Scene: I'm sitting on the couch, Catherine is on the floor next to me, doing something on her computer.
Jacki: (Sees empty chip packet on the floor and picks it up) Hey, Catherine
Catherine: What?
Jacki: Do you want to hear a story about an empty chip packet, a train, and urine?
Catherine: No
LATER
Jacki: Hey, Catherine
Catherine: What?
Jacki: Do you want to hear a story about Gemma, a handbag, and vomit?
Catherine: No
LATER
Jacki: Hey, Catherine
Catherine: What?
Jacki: Do you want to hear a story about a principle's office, a mother, a boy, and my friend who will remain nameless?
Catherine: No
LATER
Jacki: Hey, Catherine
Catherine: What?
Jacki: Do you want to hear a story about Michael Vartan*, a press conference that the public can attend, sydney, and the month of March?
Catherine: (Looking up) Tell me
Jacki: Sorry, I can't. I made that one up
HA!
*ps for those of you not in the know, michael vartan is the SMOKING hot guy from Alias. yep. another reason to watch it.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
Probably not worth reading
I must have been doing alot of meaningless crap lately, because all I want to do is blog.
Ok, wait.
Lets make that a little more specific.
I must have been watching alot of meaningless TV lately, because all I want to do is blog about TV.
I typed 'alot' twice just then - ok, that time makes it three - and each time I did it, the spell-check wavy red lines came up to tell me that 'alot' is a spelling error. It should be a lot. But even though i knew I'd made two - ok, now its actually four - spelling mistakes, I didn't bother to go back and change it, because I was too amped up to write a blog about TV.
See?
See how amped up I am? I am PSYCHED!
Maybe its because I'm watching Terminator 3 right now. Arnold Schwarznegger always ups my levels of psychitude.
I was watching some good old daytime TV the other day, and I happened across probably the best commercial I have ever seen in my life:
Now everyone who knows me knows I hate beer more than pretty much any other beverage, but I would down a tall frosty one just for that ad.
Legendary.
You know what show is awesome? that So You Think You Can Dance. Those kids can bust a move, yo. I love it. I love it even though it totally makes me feel like a disgusting lazy slob. Which I am. But still, nobody wants to hear that. Watching that show makes me want to put on a tiny sports bra and a pair of baggy white pants and get my dance on.
Hey, speaking of watching things and then wanting to do them, did anyone watch the tennis finals last night?
I did.
I wanted Roger Federer to win so bad. And not just because I love being able to shout 'go Rogie!' at the TV. But also because the other guy had really disgusting hair.
I've never sat down and watched a whole tennis match before, but that was awesome. And when Rog teared up during his speech? That was some moving stuff! So I watched the tennis finals, and then I watched 3 episodes of American Idol, then I watched a Bondi Rescue marathon, and then I watched Alias, and by the time I got done, it was like 5 in the morning, so I read a little of my book.
I'm reading this book at the moment called Prey. It was written by the same guy who wrote Jurassic Park. I heard he died a while back, but from his picture (which is on the back cover), he doesn't look that old, so I'm not sure if thats true.
Anyway, not the point. This is like the 5th time I've read this book, and every time I read it, it seems a little more stupid. Kind of like the Jurassic Park movies, I guess. Its about a group of scientists who develop this program called PREDPREY, its basically a huge swarm of nanoparticles, which escape from the lab and go on a killing rampage. I think a better name for the book would be The Swarm. Or maybe just Swarm.
My favourite part of the book - and also probably the most stupid part - is when the swarm develops the ability to mimic humans. So then this one guy is making out with his wife, but it turns out his wife is just the swarm. So he's macking on the swarm-wife, and then the nanoparticles go down his throat and, like, start eating him from the inside out.
I know, right? Where do I find these books? Between this one and Meg, its a wonder I'm not living in complete terror.
On a completely different note, I discovered today that there is a website called jackiestvblog.blogspot.com
Who is this person? I dont know, but I'm pretty sure they are my soul mate.
Well, they would be, if they didn't spell their name with an e on the end. That's just intolerable.
Although I probably can't afford to be that choosy with my soul-mate.
Like this personal ad I saw recently. It said:
Albino He-She seeks similar
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I don't think an Albino He-She can afford to be choosy either.
Alright well I've pretty much exhausted all topics.
Not really, but I should keep something for tomorrow.
*UPDATE*
I just remembered something else about that book I was talking about: The only way they can stop the swarm from like, entering their bodies, is by eating poo.
Oh yeah.
Its awesome
Ok, wait.
Lets make that a little more specific.
I must have been watching alot of meaningless TV lately, because all I want to do is blog about TV.
I typed 'alot' twice just then - ok, that time makes it three - and each time I did it, the spell-check wavy red lines came up to tell me that 'alot' is a spelling error. It should be a lot. But even though i knew I'd made two - ok, now its actually four - spelling mistakes, I didn't bother to go back and change it, because I was too amped up to write a blog about TV.
See?
See how amped up I am? I am PSYCHED!
Maybe its because I'm watching Terminator 3 right now. Arnold Schwarznegger always ups my levels of psychitude.
I was watching some good old daytime TV the other day, and I happened across probably the best commercial I have ever seen in my life:
Now everyone who knows me knows I hate beer more than pretty much any other beverage, but I would down a tall frosty one just for that ad.
Legendary.
You know what show is awesome? that So You Think You Can Dance. Those kids can bust a move, yo. I love it. I love it even though it totally makes me feel like a disgusting lazy slob. Which I am. But still, nobody wants to hear that. Watching that show makes me want to put on a tiny sports bra and a pair of baggy white pants and get my dance on.
Hey, speaking of watching things and then wanting to do them, did anyone watch the tennis finals last night?
I did.
I wanted Roger Federer to win so bad. And not just because I love being able to shout 'go Rogie!' at the TV. But also because the other guy had really disgusting hair.
I've never sat down and watched a whole tennis match before, but that was awesome. And when Rog teared up during his speech? That was some moving stuff! So I watched the tennis finals, and then I watched 3 episodes of American Idol, then I watched a Bondi Rescue marathon, and then I watched Alias, and by the time I got done, it was like 5 in the morning, so I read a little of my book.
I'm reading this book at the moment called Prey. It was written by the same guy who wrote Jurassic Park. I heard he died a while back, but from his picture (which is on the back cover), he doesn't look that old, so I'm not sure if thats true.
Anyway, not the point. This is like the 5th time I've read this book, and every time I read it, it seems a little more stupid. Kind of like the Jurassic Park movies, I guess. Its about a group of scientists who develop this program called PREDPREY, its basically a huge swarm of nanoparticles, which escape from the lab and go on a killing rampage. I think a better name for the book would be The Swarm. Or maybe just Swarm.
My favourite part of the book - and also probably the most stupid part - is when the swarm develops the ability to mimic humans. So then this one guy is making out with his wife, but it turns out his wife is just the swarm. So he's macking on the swarm-wife, and then the nanoparticles go down his throat and, like, start eating him from the inside out.
I know, right? Where do I find these books? Between this one and Meg, its a wonder I'm not living in complete terror.
On a completely different note, I discovered today that there is a website called jackiestvblog.blogspot.com
Who is this person? I dont know, but I'm pretty sure they are my soul mate.
Well, they would be, if they didn't spell their name with an e on the end. That's just intolerable.
Although I probably can't afford to be that choosy with my soul-mate.
Like this personal ad I saw recently. It said:
Albino He-She seeks similar
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I don't think an Albino He-She can afford to be choosy either.
Alright well I've pretty much exhausted all topics.
Not really, but I should keep something for tomorrow.
*UPDATE*
I just remembered something else about that book I was talking about: The only way they can stop the swarm from like, entering their bodies, is by eating poo.
Oh yeah.
Its awesome
I hate working, but I feel like I want to get a job just so I can blog at work.
I love it.
I used to blog at work all the time. Remember this post? Oh, to be blogging behind the receptionists desk at Body Indulgence again. Those were the days; me, frantically typing in between phone calls, downsizing the blogger window every time my boss emerged from one of the waxing rooms, and getting yelled at by Andrea, the psychotic sales assistant, for using the store computer to read perezhilton.com
Good times!
In case you haven't already guessed, I'm only blogging for the sake of blogging. I don't really have anything meaningful to blog about.
It was a pretty slow day today. Oh, Janey invited me to some business meeting of her dads, where I talk about TV for an hour and half and get paid 60 bucks.
Well, something along those lines anyway.
Way to go Janey! And her dad! And Facebook, for that handy event function!
Does anyone else find it weird that Facebook chat considers 'facebook' to be a spelling error? Ironic? Yes
Meaningful? No
Blog-worthy? Well, on any other day, probably not. But like I said, it's been a slow day.
I love it.
I used to blog at work all the time. Remember this post? Oh, to be blogging behind the receptionists desk at Body Indulgence again. Those were the days; me, frantically typing in between phone calls, downsizing the blogger window every time my boss emerged from one of the waxing rooms, and getting yelled at by Andrea, the psychotic sales assistant, for using the store computer to read perezhilton.com
Good times!
In case you haven't already guessed, I'm only blogging for the sake of blogging. I don't really have anything meaningful to blog about.
It was a pretty slow day today. Oh, Janey invited me to some business meeting of her dads, where I talk about TV for an hour and half and get paid 60 bucks.
Well, something along those lines anyway.
Way to go Janey! And her dad! And Facebook, for that handy event function!
Does anyone else find it weird that Facebook chat considers 'facebook' to be a spelling error? Ironic? Yes
Meaningful? No
Blog-worthy? Well, on any other day, probably not. But like I said, it's been a slow day.
Introducing Winnifred Jones
Damn Alias/American Idol/Bondi Rescue marathons! They keep me up way too late.
I mean it. It's, what, 7.38pm right now, and I'm only just starting to wake up. I feel like such a slob, and I hate it!
No, that was a complete lie.
I like it.
Also a lie. I don't like it, I LOVE IT!!
I love my holiday bodyclock. No, really. It's one of my favourite things about myself. I love it so much, I may just give it a name - Winnifred Jones.
I love Winnifred Jones. I love how she stays up til 5am watching Alias reruns and footage of Michael Buble being interviewed by Rove McManus, and sleeps in until 2 in the afternoon. I love how she exists purely on a diet of vanilla coke and starburst lollies. I love everything about her.
No, wait, thats not 100% accurate. I don't love how she has a mother who makes her wake up at 10am on a monday morning to turn on the freaking crockpot.
Oh, snap! I just realised I only have like 4 and a half weeks of Winnifred Jones time left! I mean, because then Uni starts.
Uni! Structure! Learning! Holy crap, I'm gonna have to learn how to write with a pen again!
Oh well. You know what they say.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Plus, when I'm not being Jacki Trew as Winnifred Jones, I have more time to be Jacki Trew as Christie Angel.
I'll explain later.
I mean it. It's, what, 7.38pm right now, and I'm only just starting to wake up. I feel like such a slob, and I hate it!
No, that was a complete lie.
I like it.
Also a lie. I don't like it, I LOVE IT!!
I love my holiday bodyclock. No, really. It's one of my favourite things about myself. I love it so much, I may just give it a name - Winnifred Jones.
I love Winnifred Jones. I love how she stays up til 5am watching Alias reruns and footage of Michael Buble being interviewed by Rove McManus, and sleeps in until 2 in the afternoon. I love how she exists purely on a diet of vanilla coke and starburst lollies. I love everything about her.
No, wait, thats not 100% accurate. I don't love how she has a mother who makes her wake up at 10am on a monday morning to turn on the freaking crockpot.
Oh, snap! I just realised I only have like 4 and a half weeks of Winnifred Jones time left! I mean, because then Uni starts.
Uni! Structure! Learning! Holy crap, I'm gonna have to learn how to write with a pen again!
Oh well. You know what they say.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Plus, when I'm not being Jacki Trew as Winnifred Jones, I have more time to be Jacki Trew as Christie Angel.
I'll explain later.
Michael Buble, Tit Humper
So a couple of nights ago I was stalking Michael Buble over the internet, and I happened to come across a couple of interviews he's had on Rove over the years.
I love Rove. His interviews are so much more entertaining than any other talk show host, except maybe Ellen Degeneres. Oh, I do love it when Ellen straddles her coffee table like a crazy young whippersnapper.
Hey I think Rove has a coffee table too. Too wide to straddle, but still awesome. Except whatever happened to that giant bowl of jelly beans he used to keep? On the table I mean? I think maybe they got rid of it after Lano and Woodley picked it up and threw the whole lot into the audience one night.
That was awesome.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, so I watched these two Michael Buble interviews on Rove, and I noticed that he told the same story in both.
Really.
The same story.
Like, almost word for word.
...
Did he really think nobody would notice? And - more importantly - hadn't anything happened to him in the 12 months since his last interview that he could tell a story about?
Anything?
I mean, anything? Because that first story wasn't that great! It wouldn't have been too hard to beat! Honestly, going down to Coles and finding that the pork sausages you bought for dinner last saturday have gone up by 59 cents would probably do it.
Well, I mean, thats what I was thinking.
Keyword: was
Until he came up with this little gem:
Rove: So, do people ever call you The Boob?
MB: What?
Rove: You know, The Boob? Like, Michael Booble?
MB: Oh, right, I get it. No, people don't call me The Boob. But I used to get called The Tit Humper
Rove: (laughing) What? The Tit Humper?
MB: Yeah, like, like its literal - Bub, is like tit. And, and then le, like, lay? Like, to have sex with?
Rove: Ohhhh
MB: Yeah, Tit Humper? Get it?
...
....
sensational.
I love Rove. His interviews are so much more entertaining than any other talk show host, except maybe Ellen Degeneres. Oh, I do love it when Ellen straddles her coffee table like a crazy young whippersnapper.
Hey I think Rove has a coffee table too. Too wide to straddle, but still awesome. Except whatever happened to that giant bowl of jelly beans he used to keep? On the table I mean? I think maybe they got rid of it after Lano and Woodley picked it up and threw the whole lot into the audience one night.
That was awesome.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, so I watched these two Michael Buble interviews on Rove, and I noticed that he told the same story in both.
Really.
The same story.
Like, almost word for word.
...
Did he really think nobody would notice? And - more importantly - hadn't anything happened to him in the 12 months since his last interview that he could tell a story about?
Anything?
I mean, anything? Because that first story wasn't that great! It wouldn't have been too hard to beat! Honestly, going down to Coles and finding that the pork sausages you bought for dinner last saturday have gone up by 59 cents would probably do it.
Well, I mean, thats what I was thinking.
Keyword: was
Until he came up with this little gem:
Rove: So, do people ever call you The Boob?
MB: What?
Rove: You know, The Boob? Like, Michael Booble?
MB: Oh, right, I get it. No, people don't call me The Boob. But I used to get called The Tit Humper
Rove: (laughing) What? The Tit Humper?
MB: Yeah, like, like its literal - Bub, is like tit. And, and then le, like, lay? Like, to have sex with?
Rove: Ohhhh
MB: Yeah, Tit Humper? Get it?
...
....
sensational.
top ten
Alright so I'm going to do this bumper post on how much I love alias AND NOT because I just got done watching like six episodes, but because its 2.54am and I've just decided I am on a total mission to make you all watch it with me.
You know, like I did with Prison Break - which totally worked. On, like, 3 people.
But whatever.to
You must watch - so here are The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Watch Alias:
10. There are only 5 seasons - so it's not that hard to sit down and watch every episode back to back. And trust me, once you start, you'll want to.
9. Victor Garber, and the fact that all his features are squished into the middle of his face - trust me, after looking at it for a straight 40 minutes, you'll notice too.
8. The last 5 letters of Australia's are ALIAS - I know I already blogged about this, but it was only brief, and this is still awesome to me. Really.
7. It's one of those shows that you don't really understand - but its STILL awesome. Thats a mark of good TV, right there.
6. It's got everything - romance, action, comedy, suspense! fight scenes, crying scenes, love scenes! I love it
5. Jennifer Garner wears like 5 different wigs per episode - and who doesn't love a good wig?
4. It's like 24, but more believable - this, I heard from someone else. I've never watched 24, but I hear its good. Great. Grand. So wouldn't a better version of 24 be...wonderful?
3. Marshall Flinkman - this guy, whose face looks like a foot:
WHAT UP?! I love it!
2. The Sydney/Vaughn love story - only to be rivaled by Bella and Edward from Twilight.
and the number one reason to start watching Alias?
1. Jennifer Garners laugh - it's (at times) even crazier than mine
GET WATCHING, SCURVIES!!
You know, like I did with Prison Break - which totally worked. On, like, 3 people.
But whatever.to
You must watch - so here are The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Watch Alias:
10. There are only 5 seasons - so it's not that hard to sit down and watch every episode back to back. And trust me, once you start, you'll want to.
9. Victor Garber, and the fact that all his features are squished into the middle of his face - trust me, after looking at it for a straight 40 minutes, you'll notice too.
8. The last 5 letters of Australia's are ALIAS - I know I already blogged about this, but it was only brief, and this is still awesome to me. Really.
7. It's one of those shows that you don't really understand - but its STILL awesome. Thats a mark of good TV, right there.
6. It's got everything - romance, action, comedy, suspense! fight scenes, crying scenes, love scenes! I love it
5. Jennifer Garner wears like 5 different wigs per episode - and who doesn't love a good wig?
4. It's like 24, but more believable - this, I heard from someone else. I've never watched 24, but I hear its good. Great. Grand. So wouldn't a better version of 24 be...wonderful?
3. Marshall Flinkman - this guy, whose face looks like a foot:
WHAT UP?! I love it!2. The Sydney/Vaughn love story - only to be rivaled by Bella and Edward from Twilight.
and the number one reason to start watching Alias?
1. Jennifer Garners laugh - it's (at times) even crazier than mine
GET WATCHING, SCURVIES!!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
111 Hits it out of the park
I love that show Alias.
And you know what I love even more than Alias?
111 Hits.
I love it. Love it love it love it.
111 Hits is the new Arena. Remember when Arena used to be cool? Like when it had Friends and Will and Grace and The Tyra Banks Show and The OC and original Simple Life?
Now Arena sucks. What happened to The OC? and Tyra? And what self-respecting channel would stop airing Friends episodes. Everyone knows that no matter how many times you've seen an episode of Friends, you won't mind sitting down and watching it again.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Arena's new show that they seem to have on all the time, either because they think people cant get enough of it, or they have nothing else to play, Sex and The City.
Now, dont get me wrong. I love me some Carrie Bradshaw. But if I see the 'Running With Scissors' episode one more time, I wont hesitate in ripping my own face off.
Seriously.
Because that would be less painful.
But what was I talking about?
Oh yes, 111 Hits.
Who invented 111 Hits? Because I want to have their children. Seriously, I want to show them a good time. I want to buy them dinner, take them dancing and whisper sweet nothings into their ear in the cabride home.
Friends AND Will and Grace AND Dharma and Greg (I MISSED Greg so much! And having him on that NCIS-wannabe show just isn't the same).
PLUS That 70's Show.
Baywatch.
3rd Rock from the Sun.
Malcolm in the Middle!!
Alias (I die. I DIE!)
Double episodes of Lost? With NO commercials? Its like they made this channel specifically with me in mind!!
You should all watch Alias. Seriously, get on that. Didn't you know Alias is the last 5 letters of Australia's.
yeah.
YEAH.
I dont know what that means, but its gotta mean something, right?
Plus Vaughn is TOTALLY hot.
And you know what I love even more than Alias?
111 Hits.
I love it. Love it love it love it.
111 Hits is the new Arena. Remember when Arena used to be cool? Like when it had Friends and Will and Grace and The Tyra Banks Show and The OC and original Simple Life?
Now Arena sucks. What happened to The OC? and Tyra? And what self-respecting channel would stop airing Friends episodes. Everyone knows that no matter how many times you've seen an episode of Friends, you won't mind sitting down and watching it again.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Arena's new show that they seem to have on all the time, either because they think people cant get enough of it, or they have nothing else to play, Sex and The City.
Now, dont get me wrong. I love me some Carrie Bradshaw. But if I see the 'Running With Scissors' episode one more time, I wont hesitate in ripping my own face off.
Seriously.
Because that would be less painful.
But what was I talking about?
Oh yes, 111 Hits.
Who invented 111 Hits? Because I want to have their children. Seriously, I want to show them a good time. I want to buy them dinner, take them dancing and whisper sweet nothings into their ear in the cabride home.
Friends AND Will and Grace AND Dharma and Greg (I MISSED Greg so much! And having him on that NCIS-wannabe show just isn't the same).
PLUS That 70's Show.
Baywatch.
3rd Rock from the Sun.
Malcolm in the Middle!!
Alias (I die. I DIE!)
Double episodes of Lost? With NO commercials? Its like they made this channel specifically with me in mind!!
You should all watch Alias. Seriously, get on that. Didn't you know Alias is the last 5 letters of Australia's.
yeah.
YEAH.
I dont know what that means, but its gotta mean something, right?
Plus Vaughn is TOTALLY hot.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Dudette returns
So I was sitting at the train station the other day, and this guy came up to me and was all 'Hey, dude, do you know where the toilets are?'
...
Ok, now let me just say one thing; whoever worked on the design for the new St Leonards train station, and came up the idea of only putting public bathrooms on one side of the barriers is a complete moron. I don't know how many times people have come up to me, while I'm in line to buy a ticket or whatever, asked me where the toilets are, and then abused the crap out of me when I tell them.
No, really.
Like it's my fault they have to pay $2.40 to take a leak. Like it was my idea to have the bathrooms inside the station. Like I was the one who came up with the design for the new St Leonards train station - hey, they built it in what, 1999? When I was what, 8 or 9 years old? Yeah, that totally makes sense. But whatever. Thats another blog for another day.
So, I turned to this guy and said 'Hey man, who needs a toilet? You think they had toilets in the Garden of Eden? No! And that garden was perfect man! Who needs a toilet? Sounds like you're working for your bladder man...visualiiiiise!!'
No, thats a lie.
What I actually said was 'The only toilets are inside the train station', and pointed to where they were.
And then the guy started yelling at me about how stupid it was to only put toilets on one side of the barriers.
Sigh.
Anyway, the real reason I'm blogging about this - yeah, there is actually a real reason - is that when the guy called me 'Dude', I got to thinking...
I love the word dude. And I love calling people dude. But you know what I love calling people, even more than dude?
Dudette.
Seriously.
Remember dudette? Whatever happened to dudette? I feel like it wasn't so long ago that everyone called each other dudette. And then suddenly, without warning, dudette was gone. Missing. It had vanished, without a trace. And the saddest thing is, I didn't even notice!
And now nobody uses dudette. Not even me!
So I'm taking a stand. I'm bringing back dudette.
Who's with me?!
...
Ok, now let me just say one thing; whoever worked on the design for the new St Leonards train station, and came up the idea of only putting public bathrooms on one side of the barriers is a complete moron. I don't know how many times people have come up to me, while I'm in line to buy a ticket or whatever, asked me where the toilets are, and then abused the crap out of me when I tell them.
No, really.
Like it's my fault they have to pay $2.40 to take a leak. Like it was my idea to have the bathrooms inside the station. Like I was the one who came up with the design for the new St Leonards train station - hey, they built it in what, 1999? When I was what, 8 or 9 years old? Yeah, that totally makes sense. But whatever. Thats another blog for another day.
So, I turned to this guy and said 'Hey man, who needs a toilet? You think they had toilets in the Garden of Eden? No! And that garden was perfect man! Who needs a toilet? Sounds like you're working for your bladder man...visualiiiiise!!'
No, thats a lie.
What I actually said was 'The only toilets are inside the train station', and pointed to where they were.
And then the guy started yelling at me about how stupid it was to only put toilets on one side of the barriers.
Sigh.
Anyway, the real reason I'm blogging about this - yeah, there is actually a real reason - is that when the guy called me 'Dude', I got to thinking...
I love the word dude. And I love calling people dude. But you know what I love calling people, even more than dude?
Dudette.
Seriously.
Remember dudette? Whatever happened to dudette? I feel like it wasn't so long ago that everyone called each other dudette. And then suddenly, without warning, dudette was gone. Missing. It had vanished, without a trace. And the saddest thing is, I didn't even notice!
And now nobody uses dudette. Not even me!
So I'm taking a stand. I'm bringing back dudette.
Who's with me?!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Right.
Is it just me, or does Meryl Streep look TOTALLY drunk during the credits of Mamma Mia?
You know, the part where they all come out in those crazy costumes and dance on the light-up stage?
And first they sing Dancing Queen, then there's a break, and then they do Waterloo?
Ok, grab your DVD, and fast-forward to that part - the break I mean.
As much as I love Meryl, she looks absolutely insane. First she wobbles around on her heels a bit, then she crouches down and walks toward the camera whispering 'What are you looking at? What are YOU looking AT?'. Then she shuffles left, then right, then left again very quickly - you know, like shes a bit off her balance - then she screams 'Do you want another one? DOOO you want another ONNEEEE???' Then the music starts up again, and she staggers around the stage while everyone else performs the whole routine in unison.
It's absolutely sensational.
Is it just me, or does Meryl Streep look TOTALLY drunk during the credits of Mamma Mia?
You know, the part where they all come out in those crazy costumes and dance on the light-up stage?
And first they sing Dancing Queen, then there's a break, and then they do Waterloo?
Ok, grab your DVD, and fast-forward to that part - the break I mean.
As much as I love Meryl, she looks absolutely insane. First she wobbles around on her heels a bit, then she crouches down and walks toward the camera whispering 'What are you looking at? What are YOU looking AT?'. Then she shuffles left, then right, then left again very quickly - you know, like shes a bit off her balance - then she screams 'Do you want another one? DOOO you want another ONNEEEE???' Then the music starts up again, and she staggers around the stage while everyone else performs the whole routine in unison.
It's absolutely sensational.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Things we learn when holidaying at Lord Howe Island
Hot road + bare feet = bad idea
Funny. I'm not sure how many times I have to subject the soles of my feet to vicious heat-induced blisters before I really figure this one out. No, really. I mean it. Whenever I'm about to walk 3km along a tar sealed road with no shoes on, I hear two things in my head. One, the voice of reason: "Find a pair of shoes. I beg of you, please. Please keep in mind what happened last time. Please keep in mind that your feet are made of delicate human flesh, and nothing more. Please keep in mind that if you don't get off your lazy ass and find a pair of shoes before you walk along that road, I will transfer into another human body and kill you myself."
And two, the - far more dominant - voice of procrastination:
"Ah, screw it. You don't need shoes. What's the worst that could happen?"
There is no such thing as a comfortable bike seat
So apparently the bicycle was invented in 1817. That's, what, 192 years ago? And they couldn't have come up with something more comfortable in that time? Honestly, sitting bare-assed in a pit of syringes would probably feel better than getting back on a bike - I never thought, in my whole life, that I'd have to endure taking my undies off with a pair of tweezers.
If you have to ask the waiters to remove the nuts from a particular meal, its probably not going to taste good
I don't know what it was, but I've never had so much bad luck with Pinetrees lunches in my whole life. Ok, let me explain. Pinetrees, the hotel we stay at every year, offers 2 different options for every meal. And for basically the first week of my holiday, BOTH options contained nuts. No, really. BOTH. So here is the rest of my family, enjoying Thai kingfish curry and tandoori chicken, and I'm pleading with the waitress for "the roasted beetroot and hazelnut salad without the hazelnuts, or hazelnut vinaigrette".
Maybe spiders DO hate Julia more than me
Ok. I know! I never thought I'd be speaking - or, rather, typing - those words. But in my room, we only experienced one spider attack in ten days. And while I did consider it fairly traumatising (that spider was almost 5cm wide!!), I do admit it was nothing compared to the family of dinner-plate sized Huntsman's who decided to construct their nest in Julia's bathroom cupboard.
My sister Catherine can actually read
Geez - who'd of thought? All these years, here I was thinking she was a closet illiterate. And it turns out that she simply doesn't like to read. Wait, scrap that. Didn't like to read. Of course, since I introduced her to the wonder that is The Twilight Series, she's become as infatuated with Edward Cullen as the rest of us. Oh, and even better - I've finally found someone who loathes Jacob Black as much as I do!!
Cockroaches can fly
Did anyone else not know this? Ok, I'm probably an idiot. But I had NO idea that cockroaches even had wings, let alone the ability to fly. And this is what happened when I found out:
Jacki: (Walks into bathroom to change into bikini, pauses, and then emits what can only be described as a cross between a wail and a shout) Ah!!
Mum: What?
Jacki: (Running out of bathroom) Cockroach! Big! Big cockroach!
Mum: (Sighing impatiently) Where?
Jacki: Above the door! Please, please get it out!
Mum: Jacki, just deal with it.
Jacki: But Mum -
Mum: It won't hurt you! Now hurry up and get changed.
Jacki: (Sulking) Fine. (Walks back into bathroom, strips down, and reaches across bathroom for bikini, which is hanging on a towel rack. Suddenly, the cockroach takes flight, aiming straight - and I kid you not - for my face) AAAAAHHHH!! (Yeah. This time it was a full-on scream)
Mum: (From outside the bathroom) Oh, for Heaven's sake. What now?
Jacki: (Near hysteria) You said! You said it wouldn't attack me!
Mum: (Speaking over the sound of my dad and sister absolutely pissing themselves) It attacked you?
Jacki: My face!! Oh, it attacked my face!
Catherine: Well then come outside!
Jacki: I haven't got any pants on!!
...
And so on and so-forth.
And thats it.
Stay tuned for next year.
Funny. I'm not sure how many times I have to subject the soles of my feet to vicious heat-induced blisters before I really figure this one out. No, really. I mean it. Whenever I'm about to walk 3km along a tar sealed road with no shoes on, I hear two things in my head. One, the voice of reason: "Find a pair of shoes. I beg of you, please. Please keep in mind what happened last time. Please keep in mind that your feet are made of delicate human flesh, and nothing more. Please keep in mind that if you don't get off your lazy ass and find a pair of shoes before you walk along that road, I will transfer into another human body and kill you myself."
And two, the - far more dominant - voice of procrastination:
"Ah, screw it. You don't need shoes. What's the worst that could happen?"
There is no such thing as a comfortable bike seat
So apparently the bicycle was invented in 1817. That's, what, 192 years ago? And they couldn't have come up with something more comfortable in that time? Honestly, sitting bare-assed in a pit of syringes would probably feel better than getting back on a bike - I never thought, in my whole life, that I'd have to endure taking my undies off with a pair of tweezers.
If you have to ask the waiters to remove the nuts from a particular meal, its probably not going to taste good
I don't know what it was, but I've never had so much bad luck with Pinetrees lunches in my whole life. Ok, let me explain. Pinetrees, the hotel we stay at every year, offers 2 different options for every meal. And for basically the first week of my holiday, BOTH options contained nuts. No, really. BOTH. So here is the rest of my family, enjoying Thai kingfish curry and tandoori chicken, and I'm pleading with the waitress for "the roasted beetroot and hazelnut salad without the hazelnuts, or hazelnut vinaigrette".
Maybe spiders DO hate Julia more than me
Ok. I know! I never thought I'd be speaking - or, rather, typing - those words. But in my room, we only experienced one spider attack in ten days. And while I did consider it fairly traumatising (that spider was almost 5cm wide!!), I do admit it was nothing compared to the family of dinner-plate sized Huntsman's who decided to construct their nest in Julia's bathroom cupboard.
My sister Catherine can actually read
Geez - who'd of thought? All these years, here I was thinking she was a closet illiterate. And it turns out that she simply doesn't like to read. Wait, scrap that. Didn't like to read. Of course, since I introduced her to the wonder that is The Twilight Series, she's become as infatuated with Edward Cullen as the rest of us. Oh, and even better - I've finally found someone who loathes Jacob Black as much as I do!!
Cockroaches can fly
Did anyone else not know this? Ok, I'm probably an idiot. But I had NO idea that cockroaches even had wings, let alone the ability to fly. And this is what happened when I found out:
Jacki: (Walks into bathroom to change into bikini, pauses, and then emits what can only be described as a cross between a wail and a shout) Ah!!
Mum: What?
Jacki: (Running out of bathroom) Cockroach! Big! Big cockroach!
Mum: (Sighing impatiently) Where?
Jacki: Above the door! Please, please get it out!
Mum: Jacki, just deal with it.
Jacki: But Mum -
Mum: It won't hurt you! Now hurry up and get changed.
Jacki: (Sulking) Fine. (Walks back into bathroom, strips down, and reaches across bathroom for bikini, which is hanging on a towel rack. Suddenly, the cockroach takes flight, aiming straight - and I kid you not - for my face) AAAAAHHHH!! (Yeah. This time it was a full-on scream)
Mum: (From outside the bathroom) Oh, for Heaven's sake. What now?
Jacki: (Near hysteria) You said! You said it wouldn't attack me!
Mum: (Speaking over the sound of my dad and sister absolutely pissing themselves) It attacked you?
Jacki: My face!! Oh, it attacked my face!
Catherine: Well then come outside!
Jacki: I haven't got any pants on!!
...
And so on and so-forth.
And thats it.
Stay tuned for next year.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Bicuyni (bih-qwee-nee)
Oh, man.
I can't believe I didn't blog about this as soon as I got home today.
Ok, so most people know, I like to make jokes.
Like, not tell jokes. Make jokes. As in, I make up my own jokes.
Most of the time they're pretty terrible - I mean, I always laugh, but since I'm the kind of person who laughs at pretty much anything, that's not saying much.
...
BUT.
Like once every ten years, I'll come up with something - and, you know, I don't want to oversell this, but - something so INCREDIBLY, TRULY AND UNDENIABLY AWESOME that I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I had just stolen it from someone who is actually funny.
But I kid you not...This was all me:
(At the beach)
Megan: Did you get that bikini overseas?
Jacki: Nope, got it here.
Julia: Yeah I got mine in Sydney too.
Jacki: I didn't buy any cozzies overseas! I mean I looked for some, but I couldn't find any.
Julia: The bikini's in Peru were so feral.
Jacki: Where they made out of fur?
Julia: (To Megan) I mean they were just really hideous, like styles from the late 90's that nobody wears anymore. (Looks at Jacki like she is a moron - I mean, in a loving way, but still) No, they weren't made out of fur.
Jacki: Haha, are you sure?
Megan: Yeah, they weren't made out of animals?
Julia: Yeah, actually they were, it was so hot.
Jacki: Animal hide bikinis?
Julia: (Laughing) Yeah, they make them out of guinea pigs
(This is where the genius occurred - see, I happened to remember that in Peru, a guinea pig is called a 'cuy', which is pronounced like 'qwee'. So Julia said they made bikinis out of guinea pigs, and I said...)
Jacki: So...They were bicuynis????
Yeah. Thats right.
I'll be here til saturday.
I can't believe I didn't blog about this as soon as I got home today.
Ok, so most people know, I like to make jokes.
Like, not tell jokes. Make jokes. As in, I make up my own jokes.
Most of the time they're pretty terrible - I mean, I always laugh, but since I'm the kind of person who laughs at pretty much anything, that's not saying much.
...
BUT.
Like once every ten years, I'll come up with something - and, you know, I don't want to oversell this, but - something so INCREDIBLY, TRULY AND UNDENIABLY AWESOME that I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I had just stolen it from someone who is actually funny.
But I kid you not...This was all me:
(At the beach)
Megan: Did you get that bikini overseas?
Jacki: Nope, got it here.
Julia: Yeah I got mine in Sydney too.
Jacki: I didn't buy any cozzies overseas! I mean I looked for some, but I couldn't find any.
Julia: The bikini's in Peru were so feral.
Jacki: Where they made out of fur?
Julia: (To Megan) I mean they were just really hideous, like styles from the late 90's that nobody wears anymore. (Looks at Jacki like she is a moron - I mean, in a loving way, but still) No, they weren't made out of fur.
Jacki: Haha, are you sure?
Megan: Yeah, they weren't made out of animals?
Julia: Yeah, actually they were, it was so hot.
Jacki: Animal hide bikinis?
Julia: (Laughing) Yeah, they make them out of guinea pigs
(This is where the genius occurred - see, I happened to remember that in Peru, a guinea pig is called a 'cuy', which is pronounced like 'qwee'. So Julia said they made bikinis out of guinea pigs, and I said...)
Jacki: So...They were bicuynis????
Yeah. Thats right.
I'll be here til saturday.
my great TV moment
So I was watching Prison Break last night, and just happened to catch a really excellent TV moment:
Gretchen: (Pulls out a gun) I'm sorry Don.
Don: (Pause) Whore! You're a whore! And your mother was a whore - and her mother! And your father used to turn tricks at a gas station, because he was a whore too!!
I mean.
Thats award-worthy writing right there.
Gretchen: (Pulls out a gun) I'm sorry Don.
Don: (Pause) Whore! You're a whore! And your mother was a whore - and her mother! And your father used to turn tricks at a gas station, because he was a whore too!!
I mean.
Thats award-worthy writing right there.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Jacki's Rate of 08 (Get it? It rhymes!)
In 2008…
Something I Can’t Believe I did:
Kept blogging
Something I Regret:
My job choice
Something I Did That I’d Do Again:
Got a tattoo
Something I Did That I’ll Never Do Again:
Spend $3000 in 4 minutes
Something I Discovered I Love:
Eggplant
Something I Realise I Hate:
Folding clothes for a living
Something I Finally Accomplished:
Getting on TV
Something I Wish I’d Accomplished:
Meeting Wentworth Miller
In 2008, My Favourite…
· Song was: Midnight Train by Journey
· Food was: Mint Chocolate Chip Icecream
· TV Show was: Prison Break
· Singer was: Michael Jackson
· Movie was: Dirty Dancing
· Colour was: Yellow
· Drink was: Orange Juice and Coke mixed together
· Phrase was: ‘Disco Fabulous!’
· Day was: Wednesday
· Book was: Persuasion by Jane Austen
· City was: Seattle
· Smell was: MaDame by Jean Paul Gaultier
In 2008, The Best New…
· Song was: Talk Like That by The Presets
· Book was: The Twilight Series (sorry Kiera)
· Movie was: Tropic Thunder
· Thing I Bought was: $4 sunglasses from New York
· Internet Feature was: Facebook Chat
In 2008, The Worst New…
· Song was: Any of Britney’s new ones
· Book was: The Guiness Book of World Records, because it’s in 3D now, so every time I turn the page there’s some huge spider coming right at me
· Movie was: 10,000 BC (according to the Hirst family – I’m yet to experience it)
· Thing I Bought was: A bottle of Chinotto…wait maybe that was in 2007…whatever, it was so bad it’ll be the answer to this question for the rest of my life
· Internet Feature was: Um…Oh I know! The fact that nobody goes on MSN anymore…while, ironically, is probably because of my favourite new internet feature (Facebook Chat)
In 2008, I Had The Best Time…
In Seattle
In 2008, My Guilty Pleasure Was…
Shopping and Gossip Girl
In 2008, The Best Thing I Saw On YouTube Was…
THIS:
(BAAAHAHAHAHA)
5 Things I Did For The First Time In 2008…
· Went to Europe
· Had stitches
· Got a tattoo
· Dyed my own hair
· Lived with 5 boys
5 Things I Saw For The First Time In 2008…
· Tyra Banks – LIVE!!
· Times Square
· The movie ‘Whisper’
· Bones and Booth finally hooking up
· A ‘guy playing a guy, pretending to be another guy’
The 2008 Awesome List
· Prison Break Season 4
· The Presets
· Mousaka
· Seattle
· Those gladiator sandals that everyone is obsessed with
· My computer deciding to work again
· Home and Away being on YouTube
· Having money to spend
· Vandy
· A summer that actually feels like summer
· The Rachel Zoe Project
The 2008 Not-So Awesome List:
· The thong tan I had last summer
· Ham
· Ric Dolby’s hair
· Having a job
· Paris Hilton coming to Sydney for New Year’s
· That sorry excuse for The Rosevillian
· My dog becoming increasingly more senile
And summing up…
The Best Thing I Did In 2008 Was…
Re-enacting that scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Heath Ledger sings ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ to Julia Stiles – On the very same stadium stairs where the movie was filmed.
Something I Can’t Believe I did:
Kept blogging
Something I Regret:
My job choice
Something I Did That I’d Do Again:
Got a tattoo
Something I Did That I’ll Never Do Again:
Spend $3000 in 4 minutes
Something I Discovered I Love:
Eggplant
Something I Realise I Hate:
Folding clothes for a living
Something I Finally Accomplished:
Getting on TV
Something I Wish I’d Accomplished:
Meeting Wentworth Miller
In 2008, My Favourite…
· Song was: Midnight Train by Journey
· Food was: Mint Chocolate Chip Icecream
· TV Show was: Prison Break
· Singer was: Michael Jackson
· Movie was: Dirty Dancing
· Colour was: Yellow
· Drink was: Orange Juice and Coke mixed together
· Phrase was: ‘Disco Fabulous!’
· Day was: Wednesday
· Book was: Persuasion by Jane Austen
· City was: Seattle
· Smell was: MaDame by Jean Paul Gaultier
In 2008, The Best New…
· Song was: Talk Like That by The Presets
· Book was: The Twilight Series (sorry Kiera)
· Movie was: Tropic Thunder
· Thing I Bought was: $4 sunglasses from New York
· Internet Feature was: Facebook Chat
In 2008, The Worst New…
· Song was: Any of Britney’s new ones
· Book was: The Guiness Book of World Records, because it’s in 3D now, so every time I turn the page there’s some huge spider coming right at me
· Movie was: 10,000 BC (according to the Hirst family – I’m yet to experience it)
· Thing I Bought was: A bottle of Chinotto…wait maybe that was in 2007…whatever, it was so bad it’ll be the answer to this question for the rest of my life
· Internet Feature was: Um…Oh I know! The fact that nobody goes on MSN anymore…while, ironically, is probably because of my favourite new internet feature (Facebook Chat)
In 2008, I Had The Best Time…
In Seattle
In 2008, My Guilty Pleasure Was…
Shopping and Gossip Girl
In 2008, The Best Thing I Saw On YouTube Was…
THIS:
(BAAAHAHAHAHA)
5 Things I Did For The First Time In 2008…
· Went to Europe
· Had stitches
· Got a tattoo
· Dyed my own hair
· Lived with 5 boys
5 Things I Saw For The First Time In 2008…
· Tyra Banks – LIVE!!
· Times Square
· The movie ‘Whisper’
· Bones and Booth finally hooking up
· A ‘guy playing a guy, pretending to be another guy’
The 2008 Awesome List
· Prison Break Season 4
· The Presets
· Mousaka
· Seattle
· Those gladiator sandals that everyone is obsessed with
· My computer deciding to work again
· Home and Away being on YouTube
· Having money to spend
· Vandy
· A summer that actually feels like summer
· The Rachel Zoe Project
The 2008 Not-So Awesome List:
· The thong tan I had last summer
· Ham
· Ric Dolby’s hair
· Having a job
· Paris Hilton coming to Sydney for New Year’s
· That sorry excuse for The Rosevillian
· My dog becoming increasingly more senile
And summing up…
The Best Thing I Did In 2008 Was…
Re-enacting that scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Heath Ledger sings ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ to Julia Stiles – On the very same stadium stairs where the movie was filmed.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
when idiots argue
jacki: (walks into Catherine's bedroom at midnight with laptop in hand) So. It's midnight, I'm bored, I figured we'd have a comparty
catherine: Alright, I'll just get my -
jacki: Thats right, comparty. I mixed the words computer and party together. See how I did, see how I came up with that?
catherine: (sighs) Yes. I get it. And for the third time, please stop explaining all your jokes to me.
jacki: I just want to make sure you know how funny I am.
catherine: Whatever. So let the "comparty" begin.
(10 minutes of absolute silence, the only noise being our fingers on the keyboards)
jacki: So...I'm probably going to go. Good talk though.
catherine: Well you weren't talking either!!
(Silence continues. Is broken when I make a clicking sound with my earring)
jacki: Ow
catherine: (Makes a face)
jacki: Did you hear that? (Dramatically) It was the bones in my ear shattering!!
catherine: You dont have bones in your ears.
jacki: You have cartilage.
catherine: Yes.
jacki: Yes.
catherine: But you said bone.
jacki: Well I meant cartilage.
catherine: Well how was I supposed to know that?!
jacki: I'm telling you right now.
catherine: Well you didn't tell me before.
jacki: (Tiring of the argument) Well thank goodness you corrected me.
catherine: Thankyou.
jacki: For..?
catherine: Admitting you're an idiot.
jacki: You're an idiot aswell sometimes!
catherine: Oh yeah, like when?
jacki: Like the other day, when you were telling me about those ATM robbers, who blow up ATMs and take all the money?
catherine: Yeah? And?
jacki: And you said they had stolen over 5 million dollars worth of money?
catherine: (Pauses) Yeah? So?
jacki: 5 million dollars worth of money? Its not 5 million dollars worth of money! Its 5 million dollars...END OF SENTENCE!!
catherine: Oh yeah, that was kind of stupid
(both laugh)
hahaha. we suck.
catherine: Alright, I'll just get my -
jacki: Thats right, comparty. I mixed the words computer and party together. See how I did, see how I came up with that?
catherine: (sighs) Yes. I get it. And for the third time, please stop explaining all your jokes to me.
jacki: I just want to make sure you know how funny I am.
catherine: Whatever. So let the "comparty" begin.
(10 minutes of absolute silence, the only noise being our fingers on the keyboards)
jacki: So...I'm probably going to go. Good talk though.
catherine: Well you weren't talking either!!
(Silence continues. Is broken when I make a clicking sound with my earring)
jacki: Ow
catherine: (Makes a face)
jacki: Did you hear that? (Dramatically) It was the bones in my ear shattering!!
catherine: You dont have bones in your ears.
jacki: You have cartilage.
catherine: Yes.
jacki: Yes.
catherine: But you said bone.
jacki: Well I meant cartilage.
catherine: Well how was I supposed to know that?!
jacki: I'm telling you right now.
catherine: Well you didn't tell me before.
jacki: (Tiring of the argument) Well thank goodness you corrected me.
catherine: Thankyou.
jacki: For..?
catherine: Admitting you're an idiot.
jacki: You're an idiot aswell sometimes!
catherine: Oh yeah, like when?
jacki: Like the other day, when you were telling me about those ATM robbers, who blow up ATMs and take all the money?
catherine: Yeah? And?
jacki: And you said they had stolen over 5 million dollars worth of money?
catherine: (Pauses) Yeah? So?
jacki: 5 million dollars worth of money? Its not 5 million dollars worth of money! Its 5 million dollars...END OF SENTENCE!!
catherine: Oh yeah, that was kind of stupid
(both laugh)
hahaha. we suck.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
bad phone day
I am having the worst phone day of my life.
Let me explain.
Usually I'm pretty ok on the phone. 5 months of on-and-off secretary work will do that to you. I mean, I'm no call centre operator or anything, but most of the time I can have a conversation with any random without any awkwardness.
Until today.
Phone call one:
Jacki: Hello, Jacki speaking
Random: Hi this is Heath from harris technology, is Phillip there please?
Jacki: No he's at work, can I take a message?
Heath: This is just regarding the Lenovo notebook he dropped off to be repaired
Jacki: Uh huh
Heath: Its ready to be picked up, I just need to give Phillip some details before he comes to get it...blah blah blah (rants for like 10 minutes about some crap)
Jacki: Ok, great, thanks
- This is where it got awkward. See, I thought Heath was going to continue talking, so instead of saying 'Bye', 'See you soon', whatever, I just stayed silent. But apparently Heath was done talking. So he stayed silent.
(Massive awkward pause. I'm not even kidding. It was like 40 freaking seconds).
Ok so at this point its too weird to say anything, right? So I just had to hang up! Without even saying goodbye! I HATE doing that.
Whatever. I could get over it. This was a one time thing, right?
Right?
WRONG!
Phone call two:
Random: University of New South Wales Service Desk, this is Janet speaking, how may I help you?
Jacki: Oh, hi, I was wondering if you could help me, I forgot my online uni ID, so I just tried all these random ones and now I've been locked out of the system. (Yes, this really happened. Yes, I am an idiot. But its another story for another day.)
Janet: (Probably fighting the urge to laugh) Ok sure. What we do is, we unlock all the accounts at the same time, so I'll do that now, and you should be able to log in in about half an hour.
Jacki: Ok, cool, thanks!
....
Ok, this time I had no excuse. I mean, really. She had already said everything she needed to say. There was no way I could possibly think she was going to continue talking. And yet, once again, I stayed silent, and an awkward pause ensued.
Except this time it was even more awkward, because after the 45 seconds or whatever, she goes...
Janet: Okay...thanks...bye?
...
Bye?
Like that. Like there was a question mark after it. Like she wasnt sure if I was mentally developed enough to know how to carry a normal phone conversation, and thought I needed to be reminded that once the discussion was over, you usually say goodbye and then hang up.
And I mean, rightly so.
Sigh. Hopefully this was just a two-time thing.
But just in case, nobody call me today.
Let me explain.
Usually I'm pretty ok on the phone. 5 months of on-and-off secretary work will do that to you. I mean, I'm no call centre operator or anything, but most of the time I can have a conversation with any random without any awkwardness.
Until today.
Phone call one:
Jacki: Hello, Jacki speaking
Random: Hi this is Heath from harris technology, is Phillip there please?
Jacki: No he's at work, can I take a message?
Heath: This is just regarding the Lenovo notebook he dropped off to be repaired
Jacki: Uh huh
Heath: Its ready to be picked up, I just need to give Phillip some details before he comes to get it...blah blah blah (rants for like 10 minutes about some crap)
Jacki: Ok, great, thanks
- This is where it got awkward. See, I thought Heath was going to continue talking, so instead of saying 'Bye', 'See you soon', whatever, I just stayed silent. But apparently Heath was done talking. So he stayed silent.
(Massive awkward pause. I'm not even kidding. It was like 40 freaking seconds).
Ok so at this point its too weird to say anything, right? So I just had to hang up! Without even saying goodbye! I HATE doing that.
Whatever. I could get over it. This was a one time thing, right?
Right?
WRONG!
Phone call two:
Random: University of New South Wales Service Desk, this is Janet speaking, how may I help you?
Jacki: Oh, hi, I was wondering if you could help me, I forgot my online uni ID, so I just tried all these random ones and now I've been locked out of the system. (Yes, this really happened. Yes, I am an idiot. But its another story for another day.)
Janet: (Probably fighting the urge to laugh) Ok sure. What we do is, we unlock all the accounts at the same time, so I'll do that now, and you should be able to log in in about half an hour.
Jacki: Ok, cool, thanks!
....
Ok, this time I had no excuse. I mean, really. She had already said everything she needed to say. There was no way I could possibly think she was going to continue talking. And yet, once again, I stayed silent, and an awkward pause ensued.
Except this time it was even more awkward, because after the 45 seconds or whatever, she goes...
Janet: Okay...thanks...bye?
...
Bye?
Like that. Like there was a question mark after it. Like she wasnt sure if I was mentally developed enough to know how to carry a normal phone conversation, and thought I needed to be reminded that once the discussion was over, you usually say goodbye and then hang up.
And I mean, rightly so.
Sigh. Hopefully this was just a two-time thing.
But just in case, nobody call me today.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Pimp My Mum
I just had a great idea for a new reality show.
Seriously.
Seriously.
I'm having visions of my own mother wearing parachute pants, a doorag, and $75,000 worth of clunky gold chains right now.
Oh. Oh. Legendary.
Seriously.
Seriously.
I'm having visions of my own mother wearing parachute pants, a doorag, and $75,000 worth of clunky gold chains right now.
Oh. Oh. Legendary.
Kenneth Street
Ok one of the most annoying - MOST ANNOYING - things in the world to me is the fact that I am constantly stopped while walking around Longueville, by people who need directions to Kenneth Street.
Hmm. Alright, that was a lie. It's not really one of the MOST ANNOYING things in the world to me. I mean, top 100 for sure. But thats it. I just wanted to get your attention with capitals.
Anyway. Its true. Literally EVERY (again, not 100% true, but I think the capitals thing works) time I go for a walk, I get stopped by someone who cant find Kenneth Street.
Which really wouldnt be so annoying except that HELLO, its the BIGGEST street in Longueville.
...
AND LONGUEVILLE ONLY CONSISTS OF LIKE 4 STREETS.
Also the weird thing is that when I go for walks, I walk below Kenneth.
So you would think that, to get to where I am, people would have had to walk down the very street they are looking for.
What is this phenomonen? Do people not look at street signs anymore? Am I the only one who does that? It is totally 2007 to read street signs?
Or is everyone that lives outside of Longueville a complete moron?
Or is Kenneth Street actually part of a secret alternate universe, and the only people allowed in are the Longueville natives?
WHATS THE DEALIO, YO?
So apparently if you dont live in Longueville, Kenneth Street is invisible.
Or, you know, part of some alternate universe.
Sigh. Whatever.
Oh, also, on a completely unrelated note, there is apparently some serial killer out there named Scott Peterson.
...
I dont know about you guys, but thats a little too close to Gilmore Girls' actor Scott Patterson for my liking.
I mean.
Peter. Patter. COME ON!!!
...
Basically what I'm saying is that Luke is a murderer.
Mmm. Yep.
Hmm. Alright, that was a lie. It's not really one of the MOST ANNOYING things in the world to me. I mean, top 100 for sure. But thats it. I just wanted to get your attention with capitals.
Anyway. Its true. Literally EVERY (again, not 100% true, but I think the capitals thing works) time I go for a walk, I get stopped by someone who cant find Kenneth Street.
Which really wouldnt be so annoying except that HELLO, its the BIGGEST street in Longueville.
...
AND LONGUEVILLE ONLY CONSISTS OF LIKE 4 STREETS.
Also the weird thing is that when I go for walks, I walk below Kenneth.
So you would think that, to get to where I am, people would have had to walk down the very street they are looking for.
What is this phenomonen? Do people not look at street signs anymore? Am I the only one who does that? It is totally 2007 to read street signs?
Or is everyone that lives outside of Longueville a complete moron?
Or is Kenneth Street actually part of a secret alternate universe, and the only people allowed in are the Longueville natives?
WHATS THE DEALIO, YO?
So apparently if you dont live in Longueville, Kenneth Street is invisible.
Or, you know, part of some alternate universe.
Sigh. Whatever.
Oh, also, on a completely unrelated note, there is apparently some serial killer out there named Scott Peterson.
...
I dont know about you guys, but thats a little too close to Gilmore Girls' actor Scott Patterson for my liking.
I mean.
Peter. Patter. COME ON!!!
...
Basically what I'm saying is that Luke is a murderer.
Mmm. Yep.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Another Celebrity DoppelGanger Update
I cant believe I forgot this one:
Wentworth Clinic Man/ Tim Curry
Wentworth Clinic Man/ Tim Curry
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