you know what the worst thing to do is?
well, i was going to say to not eat your lunch, but then i thought, no, thats the second worst thing to do

the worst thing to do is to not eat your lunch AND then to leave the uneaten lunch at the bottom of your school bag until a collection of uneaten lunches start to pile up and suddenly you have so many uneaten lunches in your bag that you cant even fit your pencil case in
and you cant take them out and put them in the bin because your mum will find them and start in on you about how food isnt free and devon doesnt grow on trees (though it would be totally cool if it did because julia would have a mental breakdown), and she'll go on and on and on and on about it until you get so bored that you actually fall asleep right there in front of her, and then she'll start in about how rude your generation is, and how in her day nobody would fall asleep in front of their mothers and then you'll make some tactless comment about how old she is and next thing you know your mums in gaol and you only have half a leg and a chainsaw that doesnt quite work anymore left

so really the only thing you can do is let them collect, but then this turns out bad too, because after a while, all the old sandwiches start to look the same, and those look the same as todays sandwich, so really, when i eat my lunch, i dont know if what im eating is fresh or 3 months old, and the only way to find out is to take a bite

and you know what tastes even worse than a 3 month old sandwich?
a 3 month old snack pack
..
thats gone warm

shower thoughts #12

have u ever noticed how when you get out of the shower, the bottoms of your feet are still wet?
...
and then when you run naked from the bathroom to your bedroom you leave watery footprints all over the floorboards, and when you come back some time later to inspect them, you notice they look suspiciously like wolf footprints?

yeah
yeah, me neither :S

hitlermort

you know what?
i dont care if no one else belives me

because harry potter is the same story as the holocaust.
i mean
think about it.
it totally works.
voldemort is hitler obviously
and dumbledore can be schindler
the death eaters are the klu klux klan (havent you seen the fourth movie? THEY HAVE THE POINTY HATS AND EVERYTHING!!)
then think about it. hitler wanted an arean (or however you spell it) race, right?
and what did voldemort want?
A RACE OF PURE-BLOOD WIZARDS!
ok.
ok.
OH MY GOSH!!
i am totally a genius. someone give me the nobel prize!
first i figured out how to use myspace, and now this??
ok, forget the nobel prize, just appoint me supreme leader of the universe

you know what else i think?
that guy who sells flowers in the carpark opposite st leonards station
yeah?
hes trying to kill me.
ok, well maybe not kill me, but i can see it in his eyes. theres something there. like every time i walk past i can totally tell he is plotting ways of attacking me, shaving my head and using my hair to make woven wicker baskets that he'll use to store flowers

i mean. seriously.
and i can tell what you're thinking
you're thinking this crazy girl, she thinks everyones trying to kill her, first ivan milat, then her modern teacher, then the creature that lurks under her shower, then her maths teacher, then her gym coach, then her other maths teacher, then the creature that lurks in her roof space, then the birds in the park and now this?
well shut up!
because if you dont believe me then your loss because tomorrow morning you will probably wake up bald and surrounded by dozens of hairy woven baskets
and then who will be laughing?

..well probably not me since ill probably be dead since if the flower man got you then the odds of someone else getting me increase at least 45%

well i can safely say ive added another person to the list of people who want to kill me
seriously though, gym was so bad this morning.
we got there and whalley wasnt there so obviously this was a cause for celebration since she has become the new laura (with tegan taking over the role of the new whalley), and bullies us all to tears almost every tuesday and friday morning
anyway when i arrived she wasnt there so i was quietly rejoycing to myself when i looked up and saw her walking towards me beff han and mel with a look on her face that clearly read:
i'm going to get you jacki trew. you and your friends. and then you'll be sorry you didnt work hard in gym when i told you to. oh yes, very sorry. very sorry indeed (insert evil laugh)
well
as if that didnt freak me out enough, she then proceeded to following us level threes around and forcing us to do many heinous things like 30 leg lifts on the wall bars and 20 casts IN A ROW (which no human being can do without rendering themselves infertile), and then doing multiple tuck jumps and handstands and peggy half turns on the beam until we were just about ready to kill ourselves, but we neednt have bothered since she would probably do that for us anyway

then as we were leaving (actually, it was more like escaping) she turned to bethy and i and said
are you two coming to the competition?
and we were like umm, i dont think so, since bethy didnt want to and im pretty sure i have to babysit that night
and shes like
well thats a crap excuse and if you dont come im going to...well, im not sure what ill do
and we were like kill us? and shes like
no. i dont want you to be dead. i want you to be almost dead. but just alive enough to do your routines.
and i am not even kidding.
what the hell? what kind of a person says that??
ill tell you who
the kind of person who is going to maul you as soon as they can

if they can get to you before ivan milat
which really, considering its me, wont be that easy

Shower Thoughts #11

why is it called a seven eleven?

suckonomics

seriously though
how is it that someone could be so crap at economics?
i mean
i just
dont
get it
like shut up
what the hull
in economics im always so out of it, im either
a) asleep
b) falling asleep
c) staring out the window with my eyes glazed over; or
d) wishing i was in modern

and what makes it even worse is when everyone else is like "oh i get it, the macroeconomic factors suplement the monetary policys instrumental activities, the sullaweego and the pulizeezee are added together to achieve the division of the pack of treewuqwores"
or whatever
and im still drawing pictures of horses with giant wangs on the back of laurens folder

sigh. its just so dam boring
blah blah blah thats what mrs black should be saying. or thats what she may as well be saying. thats all i get out of it.
we watched a video today, and everyone was taking notes. then, at the end of the movie, mrs black turned the tv off and we all looked down at the things we had learned.
of course everyone else had practically written essays on the american economy.
what did i have on my page?
'emmy rocks my world' in red pen, and a picture of a bald man dancing

and a drawing of a horse with a giant wang

oh, yeah
im going to pass this exam for sure

mmm...meat

so
another day, another night to procrastinate when im supposed to be doing homework and end up doing something totally pathetic like when i fell asleep at 430 this afternoon in my school uniform with half a sandwich in my mouth

i guess the bright side was that when i woke up i got to enjoy a sandwich
but seriously.
there are times when you dont want the first thing you taste after being asleep to be warm salami
and not warm in the good way
is there a good way for salami to be warm? probably not unless you're some meat-infested person like jess who once injested like 47 cutlets in one sitting

dude. jess
you're my hero

but anyway what i really wanted to talk about probably doesnt make sense so ill just rant about catherine and how you should ALL ATTACK HER AS SOON AS YOU SEE HER because she keeps refusing to make home movies with me!!!
its all "not now jacki" and "piss of jacki" and "maybe tomorrow night jacki" and "i have to study for the hsc jacki"

pfft.
hsc.
like that matters as much as my home movies. am i right? am i right?
of course im right. so you should all maul catherine face off, but dont injure her enough that she cant be in the home movies unless you want me to go back to getting my mum to film, and really, i think shes been traumatised enough.

p.s. i miss you bethy!

mooooooddderrrrrnnnn next which is so good because i am totally having modern withdrawals from not enough modern

im going to make a school where the only teacher is emmy and all we learn is modern
i tell you!

and also im missing you beffy so u have to hurry up and get better and come back to school because there is no one to correct us when we miss-pronounce words in modern!
what are we to do??
WHAT I ASK YOU???

anyway yes tata because i am off to modern to have the best time of my life which is what always happens in modern unless emmys face has exploded again

Shower Thoughts #10

is it bad when you start classifying animals into food groups instead of the type of animals they are?

blogging for bethy

so im bl0gging for bethy who is home sick and probably on her deathbed which isnt really funny but i guess it would be funny if it was me, because theres something about me and dying that people seem to find funny
i guess

anyway today we had those prefect announcements which were pretty good except that LAUREN SMITH became prefect and then bullied me and gemma so beth you should come back to protect us and it will be good

oh mitchys coming so i better go before she deep-fries me!!!

greys anatomy

ew.
ew.
ew.
so ohmigosh i just watched greys anatomy and i am so going to fly to america and stab dr sheppard in the back because he is such a knobhead to meredith and like ohmigosh shut up dr sheppard.
she should so totally be with george anyway because how can anyone resist george he is just too cute and i would have babies with him like in one second except that he should end up with meredith because that would just be better

anyway it was an emotional episode of greys anatomy, what with the operations, threat of blowing up the whole hospital, having to convince bailey to give birth, issi and alex having sex in a cupboard and some guy exploding his seedy seedy insides all over merediths face, but i have to say the best bit was when bailey named her son george, which just was such a beautiful moment that i had to console myself with a piece of chocolate cake that was roughly the same size as my head.
ok
fine
two pieces

top ten

top ten things that I (after trying them all) have realised a human should never do

10. Believe someone when they tell you that foam packing is made from corn, and eat half a box of it

9. Put a plastic tupperware container of mashed potato in the microwave for 25 minutes and forget about it

8. Choose economics

7. Try to remove fake tan with nail-polish remover

6. Try to remove fake tan with hair bleach

5. Try to remove fake tan with chlorine for the pool

4. Attempt to get changed inside a sleeping bag in the dark

3. Trust catherine trew

2. Let it slip that you watch big brother

and the number one thing that I (after doing them all) have realised a human should never do?

1. laugh when your favourite teacher shows you a picture of their boyfriend

Roof Attack

another thing i just realised.

that another being in my house is trying to attack me.

like every night when im about to go to sleep i hear this banging on the roof above my head, in the attic thing that no one can get into. and i wonder...what is this thing living in my roof that is surely coming to kill me in the night?
so i asked mummy. and she said
its a possum you silly girl
and i said
its not a possum! its gollum! gollum i tell you!!
so then she decided to ignore me because of my insistence that a character from a fantasy novel was living in our roof space and plotting my death as we speak.
but whatever.
she just cant see what is right in front of her. and when i wake up dead because Gollum has escaped from our roof and killed me in the night, she will be sorry, so sorry, and she will say
oh, if only i had believed jacki when she said it was gollum, and not just assumed that it was crazy talk, as i always do, because, you know, its jacki
and i will say (from the grave)
thats right mum
and gollum will say (from the roof)
you're next, jane trew
and mum will say
aw crap

MSPA

well i just got back from mspa which was eventful, first we got to see kiera, who was renamed the crip, and has now been renamed super crip because of her leg, which looked very bionic and cool.
then also we got to watch the year sevens dance their little dances and shake their little underdeveloped booties since they havent hit puberty yet (sparking our whole row to start shaking our fists and yell out "just wait, one day you'll have hips too!")
also good was the number of people in the show who sang or made references about songs from high school musical, it was excellent.
then in the interval emmy came to visit me and give me a disgusting packet of seedy squishy lollies that she bought without realising how seedy and squishy they were i guess, but since she gave them to me i ate them.

then we watched the second half of the show which was good, but not as good, because one group danced to that heinous heinous technological futuristic frog song or whatever its called, which shouldnt even be called a song since there is no real music in it, its just some loser who has a lot of time and too much know-how about computers.
but then tash made the second half good with her drum playing in the last act, and it was so beautiful i wept with passion at her drum banging, truly there has never been a better drum banger than tash.

anyway then i came home and blogged for you milli, so you should love me and comment because you love my blog so much and obviously i love you otherwise i wouldnt have blogged.

even though i probably would have anyway. but this is a special milli blog :)
tata my darlings, im off to do something unproductive!

shower attack

i had a feeling, just now.
you know.
when you're in the shower and you feel like you're about to be attacked.

i got that feeling.
i mean. i could practically hear the Phsyco theme music.

im pretty sure, i mean i cant say definitely, but im pretty sure..
theres a collection of molted hair festering just under the plug hole in my shower.
its huge. its hairy. its mad. its alive.
and its coming to get me.

seriously. like every time ive had a shower in the last week, the bottom of the shower fills up with water even though most of its going down the plug hole.
which makes me think BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUMMMMM
the molted hair monster is blocking the plug hole and trying to get through and shred me to pieces!
OH
MY
GOSH
ok...

IM ABOUT TO GET KILLED BY MY OWN HAIR.
or rather, someone elses hair, since i never molt my own hair, since that would be just plain seedy.
also if i had molted that much hair, i would be bald.
seriously. this thing is big.
i can hear it gurgling in glee everytime i go into the bathroom.
its plotting my death I tell you!! someone has to help me!!!

oh no, all this exitement about being stalked by a ball of hair has got my bladder all riled up and now i need to pee, but i cant go into the bathroom because the hair-savage will get me and i will die!! but if i stay here and dont pee, i will die from lack of..of..peeing!!

so again, ive got myself into a situation where, no matter what i do, im going to end up dead.
why does that keep happening?

cat and baisy's home movies

for all you randoms who like watching me do random crap in real life, now you can do it without me, in the privacy of your own home

just scroll to the very bottom of my blog for all the crazy home movies you could ever want.
new movies added every couple of days!

so grab the popcorn, sit back, and enjoy.
its normal people
its normal crap
...
but we've got a video camera

heinousday

well today was absolutely heinous in every way possible.

• i had gym at 645 in the morning and when i tried to go to the toilet Whalley attacked me and made me do 50 sit ups which just put more pressure on my bladder and made me want to go to the toilet even more, which i hate
• i had ancient first and as if that isnt bad enough, we had The Boof as a sub, and she gave me the evil eye all morning, praying that i would do something wrong so she could rip out my jugular vein or something. then when she left, we had the equally revolting mrs wonwan woman or whatever her name is, who likes to terrify people by sidling up behind them and then randomly trying to chime into their conversations
• i missed out on a totally good party at lunch becoz i had to stay in at lunch to do dt (now thats what i call dedication) and i didnt really seem to get anything done at all, except cut my pattern out wrong and spill a whole box of pins onto my lap
• emmy screamed at me like 10 times in modern, which, while probably justifiable, is also just plain mean, especially since i already explained to her that she should be extra nice to me since the rest of the teachers so obviously want to kill me and hack my body into a thousand tiny pieces, or implant a bazooka into me like that guy on Greys Anatomy so id explode so hard that there wouldnt even be bits of jacki left, it would just be a red mist
• i lost my pen. which was just probably the suckiest bit of the day because I NEED MY PEN

dammit. tomorrow better be good otherwise im going to set fire to the boof.

haha NO

so basically today we had that whole talk
you know
'girls, its that special time, that time of your lives when you become the leaders of the school, yadda yadda yadda, and we want you to remember that being a prefect isnt about being popular, its about being able to put up with all the crap we make you do because we cant be bothered to get off our fannies and do it ourselves yadda yadda yadda, and you should know that once you get into year 12 its not just the prefects who're the leaders, its all of you girls because we love you all and care about you all, yadda yadda yadda'

right. i am so sure.
like she even knows my name.
she probably has some scanning system, like those robots you see on tv sometimes.
like..
scanning....(sees Julia)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Hani)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Lauren)
prefect material. approach target
(sees Jacki)
system overload. uncontrollable student. seek target and destroy.

pfft. whatever. like i am so going to sign myself up for that after last time.
oh, and after her little speech about how being a prefect can be "a very lonely time"

coming soon...

the only thing this blog didnt have

and now its here

HOLD YOUR BREATH AND MAKE SURE YOUR UNDIES DONT FALL DOWN BECAUSE..
...
(drum roll)
...
JACKIS BLOG NOW HAS HOME MOVIES!

stay tuned for more

the worst thing about being sick is the addictions.
and that sounds crazy, but well, i am crazy, SO SHUT UP!

take the following conversation (i seem to do conversations alot), between me and catherine, not long ago.

catherine: im going downstairs. you want anything?
me: rub
catherine: what?
me: RUB!
catherine: are you on crack?
me: I NEED MORE RUB!! MORE RUB!
catherine: thats it! IM CUTTING YOU OFF FROM THE VICKS VAPOUR RUB!
me: please, no!

aw crap. she hid the vicks. its my only comfort.
vick, where are you? i miss you!
i miss your scent. i miss your laugh.
vick, when this is all over, i think you, me, and emmy should get an apartment together.



p.s
congratulations, me, on my 250th post.

calling all ivan milats

ok.
so i was just watching tv and i saw this ad for Swiss Stainless knives which completely freaked me out because it was practically begging people to become the next ivan milat.
WHICH EVERYONE KNOWS IS EMMYS JOB. which she will initiate with the senseless murder of me and beth, and possibly casey.

anyway. this is how it went:
tv: Are your knives blunt?
me: No
tv: Are you sick and tired of not being able to cut your soft tomatoes?
me: Not really
tv: Well here's the solution! New Swiss Stainless knives have a double cerated edge and NEVER NEED TO BE SHARPENED!
me: Ok..
tv: They can cut through ANYTHING! from metal pipes...to cauliflower...to peoples necks...
me: (starting to pay attention) What?
tv: And if you're not 100% satisfied, send them back, and we'll replace them...WITH MORE KILLER KNIVES!!
me: argh!
tv: And look at the huge range we have! (Shows footage of a wooden chopping board covered with 5 different knives).
me: oh what the
tv: And if you order now, you'll get the super extended pack! (Shows footage of a wooden chopping board covered with 10 different knives, a pair of scissors, and something that looks suspiciously like the hook from I Know What You Did Last Summer).
me: aaaaah!
tv: But thats not all! Call in the next 34 seconds, and you'll get the deluxe super extended limited edition pack! (Shows footage of two of the super extended packs next to each other).
me: HOLY CRAP!
tv: And its only $79.95!
me: ONLY $79.95???
tv: Thats right! $800 worth of lethal weapons for only $79.95!
me: baaaaaah!!! (runs out of room)
catherine: idiot

THE REAL VOLDEMORT UNCOVERED!!! 

the real voldemort

you know what i realised today, when i was lying in bed and reached for something to look at and the first thing my hand came across was the second harry potter book?

voldemort.
is 66.
thats right. the snake-face freako guy who we're all supposed to be terrified of is practically old enough to be my great grandfather.
no wonder hes so crusty.

well how am i supposed to take the book seriously now! how can i, when the guy who is supposed to strike fear in all our hearts IS AN OLD PERSON?????

addicted to sucky tv

so
i just watched the last episode of lost.
and it sucked.
just like every other episode of lost.

ooh, the suspense! i cant wait till february! only 6 months until the next season of unresolved plotlines and characters which didnt make sense in the first place!

i mean. did they really think we'd forget about that whole polar-bear thing??

back to school, back to school

well im still dying, im practically coughing up bile, well i would be if i knew what bile was, but i dont.
BUT i have decided to probably return to school tomorrow because i heard emmy made me some sort of inflatible treat, i dont know what that means but it sounds tantalising so im there.

anyway because obviously i havent been able to blog for like 3 days because ive been unconcious for the most part of the last 73 hours ill blog now for all you blog-addicts who have had "blog withdrawals" and have "missed me with the passion of a desert windstorm" - according to gemma.

so ill return to school (probably unless when i wake up dead in the morning) for modern but that means that ill probably also have to endure ancient which wont be so pleasant and i would actually rather die than see mitcheys face, but then if i stay home and spend another day without emmy and vandy i will also die, so either way im going to end up dead.

which is actually kind of funny.

OHMIGOSH i just realised i have so totally forgotten to blog about how crappy my sister is at arguing.
and seriously.
julia can testify to this.

so the first time we were arguing it was about sport...
catherine: so anyway i have training this afternoon
julia: oh what training?
catherine: um, hockey. gosh how could u not know that?
jacki: well we dont do school sport
julia: yeah so we dont know much about it
catherine: but dont you know anything? like dont you know that hockey is on the same term as netball? i mean, you guys do netball!
julia: yeah but we dont do it with the school
jacki: yeah we're in a different competition
catherine: but wait, shut up! dont you listen in assembly?
jacki and julia: um, no
catherine: but dont you have friends who do school sport?
jacki: well yeah.
julia: but none of them do hockey
catherine: well then its your problem
jacki: but you're the one who has a problem with us not knowing
catherine: ohmigosh i so totally do not! what are you even talking about?
jacki and julia: (giving each other confused looks)

then catherine asked me about something in my maths book which she had borrowed from me...
catherine: hey, what chapter are you guys up to in maths?
jacki: um, ten. i think
catherine: ok (pause). So what does this mean?
jacki: I dont know
catherine: well, its in chapter six. if you're up to chapter ten, you should know it.
jacki: well maybe we didnt do it. or maybe I didnt do it, remember I havent been in general maths the whole time.
catherine: yeah but havent you caught up?!
jacki: well, a little, but i have more important things to do, like modern (that one was for you emmy ;))
catherine: um, well then you suck
jacki: excuse me. if you're in year 12, then shouldnt you know it anyway? thats year 11 work
catherine: um, shut up, no i shouldnt know it because i wasnt in general maths the whole time either you know!
jacki: well you've been in it for longer than me. and if you're so concerned with people catching up on their work, shouldnt you have caught up on yours too?
catherine: um, shut up! its totally different for me anyway.
jacki: sigh

then this most recent one when catherine wanted to watch It Takes Two...
jacki: (watching It Takes Two) This show sucks! (Changes channel)
catherine: Ohmigosh, i was so watching that. (Unplugs the foxtel and changes the channel on the wrong remote so that an extremely fuzzy image of It Takes Two comes up on the screen and im unable to change the channel)
jacki: Um. If you want to watch it that badly..
catherine: shut up!
jacki: If you want to watch it that badly, just plug the foxtel back in and ill change it back to channel 7
catherine: Um. no
jacki: But dont you want to watch It Takes Two?
catherine: I am.
jacki: But dont you want the image to be clear not all fuzzy like that?
catherine: No, i like it like this.
jacki: But...
catherine: shut up!
jacki: Dont you realise how much of an idiot you are?
catherine: Dont you have anything better to do with your time?
jacki: Dont you?
catherine: no i dont!

OHMIGOSH
...
OHMIGOSH!

oh me oh my oh yes!

so im looking around peoples myspaces to see what all the fuss is about and i see that on pats myspace he has completed some sort of quiz.

so im scrolling down reading the answers to the questions and i come across the question
do you stalk people?
and his answer was
im not jacki

...
*clapps with glee*
im famous!

(www.myspace.com/ppaattoo) if u want proof

total sucko

well today was pretty uneventful

probably the best thing that happened to me was when i was walking past the middle school lawn and i saw this bird taking in a bath in one of those giant holes in the grass that had filled with water.
yeah. that was pretty good.

i didnt even get to enjoy my time with shanny seeings as she totally barred me the first time i saw her (but as this happens every time i see her so i didnt really notice her hating me) and then in modern she decided to hate me some more.
i dont know what it is about me and teachers. i mean obviously im a complete angel, so why do they hate me so much?

oh well.
dont worry emmy, all is forgiven.

bare-assed (again)

well today was pretty normal until my dad decided that he needed me and catherine to come down to the sailing club with him and carry some old boat around and then attach it to the trailer.
so that worked pretty successfully so while my dad was tying the boat to the trailer he told me and catherine to go lock up the shed, which has one of those rolly-doors like u get on a garage, but instead of having a remote control, you have to pull it down yourself.
so i was being the helpful daughter and reaching up to pull it down, and then something else got pulled down, but it wasnt the rolly-door, it was my pants, and i wasnt pulling them down, catherine was.

so there i was, naked from the waist down in front of pretty much anyone who lives on the lane cove river, and i thought hey.
this feels pretty familiar.

so then i chased catherine around and tried to pull down her pants (remembering to pull my own up about half-way through the chase) and we both ended up ass-down in a pile of mud which felt oh so bad, yet oh so good at the same time.

shakespeare in love

i have never felt so violated as when i watched that shakespeare in love movie yesterday in extension.
seriously.
like every second scene is sex. and when there isnt sex, you can TOTALLY tell that EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER is thinking about when theyre going to have sex next, and who it will be with.
how dirty.
so dirty.
how dirty are all the english teachers.
i swear its all they think about. all of our teachers actually.
i mean think about it.
room with a view, inspector rex, and now this???
is this some sort of plot to turn us all into prostis? or do they just enjoy seeing us (well, ok, me) screaming in fear at the sight of some old man getting it on with a 17th century whore.

pfft, old people

i mean.
parents.
come on.
werent they ever young?? dont they remember what its like to go to school, or have a social life, or bend over without breaking a rib?
like my mum (more commonly known as marge)
seriously. whats with her and not liking me having my door closed. IM JUST DOING MY HOMEWORK.
DOES SHE REALLY WANT ME TO FAIL THE HSC AND END UP A HOBO ON THE STREET LIKE MISCHA BARTON AFTER SHE QUIT THE OC!???

she like knocks on the door and im like "oh mummy im just working diligently like i do in modern"
and shes like "BAISYYYYYY!! IM RESPECTING YOUR PRIVACY AS A TEENAGER BY KNOCKING, BUT EXERTING MY AUTHORITY AS YOUR PARENT BY COMING IN ANYWAAAAAY!!" and then practically bashes down the door with her vaccuum cleaner or something.

THE END OF THE WORST DAY EVER

this day has been THE WORST DAY

first of all i already knew it was going to be crap because as soon as i left the house i realised i was wearing THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE PAIR OF UNDIES that i own.
then my bus was late to the station because so many old people kept getting on and then, i dont know, like dropping their travel ten on the floor, then bending down to pick it up and knocking over their walking frame or whatever.
then when we finally got to school i realised it was going to be THE WORST DAY OF THE WHOLE CYCLE because:
a) we didnt have modern
b) we didnt have dt
c) we have double english extension while everyone else gets a free

anyway so it was lunchtime and so far i was surviving because you know, christian studies was a bludge and maths had been fun (we discovered that mr ob makes his lunches the same way as spesh), but now, oh now it was time for economics which i totally dont understand a single word of so i just sit there with my eyes all glazed over and nodding occasionally. so todays economics was pretty much just like any economics.

well.
after that i was walking to extension and i saw emmy and waved hysterically and she averted her eyes and cringed at the thought that i was near her, but i think, I THINK, i saw her fingers wiggle a little.
ohmigosh. THATS RIGHT
SHE WAVED AT ME.
then after that we got to extension and found out that because the teachers feel so sorry for us (since we so majorly sucked hairy balls in our essays on wide sargasso sea) they let us bludge the whole two periods and watch shakespeare in love instead.
then when i got home i found out we are having mongolian lamb (like my 5th favourite dinner) tonight.

so really this day hasnt turned out so bad after all.

laurens rage

so yesterday in p.e kiery and discovered something very intruiging about our good friend lauren.

well apparently it must be pretty cold in berowra or something because when we were getting changed (well, when lauren was getting changed because me and kiera are bludgers) (well when lauren was getting changed and kiera wasnt getting changed because she had a legitimate excuse and i wasnt getting changed because im a bludger), we noticed that lauren was wearing.
a singlet
her school shirt
a vest
a jumper
a blazer
AND a scarf.

which of course is hilarious so kiera and me proceeded to steal laurens vest and roll it up into a ball and throw it over her head to everyone else until she got so mad that she went into some sort of crazy Lauren Rage and spear tackled hanni even though hanni didnt even HAVE her vest.

so while kiera and i were still laughing over the vest and showing it to everyone else, lauren had hanni in a headlock and was pinning her up against the wall.
which was amusing.
and then later, when lauren finally got her vest back from us, she folded it up until it was small enough to put in her pocket so that we couldnt get it.
so then we stole her jumper, and while she was distracted by that, we stole her vest right out of her pocket and then she got so angry and confused she started whipping kiera with her jumper and trying to grab back the vest.

i mean.
these berowrians.
theyre so weird

yesterday afternoon

mum: hi, how was your day
me: oh fine
mum: how did the cake go?
me: good. it was yum
mum: ew.
me: what?
mum: nothing. did everyone like it?
me: i think so. like the whole year knew about it.
mum: how embarrassing for you.

man. even my own mum is embarrassed about me.

big brother

so last night was the finale of big brother and of course i watched it (*ducks to avoid flying projectiles from classmates*)
the best bit was when Jamie and Michael and stuff were all together and watching videos of when Jamie and Katie were in love and it was so romantic and Jamie was like crying and then suddenly Katie came out and he was like maaauuuuulllll and mauled her and they like hugged and kissed and i was like oh how sad is it that im watching this horse shit.

anyway then i was talking to Cieny and apparently Jamie was like saying about how he didnt know if he still wanted to be with Katie once he left the house, probably because he became closer friends with Krystal who has breast implants.
also because you know, theyre trapped in a house which is like 1 metre squared and hes a 22 year old male so hes probably as horny as a bull on heat.
anyway.
im going to stop talking about how i watch big brother now to avoid being hacked to death by my friends, because you know, that honour is saved for Ivan Milat