It's About A Kitchen, And It Fucking Rules

You guys, something incredible just happened.  You know how sometimes you have those moments in life where you think...If only someone was filming me right now, I'd have all the ingredients for a viral hit on YouTube.

We've all had one of those moments.

I've had one.

Have you had one?  Think of a moment.  Think of it.  Okay, got that moment?  I'm guessing it's pretty good, right?  Well, this is how good my moment was:

MY MOMENT WOULD KICK YOUR MOMENTS ASS!

My moment also needs a serious eyebrow wax, but whatever.  Anyway.  Unfortunately, I don't have a cameraman following me around 24/7 recording my every move and posting it on the internet.  You know...yet.  Instead, here is an accurate life drawing of what happened:

I'm calling it Here, Have A Laptop - A Still Life In Paint.

So now we have not one but TWO kickass laptops in the apartment, which is great.  Because everyone knows that all the best things come in pairs:

• High heels
• Married people named Julia and Nathan
• Testicles

I'm sure there are more, but those are my favourites.

Speaking of things that are my favourites, does anyone else know what TV show started airing again tonight?  Let me give you a hint...it's about a kitchen, and it fucking rules. 

 My Kitchen Rules is probably one of the best reality series ever, and here's why:

• It's funny
• It's fast-paced
• There's usually at least one team made up of hot guys
• I am an idiot who thinks that the meaning of 'osmosis' is 'you can become a chef by watching TV'.

The new season looks to be a pretty entertaining ride.  This guy scored points with me right off the bat:

 Mostly because he looks like a younger/Greek/well-moustached version of my Dad, but also because I will instantly fall in love with any man willing to shove an entire chilli into his mouth.  So this dude = early favourite.  This chick, not so much:

I understand that every competition needs a spoilt, bitchy, baby-voiced and condescending character.  It's when she also wears pink heels and carries a small dog around in a handbag that really annoys me.  This girl did both, and then asked the French judge Manu if 'he was actually French or just pretending to impress everyone'.

...

NOBODY INSULTS MANU.

NOBODY!!!

So she's officially this season's Sun, despite the fact that Sun was about 40 years older and competing on Masterchef, not My Kitchen Rules.  Whatever, all I mean to say is that if either or both of them were unfortunate enough to have their heads set on fire in a freak bacon-frying incident, it wouldn't be that great of a loss.

Stay tuned for more hilarious recaps of My Kitchen Rules, most of which will involve me insulting any competitor who isn't wildly attractive or from NSW.