Sunday, March 27, 2011

Party Of One

Alright, alright, alright.  I'm sure you've all been waiting for this.
Let's talk about voting.

Like most of NSW, I got my democracy on yesterday morning.  Oh, yeah, that is the cool way to tell people that you voted now.  Tell them you got your democracy on.  Yeah.  You like that?  I came up with it.  But I'm not greedy, so I'll let you guys use it.  Go ahead.  You are welcome.
So here's what scares me about democracy: I am an idiot.  I know this.  If you don't believe me, I suggest you re-read the first paragraph of this post.  People like me should not be given a say in the future and well-being of this nation.  That being said, I'm pretty sure if I wasn't a semi-broke and completely talentless receptionist, I'd at least be in the running for Prime Minister of the Universe.  Yes you read that correctly.  My first act as PM would be to abolish parking ticket laws.  I would then appoint Wentworth Miller from Prison Break as my sexretary.  Vote 1 Jacki Trew!!

To me, voting is know how sometimes you get home after a night out, and you're kind of drunk, and you feel like cooking something?  And then the next morning you wake up feeling like shit?  You feel like shit and there's an empty bowl on the nightstand, so you know you ate something but you're not sure what it was, only that it was probably comprised of 2 or 3 random ingredients that no meal should EVER be comprised of?
That's kind of like voting.
First off, I've got no idea what I'm doing.  I'm totally clueless.  Totally clueless and yet at the same time, MORE ENTHUSIASTIC THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN ABOUT ANYTHING IN MY LIFE!
Drunk cooking!
I mean, uh, Democracy! 
Do you know how early I woke up yesterday morning?  It was almost kind of still dark outside!  There's very few things that'll get me out of bed at all, let alone at that time of the day.  When our fire alarm went off at 12:30 on Saturday morning, this was my thought process:

What is that?  Is that an alarm?
Is that the FIRE alarm?
Ah, fuck it.

And yet there I was, standing in line to vote when the sun wasn't even warm yet.
Now, I'm not the world's greatest cook, but one thing I can say is that I know my way around a kitchen.  Unless, of course, I am drunk.  At 2 in the morning, the kitchen is a whole different ballgame, and I am NOT one of the most valuable players.  Same with voting.  Even though I've done it before, I'm never 100% sure of what I'm supposed to be doing.  Do I line up?  Where's the line?  Do I need ID?  Did I bring ID?  Where do I put the voting ballot?  Where do I sign in?  Where am I??
The voting ballot thing is completely true.  Last time I voted I was so embarassed about not knowing where to go that I waited until the woman next to me had finished filling out her ballot, and then followed her out of the voting room.  The worst part is that she turned out to be one of these douchebags who actually reads the whole ballot before filling it out.  I mean come on, lady!  I don't have time for you to read about Ivan Milat's sisters party for Gun Control.  Just tick a damn box!

I make jokes, but voting (like cooking while under the influence) is a serious matter, and an experience that you probably want to keep to yourself.  Just like I don't share my receipe for capsicum-banger pasta sauce, I wouldn't go running around Lane Cove telling everyone who I just voted for.  Unless it was the Communist Party, because you just know that's the kind of thing that'll go down well with most people.
I kid.
You might be pleased to hear that I once again decided against voting for the Communist Party.  Why would I, when there are so many more hilarious parties to choose from?
  • The Sex Party
  • The Fishing Party
  • The Anti-Parking Meter Party
  • The 'We Like To Party' Party
  • The 'Jacki Trew's Blog Is Horrendous' Party
  • The 'Fuck You, My Blog Is Awesome!' Party
I'm pretty sure only two of those are real.  But you get the picture.

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