Thursday, January 28, 2010

48? Boy Was I Off The Mark!

I figured it out! Why I'm finding it so hard to get a job, that is. I mean, aside from the obvious reasons - like that I haven't actually started looking for a job yet. Or that I'm clinically insane. Or that my only 'skill' is being able to re-enact any scene from the TV show Prison Break at the drop of a hat.
Those are insignificant. The REAL reason is this: I am way too picky.
To illustrate (and because I have an unnatural fondness for list making), here is a little something I like to call...

JACKI TREW'S LIST OF POTENTIAL JOB PREREQUISITES (Did I spell that right?...Yep, yep, I did.)
1. Nailpolish
It sounds stupid, but I suffered through 6 long years of high school without nailpolish, and I felt naked without it. I don't have a collection of over 25 colours for nothing, people! And on that note...
2. Piercings
Permission to wear (several pairs of) earrings? After all the hassle of getting them done, it'd be a pain in the ass if the holes closed over.
3. A Computer
So I can blog-on-the-job. Duh.
4. No Old People
Nothing against the elderly, I just have an unfounded fear of them. And more than that, I feel like I might freak them out. Plus I wanna be able to talk about stuff like American Idol and the internet and Jaegar Bombs and how smokin' hot Wentworth Miller is, and let's face it - anyone over the age of 70 is gonna have no freaking clue what I'm going on about.
5. No Experience Necessary
Like I said, apart from loving TV way too much, I am essentially skill-less. Skill-less enough to not recognise that 'skill-less' isn't actually a word. Oh man, I'm in trouble.
6. Denim
Okay, denim needs to be part of the dress code. Mainly because I plan on having a year-round job, and the only winter-appropriate clothing I own is jeans. Denim jeans.
7. Loud Noises
I have a naturally loud voice. And I'd like to be able to use it.
8. No Sharp Objects
Only because I am probably the least-coordinated and most accident-prone person in the history of the universe, and having to leave work to get stitches (again) might be a hassle.
9. The Love Of My Life
I don't think this is too unreasonable. I'd just like to work with Wentworth Miller, have him fall hopelessly in love with me, propose after 6 months, and marry me on a beach at sunset. Pretty standard stuff really.
and finally,
10. No Hair Nets
I only just thought of this now, but how true is it? I mean, hair nets?
Oh, and I'd like to have weekends off.
So yeah.
I think my dream career would read something along the lines of 'Rachel Zoe's Job By Day, Blogger By Night', but right now I'm pretty set to become a homeless person. Or to be more specific, a young well-dressed, loud-speaking homeless person who owns a computer and stalks Wentworth Miller.
All I can say for sure is that one profession I'm not getting into is Celebrity Age Guessing, especially since I just found out that George Clooney is only 48. What the hell? Boy was I off the mark!

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