Last night I made probably one of the most offensive jokes I have ever made.
I mean, it was bad.
Really really bad.
It was worse than the time Julia and I were on the train and she was all "It smells funny in here", and I was all "Yeah, smells like old!", and then we both turned and stared at this like, 80 year old woman.
It was worse than the time I said Michael Vaughn's funeral should have been open-casket, because he was so hot (Ok, and wait, because I know people who don't watch Alias or who haven't heard this story are going to totally freak out over that comment - HE'S A CHARACTER ON TV, NOT A REAL PERSON. So it's not that offensive.)
It was worse than the Hearse-About incident.
Hey, quick question - how come all my 'totally offensive' moments involve Julia? And old people?
Well, never mind.
My point is, the joke I came up with last night TOTALLY beats all those. I mean it. It kicks those other joke's asses all over the playground and puts bubblegum in their hair.
So obviously, I can't tell it.
You THOUGHT I was going to tell it, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? Well sorry to disappoint, but I'm not.
And it's not just that I'm not, it's that I wont.
Because I enjoy the freedom of being able to leave my house without people throwing things at me too much.
Yeah - THAT'S how offensive this joke was.
I will give you something though: My sister's reaction.
Catherine: I mean, it's like - wait. What did you just say?
Ok, and I was bent over with my head buried in a pillow, trying to stop myself from laughing.
Jacki: I can't believe I just said that
Catherine: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
Jacki: I am the worst person ever!
Catherine: That was bad! That was...so bad!
Yeah, keep in mind, at this point, we were both pissing ourselves.
Jacki: I know! I knew it was bad before I said it...but I said it anyway!
You know how sometimes you laugh so hard you start crying? Yeah.
Catherine: Are you going to blog about this?
Jacki: Are you crazy?!
Catherine: Yeah, you're right. If anyone finds out about this, you'll be the most hated person on the planet.
Ok, yeah, I think she went a little overboard with that last comment. I mean, what about Hitler?
Plus she was laughing too!