Thursday, January 26, 2012

Snake Sex Is So Much Better With Friends

I know I've already talked about this, but I want to reiterate.
Dolphins SUCK.
And here's why:

Need I say more?

Speaking of YouTube videos that show animals doing absolutely unspeakable things - Elle, Gem, Mischa, Jane, Aaron and I spent the better half of last Saturday night Googling that very phrase.  In the middle of Chelsea Bar.  While drinking.
Yes.  I'm thinking the same thing as you; thank God I found these people in high school.  If not, by now I'd definitely be the kind of crazy person who stays home by themselves at night Googling 'Octopus Porn'.  And I can't imagine anything worse than having to watch THIS kind of stuff on my own:

Snake sex is so much better with friends.
Thankfully, Roseville College seems to have harboured a group of girls who are just as emotionally retarded as me:
...Maybe more so.

On a completely different note, since Alex and Richie are taking a Central Coast getaway this week, Boyfriend is staying at the Cope Street apartment in a gallant effort to keep me from dying of boredom.  Romantic, no? 
Here is a brief excerpt from our first night 'living together':

(massive pause)
Boyfriend: Wanna research male escort groups?
Me: Hell yes.

We're an unusual couple.
I know I've never actually lived with a guy before, and I know it's only been a week, but I can already tell you one thing with 100% confidence:
Shaving cream.  No no, not just shaving cream.  Menthol shaving cream.  It felt like my legs were brushing their teeth.  I'll admit at first I felt pretty weird about it - mostly because I was also shaving my legs with a men's razor.  Remember that time I decided to try buying a guy's razor blade because of my theory that they give a closer shave?  They do, and I'm a genius, but still.  First the Gilette, now I'm using menthol shaving cream...I'm either on the cusp of discovering the best beauty secret since Sally Hansen's airbrush spray, or I'm a gay guy trapped in a woman's body.  Either way, my legs look fabulous.

1 comment:

Janey said...

I love everything about this...