Saturday, June 06, 2009

The Wolf Creek Theory: Test Results

Alright so, for those of you who haven't read the post below, here's the 411:
The theory: That I, Jacki Trew, am no longer afraid of scary movies
The test: Watching Saw 4 all by myself
The reason it's named after Wolf Creek: Um, yeah. Just read the post below. I can't be assed to explain it again
Anyway, as I was saying...In order to test my latest hypothesis, last night, I watched Saw 4.
In it's entirety.
At night.
So, I hear you asking. The results?
Was I scared? Was I afraid? Was I TERRIFIED?
Um, no.
I totally wasn't.
As much as my sister went on and on and on and on about how it was the scariest slash most graphically violent movie she'd ever seen, that I'd have nightmares for weeks and that she - and I quote - "would rather stand outside in the freezing rain all night and then die than watch that movie again", Saw 4 was kind of tame.
Kind of really tame.
I mean, I'll admit there was a moment at about 34 minutes in, where some guy gets attacked by a shower curtain that made me just about piss myself. And by 'just about', what I really mean is 'Yeah, I had to change my pants'. But other than that, the scariest thing I saw was a naked old guy on an autopsy table. Which, granted, will probably give me nightmares for the rest of my life, but since I don't think they actually meant for it to be scary, it totally doesn't count.
I think I just about proved my own theory correct.
In the name of science, I decided to perform a follow-up test. So today, in between wrapping my Dad's birthday present and building lego houses with two of my nephews, I watched ANOTHER scary movie.
This one - creatively named Black Christmas - was about a criminally insane serial killer who escapes from a mental home on Christmas Eve and joins forces with his incestuous one-eyed sister to wreak havoc on a group of college girls and their sorority house mother.
It was kind of a cross between Bad Santa, Wrong Turn and the Halloween movies, pretty stupid, a little unrealistic, and probably one of the most awesome movies I've ever seen.
I totally recommend it. You'll laugh, you'll cringe, you'll recognise the dumb chick from Mean Girls as one of the sorority sisters, and you'll have a total Prison Break moment when you see the scene where Billy (the killer) escapes from the mental hospital by digging a hole in the wall behind the toilet.
I know I did!
And was I scared? NO!
Well, maybe a little, by the quality of acting. But like I said before, if it's not intentionally scary, it doesn't count.
Oh man. The Nobel Peace Prize is mine for sure!!

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