Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Ew. Dentists. Ew.

What's up my bitches?
Amazing day so far in every way possible. Oh, except for this morning. Let me tell you about this morning:
Well first of all, the power was out. For an unknown reason. Which is always fun for a girl whose parents leave for work at 5am and often neglect to turn their mobile phones on. How I managed to get from my bed to the bathroom to the kitchen to the phone without killing myself or one of my pets I will never know. Regardless, after an over-the-fence crash course in Fuse Boxes And Why They Sometimes Fuck Up Your Morning from two of the builders next door, I was washed, dressed and on my way to the dentist.
Oh. Yeah. Only in a world this cruel would I survive what I'm pretty comfortable calling the worst fuse-box-related incident in history just to make a trip to the dentist after.
If you are a dentist and reading this, I'm sorry. But you will have to get over it and accept the fact that I want you and everyone you work with to die painfully. And that I don't even feel bad about it. There is nothing remotely pleasant about a trip to the dentist, and that INCLUDES the gift-bag they give you afterwards: mini toothpaste and a pamphlet on the dangers of not flossing. Thanks, but does it look like I want any more reminders of the past 45 minutes? I think the aftertaste of that fluoride foam you sprayed down my throat without any warning whatsoever is gonna do the trick just fine.
On the plus side, I did manage to short-circuit their X-Ray machine with my earrings. Take that, you Wisdom-Teeth-hungry freaks!
Still. Apart from all THAT, my day was pretty good. I found and bought the most amazingly-well-fitted-to-my-legs-in-specific pair of jeans for only $50, further cementing my theory that all good things in life are poorly made and cost nothing. I got paid. AND I got home in time to catch the episode of Project Runway that I missed last night on Arena+2. Check and mate. My dentist could literally make a house call just to kick me in the crotch right now and I wouldn't even care.

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