jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com stars on Prison Break

Oh, this just in: I'm completely obsessed with Prison Break.
And I know, I know, I've been doing at least 3 Prison-Break-related posts per week for the last month or so, even though nobody cares about Prison Break anymore except for me and Damo, but it's been cancelled, these are the last few episodes, and I'm in mourning, so you can all deal.
Ok.
Here's something to do with Prison Break that melts my little black heart: Michael and Sara are having a baby!
A baby!
A baby?!
A BABY!!
Oh my goodness, I don't think I've ever been so happy.
So, here is my suggestion to you, writers of Prison Break. Maybe you shouldn't cancel the show. Just, you know, keep it going for another season...or ten. Ok, so Sara will have the baby, she and Michael can get married, blah blah blah, and when the next season starts, you can make it set 19 years into the future, and I, Jacki Trew, will play the baby!
And it WON'T be creepy, despite what my sister says, because I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH MICHAEL, I'M IN LOVE WITH WENTWORTH.
Character versus Guy Who Plays Character.
It's totally different.
Anyway I don't know what the storyline will be. Maybe I'll end up jail, and Sara will have to bust in and break me out. Or something. You guys can work that part out - you're the writers!!!

A blanket with sleeves?! My life is changed forever

Ok so today was my last day of holidays.
And, being the amazingly conscientious student that I am, I spent the whole day studying and sketching and making notes and putting the finishing touches on my assessment and whatnot. You know.
I am just a teacher's orgasm, really.
Yeah, that was a lie. What actually happened was, I woke up at midday, then lay on the couch watching daytime TV for like 3 hours. And thank GOODNESS I did, because if I hadn't, then none of us would have experienced what I am about to show you:

Oh.
My gosh.
The Snuggie.
I mean, a blanket with sleeves?! My life is changed forever!
Really though, this is probably one of the most moronic things I have ever seen being sold in an infomercial. And I love daytime TV, so you know I see alot of moronic things being sold in infomercials.
First of all, I don't know about you guys, but if I'm cold, my hands are always the coldest part. And they say if you're cold, you should warm your head up first, right?? I love it how those are the only two body parts The Snuggie doesn't cover.
Also 'One Size Fits All'??? Um, no. Pause at 1 minute 4 seconds and look at the girl in the middle...still think it's One Size Fits All? I don't think so.
I don't get it.
I just don't get it.
Are these for people who are too lazy to take their hands out from under a blanket? Not to mention the fact that the woman is using the 'Free Booklight' with a lamp on in the background - if that's not lazy, I don't know what is.
Do the people who buy them want to look like warlocks? Because they do! WHY DON'T YOU JUST WEAR YOUR DRESSING GOWNS BACKWARDS, PEOPLE - IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING!!
Ok.
I think I'm done ranting now.

Oh, PS, you're all getting one for Christmas. Just let me know which colour you want.

This is how much my parents love me:

Ok, so mum and dad got home from Queensland on monday, and I was totally excited, since it meant I got to play the role of youngest-daughter-brutally-injured-in-a-freak-running-slash-fence-jumping-incident-revealing-said-injury-to-parents-and-having-attention-lavished-on-her-for-days-and-day-and-days.
I mean, how often do I get to play that role? Yeah, I was excited. I was pumped!! Unfortunately for me, my parents weren't so eager to play along:

Me: Mum! Dad! I'm so glad you guys are home!! Look! Look! There's a big bandage on my arm!! Oh, it hurts too much! Oh, I think I might just need you to buy me some ice cream and fly Wentworth over from LA to kiss it better for me.
Mum: I hope you didn't use all the painkillers because I hurt my back and I need them more than you.
Dad: I bet that's just another tattoo.

Alright.
First of all. Haha. That painkillers thing was actually pretty funny. And second of all, Dad, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A TATTOO TO YOU????:

Haha. Well, maybe. A really really ugly one. But it isn't!
And yes, fellow Europe Travellers - that is a Spanish Steps Pub Crawl t-shirt you can see in the background.

Dear Pussycat Dolls,

Right.
I have to ask: what's the dealio, yo? Are you guys a band, or what? And when I say 'band', what I really mean is 'heavily synthesized pop-group', but you get the picture. So? What's up? Because it seems like only one of you actually does the singing. And when I say 'singing', what I really mean is 'lip-syncing', but you get the picture.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Also, Jai-Ho? Did you really think you could pull that off?
NOBODY touches Slumdog Millionaire, ok?

Love Jacki
P.S What happened to the mannish red-head? I always liked her. Him? Her.

Rove's Final Five, Originally Intended For...Gretel Killeen

5. If you had to be a contestant on a reality TV show, which show would it be?
Have you ever seen that show Farmer Wants A Wife?. Well, I'd be on Wentworth Wants A Wife. Except it'd be a little different from the original. Like, it wouldn't be Wentworth and 12 other women, it'd just be Wentworth and Jacki. And there wouldn't be a farm. Or any challenges. Ok, basically its just me getting married to Wentworth and somebody filming. If that's not entertainment, I don't know what is.

4. Finish this sentence: If somebodies Logie Acceptance Speech goes too long, their punishment will be...
having to spend the remainder of the night conversing with this years host, Gretel Killeen.

3. Have you ever bought or sold anything on eBay?
Yes! I bought a phone once. Here's a little tip from me to you: DON'T EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER, LET ANYONE CONVINCE YOU IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO BUY A PHONE OFF EBAY.
Don't do it.
Just, don't do it.

2.What is the ring tone on your mobile phone?
Some song. What's it called? Oh, I don't know. This question sucks, I'm giving myself another one.
The REAL number 2. Number 2? Hahaha! Ok, back to business; question 2. Is Prison Break the best show ever or what?
Oh my gosh, it is. No, it really really is. Speaking of Prison Break, last night I had a dream that Wentworth got really drunk and yelled at me. Then I rode a motorbike around my primary school oval with Nicole Kidman and had lunch with Sarah Wayne Callies. Hmmm. My dreams always have famous people in them. Coincidence? I think not.

1. What's the first thing you think of when you see this:
Ok, I couldn't find the photo. Which is probably better for you, since it was just an old man sitting on a toilet. Outside. Talking on the phone. Oh, and he was naked.
What a legend.

jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com goes to hospital

Ok, so here's a twist for your reading pleasure: last night something ACTUALLY interesting enough to blog about happened to me.
I feel like I should mention though, that I was home alone. Like, totally alone, since my parents abandoned me to go dragonboating in Queensland, and my sister was working as an overnight deckhand on some cruise ship.
Trust.
The most exciting thing to happen to me since, well, birth, or maybe that time I met Andrew G, and NOBODY is there to see it. Well, except my pets. And the neighbours. Both of whom looked fairly traumatised last night when I walked through the door covered in blood.
OH my goodness that was so dramatic, it makes me even more excited to tell this story.
Ok, ok. Here goes.

So I got home at like 8.30 last night, and decided to go for a run.
I know. This story is already crazy.
Me? Me, Jacki? Jacki Trew? Jacki Trew, going for a run?
This does not compute.
But let me explain. Ok, remember when I said my parents aren't home because they abandoned me to go dragonboating in Queensland? Yeah, so my mum has become obsessed with dragonboating, which is kind of like rowing, only better, because the boats look like dragons, and you get to wear pink. She started doing it after she found out Julia's parents do it, probably because they are pretty hip and now, as far as parents go, and she just wants to be them.
Ha.
Anyway, since mum started dragonboating - or DBing, as I shall now refer to it - she's gone on this total fitness kick. I mean it. Like, she goes to the gym and everything. I feel so guilty. My own mother is in better shape than me! I'm 18! She's 200!
Alright this part of the story is kind of boring. Long story short, mum = fit, jacki = lazy bum.
And that's why I went for a run.

Ok, so now I'm running, and everythings great, everythings fine - you know, except for the fact that I hate running - and then I had this brilliant idea to jump the fence into Kingsford Smith oval, and do some laps.
And that's when things started to get interesting.
So, here are 3 things you should know:

1. The fence is made out of wire
2. The fence is old. Its old. I mean it. Old. Old as Moses. So, in some areas, the wire is broken and sticking out all over the place
3. I'm an idiot
   

Can you guess what happened?
Alright, in case you cant: I got up the fence ok (probably because its only like 4 feet high), but I didn't notice the bit of wire poking out on the other side, until it tore the back of my arm open on the way down.
Wow this post is getting long. Here's a short intermission:

Haha.
I love that video.

Ok, intermission over.
So, by the time I got myself home, called my parents, bled all over the kitchen floor, messaged Julia, bled all over my shirt, ran over to my neighbours house, bled all over cat, bled all over the bathroom sink, bled all over the laundry, bled all over the blankets in the lounge room (why did I keep moving from room to room? Wouldn't it make more sense to isolate the blood-spillage to just one area of the house? Oh, right, I'm an idiot. Well, whatever.), and got to the hospital, it was like 10pm.
Oh! Oh! I forgot to tell you one of my favourite parts of the story: my call to Emergency. You see, because even though there was alot of blood, and alot of blood usually warrants a trip to the hospital, I wasn't really sure what to do at first. I mean, I'm not exactly experienced with this kind of thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty accident-prone. Remember last week, when I almost broke my hand by accidentally dropping a sewing machine on it? But still. So this is what it sounds like when Jacki Trew calls emergency:

Operator: Triple Zero, whats your emergency?
Jacki: Hi, ummm, you don't need to send an ambulance but I've just, ummm...cut myself on a fence. Badly. Well, I think it's badly. I'm not sure. There's alot of blood. It's on my shirt. Actually its not my shirt, it's my sisters shirt. Crap! I got blood on my sister's shirt! She's going to kill me! I'm Jacki by the way

Man I hope they recorded that.
Alright, so when I got to the hospital, I had to sit in the Emergency waiting room for like 2 hours. Here is my favourite thing about the Emergency waiting room: There's a sign on the fire hydrant that says Do not put chairs or beds in front of fire hydrant, and there's a chair in front of it. And a bed.
Ha.
Also they had a TV, and Heroes was on, so I got to perve on that kid that played Jess on Gilmore Girls. Then some doctors came and saw me. They looked at my arm, asked me what happened, laughed, noticed the bruises on my hand, asked me how I got them, and laughed again. Really, there is nothing like seeing the reaction of 4 doctors when you tell them you accidentally dropped a sewing machine on yourself. I'm going to be telling that story for years.
Anyway, 2 nurses, 4 doctors, a very painful tetanus shot, 7 stitches, 3 hours of sleep and 1 vending-machine sandwich smuggled in by the most convincing McDreamy look-alike I've ever seen, and here we are.
Oh, wait!
I forgot to talk about how I totally embarrassed myself by fainting!
Yeah, I fainted. Oh my gosh, I fainted.
What.
A pussy.
You know, most people only faint when something really bad happens. Like, if they get hit by a bus. Or castrated. And they don't faint, they pass out.
I don't pass out. I faint.
And it's never after something really bad, which makes me look like a total dick.

Times Jacki Trew has fainted and looked like a total dick:

• When I was like 9, and I had to get blood taken for an allergy test, and when I fainted I fell off a chair
  
• When I was like 10, and I went to this air show with my friend Megan and her parents, and we were walking around the inside of a Hercules airplane, and when I fainted I fell out of the emergency exit
  
• When I was like 12, just randomly, in the middle of my violin lesson, and when I fainted I landed on my teachers music stand and broke it
  
• When I was like 15 and I had a really bad fever, and when I fainted I was in the bathroom, so nobody noticed
• When I was like 18 and I was getting my second tattoo, and ok, I didn't actually faint, but it was pretty close, and I looked like a total wimp in front of all these hardcore tattoo artists

See what I mean? And of course, this time was no exception.
I was sitting in a chair, getting jabbed like 8000 times with a needle. I think it was local anasthetic or something. I'm not sure - at that point, I was too busy trying to figure how I could wrangle a free pair of North Shore Hospital Emergency Staff scrubs. So sue me, they look comfortable!! Anyway, the doctor kept asking if I was ok to sit up while I was being stitched, which I totally was.
I mean, come on.
I don't need to lay down, just for stitches. I'm so hardcore!! I rode a motorbike once! I've got tattoos!
Yeah.
That's a lie.
I mean, I did ride the motorbike, but someone else was driving. I just sat on the back.
And yeah I have tattoos, but come on - I almost fainted getting those too!
So it turns out, I'm not so hardcore. I did need to lay down for stitches.
Here's how I found out:

Doctor: Are you going to faint?
Jacki: Dude, I'm totally fine (faints)
Doctor: Sigh

So then - one of the nurses later informed me - my doctor was all 'Um, HELP?', like 10 people ran in, they picked me up, put me on a bed, and there was lots of yelling and rushing around. It was all very Grey's Anatomy by the sounds of it. Only without the relationship dramas and backlighting. When I woke up, I was flat on my back with an oxygen mask over my face. You could tell my doctor was totally jazzed about the oxygen mask thing. I hadn't stopped talking about Prison Break/my undying love for Wentworth Miller since the tetanus shot, and he probably thought having a mask over my mouth would shut me up for at least five minutes.
Well, it didn't:

Doctor: Ok, I'm about the put the first stitch in. It shouldn't hurt too badly, tell me if you can -
Jacki: I saw this episode of Prison Break once, where Sara jumped out a window to escape assassination, landed on a car windshield and then had to stitch herself up in a public bathroom with a sewing kit. Oh my gosh! Can you imagine how much that would suck?
Doctor: Um...What?

Well, thats pretty much the end of the story. It wasn't too bad - plus now I'm going to have this totally cool Sara-Tancredi-from-Prison-Break-esqe scar to rival Catherine's from the time when she broke her ankle and had to get all those screws put in.
The only downside is that my arm-modelling career is now officially over.
Whatever.
Arm-modelling is a dying art anyway.

My own Final Five (why doesnt own have a capital o? I have no idea)

So.
Because you blog-readers are all so dedicated to me, I'm sure you noticed the fact that I missed Rove's latest Final Five, Originally Intended for Ronan Keating.
Did you all notice?
You noticed.
Well, anyway, it wasn't really about me missing it - I mean, I saw the show - I just felt like Rove's questions weren't up to par this week. You know. Since my blog is obviously about quality.
HA!
Ok, truth? I couldn't think of any witty answers. Ronan Keating just stole them all! That bit about growing a second penis on his forearm?? Genius!!!
So anyway, I know its been like 3 days, but I still feel bad for depriving you all, so here is me answering my own Final Five - that is, five questions I randomly came up with 2 seconds ago. Enjoy.

5. What is your favourite thing about yourself?
My middle name. I love it. I love it. And not JUST because its the name of Wentworth's on-screen girlfriend in Prison Break. I wish it was my real name. Well, that, or Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock.

4. When was the last time you got in a fight?
My sister and I 'fight' all the time. Only I don't think that really counts, because if people witnessed it, they wouldn't say "Hey, look, Jacki and Catherine are fighting!", they'd say "Hey, look, Jacki is getting beaten up!". What can I say, I'm really not much of a fighter. I don't get into fights. Oh, except for last week, when I got into a fight with a 40kg sewing machine. Whatever. Inanimate objects don't count either.

3. Ronan Keating was on Rove this week, but you didn't blog about his Final Five. Discuss.
Ok, don't get me wrong, it's not about me hating Ronan Keating. Because I don't. I don't. I love Ronan Keating. I am all about Ronan Keating. Mostly because I recently realised he's totally the Celebrity Doppelganger (oh, yeah, I'm still talking about that) of my sisters friend Daniel. Also because he comes up with lyrics like I love it when we kiss and we hug, and you're cuter than a bug in a rug.

2. Do you really hate wedding cakes?
I do. I really do. I hate them so much. They're so gross! They're always the same, fruit cake covered with that disgusting thick white icing. First of all, fruit cake? Fruit cake. Fruit cake? Wow, the more you type fruit, the more it looks like a typo. Anyway, fruit cake? Isn't that an oxymoron? Plus the icing tastes like cement. I'm going to have a mint chocolate chip icecream cake at my wedding. Julia thinks its totally tacky, but who doesn't love mint chocolate chip icecream? Huh? Who? Name one person, I dare you. Plus its Wentworth's favourite flavour of icecream too, so I know he'll be cool with it.

And finally...
1. What's the first thing you think of when you see this:I don't even have to answer this one. You all already know.

I'm FLIPPING OUT!!!

And I'll tell you why:
My toothbrush, which is pink and awesome and vibrates (haha, dirty) is RUNNING OUT OF BATTERY.
So now, it hardly vibrates at all.
It sucks. It SUCKS!! What's the point in having a vibrating toothbrush if it doesn't VIBRATE?
Haha. This sounds dirty I know, so let me tell you, I like the vibrating sensation IN MY MOUTH!! Because it aids in the cleaning of my teeth.
That's the only reason I like it.
The vibrating, I mean.
Geez, is there another word for vibrating? I feel like I've typed it a dillion times already.

Anyway so you're probably thinking "You idiot, if your toothbrush is running out of battery, why don't you quit blogging about it, drive up to Coles, and buy some new batteries? And stop whining like a little bitch!!"
WELL I'LL JUST TELL YOU WHY I DON'T!!!

1. Because, on account of my laziness, I'm still on my L's, so I would have to find someone on their full license to accompany me, and there is no way that's going to happen because its almost 11pm, and;
2. Because I LIKE blogging, and;
   
3. Because my family has this weird thing with batteries

That's it. I don't have a reason not whine like a little bitch. I just love to do that.
Ok let me explain the weird battery family issue.
My family is LOUSY with batteries. I mean it. We NEVER have batteries. And we never buy any, because we're all disgusting lazy slobs.
Like, ok, in the upstairs lounge room we have 3 remotes: one for the TV, one for the foxtel, and one for the DVD player.
The TV remote takes AAA's, and the other two both take AA's.
So. One day, the DVD remote batteries ran out. And INSTEAD of doing the normal thing, and running out to buy some new batteries, we decide to just use the batteries from the foxtel remote. So now we can use the DVD remote. And when we need to use the foxtel remote again, we'll just switch them back.
It'll be fine.
It wont be annoying.
It wont be that long until someone buys some new batteries.
Hahaha, NO!
Remember the beginning of the story? "One day, the DVD remote batteries ran out..."
One day?
ONE DAY?
THAT DAY WAS LIKE 2 YEARS AGO!!
I've been switching batteries between the remotes EVERY TIME I NEED TO USE THE DVD PLAYER FOR 2 YEARS!!
No wonder I'm crazy.
I'm not just crazy - I'M FLIPPING OUT!!

Speaking of flipping out, have you guys ever watched that TV show, Flipping Out?
It's awesome.
It's about this guy who buys crappy houses, does them up all nice and fancy, and then sells them for heaps of money. He 'flips' houses. He's 'flipping out'.
Get it?
Anyway I don't know what the guys name is, but he's totally crazy. Like, really psycho. This is my favourite line from the show:

Guy: Do I hear kids? Screaming kids? Are we near a school? The selling price just went down 50 grand.

Hahaha. I love it.
Well done, crazy guy from Flipping Out.
If you a reading this, which, lets face it, we all know you are.
Well done.

So thankyou, Steven Spielberg

Man, its freaking cold right now!! What happened to warm weather? Huh? What happened to it? That is my question to you. WHAT HAPPENED to warm weather?
...
You don't have to answer that.
Ok, so I just watched Jaws. And, umm, when I say "I just watched Jaws", what I really mean is "I watched Jaws a couple of days ago and couldn't be bothered to blog about it until now". But whatever.
I'm guessing most of you have seen Jaws. I mean, its pretty famous, right? Pretty well-known? Lets be frank, who hasn't seen Jaws? Am I right? I'm right.
Right?
WRONG!
Because I know one person who hasn't seen it - ME!
Until the other day, that is.
Wow I just realised how ridiculous I sound. Well, whatever.
Anyway I have to say, Jaws is probably one of the best movies I've ever seen. Ever. Maybe not THE best, but top 20 for sure. Alright maybe not top 20. Top 50.
Well...maybe top 100.
Ok you know what, it's actually not that good. But it is pretty hilarious. I love the shark. I love it so much. It's so fake, there's no scare factor. No, in fact, its the opposite of scary. It's kind of...cute. I felt like, for half the movie, all I wanted to do was give it a cuddle.
In conclusion, Jaws...well, when you first think about it, it's awesome, then the more you think about it, it's not that great...then you think about it some more, and it becomes awesome again.
So thanks, Steven Spielberg. And give me a call some time.

Prison Break, fabric shopping and how I broke my hand

Ok, so here's something you won't care about unless you're Damo Hanigan:
PRISON BREAK IS BACK!
It's back baby, and it's got back. At least, Wentworth does. That probably didn't make sense. Whatever.
Anyway, I can't say how good it feels to watch a fresh episode of Prison Break again. Even if its the fifth last episode of the season - AND EVER!!
Oh, yeah - some idiot cancelled Prison Break. So there are only (not counting today's episode) four episodes left. You all know what that means; expect a tearful phone call from me in about a month.
Weird.
Blogger spells cancelled with only one L. Hmm.
Anyway, this episode had pretty much everything, as most Prison Break episodes do. I swear, its like watching all three Mission Impossible movies on fast-forward. There was back-stabbing, murder, explosions, sexual tension, pizza...my only complaint is that Michael and Sara didn't make out at all, but that doesn't bother me so much anymore since I bought every episode on DVD - now I can skip to all the makeout scenes and play them in slow-mo whenever I want. Suck it, bitches.

Ok so the other day I decided I should really get a move on all the holiday assessments I got from college. Ha, alright, when I said assessmentS, I was lying. Its assessmenT. As in, there is only one. But everyone already hates me for having four weeks of holidays - I was only trying to downplay the awesomness that is my school. I guess that failed. Oh well. Anyway for part of the project, I have to go and collect 20 different fabric samples. So the other day I coerced Catherine into driving me to Spotlight and helping me pick some out. Haha. I love coercing Catherine into doing things - and not just because I love saying the word coercing.
Basically, this was how the Spotlight expedition went down:

Ha. Check out my paint skills.
Anyway, it was totally fun. I ran around picking out like a dillion roles of fabric, and then I made Catherine carry them all. And yes - because I know you're all wondering - yes, people stared. Some pointed.
One laughed.
I love it.

On a completely unrelated note, I think its possible that I may have broken my hand. Let me explain; yesterday I decided to make a pencil case. I got the sewing machine out of the cupboard, and when I went to put it on the table, I wasn't watching, so it fell over sideways, and landed on my hand.
This might not have been so bad, if we owned one of those new-fangled sewing machines made out of plastic. But no. Our sewing machine is old. So old. So very old. I'm pretty sure its the same sewing machine they used to make Marie Antoinette's wedding dress. And I don't know what its made out of, but...well, it sure isn't plastic. My whole hand is purple. And swollen - really swollen. It looks like an inflated dishwashing glove.
So now I have a rubber-glove-hand, an assessment to finish, and no pencil case.
Oh well. At least I have Prison Break!!!

Hey, check it out:

I made it onto Google Images!!!
I mean.
You know when you're really someone when your photo is on Google Images. They don't put just anyone up there you know - you have to be nerdy enough to blog at least 3 times a week.
Jacki Trew - taking over the internet, one post at a time.

Rove's Final Five, Originally Intended For...Hugh Jackman

5. Who was the drunkest person at this years Oscars?
I don't know, since I WASN'T INVITED! Whatever. Wentworth wasn't either, so there was really no reason for me to be there

4. Do you ever drop the fact that you're the Sexiest Man Alive into conversation?
Constantly. I never stop dropping it. Some people find it annoying, but hey - I won that trophy fair and square. You can all deal with it

3. What face would you make if you saw the world's most adorable kitten?
I like to think it would go something like this:2. What is your secret fear?
Did I already answer this once before? Either way, its hard for me to think of a secret fear, since I publish pretty much every thought that enters my head on the internet. I guess though...well, as much as I joke about it, I'm really afraid that one night while I'm asleep, my sister will shave my head completely bald, and tattoo Voldemort's face onto the back of my skull

1. What's the first thing you think of when you see this:
Haha. That is so me in 15 years. I'm talking about the guy on the right, by the way.

When chocaholics bake...

Catherine: Jacki! Jacki! I found two cake mixes and some chocolate icing in the pantry!!!
Jacki: OH...MY GOSH

(2 hours later)
Mum: Wha...what did you do?
Jacki: I call her Janeane

Happy 600th Post!!!

Hi.
My name is Jacki Trew, and I'm addicted to energy drinks.
Last night I fell asleep on the couch at 830, woke up at 10, drank a whole can of Mother in 45 seconds and watched 6 episodes of Prison Break back to back.
Oh, I'm not blogging about this because I think I need help...I just want you to know how awesome my life is.

When did MTV get so lame?

So, I watched the repeat of the MTV awards the other night.
...
Here is a question for you: when did MTV get so lame? Honestly. It was terrible. Just terrible. It was so painful, I couldn't even get through the whole thing. And it only went for an hour and a half! I've had showers that lasted longer than that!!!
First of all, it was hosted by Pete Wentz. Which wouldn't have been so bad, except that he kept bringing Ashlee Simpson up onto the stage, and making out with her. Alot. ALOT. It felt like I was intruding on their wedding night or something.
Also, since it was the Australian MTV awards, and we're totally isolated from the rest of the world, Pete and Ashlee were pretty much the only celebrities that turned up. I'm not even kidding. Did anyone else see it? They had fans come up and accept the trophies on behalf of whoever had won.
The only saving grace of the whole thing was when they cut to Kings of Leon playing live in New Zealand, and I saw my friend Megan on TV.
Mmm....I love seeing people I know on TV.
Speaking of seeing people I know on TV and loving it, the other day when I turned on the TV to watch The Tyra Show, I saw myself. And I loved it.
Granted, it was only for a split second, and all you could see was the left side of my face...still, I'm pretty sure its enough to secure me a lead role in Wentworth's next movie.

Rove's Final Five, Originally Intended For...Janeane Garofalo

5. What should the Obamas have given the Queen instead of an iPod?
Prison Break on DVD. All seasons - even the Queen can never own enough Wentworth. Come to think of it, anything Wentworth-related would have been appropriate. Oh! They should have waited until she was asleep, snuck in a tattoo artist and given her an exact replica of the Prison Break tattoo. What monarch doesn't dream of something like that?

4. What was your favourite TV show when you were a kid?
I loved Sabrina. Everyone loved Sabrina - don't try to pretend you didn't, because we all know you did. The talking cat? The flying vacuums? HARVEY?? I'm still heartbroken its over - that's a void in my heart that hasn't been filled yet.

3. How can you be a vegan and still eat bacon?
I saw this one episode of Gilmore Girls where Mrs Kim made turkey out of tofu, so maybe you would need something like that. Except bacon instead of turkey. Well Mrs Kim's was called tofurkey, so I guess you could call it...tocan? bofu? Whatever. Just eat normal bacon, freaks!

2. What was your nickname at school?
I already answered this like 3 weeks ago, so here's the answer to a completely different question: Yes, I find it extremely annoying that Perez Hilton twitters every 3 seconds. I try to follow other people, but I CAN'T because Perez Hilton is taking over my life. Enough is enough Perez! I don't need to hear about your Zac Efron fantasies!

1. Whats the first thing you think of when you see this:

I know what you want me to say. You want me to say Where The Wild Things Are, because thats what you were all thinking. Isn't it? ISN'T IT? Well I WASN'T. I was thinking of Wentworth. He's always in my thoughts, because he is my hearts breath.
Ok, that was a lie.
I thought of Where The Wild Things Are too.
Well...Wentworth dressed in a Where The Wild Things Are costume.
Ha.

Another childhood memory gone wrong

Ok, just before, I was looking through my old jewellery box. As you do, on a rainy wednesday night. Anyway, this is the jewellery box I used when I was like six, so you know its full of crap. Do you know what kind of jewellery six-year-olds wore in the 90's? Every piece is more deliciously tacky than the last. Proof? Have a look at what I found:
Hmmm. Yeah. Ok...
I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure...thats a cannabis leaf, right?
Cannabis, as in the psychoactive drug?
So here's my question: How did this happen? How did I NOT notice I was wearing drug paraphernalia? No, actually: how did NO ONE ELSE not notice I was wearing drug paraphernalia? Like, um, my PARENTS?
Or maybe they did notice, and didn't say anything. You know, for a laugh. Actually the more I think about it, the more that seems totally possible. It probably went something like this:

Mum: So did you see that necklace Jacki was wearing?
Dad: No, why?
Mum: Well, its got a cannabis leaf on it. Do you think I should tell her to take it off?
Dad: Hell no! That's hilarious!

Thanks, Dad. You're getting the necklace for Father's day.

Three people I've never met just made me laugh out loud.

Since it's 1.20 in the morning and I can't get to sleep, I'm doing what any normal person would be doing: looking at the DVD reviews for Season 3 of Prison Break.
Oh, yeah. When I said "normal", what I really meant was "utterly insane".
Anyway, I saw that there were comments at the bottom of the page, so I decided to look at those too. And I'm so glad I did:

Bruce: Next week is the series finale. There's no way they will renew it for a third season, and because of the writers strike, season two was cut in half. Prison Break is over. I'm saddened, but considering where it was going, it's probably for the best.
Logan: Bruce, you are by far the dumbest person on earth...first of all, they are in season three, so how can they renew it for a third season, you rere. Also, they said season finale. If they were going to cancel it, they would have said series finale. Gosh, you are a moron.
Tim: Logan, why do you have to be a jerk to Bruce? Maybe he mis-typed season two...like when you typed rere - what the hell does that mean?

Hahaha. Even if you don't watch Prison Break, this is hilarious.
Thanks Bruce, Logan and Tim.
You just made my night.