Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Chelsea, Ellen, Rove, And The Invention Of The Square-Shaped Burger

Hello internet.
I've got something to talk about. You want to hear it?
Well, since Rove isn't on anymore and Ellen only airs in the middle of the day, I've had to find myself a new talkshow addiction. So I started watching this Chelsea Lately show on the E! Channel - mostly because I love E! and all things E!, but also because I think if Ellen Degeneres reads about me watching Chelsea...well, she might get jealous.
Jealous, Ellen?
Yoouuu'reeee jealous.

Anyway. The more I watch these American talkshows, the more I am reminded of, well, America. And, oh, America! What a magical place it is - full of wonder and opportunity and history and square-shaped hamburgers.
What is up, Australia? Or should I say, what is up with the lack of square-shaped hamburgers, Australia?
Why don't we have square-shaped hamburgers? Huh? Huh? Who should I be talking to about this? Kevin Rudd? Get on it, will you Kevin? Because I am feeling a void in my life, and it is shaped like a square.
A square-shaped hamburger.

Okay, and just so you guys know, I am not some freak crazed square-burger fan. Yes I am a freak, yes I am crazed, yes I like square-burgers and yes I...fan...things, but that's not why I brought it up. On tonight's episode of Chelsea Lately, they were talking about McDonalds vs Wendys. That's how the square-burger thing came up. Apparently in America, Wendys is a burger joint. A square-burger joint. Chelsea obviously loves the idea of square-shaped burgers as much as I do, because she said inventing a square-burger was like - and I quote - "thinking outside the burger box."
Huh. Thinking outside the burger box? Clearly, I am all for a square-shaped burger...but actually what I think they were doing was thinking exactly inside the burger box.
Get it?
Because a burger box is square?
And the burgers are square-shaped? Square-shaped burgers?

I should get paid for this stuff.

No comments: