shower thoughts #4

If pinocchio said "my nose is about to grow", what would happen?

i was too lame to think up my own post, so i stole this from
http://chunnabee.livejournal.com
Go to Wikipedia and look up your birthday (excluding the year). List three neat facts, two births, and one death in your journal, including the year.

RESULTS
10th March
3 Facts
1) in 1876, on the 10th of march, Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful telephone call by saying "Mr Watson, come here, I want to see you"
2) in 1926, on the 10th of march, the first ever book-of-the-month-club selection was produced
3) in 1977, on the 10th of march, astronomers discovered rings around Uranus

3 Births
1) 1957, 10th of march - Osama Bin Laden was born
2) 1958, 10th of march - Sharon Stone was born
3) 1940, 10th of march - Chuck Norris was born

1 Death
1) 1913, 10th of march - Harriet Tubman dies (no idea who it is, but how hot is the name)

shower thoughts #3

just in the shower and i was thinking...

...wow...im in....the shower

at the same time, i was thinking
can somebodys head actually explode? and if it did, like, what would come out?
apart from a brain, and some gooey stuff
like, where does the skull go?
does it explode too, and go flying off in heaps of directions and stab people in the back of the neck?
and like, what happens to the body? does it just go slump, or does it run around flailing its legs?

i heard this one time, this chicken lived for 3 months with no head.
no joke. its amazing what you can learn off the back of an asian cereal box

READ MY BLOG YOU WENCH!!!

what is this????
what IS this???
what is with people either
a) not reading my blog or
b) reading it at not leaving comments
JUST DO IT!! DO IT!! DOOOOOO IT
before i come and maul your faces off with a rusty chainsaw!!!

a crazy day to match my blog

so ok
today in modern em-shaz wasnt here AGAIN so me and beff went crazy because we crave her and i was so looking forward to seeing em-shaz after the last period before modern (which was hanus hanus economics) and so i waltzed into the classroom all happy but then she WASNT THERE so i am going to stab her when she comes back and i told mr mackay that i was going to stab her so he could remind me to do so if i forgot somehow.

then just then, in dt, when i found out em-shaz has a livejournal, so i was like OHMIGOSH i so have to go read it, so i was reading it and then mrs collins comes up behind me so i downsized the window really quickly, and shes like (poking me in the back)
"what were you looking at??" and im like
"nothing" and shes like
"yes you were! it was porn wasnt it!! get rid of the porn!!" and im like
"ohmigosh i so do not have porn!! you wish i had porn so you could look at it, dont you?"
"no i dont you silly. hey, you have nail polish on!"
"dont change the subject, this is about you wanting to look at my porn! i mean, not my porn, i dont have porn! it about you wanting to look at my non-existant porn"
"just show me what it is"
"fine. FINE. its just emmys blog so you cant get me in trouble because its a TEACHERS blog which means its EDUCATIONAL. so ha"

and so on...

ode to modern

once upon a time
in a land far far away
we almost died of boredom
but modern saved the day

we always sleep in english
we all hate maths alot
i want to stab miss muffin
but modern is just hot

modern is so thrilling
im so excited i can barely sit
the stuff we learn is cool too
like the middle east and all that shit

we have the coolest teacher
shes better than the rest
shed even be the coolest
if she had a hairy chest

Em-shaz teaches us so much
we always get 90% at least
the people we learn about are so cool
theodore herzl - that sexy beast

modern is the shizdog
leaving it is really tough
we never have a bad time
coz modern's so damn puff!

today when i was at the bus stop, i got attacked by a spider
AGAIN
what is it with me and spiders?? why do they hate me so much? its like they have little spider meetings at night and decide which one of them is going to attack me that day. its SO annoying. its like, hello you lame annoying spiders, can you like, go and annoy someone else right now, because its so annoying when you annoy me.
like shut up.
actually what is it with me and most eewy disgusting creepy crawlies animals which serve no purpose? like apart from all the near-death experiences ive had with spiders, there was also a cockroach at the train station on monday morning which was totally pretending to be handicapped by walking really slowly in a wobbly line, but really it was probably pretending to be missing a few legs to lure me into feeling sorry for it, so i would go and give it a cuddle, then BAM it would probably kill me.

its so crazy these days.
like you think you can trust people, or cockroaches, when they say theyre handicapped but the fact is, yeah, theyre probably just trying to kill you.
what is it with things and trying to kill me? like the cockroach, or the spiders, or mrs fletcher, or all those crazy women with prams who keep trying to run me over.

i know what your thinking. youre probably thinking "whats with this crazy blog, so crazy, so paranoid, probably no one is trying to kill this crazy girl"
well you should shut up, because you're probably going to end up dead because a falsely handicapped cockroach killed you.

ok
so i was just on the computer, computing away, when i noticed that my nostril was hurting

whoa

ok
five minutes and one nostril-inspection later and still no answer, and im starting to freak out because im wondering how bad an epedemic could be forming itself inside my nostril as we speak.

just sitting here on a saturday thinking that i probably should be attempting my extension assessment, instead im dancing to nsync in my netball skirt

girls week out

since miss shanahan agreed to be my best friend/life partner, i compiled a list of things that we should (AND WILL) do together:

• go to schoolies week together and stay in the star city penthouse suite
• buy at least ONE completely matching outfit
• attend a marriage counselling session
• get our names tattooed on each others butts
• dance naked around a maypole
• declare our love for each other from on top of a mountain
• get jobs together (preferably in a lingerie store)
• have a 24 hour lets-pay-out-Jess-Morton session
• stalk each other for a whole week as a personal joke
• teach a history class together and be loved by all of them!!!

the jacki test

how jacki are you? take our test and find out!!

Question one: The name tag on the font of your school diary reads:
a) Your full name, neat and tidy, in black biro
b) a scrawl which resembles half of your first name
c) corb-dog

Question two: You have been known to stalk teachers...true or false?
a) false!
b) who told you that?
c) honey, they dont call me "creepy eyes" for nothin!

Question three: If someone were to pay you, say, eight dollars, would you ever drink paint?
a) how dumb do you think i am?
b) ill pay you to let me drink it

Question four: Its better to be...
a) rich with unhappiness
b) poor with happiness
c) naked with custard

Question five: If tv has taught us anything, it is that:
a) you cant believe everything you hear
b) it is normal for at least three of your friends to die per week

Question six: Have you ever taken advantage of anyone?
a) isnt that illegal?
b) no, seriously, isnt it?
c) pfft, miss shanahan practically begged me to

Question seven: I'm not really much of a musical person...
a) why not?
b) ill musical your person

Question eight: Has your own mother ever payed you out?
a) like, no. We're practically best friends
b) this one time. Actually, no.
c) she keeps score

Question nine: You were upset when you got out of the shower because...
a) someone had used up all the shampoo
b) it was slippery and you fell
c) you found an old uterus in the soap dish

Question ten: Which of the following makes the most sense?
a) the subatomic particle of etc etc...
b) iron helps us play!
c) man, they were the suckiest sucks that ever sucked! did i tell you how much they sucked? it was gay. gay gay gay. dude!

Question eleven: Danced in front of the mirror with no clothes?
a) ew
b) maybe once, when i was drunk
c) clothes?

Question twelve: Life motto?
a) If it werent for the last minute, nothing would get done
b) an apple a day keeps the doctor away
c) you just heat it, then eat it!

Question thirteen: Did you ever...oh never mind
a) yes
b) yes
c) yes

Question fourteen: Your favourite part of school is...
a) lunch.
b) english. man those naps are good.
c) toilets

Question fifteen: At the end of your ideal date, you...
a) get a kiss from your crush
b) polish your new engagement ring
c) drop miss shanahan home


SCORING!!!
Mostly A's
Dont worry, you're safe:
Mostly B's
Halfway there, you sexy wench.
Mostly C's
Zip up your jacki suit

the love test

ok so right now im in dt blogging (again)
miss shanahan if ur reading this right now (which you probably will be because ill probably make you) i love you
so im on The Spark doing random tests, so here are my results:
according to The Spark i am...
38% lazy
20% vice presidential
23% greedy
and have an iq of....oh i cant be bothered to finish this test

emmy is my bitch

well i just called miss shanahan my bitch
she loves it baby

the wait is over

the wait is over, its finally here:
the letter i wrote to miss shanahan during modern when i was supposed to be writing a diary entry that stated the activities of the Haganah.
Enjoy:

This is not as gay

Diary Entry - 9th March 1950
Dear Diary,
Today I found out that the term "underground organisation" doesn't actually mean that we live under the ground.
I have to say, I'm a little dissapointed. But whatever. I still have other things to keep me busy, like today, my teacher in the ways of the Haganah, Miss Hanashan, made me research The Haganah. She said I had to know more about it before I could enter the exclusive club in the Haganah, which she probably only made up so she could laugh at me and tell me to shut up whenever I asked her a question. Whatever. She never has to know that I cry myself to sleep
every night because of the way she tells me to shut up.
Anyway, I found out lots of stuff which took up lots of valuable brain space, like that the Haganah started in 1920, in particular by activists in Jerusalem and
Tel-Aviv, who formed commitees, got some weapons, and recruited volunteers. I bet Miss Hanashan really wants to take over the world. Thats probably why she started her exclusive little clique in the Haganah. I wonder if shes the only member.
I also found out that in the riots of 1929, the Haganah proved to be quite successful. Probably because Miss Hanashan was there. I secretly admire her, and the way she streaks her hair. I bet she only told us that her little sister did it incase we didnt like it, and she needed someone to blame it on. But she doesnt have to worry. We really do like it. Well, I would like it more if she didnt tell me to shut up all the time. But I bet she doesnt even mean it. She probably only tells me to shut up so that she doesnt make everyone else in the class jealous, because she really likes me the best.
Apparently in the Arab Revolt (which was in 1936 -1939), the Haganah organised special squads. They were specially trained to attack people. The Haganah was officially illegal by this time. Illegal? My mum so wouldnt be happy if she could see me right now. I bet she would be happier if the Haganah people lived under the ground.
Seriously, that would be so much cooler. I read about this place where people live under ground. It was so cool.
I wonder if Miss Hanashan lives under the ground. Probably. And if she doesnt, I bet she wishes she does.
During the time when Israel became a state, David ben-Gurion (what a cool dude) decided that Israel wasnt allowed to have any armed militia (ok, maybe not so cool after all). But the Israel Defence Forces were formed on the 26th of May (2 months after my friends birthday), 1948 (wait, like 52 years before she was actually born. Whatever), and the Haganah became the official defence force of Israel. Yeah baby! They could not have chosen a cooler defence group. And not just because Miss Hanashan is part of it.
I wonder if Miss Hanashan knows its my birthday tomorrow. Maybe as my birthday present she wont tell me to shut up. Ah, the high road. I wonder if she will put herself into a big cardboard cake and do a dance for our whole Haganah class.
Wow. I just found out that KFC supports the Klu Klux Klan. Miss Hanashan told me. She is so learned.
She knows like everything. Maybe thats why she tells me to shut up all the time. Probably. Whatever.

I only have 15 minutes left to write this diary entry. Miss Hanashan just told me. I wonder if she will read this to find out how much I found out about the Haganah. Probably not. Or if she does, she will just write "shut up" on the top in red pen as her comment.
Well, now I have to finish this diary entry and go do some more work for Miss Hanashan before she tells me to shut up again.
Dont tell anyone I secretly crave her shut ups.
Until next time my sweet diary friend.
Jacki

shower thoughts #2

you think you know someone, and then one day you wake up dead because they killed you.

my mum keeps coming in and im not supposed to be on msn, so i keep opening a word document each time she comes into the room and typing the same sentance over and over again ahaha i cant believe shes buying it

mystery unsolved

so me and julia just realised that we have no idea what corpretts first name is
so we were trying to think, hmm, what could it be?
so i said to julia i said "its either something really manly like clint, or really un-manly, like jean"

so then julia looks in the school diary and found out his name starts with J
curious, very curious
so here is your mission: im going to list all the possible names he could have, u vote for which one it is and if i ever find out, ill tell yall.

• jean
• justin
• janoni
• jeckland
• jub
• jocky
• jessheadface

is it just me, or does my baby photo kind of look like ryan atwood?

ok, i just found out that today when i was at home (freaking out and trying to finish my modern assessmant, the whole thing of which got DELETED OFF MY COMPUTER i swear i have not nearly died so many times in 2 days, this is getting ridiculous), miss shanahan read my, ah hem, diary entry on the haganah, shall we call it? out to the whole class, much to their amusement

for those who dont have the privelage of being in our modern class, ill post it asap

heres a little something i scored off hotmail:
add it to ur blog


1 MINUTE AGO: watching home and away
1 HOUR AGO: woo! netball! yeah!
1 DAY AGO: i finished my modern assessmant!!!
1 YEAR AGO: i was a lowly 15 yr old
I LOVE: life
I HATE: hating
I FEAR: cockroaches and rubber gloves
I FEEL: acoustic
I HIDE: behind huge sunglasses
I'VE DRIVEN: you crazy
I MISS: kiera + bubs
I NEED: to stop doing quizzes like this one
FIRSTS...
screename: jacki
piercing: ears
credit card: not yet :P
enemy: none! maybe mrs buckwalter?
big car ride: cousins wedding
LASTS...
movie seen: bringing down the house
food consumed: candy cane
phone call: madi
CD played: music of the finn brothers
drink drank: water
SHORT ANSWER:
I AM: random
I WANT: to want nothing
I ALWAYS: act before i think
I DANCE: whenever theres music
I SING: like i wish i could
I CRY: on rare occasions
I WRITE: if i must
I WIN: worlds biggest dork
I LOSE: my keys
I CONFUSE: people when i try to explain home and away
I SHOULD: change my voicemail
IN THE LAST 2 DAYS HAVE YOU...
CRIED: no
HELPED SOMEONE: yeah
GOTTEN SICK: nope
GONE TO THE MOVIES: nup
SAID I LOVE YOU: yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: to miss shanahan lol
HAD A SERIOUS TALK: come on, its me
FAVORITES...
NUMBER: 3
COLOR(S): pink and yellow
DAYS: saturdays and fridays
MONTH: december and march
SONG(S): penny and me
SEASON: summer
WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT? moine
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? purple
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW? pink and green polkadots
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a doggie called oscar and a kitty called nala
WHAT'S YOUR DAD AND MOM'S MIDDLE NAME? anthony and no name
WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BED SHEETS? yellow
HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW? 8 dollars and 25 cents

how annoying

ok so here i am in dt with ellen and we are both boring ourselves to death because in case u didnt know, writing a project proposal is possibly the most boring thing on earth

this morning one of those really annoying things happened at the train station, where you're walking one way, and some other random is walking the oppposite way like really quickly, and you're not anywhere near each other, until THEY decide to change their path and totally get in YOUR way and then make a huge deal out of it by going "pfft, sigh, how rude" etc etc, even when it totally wasnt your fault

ohmigosh its so annoying
and i was like hey buddy, we were totally fine until YOU decided to be a complete buttface and get in MY way so really you should be apologizing to me.
its so annoying.

anyway you guys have to know that you're lucky im here typing to you at all because last night i was almost killed.

by a spider.
like 2 weeks ago i saw it right above our dining room table, and i said to my mum, i said "mum, please get rid of that spider" and she said "no, it wont bother you" and my dad said "actually its moved quite far since this morning, when it was at the front of the house"
IT MOVED FROM THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE TO THE LIVING ROOM IN ONE DAY???
that is so scary so i told everyone if you dont move it right now, i will probably wake up in like 2 days and it will be right above my head and i will die.
but of course everyone ignored me because i am jacki, and they all assumed it was crazy talk.
two weeks later i wake up at like 1 o clock in the morning or something to find THE SPIDER, THATS RIGHT THE VERY SAME SPIDER right above my head TRYING TO KILL ME
it practicly climbed down my throat and tried to choke me to death.

so of course i had to do something about it.
seeings as most people kill spiders with shoes, i tried to do that, but of course i couldnt actually hit it with the shoe for fear that it would jump over the shoe and onto my hand, so i resorted to cowering in the opposite corner of the room and using a combination of spraying deoderant and throwing action figures in the general direction.
20 minutes later when the spider was still alive, probably plotting to kill me/take over the world (starting with my room) i decided that i only had one thing left to resort to.
i had to go and get mummy.

and of course she was angry because a) it was one o clock in the morning and b) the spider was only about the size of a 50 cent coin (so sue me, i dont like them), but, i had to remind her, this situation would never have come about if SHE AND THE REST OF THEM had just listened to me in the very beginning.

so there
be thankful i am still alive

back to dt
jacki

its official. ive always been this much of a dork.

me trying to score a little more bath time 

cathe 

me trying to pose and looking like a total idiot 

matching stripes 

catherine and baby jacki. shes probably plotting my death or something. p.s check out my HOT pink fluffy pants!! 

baby catherine 

i was looking thru an old foto album today and saw all these pictures of us as little kids, and it reminded me of a simpler times
so enjoy, ill post some soon

in other words...

heres the lyrics to forever young after i attacked them with a thesaurus:

let's boogie in fashion (Lets dance in style)
let's boogie for a time (Lets dance for a while)
cloud nine can remain we're only examining the skies (Heaven can wait we're only watching the sky)
eager for the greatest but charged with the nastiest (Hoping for the best but expecting the worst)
are you gonna slump the blast or not (are you going to drop the bomb or not)
let us expire juvenile or let us exist everlastingly (let us die young or let us live forever)
dont have the authority but we never say by no means (dont have the power but we never say never)
meeting in the sandpit (sitting in the sandpit)
being is a petite expedition (life is a short trip)
music's for the gloomy chap (musics for the sad man)
can you envision when this competition is dashed (can you imagine when this race is run)
rotate our yellow faces into the sun (turn our golden faces into the sun)
admiring our influential, getting in melody (praising our leaders, getting in tune)
the music's played by the nutty male (the musics played by the mad man)
eternally immature, i want to be eternally immature (forever young, i want to be forever young)
do you truly want to survive without end, (do you really want to live forever)
eternally, eternally (forever, forever)
eternally immature, i want to be eternally immature (forever young, i want to be forever young)
do you really want to survive without end, (do you really want to live forever)
eternally, eternally (forever, forever)

guess who at ages 3 and 4? 

i miss holidays
so much more crazy crap goes on, like

• our christmas dinner at crows nest when we walked through that really creepy ally at like 10pm and then sat in the park and at 25 dollars worth of food from gloria jeans
• when me and madi hid in julias bed for 2 hours waiting for her to come home from the hairdressers so we could throw her a suprise welcome back from vietnam party
• that time that we all went over to jacks for a movie marathon from 11 till 11, and someone spilt coke all over the rug and we thought barb was going to kill us
• that same time at jacks, when robbie and jack told us we had to come walk the dog with them, and we could only stay at the house if we cleaned up, so we promised them we'd clean up but we ended up sitting around and talking and eating, and then robbie and jack came back and cleaned up for us
• that time at lord howe when me and julia sat in her room for like an hour taking pictures of ourselves pretending to be other people
• singing love song dedications on new years eve at two in the morning

only five weeks till the next holidays booyah baby

we love pat 

me trying to look as cool as mel playing the guitar and kind of resembling a cowboy 

mel pulling off the sexy/cool/female-jack-johnson/guitar playing look  

clare, janey, beff, ellen, han n me 

me, han, janey, ellen, beff, kc, some random 

julia n jacki on the bus to camp 

me and jj at our party 

crazy people at our party 

thats it baby

well, i did it
it took me 6 hours straight, but i finished the essay sections of both my history assessmants

booyah

happy birthday to me

just dropped in for a quick chat before home and away
how are we all?
good day today because it was the best day of the year, also known as my birthday
wait make that second best day, becoz i like christmas better
anyway i had four parties today, one in tutor group, one in our group, one in modern and one at netball
so i feel loved
i also got three obviously heartfelt messages from jj, boo and jack.
woops i gtg, dinner and home and away (obviously at the same time because its my birthday so i get special privelages)
xoxoxo
jac

shower thoughts #1

i was thinking today, i probably do the best thinking i do in the shower
seriously
what better a time is there to think? no place i know
so today in the shower i was thinking about people getting their arms cut off and sewn back on again
and im thinking...what if they totally messed it up and sewed your arms back on the wrong way around?
like, how annoying would that be? You'd have to like stand backwards to pick anything up. And how hard would it be to type? Or write? Or cook dinner?
stay tuned for more totally-relevent-to-your-life shower thoughts!

ok all you crazy ladies out there OHMIGOSH get excited because this blog is back baby
even more back then arnold schwartznegger was that time he came back in terminator
so saddle up your booties because its back and its better than ever and it has a new template

this is the hottest blog right now if it were any hotter i could fry your breakfast on it
today was pretty boring apart from the fact that it was the SECOND BEST DAY OF THE YEAR EVER, WELL SO FAR ANYWAY

so i had modern which TOTALLY ROCKED because it is modern and modern totally rocks, and i was supposed to be writing a diary entry pretending i was part of the Haganah, some Jewish organisation, but i pretty much wrote a letter to miss shanahan saying that we all loved her and lots of other crazy crap and she gave me chocolate and only told me to shut up twice so that was ok
AND we didnt have maths today which was so totally cool.
and miss mitchell chased me down the hallway to tell me happy birthday for tomorrow because she wont be at school and its her birthday too! ohmigosh so cool

and then english was really boring BUT i didnt fall asleep so yay!! first time in the year!!

ohmigosh and so cool i have FOUR parties tomorrow for my birthday WOOHOO yeah party down people

miss shanahan so rocks

torn

so right now im sitting in english trying to decide whether i should
a) use this blog
b) continue on with my space
c) start a new blog all together on a different provider

comments welcome to those who have any ideas on what i should do
so what to do now
apart from stare at the random picture im supposed to be studying
but i only have 8 minutes left of school so really what is the point?
bubs just found a sheet that some random in year eight wrote titled "what does miss everingham want for me this year?"

that little girl is a champion
yes, yes, mrs everingham rocks
and so does mrs sally
they all rock
except some people cough maths teacher cough
ah back to school, and it feels like we were never on holidays
at least this weekend will be good
unless everyone bails
in which case i will put buckets on their heads that are too small to remove but just big enough to allow some air in so they cant even suffocate to remove themselves from their own misery
the day will come my friends
the day will come

holy crap im back

yes my faithful viewers, thats right
you thought id left you forever and ever for the comfortable and lazy ways of msn my space, but low and behold i return because im sick of my space and my old blog looked lonely

by the way, what the hell with those randoms who left those random comments on my last post?
hmm so what to do on my first day back in the land of blogspot
is it even called that anymore?
ive been away for so long
like an old man returning from nam
or vietnam
i dont know which one the war was in
until i blog next...

so much to tell you

wow i havent blogged in ages and ages and i just thought to myself now i have to blog wow lots has happened indeed since i last blogged. stu quit work :( twas a very sad moment indeed. but we had a farewell well, i had a farewell. well, i wrote 'farewell stu love jacki' on the back of a paper bag and stuck it to the bread slicer. mmm but that was a while ago. on a different note, this song i am listening to at the moment makes me feel unloved. alot of things make me feel unloved. ironically enough, im pretty sure that all the things that make me feel unloved are the things that people design to make others feel loved. haha funny that. i laugh at those people and their foolish ways. or perhaps it is only me that feels this way about those things. feel free to comment at any time by the way. Things that make jacki feel unloved A Cinderella Story (the movie) High (song) Beautiful Soul (song) Special Two (song) Home and Away couples like Ric and Cassie, Sally and Flynn, Hayley and Scott etc The OC (seth, summer) The kiss-shaped stamp i keep on my desk Titanic The Kim Possible Movie Heart shaped necklaces This is my world (song) Memories (dont ask) haha and many more. but whatever. im too lazy to think about being loved or not loved. mmm id rather just bum around in my tinkabell pyjamas and watch movies and drink hot chocolate. wot else has happened? oo i bort a new lipgloss w00t that was fun fun fun. we've had netball a few times. ah our little team is so cute even wen they get frustrating and think that they are smarter than us (actually i dont really doubt that on my account). MY HAIR IS SO LONG NOW OH YES. wen the front bit grows a bit more twill be able to be tied up without the assistance of any pins. oh yes yes yes indeed. how weird are noses? my toenail like fell off the other day. twas quite odd indeed, and then i tried to hide it by painting the skin so it just looked like i had painted my nail but it looked quite strange... athetics heats tomoz. wot a bludge. yes indeed. arh i dont want to get back exams. except maths because a) i dont care how i went and b)we take sooooo long to go thru the test last year in the yearly exam we took 3 lessons to go thru the whole thing mwahaha was such a bludge. wow this song is so cute. im not sure wut they are talking about tho ah well i must be off. be sure to comment all you random viewers adios ahora

i love work

work is so much fun on the weekend i got my first visitors!! wow it was so fun booyah those who visited me! booyah indeed hahaha work was so much fun me and stu had like 10 billion wars to see who could poke the other person the most, or 'pokey fights' as we renamed it. pokey fights are the best, even tho i suck at them majorly. stu mopped the floor just before we had one of our pokey fights and i stacked it so badly and this old lady customer like laughed at me. and then i made puppets (one for each of us) and stus puppet ate my puppets face. i love work. its so much fun its like getting paid for doing nothing because stu does everything for me. because im 'Little Girl' i love work! tis so much fun!!

answer me THAT........fool

wow wow wow home and away was so good. on another note, i have compiled a list of questions that i dont know the answer to and im sure that if i list them on my blog, someone smarter than me (beth, krob, lauren, julia, basically our whole school, my cat, EVERYONE) will come answer them for me. ok first of all, im wondering, what is with old men and having hair in EXTREMELY weird places like, um, i dono, their ears???? can you wear glasses if you have no ears? if you like rent a dvd from blockbuster, and then you like get run over by a bus or something and the dvd rental time goes over, do ur relatives have to pay ur late fee for you? do stairs go up or down? why do you always say 'heads up' when you're telling someone to duck? when French people swear, do they go 'pardon my English'? is the opposite of bald 'hairful'? who was the person who first decided to milk a cow? like, seriously? who goes 'hmm, a large hairy animal, i think ill just squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!' in that song 'she'll be coming round the mountain', who is 'she'? if forks and knives and stuff were made out of gold, would they still be called 'silverware yep... thats about it...

best friday ever

This has officially been the best friday ever
me and krob walked up to the bus stop at the beginning of lunch but we missed the bus (again - we've only been twice in the whole term) so we just bought hot chips and drinks and had a feast, then walked back to school and spent the whole of the last two periods bludging in the library

yes
yes
yes
those people at the childrens place probably hate us now because we never come but oh well because all the babies hate us anyway.

THE BABIES

• JessBaby - this is probably the only baby that likes us; we call it JessBaby because its taller and stronger than all the others. It always does weird stuff like stand on an upsidedown bowl for like 20 minutes.
• DeathstareBaby - this baby hates me and kiera. it has really big eyes and no hair, and kind of looks like an albino. It always gives us the biggest greasy in the world whenever we come near it.
• HugsBaby - this baby loves krob but hates me. It gave kiera a hug, and then i go 'can i have a hug' and it ran away. oh well
• ScreechBaby - this baby always screams at the randomest moments and it really hurts our ears. it hates us.
• ViolentBaby - this baby tries to hurt everyone near it (mostly me) on our last visit to the daycare centre, it slapped me on the face, pulled my hair and threw a ball at me.

well thats most of the babies, there are a few more but they are too random to mention.

too too random.

well the people at the place would probably hate us anyway because we dont play with the babies, we play with their toys

camp

wow everyone can you believe camp is only in like a dillion years? i can but it is still pretty exciting especially AB-CAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ab-cab is the sexiest thing i have ever heard of (except if someone morphed andrew, orlando bloom, heathy and that really hot guy i saw at the forum together). wow wow wow i love this song (attempts to dance but has to dodge the cat and ends up hanging out the window wearing only a nurses hat and a pair of ugg-boots, ignoring the familiar sounds of 'basketball boy') oh my gosh have i told you about basketball boy? HE IS SO ANNOYING. I think maybe i havent told you about him. well there is this guy who lives on my street (lets just call him Basketball Boy) and every night at like 10.30 he goes out onto the road and starts bouncing a basketball. loudly VERY loudly And so yes, 10.30 isnt that late, but by quarter to 12..... so this one time i got really sick of it, ran to the window, opened it up, stuck my head out, and screamed 'go to bed!!!' and i saw him look up, but he couldnt see anything, so he just looked confused, then walked away down the street, and i was like 'yes i won', and went back to sleep. 15 minutes later... bounce bounce bounce AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Party Of Three

Argh we havent done anything Party Of Three for a dillion years so im going to blog about all the good times we've had. The time we went to Lane Cove pool and Gordo and me got chlorine in our eyes and they were like burning when we were walking around coles afterwoods. The time we had the oc/friends/pizza marathon at gordos house The time we went to have GJs in the forum but it was closed so we had oreos and milk The time julia and gordo like threw me into the water at greenwich baths when i had all my clothes on. The time gordo shouted me and julia hot chocolate at the sitting duck The time we wandered the streets aimlessly for like 4 hours The time we named Party of Three The time we smsed gordo becoz we thought he was too cool for p03 now. The time it became party of one for like 47 seconds The time we used the word 'word' for like a week (word grandma, word) The time we had a fantasy about the three of us working at coles, GJs and oporto The time we argued about who was the hottest on the oc. The time we went under-water wrestling at lane cove pool The time we called it 'BC oval' The time gordo rapped at the village games The time we played guitar at gordos house (well, julia and gordo played, i attempted/failed) and so many more but the oc is on in like 1 second so i must go until next time

ho hum read all you baggies

allalalalala i am so very bored right now so i will tell you about something boring. weeeeeee in my pants it is 9.15 altho it feels like 10.15 i wonder wot i will do today, probably just sit and eat chocolate i got my hair into a ponytail today with the assistance of a billion clips, but still its quite small, and resembles my dogs beard watever i am so screwed, last week we had to hand in so many assesmants that i thought they were all done but now i realise i actually have like another 4 to do actually i just looked in my diary and realise i have one due tomorow woops better go fix that

egg indeed

wow wow wow easter is fun indeed it begins on friday: GOOD FRIDAY We go to the movies: we being me, jessiebear, ceiny, mel, kc, beff, lollen saw the ring 2: it was completely hilarious, i think it was the combination of a terrible plot, crappy special FX and those randoms in front of us that completed it. Of course my prediction of me screaming out in the middle of the movie and everyone looking/pointing/laughing at me came true (8 times to be exact) but it was fun all the same. Then after everyone else left me ceiny and jess stayed at gloria jeans for like another 3 hours just talking and laughing at everyone else in there like that lady who called me a bitch coz i accidentally-on-purpose bumped into her and that other random who was like 'well make up your mind, are these your seats or not?' and ewwwwww that guy next to us with the HUGE face mole which was sprouting, im not kidding the hair was like longer than julias. mmm thats about it EASTER SATURDAY wow today was fun i went to the easter show with isy, madi, sara, em and anne-marie. mmmm yes thats about it EASTER SUNDAY!!!! EASTER!!! yay today twas good i visited my Grandma and she was like 'wwooo you have no braces!' and i was like 'woo it looks like youve had braces becoz you have false teeth' yeh anyway and then we had youth group which was fun we played articulate our team kicked bottom to the max, and played this other random game called mystery of the abbey or summat, and had pizza (yummy) and now i am home home home writing this blog. wow i am so bored, im going to end this blog right NOW

its all in the title

ok beff/mel/whoever else is in the band since you are all finding it SO incredibly hard to come up with your own name, im going to help you (again) here are some SUITABLE band names: Of course we have: Insert Name Here (which i already suggested) But u can also choose from: Mel and the Squares The Haas (dyk) Flashing Neon Lights The Meringues You Dont Spell Jacki With An E no effort involved ClickClackPaddyWhack Barn Door the chinchillas Gemma and Jacki are the lords of the ribbon dance or you could take some other bands name and change it around to make it different. For Example: Good Charlotte becomes Bad Harry (actually this is a combined effort of me and julia) Yellowcard -----Red Envelope The Killers -----The Savers Greenday-------Yellownight Coldplay-------Warmstop Blink 182-----Wink 241 The Used-----The....Fresh? BlackEyedPeas-----RedMouthedBeans The Beatles----The Spiders And so on but of course i think you should either go with Insert Name Here or Mel and the Squares

a new beginning

hmmm time to blog again for no reason really, other than it is 12.17am on a friday and i have nothing else to do. lallalalala i hope all you fans of Jackis Most Embarrasing Moments are ready, because i have several coming up.. but more about life. why, isnt it interesting, do all you people out there remember that day when i got the phonecall declaring my trial shift at bakers? woohoo i have now been working there for almost three months!!!!! and yet i still cant slice the bread very well....funny that its also funny that on the bread slicer you cant see the sign saying 'WARNING, SERATED EDGES MAY CAUSE INJURY' until you have pressed the on button but o well. actually its not the bread slicer which causes me the most grief surprisingly, but the bread rack, when i was taking the garbage down i like tried to roll it over this bump and it tipped over and fell onto my leg. ok, you may be saying/thinking/watever its just a bread rack so wut? ok this bread rack is solid wood and metal and weighs about 7kg on its own, plus the extra wut, about 4kg of bread i was carrying on it? i still have the bruise

braces off wait thats old news

AAAAAH OHMIGAWSH THEY ACTUALLY HIRED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok

ok

ok

this is so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so very very very exciting right now

ok listen closely boys and girls, because today a miracle has occured.

somebody....actually...hired...me....

as in they are going to give me a job!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

ok ok ok ok wait wait wait a second there, ok so they havent exactly hired me yet, but i...they...it....ok, im just going to type out the phone conversation right here

Jacki: Yo

Caroline: Hello, is this jacki?

Jacki: Yes, who is this?

Caroline: This is Caroline from Bakers Delight. I have your job application in front of me, Jacki

Jacki: (doing an excited dance around my room) ok...cool

Caroline:Now I was wondering if you'd like to come in for a trial shift

Jacki: Yes!!! HIRE ME!!!!

Caroline: Haha...well seeing as you are so eager, how about you come in tomorrow? Around four?

Jacki: Ok...we're talking about bakers delight at the forum right? Caroline: Yes... Jacki: Oh kewl, because i tried to get a job at the bakers at lane cove, and they were all like 'uhhhh no' because i couldnt get there by four o clock, and i was all like 'hey, but' and they were all like 'sorry, no can do' and i was all like - Caroline: Why dont you just come by at four. I wont actually be there because im pregnant Jacki: (thinking - uh, i didnt ask for your life story lady, i just want you to give me lots of money so i can get a new phone, ok?) Right... Caroline: So when you go there just ask for Susan, and she'll give you all the instructions. Jacki: (desperately hoping 'Susan' isnt that chick who gave me the application in the first place because im pretty sure she hates me on account of the fact that every time i go there she sees me making faces at the Peach and Pumpkin Scrolls.) Ok, that sounds good. Do I need to know anything else? Caroline: Yes, well, make sure that you arent wearing any jewellery or make-up, and bring some sneakers and white socks, and Mike and Susan will give me a full report blah blah blah Jacki: Yeah, ok well ill be there at four o clock Lady: Ok bye Jacki: Bye WOW WOW WOW it was so exciting and after i hung up i did a victory lap of my bedroom and it was good bloggin off jacki

Welcome bak Jack

wow i cant believe i have resorted to this... ...again ...for the second time... ...since like three months ago... well yes i suppose it is time that i blogged again though i highly doubt that anyone will ever read this so i am just going to RAMBLE LIKE CRAZY BABY!!! (ramble) (ramble) (ramble) yes well enough rambling, thankyou very much, and now on to all the other crap that i usually talk about. Another year of school just begun, yet nothing oh-so-impressive to happen yet, of course there are still the occasional "funniest moments of my life" - Me pointing and screaming out in the middle of assembly on the first day back when i thought I saw Langdale Cuthberts poor attempts to sing in unison during House Music Drama rehersals Me having 'Tourette Like' outburts in Geography when i was unable to pronounce the word standards. Pictures of women (or were they men? - one had a very suggestive bulge) wearing spandex on the centrefold of a National Geographic magazine discovered in geo When me and Sarah found pictures of our year nine maths class on the wall in D 04 - possible Maths Teacher Slash Stalkers theory Kat having Hitler as an idol (quote jacki: Is hitler dead?) My and Mels ultimate dispair as we discovered that practicly everyone except for us has a job (thanks ALOT careers) and that they all got them easily. whatever About jobs though....lets review...............Last year in like the last month of school i was like ok i am so getting a job right now First I tried Coles/Myer by filling out the online application - I never got a reply Second I tried Bakers Delight in the forum - they said no Third I tried Bakers Delight in lane cove - they said no (at this point i decided that bakers delight must be the ultimate evil) Fourth I tried arisocrat in lane cove - they said no Fifth I tried this random lil cafe in the village - they never called back Sixth I tried Baskin and Robins - they said no Seventh I tried Coles - they sent me an interview which i missed becoz i was away, so i asked them for another one and they ignored me Eighth - sadly i went back to bakers delight in the forum out of my dispair (this was only today by the way) and they gave me and jess both applications and because of course we are THE most desirable people to hire on the planet im sure we'll both get the job, and then we'll be able to participate in many enjoyable activties such as: Putting our shifts in sync Throwing bread at the mean customers Being suggestive to the hot customers (do you want a finger bun?) Plugging a stereo into the powerpoint in the bakery and turning the bakers delight theme song up full blast, then forcing them to behave like they do in the ad. Stealing pull-aparts Wearing the uniform wrong in an attempt to make it stylish Pretending to be Michael Jackson Pinning our name badges to our school blazers Jumping into the forum water fountain when our shift is over Dancing around the customer service area and playing air guitars on the counter tops Wiring disco balls to the bread racks Giving people free food Eating when the manager isnt looking Giving EVERYBODY jobs Running over to oporto in our break to see mike and get free chips REALLY running up to the hospital in our break to see julia and get free coffee and many more well im off to dinner m'hearties (sorry, still in pirate mode) jacki

This is Nala hiding from Oscar in my pantry

Nala again again again

Nala again again

Nala again

Nala my kitten

aaaaah good times

Mmmm holidays are oh-so-fun

today was yeehaa (this is my new word for fun) me, ali and krobi went to westfield and bummed around, gemma was going to come but she bailed after ringing up on alecambuls foneyfonefone and asking me why i wasnt at gym coz i SO cood not be bothered to go

so anywayz, then we went to targey and had sum lollies and found the COOLEST CARD IN THE WORLD which was one of those ones that sings when you open it
so it was for Congratulations You've Had A Baby Boy, and yes yes guess what? when you open it it sings (in the coolest voice):
"Isnt it lovely? Isnt it wonderful? Isnt it lovely? Isnt it wonderful?"
AND if that isnt xciting enough for you, THEN we went and tried on all the cool shoes, and then we ran away from krob coz she was chasing us with the crazy card

so when we ran away we ended up in this place with all the bikes n stuff and a SWINGING CHAIR which we swinged on YES YES YES aaaand then we played with some bouncy balls and then i rode this random bike, and then we found some skateboards and rode up and down target in them

so then we had to go toily, so we went toily and then bought some food and then bought an icecream and then went to the chase and looked in TightRope

AND THIS IS THE MOST XCITING BIT SO LISTEN UP UP UP!!!!
so then we went to Kmart just to look around and WE FOUND THE DVD OF ONCE UPON A FOREST WHICH IS THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD ONLY LIKE NO ONE HAS HEARD OF IT AND ME ALI AND KIERA ALL SAW IT WHEN WE WERE LITTLE AND WE LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH!!!

and then we found these TOTALLY cool slippers and krob got some purple ones and i got some pink ones and ali is going to get some white ones, and then we r going to swap one each so we have different coloured ones, AND then we r going to have the ONCE UPON A FOREST DVD PARTY and wear them!!!

so then Krob had to go, so me and ali went back to target and played with the card again and then played the car-seat game where you sit in the BabyCarSeat and fall backwards and then this lady came and yelled at us

AND THAT IS THE END OF MY DAY i think it has been the best day so far in my holidays it was so totally yeehaa

mmmmmm, steak

yes yes yes
blogs are so weird

ahahaha

I just discovered the coolest phrase in the world
maybe even better than Gristle
ok ok ok

ahahhaha
ahahahhahahahha
ahahahahahhahahahha
i cant stop laughing

buttock-cranium
aahhahaha
ahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhaa

get it?
ahahahaha

its like butt-skull, except BETTER

ahahahahahhaha

AS you may have heard on a recent blog of mine, my ears have yet again become subject to a phrase which they do not understand...

which is completely NOT uncommon, but i dont care

poooooooooooooooooo and weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
ahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah toiily toily toiyly toitrehksdHfkljsagfl iuSGDFVLSGDFILUsfedlgsdfkjsgfiuWEGF DUHFKShdf

eh hem, now back to what i was saying...

when we were at the beach, i put sunblock on AND then i realised that my shouldies were looking a little, hmmm, sunkissed shall we say?

and julia noticed as well
so julia goes 'my gollygollygoodness, your shouldies are looking a little roasteeded'
and so i goes 'butty, iven putten thine sunblocken onnen!'
and so julia goes 'oh my. thine sunblocken only workens iffy you put somethingy on over ity, youen silly pork!'

ok

WHAT!!! WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME THIS?! STUPID SUNBLOCK!! HERES ME THINKING I CAN PUT SUNBLOCK ON AND BE PROTECTED FROM THE HARSHY RAYS OF THE SUN, BUT OOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT TURNS OUT THE SUNBLOCK HAS TO GO AND MAKE ITSELF NOT WORK UNLESS YOU PUT SOMETHING OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

which completely defeats the purpose if you ask me

so anyway, i didnt hear this from SunblockSam (aka Julia) until AFTER i had been lying in the warmy sun sun sun, so now my entire back is burnt, while my front is not

AND i have those annoying 'strap marks' LaurenLaurenLauren was talking about

has anyone seen that episode of friends when ross tries to get a fake tan and he accidentally gets FakeTanSprayed eight times, all on the front??

chichichi CHA

Wow

wow

wow

I am sunburnt
ahaha well it was bound to happen EVEN THOUGH I PUT SUNBLOCK ON

i am so confused
Julia said to me at the beach 'sunblock doesnt help'
i says to julia i says 'then why did i put it on?'
she says 'it only works if you put it on and then put something on over it...

WHAT???!!!!!

im going to make something of this

Gristle is the coolest word in the world

ive invented a word people!!!!

ok ok ok ok ok so u know the word kankle? how its like when the bottom-leggy-bit just goes straight into the foot? well i noticed that this can also happen with the bottom-army-bit, and it just goes straight into the hand...

so, based on the word kankle, i have invented another word for this 'body part'

well, the last bit of kankle is 'ankle' which is the bit that is missing, so the last part of my word has to be 'wrist'...

but where do i get the first letter from? i dont know where the 'k' in kankle comes from...

DAMMIT ITS SO CONFUSING!!!
um um um
um
um um

so, well i guess i should get a group of all the letter that you can put in front of the word wrist without it sounding completely retarded

wait, maybe i want it to sound retarded, i mean kankle sounds pretty retarded...

NO!!! SHUT UP BRAIN!!!
ok lets see....
a, yes that works
e
g

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i so cant be bothered to do this, ok im going to choose a letter from random

how aaaaabbbboooouuuuuttttt....................g?
ok gggggggggggg yes yes yes that is indeedy coollieo

gwrist....mmm that doesnt look gross enough....

grist....mmmm

gristle...PERFECT!!!

ok ok ok gristle is the new word for when your bottom-army-bit just goes straight into your hand


GRISTLE

read me

I have just come across some important and interesting translations
im sure they will come in handy

eu acredito que você tem molhado seus pantaloons - I believe you have wet your pantaloons(portuguese)

Tamagotchis oscilará siempre nuestros mundos!!! - Tamagotchis will always rock our worlds!!!(spanish)

Κανένα μέλι, εσείς poo στην τουαλέτα - No honey, you poo in the toilet (greek)

genera l'asino!!! - Mothers ass!!! (italian)

Aaah, этот соус фасоли шевелит в моих кишечниках - Aaah, this beans sauce is stirring in my bowels (russian)

Bitte setzen Sie nicht Ihren Kleberstock innen dort - Please do not put your glue stick in there (german)

You're un sac de merde - You're a bag of crap (french)

googookachoo

i am a HappyCamper
even tho i havent been doing any camping...thats not the point


actually i dont think i have a point

haha, oh wait, i never have a point

holidays are oh-so-fun
yes yes yes today i went to greet the Noumeans on their arrival

they all looked relatively sane, though the prospect of seeing me after a three hour plane trip seemed to bring a frightened look to some peoples faces

funny how that keeps happening


i am getting my cat tomorrow aalalalalalalalalala be excited for me

cookamunga