top ten

The top ten things you NEVER want your mother to find out about

10. The time you fed the dog half a bag of marshmallows and a piece of chicken schnitzel.

9. Your last monthly phone bill

8. The time you used her computer to download 32 episodes of Bones

7. The impressions you do of her where she sounds like a cross between Marge Simpson and Kitty Forman from That 70’s Show

6. The time you spilled half a bottle of pink nail polish on your bed

5. The second tattoo

4. The third tattoo

3. The fact that you couldn’t remember the name of the fourth Beatle

2. The time you told everyone she had a crush on Tim Gunn from Project Runway

and the number one thing you NEVER want your mother to find out about..

1. The fact that as you were typing this, you dropped half a baked potato on the computer keyboard