Monday, June 14, 2010

Pepsi Less

I could literally punch myself in the face right now, because I just cooked one of those meals you know are going to cause you some sort of pain in the near future, and then ate it anyway. I'm an idiot. Since my parents abandoned me for a holiday in Canada I've actually been pretty responsible in terms of breakfast, lunch, etc. I actually MADE a Caesar salad the other day. But tonight I was consumed by the spirit of a crazy person who thought two chocolate milkshakes and a toasted tomato-spicy-meatball-and-cheese-Dorito sandwich would be appropriate for dinner.
My insides are on fire.
I didn't know this, but apparently since the last time I ate any, Doritos have started making their chips out of pure asbestos. That's the only thing I can imagine would make me feel this ill. I may vomit. I may die. I may give birth to some form of food baby. In any case, I sure am glad I live alone this month.
On a completely different note, I recently bore witness to what is probably the best, funniest and most accurate description of Pepsi Max I have ever heard.

The Navy Man: If Coca Cola was at work all day, went to the gym, came home and then took a leak, it's pee would taste like Pepsi Max.

That sounds insane, but you know it's right. Pepsi Max should not be legal. At least, not for kids under 18 - we don't want young developing bodies ingesting that crap. What I don't get is how Pepsi Max is sold everywhere, but those weird sour watermelon Fanta drinks (also known as Taste Orgasm In A Bottle) were taken off the market after only a few months. Huh? How does that make sense? This is exactly the same issue I had with Prison Break being cancelled. Kind of. Not really, but you know what I mean.
Why is it even called Pepsi Max? Max? There's no sugar, right? I fail to see how REMOVING sugar could maxemise the flavour of anything, let alone a cola drink that already tastes like crap. As a firm believer in honesty being the best policy, I truly think Pepsi would have greater success with a more accurate name. Perhaps Pepsi Less, or Shit Pepsi. It's important that customers know exactly what they're paying for, after all.

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