Monday, September 14, 2009

Phillip Trew: King of Tangents

Oh, my gosh, my Dad is insane.
I can't talk to him! I really can't! It makes me crazy! See, because it's actually impossible to have a normal conversation with Phillip Trew. You can't ask him a single question without sending him on some rambling 10-minute tangent that has nothing to do with anything. Like this afternoon for instance:

Jacki: If you worked at a circus, would you rather be a lion tamer or a trapeze artist?

Okay, lets pause for a second, because I know that sounds like a really random thing to ask. But I have this weird fixation with playing 'Would you rather...?', especially with my parents because they get really freaked out by some of the questions I come up with, and it's hilarious. Anyway, back to the conversation...

Jacki: If you worked at a circus, would you rather be a lion tamer or a trapeze artist?
Mum: Lion tamer
Dad: Do circuses even exist anymore?
Jacki: Sure, there's Cirque du Soleil
Dad: But do they have lion tamers?
Jacki: You know, probably not. Nobody wants to pay money to see some guy getting mauled by a lion - if you want to see that, just turn on the TV.
Dad: Yeah, I saw that on TV the other day!
Jacki: What, a guy getting mauled by a lion?
Dad: Yes!
Jacki: (Baffled) What were you watching?
Dad: Well it was when we were in Perth, you know. The first place we stayed at had a nice TV, and it had...what channels did it have? Win, GWin, Channel 10 and ABC. The next place we stayed, in a town called Pemberton, it had those channels and the Foxtel sports channels too. Then we went to a place called...

See, that's when I tuned out. I kind of just stared into space for the next 15 minutes (15 minutes - who talks about hotel TV services for 15 minutes??!!) while Dad rambled on and on and on about who knows what, then came back to this:

Dad: And the last place we stayed at was a 5 star resort, but I wouldn't have given it 5 stars. The only thing in the room beside the bed was a chair. And the TV was so old! Usually in 5 star resorts they have a plasma or a flat-screen, but not this place, no...

Off he went again. Oh my gosh. Luckily, he didn't seem to realise that I had completely checked out. To be honest, I probably could have left the room and it wouldn't have stopped him. In situations like these, there's only one way to shut my Dad up; you have to shock him into silence, then run away as fast as you can, before he starts up again:

Dad: because there was only one chair in the room, and your mother took it, I had nowhere to sit, so I had to -
Jacki: Hey Dad, would you rather eat the cat or the dog? And imagine if you don't eat at least one of them, Mum and I will both die.
Dad: (Pause) What?!

Jacki: Gotta go! (Runs off)

Oh yeah. Works every time.

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