Thursday, January 28, 2010

I Finally Saw Avatar

I know what you're thinking. Another movie review? Why don't I just get a job as a real film critic already? Well I'll tell you why not - because there are no listings for film critics at My Career. And even if there were, I doubt anyone is gonna hire the girl who after watching The Twilight Saga: New Moon, spent 3 and a half paragraphs talking about Rob Pattinson's lopsided nipples.
Regardless. Lets talk about Avatar.

Umm...okay. It is wrong to find an alien handsome? I mean, is this just me? Have I been alone for too long, or were those blue dudes totally hot? I know 'handsome' isn't usually a word one would associate with an extra-terrestrial being, but...damn. Do those guys work out or what? I feel like I spent the first half of the movie reminding myself to breathe. And the second half trying to decide whether the Avatars were hotter than Wentworth Miller. And the cab ride home fighting a heart attack as I imagined Wentworth Miller as an Avatar.
...Oh, my.
What was I talking about again?
Right, right, the movie.
Well first off, is there anyone left in the world who hasn't seen this film yet? Anyone? Is it you? Are you the only person left? If you are, I want you to smack yourself in the face, really really hard. Then quit wasting your time with my blog, and go see it. Now! Right now! Preferably at the IMAX. Do it!
Are you doing it?
Wow, I am bossy today. I feel it's justified though, since this is probably one of the most legendary films ever made. Really. Legendary was the best word I could come up with right then, and even that doesn't do it justice. What's better than legendary?
I'll tell you what is: Avatar.
James Cameron, you've done it again. It's like a wonderful cross between every futuristic movie I've ever seen, Pocahontas and Fern Gully. Remember Fern Gully? From when we were like, 5? With the forest and the fairies and the giant willow tree? Yeah, that plus the entire Sci-Fi genre = Avatar. If Dr Spock, Neo, Pocahontas and the old lady from Fern Gully got drunk at a bar together and went home for some crazy four-way sex, this movie would be the result.
And really, how could anyone say no to that?
No wonder it's the highest grossing movie of all time.

So, in conclusion:
- Avatar is incredible.
- You should all relive your childhoods with a screening of Fern Gully, and
- I am a freak who is attracted to blue aliens.
4 and a half stars.

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