Well, except for the throat surgery - I'm a total whizz at throat surgery.
Still, aside from that, there's not much I'm good at. At least, that's what I thought. UNTIL NOW.
Because you know what I've realised? I am talented. I do have talents. Here is my talent epiphany:
I have all the talents that nobody else wants
Right? Right?? Let me explain.
If the world were a department store and talents could be purchased, I would be the crazy bag lady digging through the bargain bin in the corner. While everyone else was toting Intelligence, Musical Talent or Creativity toward the change rooms, I'd be at the checkout buying The Ability To Chew Gum And Eat Chocolate At The Same Time without even bothering to try it on first.
Maybe you know every element on the periodic table. So what? I know the words to every song on Michael Jackson's Thriller album.
Maybe you can sail and windsurf and bodyboard and know how to build your own outboard motor. So what?! I can paint my toenails in a moving car without smudging them.
And yeah, to any normal person, this kind of realisation would probably result in depression rather than excitement. But hey, a talent is a talent. Plus, since when have I been normal?