I've had a lot to blog about recently.
I probably should stop for a while, before I tap myself out, but not before I write at least one more post, partially because I'm waiting for Forrest Gump to come on and I'm bored, and partially because I think this might be the best story I've ever heard:

Ok so there are two policemen, we'll call them...Jack and Angelo.
Haha. Ok.
So Jack and Angelo are working the late shift one night, and they get called to this busstop, where a bus is parked because one of the passengers is drunk and has started assaulting this woman. So they get on the bus, and the bus driver explains the situation, and also tells Jack and Angelo that this guy - the one who did the assaulting - is blind.
So they approach the blind guy, who is immediately suspicious. Jack is trying to put him in handcuffs, and he's all 'How do I know you're even a cop? Let me feel your badge!'.
Anyway, Jack lets him feel his badge, except then the crazy blind drunk guy grabs Jack's tie and punches him in the face.
So Jack and Angelo tackle the guy, and they're going to take him to the police station, only he's so drunk they think its probably better to take him to the hospital first. At the hospital, a nurse is taking some of his blood while he's handcuffed to the bed, and Jack and Angelo are waiting outside, and they decide they should do something to get back at this guy for punching Jack in the face.
So Angelo has an idea.
He waits until the nurse is out of the room, then he walks in, and puts on a stereotypical Indian accent, and says 'Hello, I am Dr Sanjaay, and I am here for the operation. I see that the nurse has already given you the sedative, so this should not take long and don't worry, you won't feel a thing."
Anyway, the blind guy is all 'What operation? What are you talking about?'

'Please, do not worry. You will be awake, but it will be virtually painless when we remove your leg.'

Now the blind guy is totally freaking out. Angelo - as Dr Sanjaay - starts saying 'With the sedative, the operation will just feel like someone rubbing a key back and forth on your leg.' So then he takes out his keys, and starts rubbing them on the blind guys leg. While he is doing this, the nurse walks in and sees, but because the blind guy was a total dick to her while she was taking his blood, she decides she doesn't care what these two cops do to him, and walks back out.
Anyway, Angelo finishes the 'operation', and then says 'Ok, I'm looking at your chart and it seems that I have removed the wrong leg. Don't panic, I'll just remove the right one now.'

A little bit later, the blind mans father comes in to pick him up, and first explains to Jack and Angelo how his son makes a bit of a habit out of getting drunk, and he has to pick him up almost every weekend, either from the hospital or some police station. He goes in to talk to his son, and when he comes out 5 minutes later, he says to Jack and Angelo 'Man, its even worse than usual. He's so drunk he thinks the doctors cut off his legs."

...
I think my favourite thing about this story is that it's true.
No really.
It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.

I cant believe I forgot to blog about this.
Recently, when I was holidaying in Greece, I made probably one of the most offensive jokes I have ever made:

(By the way, BusAbout was the tour group we were with, kind of like Contiki, only better. Suck it, Contiki.)

Julia: BusAbout is really good, don't you think?
Jacki: Yeah. Really good.
Julia: Good for meeting young people.
Jacki: Oh I know. Not that there are many old people here.
Julia: I think I saw some when I was in Oia with my parents.
Jacki: I wonder if they were on a tour group for old people.
Julia: (Laughing) What, like WheelchairAbout?
Jacki: Walking-stickAbout.
Julia: AmbulanceAbout.
(Both of us laugh)
(Pause)
Jacki: HearseAbout.

I'm watching this movie at the moment about Matthew McConaughey fighting dragons.
...
It doesn't really make much sense but when I read the description in the TV Guide* and saw that a) It starred Matthew McConaughey and b) It was set in England, I decided I had to watch it because I wanted to see Matthew McConaughey attempt a British accent.
Unfortunately I was dissapointed, whoever directed the movie decided he could keep his Southern drawl. They did make him go bald though, and his head is a pretty funny shape under all those greasy curls, so that almost made up for the lack of crappy accents.
I love it when actors attempt accents and fail.
Seriously.
The only reason I watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen that second time was so I could see Adam Garcia trying to be a Liverpool Rockstar again. Hilarious.

* Am I the only one who reads the TV Guide anymore? I'm starting to wonder why they even include it in the newspaper anymore, since Foxtel Digital made that On-TV-Program-Guide thingie. Whatever. I'm still loyal to the TV Guide, and not just because I love flipping through looking for pictures of Wentworth that I can cut out and stick on my mirror. Yes. Yes, I do that.

Tom Cruise

Today I was trying to figure out why everyone hates Tom Cruise.
And then I thought, maybe not everyone hates Tom Cruise. I mean. Top Gun is a great movie, right? Maybe there's something wrong with me that I have this thing where I think that everyone hates Tom Cruise, except they dont, and thats why people look at me weirdly everytime I make fun of him.

So then I got a bit confused, and decided I needed some help, so I went to ask my mum. This is how the conversation went:

Me: Mum.
Mum: Yes?
Me: What are your thoughts on Tom Cruise?
Mum: Tom Cruise is a dick.

I love my mum.

So this afternoon I had this random fit of needing to organise all my passwords.
like, you know, for hotmail, or facebook, or whatever.
See the thing about me is that I have this thing where I always think that one day, somebody is going to figure out my passwords.
So of course I have to work extra hard to make them cute/funny/interesting, so that when that day comes along, whoever has figured it out will turn to me and say 'Oh my gosh, what a cute/funny/interesting password, you are so cute/funny/interesting. Lets be best friends forever!'
Only I figure that even though this person is smart - smart enough to figure out my password - theyre not smart enough to figure out all my passwords. So I make each one different. Well, until today. I decided its time to grow up, get more organised, and make all my passwords the same.
No, I lied.
Its mostly because I keep forgetting my passwords.
Ok so I've gone through every website I have a membership to, and finally I come to facebook. Anyway Im getting all excited and geared up because this is the last website password I have to change, except guess what?
According to facebook, you cant have a password if its a word thats in the dictionary.
Um.
What?
Doesnt that mean the only kinds of passwords you can have are those ridiculous ones that websites assign to you before you log in for the first time and change them to your dogs name or whatever? like e561g900? surely this cant be for real!?
Except yeah, its for real.
I hate the internet.

Super Bowl

Ok, so this might get me shot, but can someone please explain what the Super Bowl is?
Seriously, I used to think I might maybe may have some clue about it, but the more I hear about it, the more I am convinced I have no idea.
First of all, what sport does it even involve?
Football? Basketball? Bowling? I mean if you think about it, that last one makes the most sense.
Also, whats so super about it?
Hmm? Does it go for longer than a regular game of..bowl? Or are all the players supersized? Like, they are so jacked up on steroids that their necks are as thick as a regular persons thigh?

And also I gather that its on thanksgiving...or is it?
Because if it is, may I ask why?
Seriously. Because I've watched enough episodes of Friends to know that on Thanksgiving, Americans do nothing but eat.
I mean more than usual.
So why would they have the Super Bowl on TV on the same day that you're not supposed to do anything but sit and eat and pretend to be thankful that you live in America???
Dont you know how hard it is to eat and watch TV at the same time? I mean, unless you dont mind spilling food all over yourself. Otherwise its like, do I look at the TV? Do I look at my food? Because if I look at my food, I'm gonna miss the Super Bowl, but if I watch the Super Bowl, I'm gonna end up with hot turkey in my crotch and thats never good.

So please, someone, anyone.
Explain.

me me

so during the course of my daily internet-rummaging, i discovered there is this thing out there called a 'me me', which is basically where you take a break from ranting about Wentworth Miller or what happened on Home and Away last night and ohmigosh can you believe Bridget doesnt really have cancer, well I can because if you think about it, much more unbelievable things have happened on Home and Away, and instead, you rant about yourself.

So here goes.
This next post is all about me. Me.
Me me. Get it?


Four jobs I’ve had:

• Sales assistant at Bakers Delight. Ok I was like 14. Give me a break. Everyone wants to work at Bakers Delight when they're 14. And if you didnt, then you're a dickhead. And you're lying. I cant decide what the worst part of this job was - getting up at 5am on Saturday mornings to open the shop, getting severe burns from whatever industrial-strength cleaner they make me scrub the ovens with, or getting paid less than those kids who cycle around third world countries collecting coke cans. It was only made bearable by the free food and the fact that when people asked me what my job was, I got to tell them I was 'a delightful baker'.
• Pamphlet Deliverer. Which I actually did twice - once when I was young and innocent and unsuspecting and didnt know how heinous it would be, and then again when I was older and dumber and desperately seeking cash.
• Beauty Salon Receptionist. Slash babysitter for the boss's 6 year old twins. Slash emotional punching bag for Andrea, the 60-something-well-possibly-older-possibly-younger-you-cant-really-tell-on-account-of-the-fact-that-shes-had-so-much-plastic-surgery sales assistant.
• Sales Assistant at Blue Illusion. I would say more but I still work here, and there's the danger that my boss will (somehow) find this, read it, and fire my sorry ass.

Four Movies I can watch over and over:

• Dirty Dancing.
• Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. At my 10 year reunion I'm going to tell everyone I invented post-its.
• Moulin Rouge. Because I know all the words to every song and immensly enjoy singing them as loud as I can and slowly killing the neighbours. Also I love to watch it with people I've just met and pretend that since Nicole Kidman used to live in my house, she comes over all the time and we watch it together.
• The Wedding Singer. I belong in this movie.

Four Places I’ve Lived:

• Greenwich. My parents were still building the house when my older sister was born, and I love reminding her that for the first few weeks of her life, she slept in a dusty hallway.
• Longueville.
• ...
• Ok, this one time when I was mad at my mum and sister I built a shack out of boogieboards next to our pool and sat in it for 45 minutes.

Four TV shows I love:

• Prison Break. Hello, Wentworth.
• Bones. I feel like I'm getting smarter each time I watch it.
• Home and Away.
• Beauty and The Geek. Just. Just. Its brilliant.

Four places I’ve vacationed:

• Greece
• Seattle
• Lord Howe Island
• Monkey Mia. Yeah, theres a place called Monkey Mia. Suck it, bitches.

Four of my favorite dishes:

• Sushi. Except for this one time that I tried to make it at home, except we didnt have all the ingredients...or those wooden-rolling-thingies. Actually pretty much all I did was boil rice.
• Mousaka.
• Mint chocolate chip icecream. Also Wentworth's favourite dessert, which I guess means we'll be having it at our wedding. I mean lets face it, wedding cakes usually taste like crap anyway. Fruit cake? Thats gotta be an oxymoron.
• Special K. Especially the kind with the freeze-dried berries in it. You would think anything thats been freeze-dried would be totally gross, but this just works.

Four sites I visit daily:

• Hotmail. Self-explanatory. Unless you're 100 and dont know what hotmail is.
• Sidereel.com. Prompting my Dad to ask "Why do you sit in front of the computer and watch TV on a tiny 2 by 4 inch screen, when you could be using the brand new LCD flat screen we bought?" Whatever, Dad. You just dont get it.
• Imdb.com. For my daily dosage of stalking.
• Perezhilton.com. Because I'm too cheap to actually buy trash magazines.

Four places I would rather be right now:

• You know what instead of answering this question I'm going to ponder why every answer had to be in sets of four? Seriously? Who wrote this thing? Did they have some OCD, connected with the number four? I saw this Bones episode once where there was a writer who had an OCD and had to do everything in lots of 13, and everyone thought he was the killer because, hello, OCD, crazy person, killer, but it turned out to be his mother, who also had the OCD-Number-13 thing, and ended up chopping off her sons head and hiding it under a birdbath in the backyard, and the only reason they figured it out was that there wasnt 13 birdbaths, there was only one. What was I talking about again?

has TV become more normal, or am I just more insane?

Is it just me, or is TV getting seriously normal?
And by normal I mean...well, boring!
I mean come on.
Seriously though.

What happened to the good old days of two highschoolers falling in love and then finding out that they're actually half-siblings, or of a fugitive on the run from the law in South America finding his incarcerated brothers girlfriends decapitated head inside a mouldy cardboard box in the corner of some underground carpark?

I loved those days!!
Take this week of Home and Away for example. And I know nobody watches Home and Away anymore - save for me, Mel and my sister - but shut up because I've worshipped this show for the better part of my life, and when they start handing out awards for dedication to the Australian entertainment industry, well, we'll see who's laughing, wont we?
Anyway, this week is supposedly the final week for 2008, and what exciting adventures have they set up for the last episode?
Hmm?
A group of friends having to hide out in someone's basement as a drug-addicted serial killer stalks all of them in revenge for her late boyfriend who was accidentally run over by one of the townmembers?
2 former best friends who have to make amends when they are involved in a car crash, which shocks one of them into premature labour?
A woman's husband coming back from the dead, and visiting her and her young son at his birthday party, while disguised as a giant bear????

no.
You know what we're going to get?
Melody's going to smoke weed. And maybe get run over.
Whatever. I mean, its not as if nobody's ever smoked weed on Home and Away before. Its practically a weekly occurance these days. And if she does get run over, she probably wont even die!
Oh and there's the whole Bridget-stole-Leah's-identity-so-she-could-set-up-a-bank-account-
in-her-name-and-steal-all-her-money thing.
I mean, really? An "exciting" storyline? About a bank?

The longest/most pointless post ever?

For those times when you cant be bothered to enterain yourself, let me entertain you...with my own personal top 77 most entertaining books, songs, movies and TV Shows

77. Where Did I Come From? (Book)

76. Date My Mom (TV Show)

75. Groove Is In The Heart - Deee-lite (Song)

74. Bridget Jones' Diary (Book)

73. High School Musical 1, 2, 3 (Movies)

72. The Hills (TV Show)

71. 27 Dresses (Movie)

70. Sex and The City (TV Show)

69. 2 Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (TV Show)

68. Heroes (TV Show)

67. Parental Control (TV Show)

66. Will and Grace (TV Show)

65. Top Gun (Movie)

64. Paradise City - Guns N Roses (Song)

63. Lost (TV Show)

62. Troy (Movie)

61. I Go Hard, I Go Home - The Presets (Song)

60. Disney's Hercules (Movie)

59. Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics (Song)

58. Blue Crush (Movie)

57. The Great Escape (Movie)

56. Harry Potter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (Books)

55. Drive Me Crazy (Movie)

54. Dharma and Greg (TV Show)

53. The 'Missing' Series (Books)

52. Scare Tactics (TV Show)

51. Off The Wall - Michael Jackson (Song)

50. Wrong Turn (Movie)

49. The OC (TV Show)

48. The Devil Wears Prada (Movie)

47. Another Night - The Real McCoy (Song)

46. Beauty and The Geek (TV Show)

45. She's The Man (Movie)

44. Friends (TV Show)

43. Gilmore Girls (TV Show)

42. Garden State (Movie)

41. Baywatch Hawaii (TV Show)

40. The Spice Movie (Movie)

39. The Bonds Kaleidascope Commercial (TV Show)

38. One Tree Hill (TV Show)

37. Forrest Gump (Movie)

36. The Rachel Zoe Project (TV Show)

35. How I Met Your Mother (TV Show)

34. Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV Show)

33. Romeo + Juliet (Movie)

32. I Can't Get No (Satisfaction) - The Rolling Stones (Song)

31. 20 to 1 (TV Show)

30. The Ellen Denegeres Show (TV Show)

29. Disturbia (Movie)

28. Family Guy (TV Show)

27. Amercia's Next Top Model (TV Show)

26. Meg (Book)

25. Austin Powers 1, 2, 3 (Movies)

24. Gossip Girl (TV Show)

23. Cloverfield (Movie)

22. Rove (TV Show)

21. Grease (Movie)

20. TNT - AC/DC (Song)

19. 10 Things I Hate About You (Movie)

18. The Simple Life (TV Show)

17. 8 Mile (Movie)

16. That 70's Show (TV Show)

15. Almost Famous (Movie)

14. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (Song)

13. Strictly Ballroom (Movie)

12. Scrubs (TV Show)

11. Moulin Rouge (Movie)

10. Thriller - Michael Jackson (Song)

9. The 'Twilight' Series (Books)

8. The Wedding Singer (Movie)

7. Persuasion (Book)

6. Bones (TV Show)

5. Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion (Movie)

4. Home and Away (TV Show)

3. Dirty Dancing (Movie)

2. Midnight Train - Journey (Song)

1. Prison Break (TV Show)

NEWSFLASH - Celebrity Doppelganger Theory Update!!!

• Mr Watson/ A cross between Hugh Grant and P Diddy
• Lauren Smith/ Amy Kuney (That chick who played a folk singer in one episode of Gilmore Girls)

my mother the evil genius

so sometimes i do this thing, where my sister is sitting upstairs watching tv or reading or whatever, and im bored, so i invent some mindless prank to play on her - like pretending the cat has escaped onto the roof, or telling her that she left her dinner to reheat in the oven for too long and the kitchen is now on fire - and usually rope my mum in with me.

the thing is, my mum never seemed that interested in sending her first-born into a frenzy.
that is, until last night...

mum: Did Catherine call Meadowmist to book the animals in when we go to Lord Howe?
jacki: No! Even though she promised she would! can we tell her that because she forgot she's in big trouble?
mum: I know! Lets tell her that because she forgot to book them in, they lost their spot, and now she either has to find another kennel for them to stay in, or she has to stay home and look after them while the rest of us go to Lord Howe (laughs)
jacki: That genius! You know she also forgot to hang the washing out...
mum: Oh, thats easy. We'll tell her that I had to put the clothes in the dryer when I got home instead, and now she has to pay the whole months electricity bill.
jacki: (Shocked and impressed) Wow. Mum. I'm..shocked! And...Impressed!!

only - unfortunately for me - it turns out that my mum is capable of being equally evil towards both of her daughters...

jacki: (Clearly overjoyed at the prospect of torturing catherine) Hey, Chate, Mum says that your dinner is in the fridge, and she needs you to drive her to work tomorrow, oh and also because you forgot to book the animals into Meadowmist, you either have to find another kennel or stay home and look after them while the rest of us go to Lord Howe.
catherine: What?! I told Dad to book the animals in! He told me he did it!
jacki: (Momentarily stumped) Well...um...Mum says that he didn't do it, and its all your fault! Oh and she also said that because you didn't put the washing out, you have to pay this months electricity bill.
catherine: What the hell?
jacki: Because she had to use the dryer instead
catherine: Mum!?
mum: Yes?
catherine: I told Dad to book the animals in! And he told me he did it!
mum: Oh, thats ok then.
catherine: And the washing was dry, so I didnt think I needed to hang it out!!
mum: It so wasnt dry!
catherine: Well, do I really have to pay the electricity bill?!
mum: What? No!
catherine: But Jacki said...
mum: I don't know what you're talking about.
jacki: (Attempting to mouth 'The Plan! The Plan!!!' to Mum from behind Catherine's back)
catherine: (Turns around and see's me) Aha! This is just another one of your stupid tricks!! I knew it!!
jacki: No!! This time it was all Mum's idea, I SWEAR!!
mum: (Looking innocent) I have no idea what she's talking about
catherine: Jacki, you suck!!!

how i almost met wentworth miller

so
anyone whos anyone knows that like 3 years ago, when they were making that Superman movie with Kate Bosworth and that guy that nobody knows but who really really looks like a young Christopher Reeve, they filmed part of it at this huge house which is just down the road from where I live.

(sidenote: what the hell with Longueville and fame? Superman, Nicole Kidman, that one time they filmed an Oak Milk commercial at my bus stop?? CRAZY!!)

Anyway, what nobody knows, what I didnt even know until 16 minutes ago when I watched an interview with Brett Ratner and found out, is that Wentworth was actually IN LINE to play Superman.

I mean it.
It was like, between him and the Chris Reeve look-alike.
And, well, maybe like 300 other guys too, but whatever.
My point is, that the guy who actually ended up playing Superman was down the road from me.
...
In this big house.
...
For like a month.
...
With little to no security, because I mean, its LONGUEVILLE, the only people who live here are senior citizens who can't even make out the figures on the tv screen, or teenage boys, and lets face it, neither of those groups are likely to swarm a buff 20-something-year-old actor.

So where was I?
Oh yeah, the the guy who played Superman was down the road from me.
AND WENTWORTH WAS ALMOST THE GUY WHO PLAYED SUPERMAN.

and thats how I almost met Wentworth Miller.

because its my blog and i can

oh.

damn.

so i was at that point where i thought
"yeah, i know my dog is hideous. i know it, he knows it, the people who come to my house and comment on his hideousness know it. but there is a silver lining - he cant get any more hideous, right?"
and then i got home from work and discovered that my mum had (by order of the vet, just so you know my mum is not cruel and sadistic) taken the dog to Figtree today to get his front teeth removed.
...
i mean come on.

fear factor # 1

Right. Ok.
Alot of people have this thing where they think I'm crazy because I have all these "unjustified" fear and theories.
Pfft.
Pffft.
I mean, I'll admit sometimes (sometimes) it can get a little far fetched.
My fear of rubber gloves.
My inability to drive if there is even ONE other car on the road.
That theory I had that all history teachers were trying to kill me.

BUT

This is one fear that I can TOTALLY justify.
So, boys and girls.
Get ready for the explanation as to...

why I'm afraid to swim in a pool by myself

See, here's the thing...

Anyone who knows me, I mean really knows me, knows that when I was 10 years old, I found a book in my local library about a prehistoric 60 foot long man eating shark which somehow survived whatever-it-was that killed all the other dinosaurs, by going way way WAY deep into the ocean.

Anyway.

Now its present day, and some professor dude takes his mini submarine or whatever down into some trench in the sea, sees one of these sharks - which are called Megalodons by the way - and, long story short, it follows him back to the top of the ocean, where it proceeds to wreak havoc.

Attacking surfers.

Swallowing small boats.

Launching itself out of the ocean at top speed so it can take down low-flying helicopters.

You know.

Anyway, despite the fact that it was clearly not a book for kids, I found it entertaining as hell, much to the distress of my mother, but whats new?

I was just congratulating myself on discovering such a great read, when I turned to the last page, which contained a small but detailed paragraph on the history of the Megalodon, and the debate over whether or not it actually still exists.

...

Um.

Wait a minute.

This thing was REAL?

Or more importantly, this thing actually DID survive whatever-it-was that killed the dinosaurs, HAS swum to the top of the ocean, and is potentially circling some poor guy in a kayak on the Lane Cove River as we speak?

Well.

As if that wouldn't freak out ANYONE (let alone a 10 year old with a tendency to blow things wildly out of proportion) enough to stop them from swimming alone.

PLUS theres that whole other theory I have that there is a secret shark-holding chamber under my backyard, and some Ivan-Milat-Wannabe is just waiting for me to take a solo dip, so he can hit some button and release a Great White into the pool.

I mean, come on!

I've TOTALLY heard of that kind of thing happening.

Honestly, between this book about Megalodons and that Harrison Ford movie 'What Lies Beneath', its a wonder I can even take a bath, let alone swim in my pool.

So there.

I hope it makes sense now.

Oh, what am I saying?? OF COURSE it makes sense now.

did i use facet in the right context just there??
totally looking it up:

...

...

facet: aspect; phase
um, yeah.
i rocked that.

another facet of The Celebrity Doppelganger Theory

ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your wigs...

i just realised.
you can have a celebrity doppelganger...EVEN IF YOU ARE A CELEBRITY.

jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com dominates Google

just another self-satisfying discovery i made during the course of my daily internet rummaging:
I (and my blog) AM TOTALLY DOMINATING GOOGLE.

my blog was one of the top 5 search results for:

• jacki trew
• jacki loves wentworth
• jacki trew wentworth miller
• roseville college igssa gym
• jacki and wentworth
• emmy shanahan
• quest for wentworth

and who knows what else? after i searched these ones i got distracted.

another one bites the list

That guy from Wentworth Clinic/Tim Curry

catherine trew: a model, idiot?

(another trew sister argument. and please note, before you label me insane, that i was on a pretty intense sugar rush at the time)

jacki: (giggling) hey. hey. hey.
catherine: (annoyed) what?
jacki: (tries to do a funny dance move and ends up kicking the coffee table) ow ow ow!!
catherine: you're an idiot
jacki: hey you know i did a blog about my theory.
catherine: what theory?
jacki: you know.
catherine: no, i dont.
jacki: yes you do!!
catherine: oh, you mean that crazy celebrity double-whammy crap or whatever its called?
jacki: first of all, its called the Celebrity Doppelganger Theory. and second of all, it would pay you to remember that, since its whats going to make me famous.
catherine: jacki, how many plans have you had to make yourself famous?
jacki: (pauses) well...a few
catherine: and how many have worked?
jacki: well none so far, but this one is different!!!
catherine: whatever
jacki: seriously, go on my blog, theres a list!!
catherine: (sarcastically) uh huh. ill be sure to do that.
jacki: seriously!!! you know i found dads?
catherine: who is it?
jacki: have you ever seen the Baz Luhrmann version of Romeo and Juliet?
catherine: is that the one with Leonardo di Caprio?
jacki: uh huh
catherine: yeah, ive seen it
jacki: you know the guy that plays Juliet's father?? THATS DADS!!
catherine: you're an idiot.
jacki: no im not!! you have to admit, you DID look like Adam Sandler's kid!
catherine: yeah, at one tiny point in time.
jacki: THATS ALL IT TAKES!!!
catherine: thats all what takes?
jacki: thats all it takes to make the list!!! im telling you, im going to do it!!!
catherine: do what exactly?
jacki: im going to win the nobel peace prize!!!
catherine: im sorry, PEACE PRIZE?
jacki: (laughing hysterically)
catherine: dude, you are insane! win the peace prize?!
jacki: but its my life mission!
catherine: since when?
jacki: since i decided winning the nobel peace prize is a good way to get famous!!!!
catherine: your life mission is to make people laugh! and you usually cant! you just wind up hurting yourself instead!
jacki: (offended) oh yeah, like when?!
catherine: less than five minutes ago!!! you tried to dance and you ended up kicking the coffee table!!!!
jacki: (sheepishly) oh yeah

well WHATEVER.
because i just thought of another one:

Rach Pickering/that chick from Mean Girls who 'doesnt even go here!'

jacki trew, genius?

ok.
ok.
here's the thing:
ive figured out how i can win the nobel peace prize.
you know how sometimes i make up these crazy theories in my head, and then i tell people, and they tell me im crazy and im all like whatever, this theory is totally going to win me the nobel peace prize?
ITS LIKE THAT!!
except this time, im actually going to win.
seriously.
its one of my best theories yet - i know, because ive been working on it for the better part of my life.
so here we go.
here it is.
ok.
ok.

(also just letting you know, that by reading the words above, you have agreed to NOT steal my theory, no matter how AWESOMELY AWESOME you think it is - and believe me, you WILL think its awesomely awesome, because well, it really really is).

The Celebrity Doppelganger Theory

Thats right my friends.

THATS RIGHT.

The Celebrity Doppelganger Theory.

My theory that everyone in the world - EVERYONE IN THE WORLD - looks exactly like some celebrity.

Now.

Who is the judge of this doppelganger-ness, you may wonder.

i am. so shut up.

And, which celebrity do I look like, you may ask.

well i havent figured out everyone yet, so SHUT UP AGAIN.

but fear not.

eventually i will have figured everyone out.

it just comes to me, randomly - sometimes in the shower, sometimes while im cooking, sometimes walking the dog, most of the time when im at work and i really should be concentrating on taking down Mrs Freemont's order for 16 tangerine beaded tank tops, only im not, because i could care less about crap like that.

so.

the list so far: (and it will be added to, ohhh believe you me. believe you me).

Regular Person/Celebrity Doppelganger

Gemma Goodwin/Julia Roberts

Maddy MuSung/Lucy Liu

Jordan Potts/Topher Grace

Emmy Shanahan/Yancy from The Sleepover Club

Daniel 'Milky Nips' Watterson/Zac from Gilmore Girls + That blonde guy from Packed to the Rafters

My future husband/Wentworth Miller

Deb Hirst/Jennifer Aniston in the first season of Friends

Catherine Trew at age 3/Adam Sandler's daughter Sadie

Pat ONiell/Mark Whalberg in that movie Fear

Nathan Gale/Eddie Cahill (who played Rachel's boyfriend Tag on Friends)

Magda (my boss)/Susanne Somers

Phillip Trew/Paul Sorvino

huh? HUH?!

i am so in for the win.