My iPhone Addiction

I am honestly concerned by my addiction to the following three things:

• Coffee
• Toasted sandwiches
• iPhones and all iPhone-related-products.

Toasted sandwiches? Fairly harmless. And while 4 cups of caffeine per day can't exactly be considered healthy, I learned long ago that life would be more enjoyable for everyone if I just allowed myself to drink coffee.
So let's talk about iPhones.
My iPhone has been out of action for the past 2 weeks. I know! How is it possible that I haven't blogged about this yet? Well, there are 2 main reasons - the first is this thing I have called my job. And the second is that every time I thought about the very fact that my iPhone was out of action, I was overcome by the desire to rip my own face off. Oh, my gosh. My Mum thinks I'm an idiot. How disgusting that I can't last 14 measly days without a 130g computer that not only holds all my music, photos and phone numbers, but also allows me to access internet, email, weather updates and stock market information whenever and wherever I am, AND (through the magic of the iTunes application store) provides me with endless entertainment 24/7. I must be CRAZY.
No, okay.
In all fairness, I do rely a little too much on Apple. I get it. I'm currently looking into a 12-step program in order to deal with my Apple addiction. It doesn't reflect well on me that after just 24 hours, I found myself experiencing 'iPhone withdrawal symptoms'. Nor that I would like to touch intimately with whoever invented the touch screen. My only saving grace is that I can say with all honestly that I have never and will never feel the urge to purchase an iPad.
iPad? What's the deal? It's like a barely-functioning laptop time travelled to 2002 and had drunken sex with a Nokia 3315. Only even they wouldn't be stupid enough to name their bastard child something as ridiculous as the iPad. If Bill Gates were dead, he would be rolling over in his grave right now. As it turns out he is probably just rolling over in bed. Or rather, rolling around in a pile of 100 dollar notes. I'm assuming he uses the 100's as bedsheets; the 20's are for wiping his ass.