To start, here is what I consider to be the most confusing moment of Keeping Up With The Kardashians I have witnessed in quite some time:
Khloe: You know Kourtney's afraid to hold a baby.
Kris: Just wait until her baby is born. She's going to be speed-dialing my house like a crack addict.
I don't quite know where to start. Why are crack addicts speed-dialing Kris Kardashian's house? Do crack addicts even know how to speed-dial? Who decided that the name 'Chloe' looked better when spelt with a 'K'? And really, why would any new mother call to ask advice from the woman who accidentally-on-purpose put enough Viagra in her son's coffee to warrant a trip to the emergency room?
In other news...just in case anyone was wondering why I've looked/sounded/been acting like the living dead this weekend, it's because I've had a total of about 7 hours sleep in the past 4 days. Also I just ate a whole bunch of Canadian Maple candy which I'm pretty sure was made and packaged in the late 1960's. But mostly it's the sleep thing. Let me explain:
My big sister Catherine and The Navy Man were graduating from the first phase of their NEOC training last week. And, being the top-shelf sibling slash girlfriend that I am, I decided to go watch. For those of you playing at home, here is a copy of the original itinerary:
Thursday Morning: Leave Sydney, drive to Navy Base (approx 3.5 hours)
Thursday Afternoon: Graduate/Guest Afternoon Tea
Thursday Night: Sunset Ceremony
Friday Morning: Graduate Parade, speeches, presentation of prizes and certificates
Friday Noon: Graduate/Guest Lunch
Friday Night: Graduate's Ball
Saturday Morning: Leave Navy Base, drive to Sydney.
Only because I'm still in the probationary period of my job and had to grovel at my boss's feet to get just ONE day off work, my itinerary looked like this:
Thursday Night: Arrive home from work at 10pm. Inhale dinner, pack bag, paint toenails, enjoy episode of Sea Patrol. Asleep at 2am.
Friday Morning: Wake at 4am. Shower, blowdry hair, pack car. On the road by 6am. Arrive on Base at 10am, just in time for Graduate Parade.
Friday Noon: Spend first half of Graduate lunch attempting to sniff out any source of Red Bull. Spend second half regretting shoe choice of 5 inch heels.
Friday Night: Graduate's Ball. Eat, dance, drink too much champagne (or as The Navy Man put it, 'just the right amount of champagne'), and arrive back at Base around 1am. Asleep by 2am.
Saturday Morning: Wake at 4am. On the road by 430. Home by 8am, just in time for a 10 hour shift at work.
I know. Delicious.
On Saturday night I enjoyed dinner with my parents, The Navy Man's parents, my sister and The Navy Man's sister. And in all honesty, it was a pimping good time - even despite the fact that I was semi-comatose and kept making comments like 'Did you ever notice how weird the word lemon is?' and 'I'm usually WAY more entertaining than this, I promise.' I think at one point I also attempted to cut a piece of chicken in half with my dessert spoon. Oh, well. It's nothing my own family hasn't seen before. Plus if NM can witness me in that state and still talk to me afterwards, I'll know I've really hit the jackpot.
Anyway. Now that I've got all that off my chest, I think I'll go and take a shower. Or slip into a light coma. Whichever comes first, really. Perhaps I will combine the two and pass out on the bathroom floor. And to Catherine/Navy Man: congratulations kids. You did me proud.