Saturday, February 13, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day, Assholes.

Happy Feb 14th, love-bugs! It's Valentine's Day!
Ah, Valentine's Day. Or as I like to call it, Oh Yeah I'm Alone; Thanks For The Reminder Asshole!
What is it about this 'holiday' that rubs me wrong? Well first of all, that it's even labelled a holiday, when clearly it's not. No. No. Holidays are fun. And merry. And there's great food and presents and you get the day off work and EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY IS INCLUDED, EVEN THOSE WITHOUT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Valentine's Day is so selective. Worse than that, it's exclusive. It's like the Cool Kid on the playground. Oh it's great if you're dating or married or in a defacto relationship with someone lovely who sends you flowers and chocolates and a photograph of themself dressed as Wentworth Miller. It's great then.
But what about the rest of the human race? Left to celebrate the way I do - in pajamas, with Prison Break on DVD and an entire wheel of Castello cheese.

You know what else I hate about Valentine's Day? People. People on Valentine's Day. What, just because Hallmark invented some holiday a dillion years ago, it's suddenly okay to suck each other's faces in public?
WELL IT'S NOT! Sucking face is not a public activity. At all. Under any circumstance. Ever. The only way I can tolerate people making out in public is if one of them happens to be Wentworth Miller. It also helps if the other person is me. But even then it's inappropriate. Plus to actually see myself making out with Wentworth Miller, we'd have to be standing in front of a mirror, which seems kind of weird...
It's not that I'm anti-love. I love love. Love is good.
Wonderful! I am all about the love.
If you're offered love on a silver platter, you better grab that bad boy and hold onto it with both hands while you can - because if life (and the final episode of Prison Break) has taught us anything, it's that sooner or later we're all going to end up pregnant and alone.
So feel free to be in love - all I ask is that you politely refrain from shoving it in my face.

Happy Valentine's Day, Assholes.
Love Jacki

1 comment:

Zakia J said...

I just love this... Lol. You are not alone, my friend.