Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Double Death

Speaking of food...

I was in the midst of my daily Yahoo perusal yesterday, when I stumbled onto this little article.  Good Lord that is one nasty-looking hamburger.  And when I say 'nasty', I mean it in every sense of the word.  That burger looks like it has a nasty personality.  I bet that burger was a bully in high school.  It probably makes racist jokes, too.  About dead babies.  Racist dead baby jokes.  It never calls it's mother, even on Christmas or her birthday.  And last Halloween, the burger dressed up as Hitler and egged every house in the neighbourhood.

In all seriousness though, what the hell is going on over at KFC headquarters?  Colonel Sanders, I'm talking to you.  Get it together, dude!  Haven't you heard that fast food high in saturated fats can cause health problems like diabetes?  This hamburger IS diabetes.  I only looked at a photo of it on the internet...I have diabetes now.  That's a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean.  All I'm saying is I would think twice before ordering this off the menu, because if and when you do, you're gonna have to deal with a myriad of health problems, the very least of which will be a case of explosive diarrhea.
My favourite thing about the article is the author and his use of the word "horrifying".
"Two-thirds of men and more than half of women are overweight. We don't need more of these sorts of things. It's horrifying," Dr Stanton told News Ltd.

Like the burger has committed homocide.  Or has a lead role in a new horror film:
I Know What You Ate Last Summer - starring Tom Cruise and Anne Hathaway.  And introducing The Double Downer as 'Creepy Serial Killer In Hooded Cloak'.
Oh.  Did I not mention that's what KFC is calling this monstrosity?  The 'Double Downer'.  If there is a more perfect euphamism for death than that, it's not one I know about.
And it doesn't even look good in the promotional picture!  I know it's ridiculous that I'm still talking about this, and I don't care.  I generally think all fast food is repulsive, but at least McDonalds etc make an effort to trick us into submission with photoshop and good lighting.  I know it's not, but if you believe the commercial, a salad sandwich from Maccas actually looks like a salad sandwich.  The first thing I thought when I saw the Double Downer was "Did somebody already eat that?".  Well, no, okay, that was my second thought.  My first was actually "Aaaaand...diabetes."

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