Sunday, June 20, 2010

A Strange Breed Of Human

This is kind of a stupid thing to blog about, but still. It has to be said. Sometimes those Foxtel TV Synopsis things are ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. Here's one I just read for an episode of Sex and The City: Carrie goes out on a date with Mr Big, still enjoying having fun with him. Charlotte and Trey go to dinner party together where he gets her in the coatroom and has sex with her.
Where do I start? 'Still enjoying having fun'? That in itself is a grammatical disaster. Somewhere out there, my year 12 English teacher just exploded. Also is it just me, or does the last half of the second sentence kind of sound like a victim's courtroom description of rape? I'm not saying this is an episode about sexual assault, I'm just saying that if I somehow ended up inside a coatroom with a guy called'd be against my will.
What else?
Apparently Charlotte and Trey are going to dinner party. Not a dinner party. Just dinner party. I guess according to Foxtel, there's some unwritten rule that in this galaxy, only one dinner party may take place at a time. Huh. I didn't know about that one. Thank goodness I'm not in the habit of throwing impromptu dinner parties - who knows what kind of universal crisis I may have caused! Honestly, the way that thing was written - along with the fact that someone got paid to write it - really makes me question the fate of humanity. I mean, 'enjoying having fun'? We are all doomed.

So speaking of television and whatnot, there's a marathon of classic Girls Of The Playboy Mansion episodes playing on the E! channel right now. Oh how I've missed those girls. Or to be more specific, how I've missed Holly Madison. I can't say how faithful a blog-reader you are or if you'll remember this, but the last time I posted about Holly Madison, it was to say that she could literally take a dump on my front lawn and I would still love her. How odd that while I haven't written about her since then, I have written about other people taking dumps on my front lawn. Several times. I certainly am a strange breed of human.
Speaking of strange breeds of human...this lady. Yikes. I can't tell you how disappointed I was to see she hadn't made it onto YouTube yet, because trust me - this is one phenomenon you have to see live in order to really appreciate.
Speaking of phenomenons you have to see live in order to really appreciate...ah, I got nothing. Instead, here's another semi-amusing work-related anecdote:
Another Semi-Amusing Work-Related Anecdote, by Jacki Trew
Like any hair salon, we offer treatments at Toni&Guy. I'm not gonna get into a full description of how they work (if you wanna know, you can pay $31.00 like everyone else, asshole), but one of the steps involves wrapping the clients head in hot towels.
I know what you're thinking. 'But Jacki, we have to know - how do you get the towels to be hot??' Is that what you were thinking? It was, wasn't it? Was it? I sure hope so, because that's what I'm going to talk about. We used to have a towel-warming machine, but it didn't work very well. So for a while we just poured boiling water over them and wrung them out. Until one day when I got to work and discovered that the kettle had gone missing - apparently there was a new and improved way to heat up the towels which involved wetting them, wrapping them in a plastic bag and then microwaving them for 3 minutes.
This story is dragging.
Well, to cut a long rant short...while attempting to heat up 2 towels on Saturday afternoon, I pretty much soft-boiled my hands. Oh, my goodness. I have never felt pain like that in my life. I mean, apart from when I got caught on a barbed wire fence. Or from that time I cut my hand open on a coathanger. Or from last Monday, when I made and ate that spicy-tomato-meatball-and-cheese-dorito toasted sandwich. But apart from those. Luckily I dont think anyone noticed, except for the client whose face I was silently crying onto. Yeah. Needless to say, there was no tip from her.

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