Why, Universe? Why?

So I just painted my nails green.
That's a pretty boring thing to say - especially if you consider the fact that not 10 posts ago I was talking about animals and the possibility that they engage in anal sex - but it's Sunday, the day of rest, and I'm tired. If you have a problem with this, I invite you to kiss my ass.

Speaking of asses...I've got a pain in mine, since my computer has decided to quit functioning normally and will now only turn on for around 7 minutes at a time. Really. I think I've probably got about 80 seconds to finish writing this post. It's so convenient. The real kicker is that this isn't even my computer - it's Catherine's. When she bought a new laptop, she gave me her old one. Why? Because mine had decided to quit functioning normally and would only turn on for around 7 minutes at a time.
...
Okay.
WHY, UNIVERSE? WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO KICK ME IN THE VAGINA?
Is this just it? Is it my lot in life to be surrounded by poorly-performing electrical equipment? Because I'm not just talking about the computers. Let's not forget the 2 hair straighteners, the 4 mobile phones, the curling iron, the DVD player, the electric nail drier, the sandwich maker, the shower radio or any of the countless iPods I went through in high school. Plus there's that whole thing that happened with my iPhone last month. This can't just be me. This has to have something to do with a higher power trying to piss me off, right? I can't be that much of a careless idiot, can I?
Don't answer that.