Friday, April 02, 2010

Exploding Mailboxes, Breadstick Wars, Stripped Pubic Hair And An Elderly Lesbian Couple

Dang flabbit! Remember that post I did not so long ago about not being able to get to sleep? Well get ready for round two, folks. Are you ready? You better get ready! Are you ready? You better be! If you're not though, here's some time:Are you ready now?
Here's something funny that happened to me at work today:

Irish Girl I Work With: So I just moved to Sydney like, 9 weeks ago.
Me: Oh, wow!
Irish Girl I Work With: Yeah, guess where I live.
Me: Um...I don't...Is it close to here?
Irish Girl I Work With: Well, no not really...come on, it's where all the Irish people in Sydney live!
Me: Oh! pub?
Irish Girl I Work With: No, it's Bondi.

Well, I'm fired.
Come on though! Irish people drink alot, a pub is a well-known supplier of alcohol...that joke was hilarious! Whatever. I guess I, like
Christina Aguilera, am just underappreciated.
Speaking of jobs and being fired, I've just heard about this trend that went around about 3 years ago, where people talk about the jobs they have had in their lifetime. Well 3 years ago, I was still writing blogs like this:
"Have you ever noticed that eating pineapple kind of feels like rubbing the inside of your mouth with sandpaper and then gurgling sulfuric acid? I'm literally dying here."
So you'll excuse me if I didn't have the time/intelligence to write about the jobs I'd had in my lifetime. Nowadays, however...

Jobs Jacki Trew Has Had In Her Lifetime, Most Of Which She Now Sincerely Regrets

Newspaper Delivery Girl: Ohhhh, mercy. I had this job for about 3 months when I was 13, and too young/innocent/naieve to know how heinous it would be. And then once again when I was 18 and desperate for some cash. I would never ever, under any circumstances, recommend this job to anyone. It is worse than being homeless.

Delightful Baker: I worked at Bakers Delight for a year when I was 15. Oh my gosh, did I really? Yes, yes I did. Everyone wanted to work at Bakers Delight when I was 15. It was like the job to have. You wanted it, didn't you? Yes you did! And if you didn't, then you are a dickhead. And you are lying. As much as I complained about it at the time (and for about 2 years afterwards), this job was kind of completely awesome. For the most part I just spent my time making paper airplanes and eating cream cheese filling out of a bucket in the store room. And free bread! Free bread! That's totally worth having to clean a 6ft industrial oven with what I'm now fairly certain was toxic cleanser.

Receptionist: Oh no. Oh no. This is, was, and will always be the WORST job I have ever had in my life. It was so scarring and traumatic that I don't even want to talk about it. Except to say these words: Used. Waxing. Strips. With. Pubic. Hair. Attached. In. A. Plastic. Bag. Which. I. Had. To. Pick. Up. And. Carry. To. The. Dumpster. Downstairs.

Sales Assistant: This job was pretty blah. My previous jobs were filled with stories of exploding mailboxes and breadstick wars and bags of stripped pubic hair, but this one? The most entertaining thing I can ever remember happening was when an elderly lesbian couple came in looking for matching underwear. Needless to say, they left empty-handed.
Anyway. That's about it. I sure am glad Bakers Delight didn't have this scary-ass mascot when I was working there:

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