Sunday, September 27, 2009

For those of you not lame enough to be reading Perez Hilton on a Sunday morning, has just released their list of the "Worst 100 Movies Of The Last Decade". I'd love to type them all out for you to read, I really would, but I'm afraid it might damage my reputation as Laziest Person On Earth. So you're just getting the top 10:
10. Witless Protection (2008)
9. Redline (2007)
8. 3 Strikes (2000)
7. Strange Wilderness (2008)
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
5. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers (2004)
4. King's Ransom (2005)
3. Pinnochio (2002)
2. One Missed Call (2008)
1. Ballistic: Eks VS Sever (2002)

Huh. Okay. I think a more accurate title would have been "Most Obscure 100 Movies Of The Last Decade". Or maybe "Worst 100 Movies Of The Last Decade, Out Of All The Movies That Nobody Has Ever Seen Or Heard Of". Seriously. Has anyone seen any of these? Or even heard about them? Because I sure haven't, and let me tell you, I'm no stranger to shitty movies. I've seen ALL the Bring It On sequels, AND Deck Dogz - twice. Hell, I actually OWN Wrong Turn on DVD.
Still, this list totally disappoints. And not just because they made fun of The Celestine Prophecy starring Sarah Wayne Callies, who I love since she played the role of drug-addicted-doctor-possessing-the-ability-to-come-back-from-the-dead-slash-Wentworth-Miller's-love-interest on Prison Break (did you really think I could get through an entire post without mentioning Wentworth? Did you? Did you?). So, in turn, I decided to make my own list, which I like to call:

BEST 10 Movies Of The Last Decade, Out Of All The Movies That Nobody Has Ever Seen Or Heard Of
(Yeah. BEST. Because unlike the people at Rotten Tomatoes, I'm a glass-half-full kind of girl)
10. Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)
I'm not sure if this movie is supposed to be dramatic or a satire, but Kirsten Dunst tapdancing down a highway will entertain me any day of the week.
9. Boogeyman (2005)
This movie is crazy-stupid. Plus I think 'boogeyman' is actually a spelling error. But it stars Emily Deschanel and the older brother from 7th Heaven, and I just can't resist.
8. One Night The Moon (2001)
Try to not be entertained by this movie. Just try. Can I get an 'amen', Roseville College class of 2007?
7. I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)
Ah yes, the little known sequel to the sequel (to the sequel?), starring none of the original actors and following none of the original plotlines; that ALWAYS spells good movie.
6. Empire Records (1995)
Okay I know 1995 is technically outside the realms of 'last decade', but who can resist a young Liv Tyler, or Robin Tunney with a shaved head?
5. Black Sheep (2006)
Ill-educated farm-hands with Kiwi accents getting attacked by rabid animals and turning against each other to see who can rape the most sheep before they all die a horrible, horrible death? Classic!!
4. He Died With A Felafel In His Hand (2001)
Okay, confession: I've never actually seen this movie. But with a title like that, you just KNOW it's gonna be good.
3. Teeth (2007)
Oh my gosh. A girl born with a full set of fanny-fangs, who turns her life of celibacy around in order to become a rapist-killer? This is female-empowerment at it's best.
2. Wrong Turn (2003)
Hot guys, sexual references, amazing scenery, three-fingered inbred mutants...What's not to like?
1. The Human Stain (2003)
I could talk about this movie for days, but in order to save time, I'm going to sum it up for you in two words: Shirtless. Wentworth.

Happy viewing!!

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