Caffeine & Cynicism

Happy Valentine's Day, bitches.  And guess what?  For the first time in almost 22 years, I'm not alone on February 14th.

I don't care.

Valentine's Day is still a crock of shit.

I don't want to go on about this for too long - firstly because I talk about it EVERY year and I figure people are getting a bit bored...and secondly because you guys might start thinking that the real reason I refer to Boyfriend as 'Boyfriend' and not his real name is because I've just made him up and can't be bothered to think of a backstory.  For the record, that's not true.  He is real.  I just have to pay him.

Anyway, here's my beef:

1) How come only people who have someone to love get their own day?  

What about lonely people?  Or people who hate everyone?  What about couples who've just started dating and haven't decided they love each other yet?  Screw you, Valentine.  Thanks for making everything super awkward.

2) How come it's only expected that the DUDE will buy presents?

I'm no bra-burning feminist, but this really annoys me.  Why shouldn't I be able to internet-order ridiculous printed t-shirts for my Boyfriend and force him to wear them in public on the basis that they were 'special Valentine's Day presents'?  To prove my point, I have done this exact thing anyway.  More proof that Boyfriend does exist: he'll be the next guy you see wearing something like this:

3) Since when does Valentine's Day get 'holiday' billing?

Has anyone else noticed this?  February 14th isn't February 14th anymore.  It's actually referred to as Valentine's Day.  Not such a big deal...until you consider the fact that this means it pretty much has equal billing with stuff like Christmas and Australia Day.  NOT COOL.  Want to know the difference between Valentine's and Christmas?  I can't tell you.  Because that would require me to list every awesome thing about Christmas, and if I did that, THIS BLOG WOULD CONTINUE FOR ETERNITY.  February 14th is February 14th - if you want to buy 12 roses or dress up as Hugh Jackman for your girlfriend on that particular day, go for it.  But it doesn't mean the rest of us have to.

Alright.  Enough about...February 14th.  I was going to post about something else but it's almost midnight and (amongst other things) I'm pretty drunk.  And tired.  Happy Valentine's Day everyone.  For the record, here is the most romantic thing I heard today:

Boyfriend: I love you, you fucking bitch.

It just comes naturally to him.