Thursday, July 23, 2009

The roof, the roof, the roof is on FIRE! And I mean that quite literally

So apparently now there are two animals stuck in the roof. One, a slowly rotting rat carcass trapped in the crawl space between my room and the outside of the house. The other, an overly energetic possum that's somehow managed to sneak in, remove all the insulation material from the walls and stuff it behind the down-lights in my ceiling.
Which wouldn't be so bad, except that I have this thing where I actually like to use the lights in my bedroom. See, insulation material is flammable. And when lights are left on, they tend to heat up.
The obvious solution is to climb into the roof, crawl across to the lights, and pull the insulation away from the bulb. Except there's no way anyone is going to volunteer to do that, on account of the whole rat-corpse situation, and the fact that entering the roof above my room without a gas mask and a full-body suit means almost certain death.
Well, this is just great. Either I'll leave the lights off, trip over something in the darkness and end up impaling myself on my mannequin stand, or I'll accidentally fall asleep with the lights on and the house will burn down.
My Dad says not to worry. He says I can leave the lights on if I want.
Yeah, no offense Dad, but I find it hard to put confidence in the opinion of a guy whose answer to the question "Won't that start a fire?" is "Well, maybe. But I don't think so. Wait, no. I do think so. I don't...well, I don't really know. You know what? It actually might. Probably not though."

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