' links arent related at all, in the slightest, and more often than not, are just hilariously idiotic.
like this one i found a few minutes ago:
Q: In a film, when a fly lands on an actor's face...
How do they get the fly to land there at that exact moment? And what kind of wage is the fly paid? Do you think the fly is a member of the screen actors guild? Can the fly win an Oscar?
A1: Those are special flies that spent years in method acting schools.They get their names in the film credits, bit most people don't recognize them because they are only flyspecks and at are the end of the credits, and often mistaken as extra periods
A2: Yes in fact Frank Sinatra paid homage to them with 'Fly me to the Moon'.The Classic of course is 'One Fly Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.
check the link if you dont believe me: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhOFbBbmvGzZ5Tk5JPHNE6jSxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080517003946AAZITNy
but really, i mean, why wouldnt you believe me??
YOU CANT MAKE THIS KIND OF STUFF UP!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
proof my sister loves me
scene: its one twenty in the morning. catherine walks into my room
catherine: Are you awake?
me: Yes
catherine: Why?
me: Because I'm always awake at this time
catherine: Oh. I cant sleep
me: (pause). Wanna watch Prison Break?
catherine: Ok!
catherine: Are you awake?
me: Yes
catherine: Why?
me: Because I'm always awake at this time
catherine: Oh. I cant sleep
me: (pause). Wanna watch Prison Break?
catherine: Ok!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
hey catherine, would you rather...
(Catherine is lying in bed and im sitting on the floor in her room)
me: Ok, would you rather me flicking this lamp (points to the lamp on her bedside table) on and off and on and off while you try to sleep, or me sitting here for the whole night and every time the time changes i would say it like this (puts on a freaky voice that kind of sounds like Professor Snape) eleven fifty-two. eleven fifty-three. eleven fifty-four, and i would do it for the whole night?
(pause. catherine stares at me. i stare at catherine. we both burst out into hysterical laughter)
me: oh! I made myself crack up!
catherine: That is the stupidest question you have ever asked me.
me: just answer
catherine: ok, i guess id prefer....the light?
me: really? really? this wouldnt annoy you??? (turns the light on and off a few times and it makes a really loud noise)
catherine: yeah, thats annoying, but that voice you did really freaks the crap out of me
me: (trying to speak through the laughter) this is so going on my blog
catherine: is there anything that doesnt go on your blog?
me: ok did you know that there are probably poo particles on your toothbrush? definitely, actually
catherine: ok how did we get onto this subject?
me: (ignoring her) because the poo particles travel from the toilet and like latch themselves onto everything in the bathroom especially the toothbrushes
catherine: jacki -
me: and even if you kept the toothbrush in its original packaging, it would still have poo particles on it because the poo particles can penetrate the plastic!
catherine: jacki -
me: and if you've ever been in a public bathroom you probably have other peoples poo particles on you, like, right now!
catherine: jacki -
me: you know, i probably have a famous persons poo particles on me. like Eric Bana.
catherine: jacki...wait, why Eric Bana?
me: because we stayed at Lord Howe with him, and he probably farted some time during that trip. (Catherine looks disgusted). What, like you can get through the whole of dinner without farting once?!
catherine: you're disgusting
me: you know im right!
catherine: get out of my room
me: whatever.
so which would you guys rather?
me: Ok, would you rather me flicking this lamp (points to the lamp on her bedside table) on and off and on and off while you try to sleep, or me sitting here for the whole night and every time the time changes i would say it like this (puts on a freaky voice that kind of sounds like Professor Snape) eleven fifty-two. eleven fifty-three. eleven fifty-four, and i would do it for the whole night?
(pause. catherine stares at me. i stare at catherine. we both burst out into hysterical laughter)
me: oh! I made myself crack up!
catherine: That is the stupidest question you have ever asked me.
me: just answer
catherine: ok, i guess id prefer....the light?
me: really? really? this wouldnt annoy you??? (turns the light on and off a few times and it makes a really loud noise)
catherine: yeah, thats annoying, but that voice you did really freaks the crap out of me
me: (trying to speak through the laughter) this is so going on my blog
catherine: is there anything that doesnt go on your blog?
me: ok did you know that there are probably poo particles on your toothbrush? definitely, actually
catherine: ok how did we get onto this subject?
me: (ignoring her) because the poo particles travel from the toilet and like latch themselves onto everything in the bathroom especially the toothbrushes
catherine: jacki -
me: and even if you kept the toothbrush in its original packaging, it would still have poo particles on it because the poo particles can penetrate the plastic!
catherine: jacki -
me: and if you've ever been in a public bathroom you probably have other peoples poo particles on you, like, right now!
catherine: jacki -
me: you know, i probably have a famous persons poo particles on me. like Eric Bana.
catherine: jacki...wait, why Eric Bana?
me: because we stayed at Lord Howe with him, and he probably farted some time during that trip. (Catherine looks disgusted). What, like you can get through the whole of dinner without farting once?!
catherine: you're disgusting
me: you know im right!
catherine: get out of my room
me: whatever.
so which would you guys rather?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
for your reading pleasure
so i went for a walk today, and, idiot that i am, i decided to wear thongs.
not a big deal right?
well i didnt think so, until i accidentally walked through an ants nest.
anyway, try as i might to escape them, two or three latched onto my toes and started biting like crazy. and let me tell you, these were no ordinary ants, because no matter how hard i kicked, they just wouldnt come off!
So there i am, trying to walk, kicking out my legs to try and get the ants off and screaming because of the pain. and of course my sunglasses fell off and my ipod earphones came out of my ears and started flailing around my head and when i finally got the ants off my feet i turned and saw that i was standing next to Kingsford Smith Oval and the entire Lane Cove Over 45's Soccer team is pointing.
and laughing.
at me.
its a great day to be jacki trew.
not a big deal right?
well i didnt think so, until i accidentally walked through an ants nest.
anyway, try as i might to escape them, two or three latched onto my toes and started biting like crazy. and let me tell you, these were no ordinary ants, because no matter how hard i kicked, they just wouldnt come off!
So there i am, trying to walk, kicking out my legs to try and get the ants off and screaming because of the pain. and of course my sunglasses fell off and my ipod earphones came out of my ears and started flailing around my head and when i finally got the ants off my feet i turned and saw that i was standing next to Kingsford Smith Oval and the entire Lane Cove Over 45's Soccer team is pointing.
and laughing.
at me.
its a great day to be jacki trew.
what IS it with me and showers??
so along with spiders, history teachers, bus drivers, lolly-pop-men, magpies and my sister, i can now make yet another addition to the list of people or things who are trying to kill me.
showers.
yeah.
at first i thought, you know, maybe its just a one-off terrible shower experience.
but this morning i was proved wrong.
so there i was, innocently enjoying the hot water and the shower radio and the smell of my conditioner, and i decided to wash my face.
thats when things went bad.
so the conditioner was still in my hair and i was soaping up my face and SUDDENLY it happened. that thing that you guys hear about but never actually experience because, well, most peoples showers arent trying to kill them. whatever.
so suddenly the water changed from pleasantly hot to ice-cold.
so cold that the sides of the shower instantly froze, like that scene in The Day After Tomorrow, where the air changes temperature so quickly that the flag freezes into an ice-block?
yeah. exactly like that.
so basically i was trapped in this shower-slash-death-chamber, and im trying to turn the hot tap up and the cold tap down except theres soap in my eyes so i cant really see what im doing, and OH YEAH, remember that time the shower guy came to fix the shower, and while doing so, he switched the hot and cold taps so that when you turn the hot tap cold comes out and when you turn the cold tap hot comes out? so of course THAT factored into the whole situation (as you can imagine), and the water kept getting colder and the soap in my eyes was stinging and the shower radio was up so loud that nobody could hear my screams for help.
dude.
so finally i decided that even though i was wet and covered in soap and there was conditioner still in my hair, the only way to save myself was to get out of the shower. which i did, with great difficulty, and then proceeded to slide accross the wet bathroom floor, tangle myself up in the towels on the towel rack, and end up falling backwards into the spa.
which, as you can imagine, was really comfortable.
...
...
not.
anyway so there you have it. the proof that my shower is trying to kill me.
ill never be clean again.
showers.
yeah.
at first i thought, you know, maybe its just a one-off terrible shower experience.
but this morning i was proved wrong.
so there i was, innocently enjoying the hot water and the shower radio and the smell of my conditioner, and i decided to wash my face.
thats when things went bad.
so the conditioner was still in my hair and i was soaping up my face and SUDDENLY it happened. that thing that you guys hear about but never actually experience because, well, most peoples showers arent trying to kill them. whatever.
so suddenly the water changed from pleasantly hot to ice-cold.
so cold that the sides of the shower instantly froze, like that scene in The Day After Tomorrow, where the air changes temperature so quickly that the flag freezes into an ice-block?
yeah. exactly like that.
so basically i was trapped in this shower-slash-death-chamber, and im trying to turn the hot tap up and the cold tap down except theres soap in my eyes so i cant really see what im doing, and OH YEAH, remember that time the shower guy came to fix the shower, and while doing so, he switched the hot and cold taps so that when you turn the hot tap cold comes out and when you turn the cold tap hot comes out? so of course THAT factored into the whole situation (as you can imagine), and the water kept getting colder and the soap in my eyes was stinging and the shower radio was up so loud that nobody could hear my screams for help.
dude.
so finally i decided that even though i was wet and covered in soap and there was conditioner still in my hair, the only way to save myself was to get out of the shower. which i did, with great difficulty, and then proceeded to slide accross the wet bathroom floor, tangle myself up in the towels on the towel rack, and end up falling backwards into the spa.
which, as you can imagine, was really comfortable.
...
...
not.
anyway so there you have it. the proof that my shower is trying to kill me.
ill never be clean again.
Monday, March 31, 2008
...and then I saved 11 dollars!
so.
i went to the movies today with the lovely Mel Amon, and i gotta tell you, it may just have been..
...and let me prepare because i dont want to under-sell this...
it may just have been THE GREATEST AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE.
first of all, it was MEL.
and second of all, it was STEP-UP 2. which, you know, is the best kind of movie, on account of the fact that:
i went to the movies today with the lovely Mel Amon, and i gotta tell you, it may just have been..
...and let me prepare because i dont want to under-sell this...
it may just have been THE GREATEST AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE.
first of all, it was MEL.
and second of all, it was STEP-UP 2. which, you know, is the best kind of movie, on account of the fact that:
- its the kind you make fun of in front of all your super-cool friends but are secretly dying to see
- its a sequel
- theres dancing
- theres music
- theres a Channing Tatum cameo
and so much more.
whatever. thats not even the best part!
since it was 3 in the afternoon on a monday, we were THE ONLY people in the entire cinema. so of course, we took advantage of the lack of other audience members, and sat in La Premiere.
gasp! rebels!
whatever. i have to say, almost getting sent to prison (because you know, everyone who illegally sits in La Premiere goes to prison)? TOTALLY worth it.
i mean
those chairs are HUGE.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
The best thing about getting a haircut is...
watching the reactions of your family:
Mum: Wh...wow. Ok. Thats...thats going to take some getting used to.
Dad: How was your - WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sister: Hey. (pauses) Wanna watch Bones?
Mum: Wh...wow. Ok. Thats...thats going to take some getting used to.
Dad: How was your - WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sister: Hey. (pauses) Wanna watch Bones?
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
why i love my sister
scene: Chate and I are watching an episode of Bones, to be more specific, a scene where Booth and Brennan are walking through a graveyard
Chate: you know what really freaks me out about graveyards?
Jacki: what?
Chate: you're basically walking over heaps of dead bodies
Jacki: yeah I know
Chate: like in any graveyard..its just so..so..
Jacki: its totally creepy
Chate: ugh. I know
Jacki: but you know sometimes there isnt a body in the coffin
Chate: what?
Jacki: you know. Like if the victim was lost at sea, or cremated, and they just fill a coffin full of their stuff.
Chate: why would they do that?
Jacki: duh, its all symbolic
Chate: why would they use a coffin though?
Jacki: why wouldnt they?
Chate: because there isnt a body!
Jacki: so what are they supposed to use instead?
Chate: just a regular box
Jacki: what?! You cant just use a regular box!!
Chate: why not?
Jacki: because its...its..disrespectful!
Chate: and this conversation isnt??
Jacki: whatever. You have to use a coffin because its nicer. You cant just use a cardboard box!
Chate: I never said anything about a cardboard box
Jacki: well what kind of box did you mean?
Chate: a nice box
Jacki: also known as a coffin?
Chate: no! you could build a nice one
Jacki: why would you build one when you could just buy a coffin? Theyd end up looking the same anyway
Chate: not necessarily
Jacki: yes, yes they would! you'd just build a rectangular box, which is basically a coffin
Chate: you could make it a square
Jacki: but there wouldnt be enough room for all the persons stuff!
Chate: how much stuff do you need to put in there??!!
Jacki: i dono, however much you want to
Chate: anyway, even if you made it a rectangular box, it wouldnt be the same as a coffin, coffins have handles on the side
Jacki: not always
Chate: yes they do, because you need something to lower the coffin into the ground
Jacki: well you'd need something to lower the box full of stuff into the ground too!
Chate: can you shut up, I'm trying to watch this
(5 minutes of silence)
Jacki: so we both agree that I won that argument??
Chate: it doesnt really matter. You always win on your blog anyway.
Finally.
FINALLY.
she gets it
Chate: you know what really freaks me out about graveyards?
Jacki: what?
Chate: you're basically walking over heaps of dead bodies
Jacki: yeah I know
Chate: like in any graveyard..its just so..so..
Jacki: its totally creepy
Chate: ugh. I know
Jacki: but you know sometimes there isnt a body in the coffin
Chate: what?
Jacki: you know. Like if the victim was lost at sea, or cremated, and they just fill a coffin full of their stuff.
Chate: why would they do that?
Jacki: duh, its all symbolic
Chate: why would they use a coffin though?
Jacki: why wouldnt they?
Chate: because there isnt a body!
Jacki: so what are they supposed to use instead?
Chate: just a regular box
Jacki: what?! You cant just use a regular box!!
Chate: why not?
Jacki: because its...its..disrespectful!
Chate: and this conversation isnt??
Jacki: whatever. You have to use a coffin because its nicer. You cant just use a cardboard box!
Chate: I never said anything about a cardboard box
Jacki: well what kind of box did you mean?
Chate: a nice box
Jacki: also known as a coffin?
Chate: no! you could build a nice one
Jacki: why would you build one when you could just buy a coffin? Theyd end up looking the same anyway
Chate: not necessarily
Jacki: yes, yes they would! you'd just build a rectangular box, which is basically a coffin
Chate: you could make it a square
Jacki: but there wouldnt be enough room for all the persons stuff!
Chate: how much stuff do you need to put in there??!!
Jacki: i dono, however much you want to
Chate: anyway, even if you made it a rectangular box, it wouldnt be the same as a coffin, coffins have handles on the side
Jacki: not always
Chate: yes they do, because you need something to lower the coffin into the ground
Jacki: well you'd need something to lower the box full of stuff into the ground too!
Chate: can you shut up, I'm trying to watch this
(5 minutes of silence)
Jacki: so we both agree that I won that argument??
Chate: it doesnt really matter. You always win on your blog anyway.
Finally.
FINALLY.
she gets it
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
things you learn by watching the first seasons of Bones, Prison Break and Heroes within a 72 hour period
- Actors should really stick to one accent. Especially when they have a habbit of switching between Indian and British
- No matter how hard you try, your cat will not sit down and watch TV with you
- Heroes made alot more sense back in Season 1 when everyone was in the same time period
- Prison Break made alot more sense back in Season 1 when the only storylines that mattered was Lincoln escaping and Michael hooking up with Sara
- Bones never made sense (mostly due to the technical jargon)
- Subtitles are great for those times when you're eating cereal and you cant hear the TV over the sound of your own chewing
- Wentworth appears shirtless 9 times in 22 episodes
- Never be friends with someone who names themselves after a brand of clocks
- Opening credits are alot less fun when there arent any words to sing along to
- Dont try to invent your own lyrics for wordless-opening-credit-sequences. It only ends badly
- Heroes should only be watched while consuming large amounts of special K and Red Bull
and finally, the one thing you will learn by watching the first seasons of Bones, Prison Break and Heroes within a 72 hour period is that yes, yes everyone you know will think you are absolutely pathetic.
But its 100% worth it.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
dear tooth fairy
Yes, these were all written by me, between ages 5 and 9. My parents thought it would be funny to unearth them for my birthday. And yes, I did make all those spelling mistakes. Classic.
Dear Thooth Firay,
I've lost a tooth. And guss what? I thout that I swolled it.
That was the funny bit.
If you can't find it, it is on my desk. The story is on the back
of this card. And a butiful picher.
From Jacki.
P.S I got the tooth cup for my birthday.
The Story: I was finishing my dinner. And my sister Catherine
was being very noisy then I ate the last bit of my dinner and it
just fell into my bowl.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I'm sorry this is a bit messy but I was in a hurry for bedtime.
Anyway my tooth fell out so I put it in a glass of water for you.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost a tooth and I did it while I was watching TV.
I was very pleased.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I am sorry that this is a bit rushed but I had to go to bed.
Did you see The Nanny tonight? It was funny.
Good luck for getting here.
From Jacki
P.S I live in Australia
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I have lost a tooth. I shoed my daddy and he was proud
of me. I kept on licking it. At dinner time I dindted feel well.
So I lickit it and fellat better.
This is for you so I hope you like it. I know that I have riten
alot, so now I think I should stop.
I hope I like my present.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my tooth today but it fell down the sink. Mum thinks
that yoo will be able to find it, will yoo? If yoo can thanks and
if yoo cant then, ummm..
Oh well, I suppose its gone.
From Jacki
Dear Thooth Firay,
I've lost a tooth. And guss what? I thout that I swolled it.
That was the funny bit.
If you can't find it, it is on my desk. The story is on the back
of this card. And a butiful picher.
From Jacki.
P.S I got the tooth cup for my birthday.
The Story: I was finishing my dinner. And my sister Catherine
was being very noisy then I ate the last bit of my dinner and it
just fell into my bowl.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I'm sorry this is a bit messy but I was in a hurry for bedtime.
Anyway my tooth fell out so I put it in a glass of water for you.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost a tooth and I did it while I was watching TV.
I was very pleased.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I am sorry that this is a bit rushed but I had to go to bed.
Did you see The Nanny tonight? It was funny.
Good luck for getting here.
From Jacki
P.S I live in Australia
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I have lost a tooth. I shoed my daddy and he was proud
of me. I kept on licking it. At dinner time I dindted feel well.
So I lickit it and fellat better.
This is for you so I hope you like it. I know that I have riten
alot, so now I think I should stop.
I hope I like my present.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my tooth today but it fell down the sink. Mum thinks
that yoo will be able to find it, will yoo? If yoo can thanks and
if yoo cant then, ummm..
Oh well, I suppose its gone.
From Jacki
we have a winner
best
birthday
ever!
7am: wake up to the phone ringing: normally a totally heinous occurance except that a) its my daddy singing happy birthday and b) my ringtone is 'thriller'
8am: recieve phone call from my boss and her 6-year-old twins singing happy birthday, and then asking if id like the day off seeings as its my birthday. dies with happiness
830am: wide awake and unable to do anything about it, decide to totally indulge self for next few hours. Have pink bubble bath, followed by a marathon of favourite movies: dirty dancing and moulin rouge (which is even more enjoyable than usual, seeings as nobody is home to yell at me for talking along with the entire movie)
1130am: visit from jordan. Recieve 4-pack of Red Bull and peanut mnms, and then laugh for next 20 minutes about how everyone is trying to kill me with peanuts
12noon: recieve collosal bunch of flowers from relatives.
1230pm: chate arrives home. chate ignores me
130pm: julia arrives with food for a picnic where we invent the oh-so-classy act of drinking Red Bull out of my mums crystal champagne glasses
430pm: recieve chocolate bouquet from chate. yay!
530pm: recieve possibly best gift ever from Hirst family: Harpers Bazaar (with free tshirt woo!), chocolate, photo of me julia and krob, bottle of champagne and wait for it, BONES ON DVD. present so good that if birthday was totally sucking. this would save it
531pm: watch bones
630pm: convince mum to let me make cosmopolitan cocktails
635pm: decide to never make own cocktails again
7pm: home and away/cake (always a good combination)
And then I finished off the day with a nice little Bones/Prison Break/The Simple Life/Me-eating-copious-amounts-of-chocolate-and-drinking-enough-redbull-to-put-a-regular-person-in-hospital-so-i-guess-its-lucky-i-built-up-that-immunity-thing marathon.
Ill say it again.
Best
Birthday
Ever!!
birthday
ever!
7am: wake up to the phone ringing: normally a totally heinous occurance except that a) its my daddy singing happy birthday and b) my ringtone is 'thriller'
8am: recieve phone call from my boss and her 6-year-old twins singing happy birthday, and then asking if id like the day off seeings as its my birthday. dies with happiness
830am: wide awake and unable to do anything about it, decide to totally indulge self for next few hours. Have pink bubble bath, followed by a marathon of favourite movies: dirty dancing and moulin rouge (which is even more enjoyable than usual, seeings as nobody is home to yell at me for talking along with the entire movie)
1130am: visit from jordan. Recieve 4-pack of Red Bull and peanut mnms, and then laugh for next 20 minutes about how everyone is trying to kill me with peanuts
12noon: recieve collosal bunch of flowers from relatives.
1230pm: chate arrives home. chate ignores me
130pm: julia arrives with food for a picnic where we invent the oh-so-classy act of drinking Red Bull out of my mums crystal champagne glasses
430pm: recieve chocolate bouquet from chate. yay!
530pm: recieve possibly best gift ever from Hirst family: Harpers Bazaar (with free tshirt woo!), chocolate, photo of me julia and krob, bottle of champagne and wait for it, BONES ON DVD. present so good that if birthday was totally sucking. this would save it
531pm: watch bones
630pm: convince mum to let me make cosmopolitan cocktails
635pm: decide to never make own cocktails again
7pm: home and away/cake (always a good combination)
And then I finished off the day with a nice little Bones/Prison Break/The Simple Life/Me-eating-copious-amounts-of-chocolate-and-drinking-enough-redbull-to-put-a-regular-person-in-hospital-so-i-guess-its-lucky-i-built-up-that-immunity-thing marathon.
Ill say it again.
Best
Birthday
Ever!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
sisters? or friends?
scene: its saturday morning. im sitting, innocently eating pancakes and innocently watching a few well-earned hours of Friends, when suddenly, it dawns on me...
jacki: Oh my gosh!!
mum: What?
jacki: OH. my gosh
mum: What???
jacki: I have to call catherine!! (calls catherine)
catherine: Hello?
jacki: Catherine! I just realised something. You and me? You and me? We're Chandler and Joey. Chandler and Joey. We're Chandler and Joey Catherine!!
catherine: Ok. Um. What?
jacki: You know. Chandler and Joey. From Friends. They're us! We're them! WE ARE EACH OTHER!!!
catherine: (sighs) What are you talking about?
jacki: Ok. Listen. Listen. CHandler. CAtherine. Joey. Jacki.
catherine: Right
jacki: I KNOW!! dont you think? Ok and remember that time that it was Christmas, and Chandler and Joey had no money so they bought everyone those crappy gifts? Like they got Rachel wiper-blades and Phoebe toilet seat covers?
catherine: (sounding bored) yeah?
jacki: (practically shrieking with excitement by this point) WELL DONT YOU THINK THATS TOTALLY SOMETHING WE WOULD DO???!!!
catherine: (pauses) Jacki...you do realise Chandler and Joey arent real people right?
jacki: (stunned) why are you ruining this for me?
catherine: look, i have to go, im with my friends and...well, this is weird
jacki: you know im right! you know im right!!!
catherine: bye (hangs up)
she knows im right.
jacki: Oh my gosh!!
mum: What?
jacki: OH. my gosh
mum: What???
jacki: I have to call catherine!! (calls catherine)
catherine: Hello?
jacki: Catherine! I just realised something. You and me? You and me? We're Chandler and Joey. Chandler and Joey. We're Chandler and Joey Catherine!!
catherine: Ok. Um. What?
jacki: You know. Chandler and Joey. From Friends. They're us! We're them! WE ARE EACH OTHER!!!
catherine: (sighs) What are you talking about?
jacki: Ok. Listen. Listen. CHandler. CAtherine. Joey. Jacki.
catherine: Right
jacki: I KNOW!! dont you think? Ok and remember that time that it was Christmas, and Chandler and Joey had no money so they bought everyone those crappy gifts? Like they got Rachel wiper-blades and Phoebe toilet seat covers?
catherine: (sounding bored) yeah?
jacki: (practically shrieking with excitement by this point) WELL DONT YOU THINK THATS TOTALLY SOMETHING WE WOULD DO???!!!
catherine: (pauses) Jacki...you do realise Chandler and Joey arent real people right?
jacki: (stunned) why are you ruining this for me?
catherine: look, i have to go, im with my friends and...well, this is weird
jacki: you know im right! you know im right!!!
catherine: bye (hangs up)
she knows im right.
Monday, February 25, 2008
poor Cate Blanchett.
and i mean, who are the academy award judges anyway?
seriously?
and how come they get to choose the best movies and actors?
and how come they never choose the movies i like, like Dirty Dancing and Cloverfield and Garage Days?
whatever. that chick who was in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe won something, and she kind of looks like Cate Blanchett, so dont feel so bad Cate, you kind of won half an award.
and i mean, who are the academy award judges anyway?
seriously?
and how come they get to choose the best movies and actors?
and how come they never choose the movies i like, like Dirty Dancing and Cloverfield and Garage Days?
whatever. that chick who was in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe won something, and she kind of looks like Cate Blanchett, so dont feel so bad Cate, you kind of won half an award.
more adventures of jacki the babysitter
so im at work again, and while i could be using my time to complete various helpful tasks such as sweeping the floor, dusting the shelves, checking product deliveries etc etc, ive decided once again to channel my energy into being the worlds worst employee, and im blogging.
which im sure you all appreciate.
whatever.
so im babysitting for this family on saturday night. and this is new for me. and for them, since ive never babysat for these people before, but let me tell you, if i get my own way, i sure as hell will be babysitting for them again.
let me explain.
the first thing i noticed when i walked into the living room was the presence of not one, not two, but three 90 inch plasma tvs.
three.
three plasma tvs.
in the same room.
ok, ok, i lied. there were only two in the same room. the third was just outside the glass doors leading into the backyard.
it was hanging above the BBQ.
they called it their 'cooking' tv.
their cooking tv.
...
um...what?
and let me tell you, the night was full of suprises - the next of which being my discovery that each of the kids (oldest one was 6) had their own double bed, ensuite and plasma tv in each of their rooms.
and there was a pool.
and a trampoline.
and a pet robot dinosaur which i wasnt even going to pretend i was too cool for, and ended up playing with for most of the night.
teehee.
oh! oh! did i mention the chocolate, diet coke and milky bar icecreams i also found?
*dies*
which im sure you all appreciate.
whatever.
so im babysitting for this family on saturday night. and this is new for me. and for them, since ive never babysat for these people before, but let me tell you, if i get my own way, i sure as hell will be babysitting for them again.
let me explain.
the first thing i noticed when i walked into the living room was the presence of not one, not two, but three 90 inch plasma tvs.
three.
three plasma tvs.
in the same room.
ok, ok, i lied. there were only two in the same room. the third was just outside the glass doors leading into the backyard.
it was hanging above the BBQ.
they called it their 'cooking' tv.
their cooking tv.
...
um...what?
and let me tell you, the night was full of suprises - the next of which being my discovery that each of the kids (oldest one was 6) had their own double bed, ensuite and plasma tv in each of their rooms.
and there was a pool.
and a trampoline.
and a pet robot dinosaur which i wasnt even going to pretend i was too cool for, and ended up playing with for most of the night.
teehee.
oh! oh! did i mention the chocolate, diet coke and milky bar icecreams i also found?
*dies*
Friday, February 22, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
my eventful week
first of all, i apologise for not blogging for so long
second of all, i apologise for being so arrogant to think that people actually read these rantings.
but yes, its been a while since my last post (or rather, since the last time i was so jacked up on caffiene that i had the energy to stay awake until 6 in the morning and do nothing but blog), but since its 2.52 in the afternoon and im killing time until Gilmore Girls comes on and i can watch it and then run off to babysitting (oh, joy), this seems as good a time as any.
anyway.
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#1: Eric Bana's wife is on the TV commercial for the Academy Awards! Thats right people! Its just another stepping stone to my eventual global domination, having someone i personally know being on an ad.
an AD. on TV!!
...
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#2: My bosses cat(s) loath me. WHY? i have no idea. I've never been anything but sugar and sweetness to not only them, but the entire feline population of the earth, with the exception of Jess's cat Bubbles which i sometimes make fun of, only on account of the fact that it thinks its a dog.
what? Its hilarious!!
anyway, back to these particular cats and why they hate me. let me set the scene. well first of all you might be wondering why i have even come into contact with my bosses cat. its not that weird, its just that i babysit her kids on occasion.
anyway. its friday night. its ten past nine (but if my boss asks its actually eight thirty because ive only just got the kids into bed, although really what does she expect after giving them icecream and letting them watch 3 hours of Star Wars and Spongebob Squarepants), and im sitting on the couch, innocently eating snow mints and innocently reading one of those trash novels that i love oh so very very much, when suddenly the cat sitting on the couch next to me starts having what i can only describe as a combination between a stroke, a heart attack and an asthma attack at the same time.
yes.
well.
after i got over my initial reaction (which was to collapse into giggles because come on, the noise this cat was making was so funny i cant even describe it to you), i decided to help the poor animal by first pushing it (gently, gently) off the couch, and then trying to pick it up to put it outside.
well, i can tell you, it didnt like this. neither did its brother/sister/whatever-i-cant-tell-what-gender-it-is-on-account-of-all-the-fur-slash-fat, evidentally, since then both launched themselves at me, claws out and limbs flailing.
in conclusion, i hope you guys had good friday nights, because while you were out, at the movies, having dinner, watching tv, enjoying time alone with that special someone, whatever, i was being chased around a living room by two over-stimulated cats who live only to rip my face off.
and, what joy, looks like im heading back for more, since im babysitting for them once again tonight.
...
other than that i guess my week was actually pretty uneventual, apart from this one night where i had a totally legendary dream where Gemma and I met Emily Deschanel from Bones.
yeah.
well i hope you enjoyed this rather lengthy post, and if you didnt, well, you should at least pretend you did since it could be my last (i already escaped death by cat-attack once, who knows if ill be able to do it again tonight?)
second of all, i apologise for being so arrogant to think that people actually read these rantings.
but yes, its been a while since my last post (or rather, since the last time i was so jacked up on caffiene that i had the energy to stay awake until 6 in the morning and do nothing but blog), but since its 2.52 in the afternoon and im killing time until Gilmore Girls comes on and i can watch it and then run off to babysitting (oh, joy), this seems as good a time as any.
anyway.
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#1: Eric Bana's wife is on the TV commercial for the Academy Awards! Thats right people! Its just another stepping stone to my eventual global domination, having someone i personally know being on an ad.
an AD. on TV!!
...
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#2: My bosses cat(s) loath me. WHY? i have no idea. I've never been anything but sugar and sweetness to not only them, but the entire feline population of the earth, with the exception of Jess's cat Bubbles which i sometimes make fun of, only on account of the fact that it thinks its a dog.
what? Its hilarious!!
anyway, back to these particular cats and why they hate me. let me set the scene. well first of all you might be wondering why i have even come into contact with my bosses cat. its not that weird, its just that i babysit her kids on occasion.
anyway. its friday night. its ten past nine (but if my boss asks its actually eight thirty because ive only just got the kids into bed, although really what does she expect after giving them icecream and letting them watch 3 hours of Star Wars and Spongebob Squarepants), and im sitting on the couch, innocently eating snow mints and innocently reading one of those trash novels that i love oh so very very much, when suddenly the cat sitting on the couch next to me starts having what i can only describe as a combination between a stroke, a heart attack and an asthma attack at the same time.
yes.
well.
after i got over my initial reaction (which was to collapse into giggles because come on, the noise this cat was making was so funny i cant even describe it to you), i decided to help the poor animal by first pushing it (gently, gently) off the couch, and then trying to pick it up to put it outside.
well, i can tell you, it didnt like this. neither did its brother/sister/whatever-i-cant-tell-what-gender-it-is-on-account-of-all-the-fur-slash-fat, evidentally, since then both launched themselves at me, claws out and limbs flailing.
in conclusion, i hope you guys had good friday nights, because while you were out, at the movies, having dinner, watching tv, enjoying time alone with that special someone, whatever, i was being chased around a living room by two over-stimulated cats who live only to rip my face off.
and, what joy, looks like im heading back for more, since im babysitting for them once again tonight.
...
other than that i guess my week was actually pretty uneventual, apart from this one night where i had a totally legendary dream where Gemma and I met Emily Deschanel from Bones.
yeah.
well i hope you enjoyed this rather lengthy post, and if you didnt, well, you should at least pretend you did since it could be my last (i already escaped death by cat-attack once, who knows if ill be able to do it again tonight?)
Thursday, February 07, 2008
alright. im bad. very very bad.
i did the coke thing.
again.
so, on account of the fact that i cant be bothered to fight constant-awakeness, you should all get ready for a whole heap of blogging that doesnt make sense, as i bring you...
Jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com Throws An All-Nighter
(updated whenever I feel that things are getting too quiet)
1.07am: Awake. So awake. Let me try to explain. So awake I'm considering going down to the backyard and jumping into the pool to cure the boredom.
Facebook is down for the night. Just another reason to hate facebook I suppose.
1.12am: Hmm. You dont say. Search of Google has revealed my upper-ear piercing can also be referred to as a 'Helix' piercing. Back off man, I have a helix piercing. Yeah, you want a piece of me? Thats right. Helix piercing. Geez I didnt realise this piercing came with so much territory. Julia and I have probably been initiated into some biker club without even knowing it!
2.24am: Christmas Eve day. I mean, think about it. Really. Its both and eve and a day. Its a Christmas miracle!!!
2.35am: David Boreanaz is MARRIED?! Well there goes my hopes and dreams of him and Emily Deschanel ever hooking up in real life! I mean, come on. You cant make that kind of stuff up!! I'm crushed. Ever so crushed. P.S, Gemma this is for you:
dude. DUDE. i know. I KNOW! and i dont care that nobody else will ever appreciate that picture.
3.14am: IMDB is the coolest, can I just say. THE COOLEST.
3.15am: I sometimes wonder what I would look like without hair. And you know what else? I dont feel guilty about downloading the Enrique Iglesias song anymore. Because guess what? I like it!! Yeah, thats right! Its an alright song! And why is everyone so mean to Enrique anyway? He's probably a cool guy. Probably? He's DEFINITELY a cool guy. Especially if he watches Bones. and Prison Break. and Gossip Girl. But the point is, you guys should give Enrique a break. I mean, nobody questioned those girls on Next Top Model when they fawned over him and got all excited about being in his video clip. So if its ok for them to love him its ok for me to like his music. Which isnt even that bad! I mean, if you really think about it - oh who am I kidding, I listen to terrible music.
3.49am: There are 18 pictures of Wentworth in my room. No no, 19 pictures.
4.01am: I wonder if Catherine is still awake...
...
....
Ok, a thorough investigation reveals that she isnt. And also that my cat is sleeping on her face. ha! I guess one advantage of throwing an all nighter is that I have one less night where my cat is sucking my life out through my face while I'm asleep.
4.30am: You know what?? If everything was right with the world...
- The writers strike would end
- Red Bull wouldnt be so expensive
- Emily and David would hook up already
- Nobody would find it weird that I referred to them as 'Emily' and 'David'
- Everyone would enjoy Michael Jackson and George Michael as much as I do
Hey. Hey. Whatever happened to Guy Sebastian? Huh?
5.01am: Is that the sun?
5.02am: From the person who brought you 'the contents of a schoolbag that has gone uncleaned for several months', i give you...
...
the contents of my handbag, which has gone uncleaned for several months:
- 3 lollipops (2 of which i have since consumed)
- 1 iPod
- 1 pair of broken iPod headphones
- 1 pair of functioning iPod headphones
- about half a cup of sand
- 2 nailpolishes
- 1 makeup brush
- 1 eyeliner
- 1 bikini top (what??)
- 1 copy of 'Persuasion'
- 18 million receipts
- 1 hoop earring
- 2 pegs
- keys
- 16 multicoloured plastic gems
- $2.35 (score!!)
- 1 wallet
- 1 pair of black thongs
- 2 shells
- iPod speakers
- 4 buttons
- 1 pen
aaaaaand
- one huge ball of blutack (which most of this other stuff was fused to. ew)
5.54am: nothing frustrates me more than the fact that i am one of only two people that watches Bones, so when I rant about it, Gemma is the only one who understands me, and she probably doesnt even understand me on account of the fact that I am ranting, and therefore dont make sense to anybody, even the people who might potentially understand me since they at least know what the thing I'm ranting about is.
5.55am: i cant believe Kevin left the backstreet boys. really, i cant believe it.
how COULD he? i mean. he's supposed to be my male-member-of-a-boy-band-slightly-too-tall-for-his-own-good-incredibly-deep-voiced-and-bushy-eyebrowed alter ego.
but now. NOW. well. if i ever saw Kevin in the street, i would smack his bottom.
6.10am: Ok i think the effects of the coke have officially worn off. finally! time for sleep! sweet, wonderous, i-can-never-get-enough-of-it sleep, in my beautiful egyptian-cotton-clad double bed. how ive missed you!
sweet dreams faithful readers.
6.11am: Ok, you've GOT to be kidding.
a car alarm just went off.
right.
outside.
my window.
www.jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com saves Hollywood
Dear Hollywood,
Ok. And I didnt say anything for a while, because you know, its important to show some self-control, but seriously, this writers strike thing?
Um, yeah.
ITS RUINING OUR LIVES.
Alright. Maybe that was a bit dramatic. Yes, I admit, probably the only people who care are me and Casey. But still, two viewers is more than none.
Its not that I dont feel for the writers, whatever their plight may be. But you have to realise what effect having nothing to watch on TV is having on me.
Do you know what I watched the other day? Do you?
Bridezillas.
Yeah. I never thought I'd sink that low. Well I did! BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE ON!! Thankfully I've pulled myself together a little since then, and you can rest assured I wont be watching any more Bridezillas, no matter how bad the situation gets.
Ok. I lied. I'll admit it.
I watch Bridezillas every day. I think its awesome, I love it. The combination of PMS, an endless supply of disfunctional couples, and those relatives who decide they really cant give a damn and drop the cake in the middle of the church aisle is just sensational.
But enough.
I cant survive on Bridezillas alone!
Something needs to be done. And quickly. Before my brain explodes from attempting to come up with another solution to the whole Dr-Tancredi's-decapitated-head-was-in-a-box-and-we-all-saw-it-but-she-cant-be-dead-because-if-she-is-dead-then-i-will-die-on-account-of-the-fact-that-one-of-my-most-cherished-past-times-is-watching-Prison-Break-and-using-my-imaginaton-to-superimpose-my-head-over-Dr-Tancredi's-everytime-she-and-Wentworth-Miller-have-a-kissing-scene thing.
So please.
do it for me
and Casey
and Gemma, since I know she loves Bones as much as I do.
sincerely,
Jacki Trew
Ok. And I didnt say anything for a while, because you know, its important to show some self-control, but seriously, this writers strike thing?
Um, yeah.
ITS RUINING OUR LIVES.
Alright. Maybe that was a bit dramatic. Yes, I admit, probably the only people who care are me and Casey. But still, two viewers is more than none.
Its not that I dont feel for the writers, whatever their plight may be. But you have to realise what effect having nothing to watch on TV is having on me.
Do you know what I watched the other day? Do you?
Bridezillas.
Yeah. I never thought I'd sink that low. Well I did! BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE ON!! Thankfully I've pulled myself together a little since then, and you can rest assured I wont be watching any more Bridezillas, no matter how bad the situation gets.
Ok. I lied. I'll admit it.
I watch Bridezillas every day. I think its awesome, I love it. The combination of PMS, an endless supply of disfunctional couples, and those relatives who decide they really cant give a damn and drop the cake in the middle of the church aisle is just sensational.
But enough.
I cant survive on Bridezillas alone!
Something needs to be done. And quickly. Before my brain explodes from attempting to come up with another solution to the whole Dr-Tancredi's-decapitated-head-was-in-a-box-and-we-all-saw-it-but-she-cant-be-dead-because-if-she-is-dead-then-i-will-die-on-account-of-the-fact-that-one-of-my-most-cherished-past-times-is-watching-Prison-Break-and-using-my-imaginaton-to-superimpose-my-head-over-Dr-Tancredi's-everytime-she-and-Wentworth-Miller-have-a-kissing-scene thing.
So please.
do it for me
and Casey
and Gemma, since I know she loves Bones as much as I do.
sincerely,
Jacki Trew
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
sex and the city
ok so i was just watching sex and the city and it occured to me.
why do i even like this show? i mean, seriously. and its not just because the overall concept is pretty, you know, morally disturbing. i also realised that i dont even like any of the main characters that much.
you know when you're watching a show or a movie, you pick out, if you had to be one of the characters, which one you'd be?
and dont deny it because everyone does it.
well i was thinking about it, and i couldnt choose. they really all repulse me in some way or another.
charlotte is too much of a mothery type, carrie looks like a horse, miranda's hair irritates me beyond all reason and samantha, well lets face it, shes a complete nymphomaniac.
and dont get me started on Mr. Big. because i can start myself thanks very much!!
first of all, Mr BIG? you really couldnt think of anything more obvious?
also hes, what, 70? 75? i know it was the 90's, but there were still hot people out there you know!! whats with the hair? oh im being completely horrible of course, i suppose its because pretty much every tv show i watch now is uber-crappy thanks to my recent addiction to Gossip Girl.
except Prison Break of course
i love you wentworth
why do i even like this show? i mean, seriously. and its not just because the overall concept is pretty, you know, morally disturbing. i also realised that i dont even like any of the main characters that much.
you know when you're watching a show or a movie, you pick out, if you had to be one of the characters, which one you'd be?
and dont deny it because everyone does it.
well i was thinking about it, and i couldnt choose. they really all repulse me in some way or another.
charlotte is too much of a mothery type, carrie looks like a horse, miranda's hair irritates me beyond all reason and samantha, well lets face it, shes a complete nymphomaniac.
and dont get me started on Mr. Big. because i can start myself thanks very much!!
first of all, Mr BIG? you really couldnt think of anything more obvious?
also hes, what, 70? 75? i know it was the 90's, but there were still hot people out there you know!! whats with the hair? oh im being completely horrible of course, i suppose its because pretty much every tv show i watch now is uber-crappy thanks to my recent addiction to Gossip Girl.
except Prison Break of course
i love you wentworth
Monday, February 04, 2008
so here i am, sitting at work, and its 4.28pm and the last time a customer came in here was almost 45 minutes ago and i dont finish for another hour and a half and theres nothing to do but sit and look out the windows at the school kids walking home from school, and laughing at them with pity (because, you know, theyre at school) until i realise that its 4.28pm and the last time a customer came in here was almost 45 minutes ago and i dont finish for another hour and a half.
which sucks.
and in addition to that, ive been sick for like the last 6 days.
and in addition to THAT, the sound on this computer is like permanently muted or something (probably on account of the computer having no speakers), so when i tried to watch an episode of prison break just now, i couldnt hear anything they were saying.
...
...
*screams silently*
oh! oh! a customer!
wow, i really should get up and ask them if they need any help browsing.
but i wont, instead im going to sit here behind the counter and type out a recount of everything they are doing because i am so so so bored.
ok. shes looking at the bath gels. now moving onto the perfume diffusers. now shes turning to look at me curiously because my frantic typing is kind of loud. ok we made eye-contact. nobody says anything. and yes, its awkward.
dammit she left. and without buying anything. RUDE!
..
although probably not as rude as a shop assistant who types out every move of the customer rather than helping them.
well whatever! its been a long day. AND my crankiness just increased since i realise i have no ride home, so when i finally get out of here (which knowing my luck will be somewhere around midnight), im going to have to walk home.
WALK.
HOME.
in the RAIN.
whatever. and now onto a hilarious description of Yolanda, this girl who works at the sandwich shop next to ours. one time she came in, sat down in the waiting-room-area (the shop is also a beautician) and started eating her lunch.
just, you know, just randomly.
then she spilled her drink all over the floor, and after i had helped her finish wiping it up, she asked me if she could keep the paper towel.
the paper towel.
that i used to wipe her spilt drink OFF THE FLOOR.
yeah. i know.
oh hang on, phone call.
ok and back. and that reminds me, this morning, amongst serving customers and booking appointments, my main duty was to fix the fax machine.
easy enough right? no. not easy enough, since nobody told me what was WRONG with the fax machine in the first place.
anyway after reading pretty much the entire instruction manual, i was pretty sure i had it down, except then it started ringing like a phone.
and on the screen it said 'pick up the phone'.
so im looking all over this stupid fax machine and i cant find any part of it that looks remotely like a phone, so i just pick up the store phone.
of course nothing happens, and the fax machine keeps ringing and the customers are looking at me like 'what kind of a retard doesnt know how to use a fax machine' and i feel like asking one of them for help except that my boss probably wouldnt approve.
anyway.
eventually i solved the problem by kicking the fax machine until it turned off.
success!
oh.
more customers.
must be off!
which sucks.
and in addition to that, ive been sick for like the last 6 days.
and in addition to THAT, the sound on this computer is like permanently muted or something (probably on account of the computer having no speakers), so when i tried to watch an episode of prison break just now, i couldnt hear anything they were saying.
...
...
*screams silently*
oh! oh! a customer!
wow, i really should get up and ask them if they need any help browsing.
but i wont, instead im going to sit here behind the counter and type out a recount of everything they are doing because i am so so so bored.
ok. shes looking at the bath gels. now moving onto the perfume diffusers. now shes turning to look at me curiously because my frantic typing is kind of loud. ok we made eye-contact. nobody says anything. and yes, its awkward.
dammit she left. and without buying anything. RUDE!
..
although probably not as rude as a shop assistant who types out every move of the customer rather than helping them.
well whatever! its been a long day. AND my crankiness just increased since i realise i have no ride home, so when i finally get out of here (which knowing my luck will be somewhere around midnight), im going to have to walk home.
WALK.
HOME.
in the RAIN.
whatever. and now onto a hilarious description of Yolanda, this girl who works at the sandwich shop next to ours. one time she came in, sat down in the waiting-room-area (the shop is also a beautician) and started eating her lunch.
just, you know, just randomly.
then she spilled her drink all over the floor, and after i had helped her finish wiping it up, she asked me if she could keep the paper towel.
the paper towel.
that i used to wipe her spilt drink OFF THE FLOOR.
yeah. i know.
oh hang on, phone call.
ok and back. and that reminds me, this morning, amongst serving customers and booking appointments, my main duty was to fix the fax machine.
easy enough right? no. not easy enough, since nobody told me what was WRONG with the fax machine in the first place.
anyway after reading pretty much the entire instruction manual, i was pretty sure i had it down, except then it started ringing like a phone.
and on the screen it said 'pick up the phone'.
so im looking all over this stupid fax machine and i cant find any part of it that looks remotely like a phone, so i just pick up the store phone.
of course nothing happens, and the fax machine keeps ringing and the customers are looking at me like 'what kind of a retard doesnt know how to use a fax machine' and i feel like asking one of them for help except that my boss probably wouldnt approve.
anyway.
eventually i solved the problem by kicking the fax machine until it turned off.
success!
oh.
more customers.
must be off!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)