A random thought: How come people who actually speak with a British accent always sound so smart, but people who only pretend to have one always sound like total douche-bags? That doesn't seem fair to me. I can't help it that my neglectful parents failed to raise me and my sister in the UK like a normal family! And now, thanks in part to my Australian upbringing and a slightly unhealthy addiction to Kath & Kim, I'll be a bogan forever. Oh, well. I suppose worse fates have been suffered. Also Mum, if you're reading this, I was totally kidding about the 'neglectful parents' thing. Please don't stop making dinner for me.
Now, to my friend Josh. Josh Davey. I decided to post about Josh for 2 reasons:
1) I feel bad that I didn't credit him with inventing The Incredible Hulk.
For those of you who didn't read my long weekend post, The Incredible Hulk was a cocktail I claimed to invent at Ellen's birthday pre-drink party. And the truth is I DID invent it...just not all of it. I mixed the drink, Josh created the name. It was originally called 'The Wentworth'. Aren't you glad he changed it? And also because...
2) Between the two of us, THIS is a normal conversation:
Jacki: Do you think animals have anal sex? Cause like...it's all about pleasure, obviously. But don't animals not have sex for pleasure? I gotta know!
Josh: Yeah, they do. When males rape each other, I guess. What a question! That's my best answer.
Jacki: Oh yeah, I totally forgot about surprise butt sex!
Josh: Surprise butt sex - otherwise known as changing lanes without indicating.
Jacki: Wow. Driving to work just got 10 times more interesting.
Josh: You aren't driving are you?
Jacki: Right now? No. I'm a terrible person, but not so terrible that I text people about anal sex while driving. By the way, that's totally going on my tombstone.
Yes. We are all class, and we know it.
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